"Are you wearing... a bra?"

[jeanine38]

I saw a thread about visible undergarments and it was timely for me. I underdress almost daily, including a non-padded bra. I don't try to pass and I never try to deliberately show my bra, but I just like to wear these things. And frankly I enjoy the small amount of support that I get from bras.

I was on a flight with my seat reclined (had been upgraded into biz on an international so was almost lying down). My shirt got snagged by something on the edge of the seat and right at that second, the woman next to me looked over and clearly saw my now exposed bra strap. She didn't say anything right away, but then looked over and asked-
Her "can I ask you something... are you wearing... a bra?"
Me (i hesitated for a second) "yes, I am. Are you?"
Her (she waited a few seconds) "Yes. But may I ask... why?"
Me "Same reason as you. I am more comfortable with my breasts supported"
Her "Hmm. OK. Well, good for you for being bold enough to do that"

It was surreal. I was totally unprepared for this conversation.

[Elizabeth G]

Unprepared or not you owned it and that's a good thing imho. At least it made for an interesting flight if only for a moment.

[Sandi Beech]

Gosh I think I would have turned beet red. Haha.

The funny thing is that when going through the TSA checkpoints, they have wanted to feel my chest twice. Apparently my naturally large moobs triggered some alert making them want to frisk me. It was only mildly embarrassing. Once I think it was because of sweat in the summer, but it happened twice now. Another trip, I wore fairly short shorts and pantyhose on the plane years ago. No one said anything, but I became super self-conscious on the 2 hour flight, and held my laptop over my legs most of the ride. The pink fog must have hit me that day because it was a last minute hair brained spontaneous thing.

Sandi

[monalisa]

Good thing you are a quick thinker. At least the fellow passenger didn't make a scene and scream out.

[Teresa]

Jeaninine,
Sorry but I feel your reply was a little rude , Ok maybe it was none of her business but it was a fair enough question , she could have been confused and upset by your reply as you were only underdressed in a bra . Her obvious reply might have been I have real breasts to support whereas you don't ( fair commemnt !) so why wear one ?

[Micki_Finn]

I don’t know I could have resisted the chance to freak out the muggles with something like “Well my tinfoil hat wouldn’t make it through TSA”

[Crissy 107]

Jeanine, I think you handled it perfectly, you are a very quick thinker. Good for you!

[RADER]

Great answer, I must remember that one, just in case I get asked.
Rader

[Sallee]

Micki, I like that answer way more creative

- - - Updated - - -

Own it. thats this best policy.

- - - Updated - - -

Own it. thats this best policy.

[Eemz]

I don't think your reply was rude, but I do think she was offering you a chance to talk if you wanted a sympathetic ear? And you shut that door pretty good LOL :) But you were caught on the hop, fair enough, it wasn't a scenario you ever expected to happen and you erred on the side of caution as a reflex. But maybe now you know this can happen you could consider if next time you might actually want to talk about it?

Just a thought. I could be wrong; I can't infer her tone from the written words. But "may I ask why" is polite, it's not OMG You're a Witch!! Get the tar and feathers!!

[Jenny22]

I often wear small pads in my bra when I underdress, and depending on the type shirt I'm wearing, the little bumps do show. If I'm ever asked if I'm wearing a bra I'll simply say 'yes.' If asked why, I'll say because I have boobs.

[Bruce64]

Good answer, I like wearing my Brassiere because I like staring in the mirror, I like the sensation I get from wearing it, My waist looks smaller.

[AngelaYVR]

A small amount of women can find that sort of thing titillating. While a lot of people on this forum immediately shoot down any suggestion that women can have fetishes towards cross dressers, it does happen (just not often). You might have given the brush off to one of those rare creatures!

[dallasmann]

A small amount of women can find that sort of thing titillating. While a lot of people on this forum immediately shoot down any suggestion that women can have fetishes towards cross dressers, it does happen (just not often).

So true!

Jeanine, I loved your handling of the situation, but I would LOVE to have been in your shoes that day. I got tingly just thinking about how cool that flight could have been. ;)

[Kendra Sue]

I have never been asked but I would respnd. Yes I am. If asked why, I would say because I need it. I have always been teased about my moobs. So as long as people noticed I have enhanced the. I love my boobs

[alwayshave]

Jeannie, That was a great comeback.

[lingerieLiz]

I think you did fine in your discussion. Perhaps you could have just answered with, yes I need the support.

I used to fly several times a week and underdressed including wearing a bra. I did have a stew that put her hand on my back and freaked out. I told her no worry, but she was young and new. She was embarrassed I guess.

[BTWimRobin]

Jeanine, it sounds like you handled the situation well. Very cute story. Thanks for sharing.

[suzanne]

BRA freaking VO for owning it. No pun intended, sorry about that. Owning who you are with pride is the best answer for practically everything CD related.

As for the quick thinking that someone else noted. Isn't it so much easier keeping your story straight when you just speak your truth? Another facet of owning it.

Again, congratulations.

But the questions that woman asked would have been totally unacceptable if the shoe were on the other foot, wouldn't they? What would be the reply If you asked a woman, "Are you wearing a bra?" and "Why?". I can't think of anything more inappropriate.

[Teresa]

Suzanne,
Your last paragraph was about the point I was making , asking a GG if she's wearing a bra and why is inappropriate , I'm afraid being underdressed you must be prepared to accept the rough with the smooth .

[Vickie_CDTV]

Maybe it is because I am from the northeast and we are not as open to strangers as other parts of the country but...

Wasn't that a bit rude for the GG to ask? I don't think it was rude to ask her if she was wearing a bra, it was rude for the GG to ask the OP.

I'd never ask a stranger about their underwear.

I suspect the GG was more nosy (or bored) than titillated.

[NancySue]

Interesting experience and conversation. I applaud you for your honest reply...quick thinking. Actually, I thought her question was both rude and none of her business. She sounded both nosey and judgmental...her hesitant reply..hmmmm and OK...good for you...being bold enough. I think I would have told her..yes..and I?m also wearing panties and pantyhose..whether you were or not...and smiled.

[Leslie Mary S]

Interesting story. did your conversation with here end there or was there some normal chit chat after that?

I never under-dress. it is fully dressed or not for me. Even when I am at home alone.

[Angie G]

Cool story Jeanine :hugs:
Angie

[Stephanie47]

I don't think Jeanine nor her seatmate was rude. Jeanine had a good comeback when she asked her question. The written word does not offer any voice inflection or facial gestures. I am assuming there was no rude inflections by either. I've been to beaches where it was very obvious there were many men in need of a bra and maybe a girdle too. I've seen many petite women who are not in the least endowed with breasts who need no bra at all, yet wear them for societal norms and expectations. My wife has opined several times while watching a golf tournament on television with me why is alright for a man to have his nipples show through his shirt, and, not a woman? I think someone in a recent post had made the comment/observation that bras these days are all molded to not show nipples.

[Bobbi46]

Jeanine, Absolutely the right way to deal with what was thrown at you , being flustered, denying and so forth just goes to make things difficult admitting right on the spot yes I do shows we have nothing to hide, shows how genuine we all are

[Teresa]

Stephanie,
Your wife maybe opinionated while watching the TV or passing a quite comment to you but would she actually go out and ask or tell a guy if he's wearing a bra and if he isn't maybe he should .

Being a CDer or TG doesn't mean we are obliged to be rude or outspoken , lets not forget some people have never met a CDer or TG person before , the female passenger may have been slightly shocked and possibly spoke out of turn . If the conversation were to continue I personally wouldn't have asked if she was also wearing a bra and why , I would have tried to tactfully to educate here on the reasons why .

It's a fine line between " Owning it !" and being rude , I wonder what her thoughts might be when she meets another from our community afterwards ?

[Sharon budd]

Jeanine 38, well done in your handling of the situation. If anyone was rude then it was the other person, it was none of her business and she had no right to make the enquiry. However having done so, then she could have no complaint about your reply. You haven't suggested that either one of you were offended so perhaps people are making this out to be a bigger issue than it is.

[Teresa]

Jeanine,

I'm suggesting we consider the female passenger a little more . This could be hypothetical or true but consider these optioins . If the lady in question has or was going through a difficult time with a TG family member , she maybe a little over sensitive if not upset by a guy sitting next to her in a bra . Now also consider a more poignant circumstance , if the lady had had breast cancer and gone through a double mastectomy , was it then fair to turn the tables and refer to what she had in her bra ?

Was your reply a suitable quick witted answer or did you possibly insult her , how would you have felt if she'd broken down and told you about her cancer ?

[Jackiefl]

Teresa the biggest word in the dictionary ( IF ) lol. Jeanine 38 you handled the situation well.

[Aunt Kelly]

Jeanine 38, well done in your handling of the situation. If anyone was rude then it was the other person, it was none of her business and she had no right to make the enquiry. However having done so, then she could have no complaint about your reply. You haven't suggested that either one of you were offended so perhaps people are making this out to be a bigger issue than it is.

I fly a few times a year, so I'm pretty familiar with the etiquette in both coach and business class. I can say with certainty that if I leaned over and asked the lady next to me if she was wearing a bra, a disturbance would ensue. What kind of underwear she has on is none of my business. Same goes for the lady who questioned Jeanine, who, by the way, handled the situation perfectly.

[Crissy 107]

Teresa the biggest word in the dictionary ( IF ) lol. Jeanine 38 you handled the situation well.

Jackie stated this perfectly, Teresa, time to give this one up.

[DeeDeeB]

I think you handled the conversation very well, and quite frankly, it was none of her business in the first place. But with hindsight being 20/20, I'm sure we can all come up with a different response after thinking about it for a bit. For example, I've been wearing a 38C bra filled to capacity with silicone enhancement in both male and female mode for years now, and I hope I would have the confidence to answer the question "why do you wear a bra?" with "so my boobs don't fall off".
Anyhow, you go girl,
Deandra :fairy1:

[Teresa]

Crissy,
I'm fine with giving it up but personally I will still give other people a little more consideration . The times members here have told me it's not all about you and yet I do try to consider other people and what might be affecting their lives .

[lingerieLiz]

A few years back I was in a Ross store or one of the other discount stores. I was looking for top end bras marked down. A woman walked up behind me and asked, Do you wear one every day. With out thinking I said yes. At that point I stood up and asked her if she had a problem with it. She got scared and stammered no. Then she said it didn't bother her. I think she was from loss prevention. Anyway I went back to shopping and she stayed away from me.

[Patience]

I know turnaround is fair play and all, but I don?t think the lady expected your answer to include references to her brassiere.

[Kendra Sue]

I think you handled the conversation very well, and quite frankly, it was none of her business in the first place. But with hindsight being 20/20, I'm sure we can all come up with a different response after thinking about it for a bit. For example, I've been wearing a 38C bra filled to capacity with silicone enhancement in both male and female mode for years now, and I hope I would have the confidence to answer the question "why do you wear a bra?" with "so my boobs don't fall off".
Anyhow, you go girl,
Deandra :fairy1:
Love the reply!

[ellbee]

At face value, I don't feel the OP's fellow passenger was out of line by asking that question. Seeing the bra strap was probably just as surreal for her... And so, she figured she'd inquire about it. And maybe she even has someone in her life (family/friend) who's a CD/TG/TS, and this was a potential opportunity to have a conversation about that? :strugglin

At the very least, seeing a guy (unlike a GG) with his bra strap showing is *not* a common occurrence! :heehee:


Anyway, I totally understand one can be caught off-guard in situations like this. But I'd also suggest to try to never come across as too combatant or anything, either. She was a GG, and it seemed like an innocent-enough question. Though one could potentially take it the wrong way / as an "attack" on you... But 9 times outta 10? It's probably *not*. So, try to respond politely & accordingly. :)


Finally? This may have very well been a squandered opportunity to have an awesome & lengthy conversation with a GG about women's fashion! ;)

[Sharon budd]

Ellbee, no one has the right to question what others are wearing, the other person ( I will not call her a lady) disrespected Jeanine's human rights in my opinion.

[Robin-in-TX]

Elbee,

I'm not with you on this one. That was a very public forum and the seats are very close together. She wouldn't be having a conversation with the person next to her but instead with everyone seated in the general vicinity. It is normally not appropriate to ask someone about their underwear and certainly not appropriate when the question cannot be limited to the two people involved.

The woman was wrong to ask.

Robin

[Patience]

Ellbee, no one has the right to question what others are wearing, the other person ( I will not call her a lady) disrespected Jeanine's human rights in my opinion.

Steady on. Let's not lose our sense of proportion here. An ordinary person saw something they didn't expect on Jeanine (or whoever she happened to be presenting as at the time) and instead of dismissing Jeanine as some kind of weirdo, actually tried to educate herself by asking an honest and reasonable question. We as crossdressers must expect and be prepared to answer questions about our proclivities if we want to be understood and accepted for who we are by the world at large.

And I hope all folks who think this lady ought to be dragged to Guantanamo for alleged human rights violations are actually taking an active part in denouncing and remedying the real atrocities that are happening in the world today. Unless, of course, they think that the only atrocities that count are the ones inflicted at people of their own kind.

For no reason, here's a video from an old band from Manchester:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ei2YafO7dcs

[Bea_]

Personally, I just find the whole conversation to be interesting. I think it's interesting that someone would be so bold as to ask and interesting that the answer was to the point... Thanks for sharing...

[abbiedrake]

Patience, kinda funny of you to suggest a sense of proportion then invoke Guantanamo Bay...
Lol

As for OP, a little brusque even inappropriate as some have suggested but no more so than her asking you in the first instance.

I do tend to think you missed an opportunity by shutting her down though...

[Mary Lawrence]

It's just too bad the conversation did not go further. Maybe the gg was just astonished, forgot her manners and couldn't help herself. She, and probably you, may very well want that interaction back. It is also quite possible that she'd really like to have had a longer, enlightening conversation.

I'm being generous. She could have just been a jerk. On one of my first adventures out and about, I went to a Walmart where I bought a bra and a pair of panties (before the self-service checkout option). When I checked out and received change and the bag of goodies, the young checkout lady did a double take (triggered, I think, by my poorly applied nail polish) and looking first at my hands, then at my face (and novice makeup job). As I moved away, putting the change in my wallet, she closed her register, walked around it and stood watching me exit, while saying something (could not hear it well) to another checkout lady. At that moment, I was beyond the first door, so I turned a bit, letting her see me from the side while I finished with my wallet and placed it back in my purse. Yes, outed, but as is a common theme in posts on this thread--the checkout lady should not have announced me to her world. Funny, but I was not embarrassed nor did I feel the slightest urge to flee. I'd like to know what she thinks now, 20 yrs later.

[jeanine38]

Thanks for everyone's thoughts on this encounter. I didn't detect that she was being rude, rather was just surprised. After the fact I realized my response was a bit abrupt and she may have had similar thoughts about her original question, but honestly I was not offended whatsoever. While her question may have been too forward, I felt like it was an innocent inquiry.

[Jennifer in CO]

Late too but I have to add a funny. I was standing in a line at a fast food place once and the girl taking my order while looking at me and listening was fingering her blouse to verify which side the buttons were on. When the order was placed, I simply reached up and fingered the buttons on mine and said "yes it is". I've never seen a face turn beet red so fast!!

[Crissy 107]

Jennifer, Perfect, I love it!

[Rebecca60]

Lately I have been , Afler work that is

- - - Updated - - -


Gosh I think I would have turned beet red. Haha.

The funny thing is that when going through the TSA checkpoints, they have wanted to feel my chest twice. Apparently my naturally large moobs triggered some alert making them want to frisk me. It was only mildly embarrassing. Once I think it was because of sweat in the summer, but it happened twice now. Another trip, I wore fairly short shorts and pantyhose on the plane years ago. No one said anything, but I became super self-conscious on the 2 hour flight, and held my laptop over my legs most of the ride. The pink fog must have hit me that day because it was a last minute hair brained spontaneous thing.

Sandi Wow! I would've been beet red all day.. I'm glad you pulled it through.

[BettyMorgan]

Jeaninine,
Sorry but I feel your reply was a little rude , Ok maybe it was none of her business but it was a fair enough question , she could have been confused and upset by your reply as you were only underdressed in a bra . Her obvious reply might have been I have real breasts to support whereas you don't ( fair commemnt !) so why wear one ?

Actually, males do have breasts. Males can get breast cancer, correct? We all have breasts, it's just that when you are assigned male at birth, men don't tend to develop as much breast tissue as women.
Breast cancer info (https://www.cancer.ca/en/cancer-information/cancer-type/breast/breast-cancer/breast-cancer-in-men/?region=on)
And doesn't HRT act on tissue that is already present? I could be wrong on this point.

While the woman's initial question could be deemed intrusive or rude, although I don't know the tone or her expression, I wonder if she was truly looking for clarity. Most women I know can't wait to go home and strip off their bras and/or pantyhose. Whereas crossdressers tend to enjoy these things. So it would make someone wonder why anyone, who doesn't have to wear a bra out of necessity, would wear one. Or perhaps shes just a curious being who wants to understand other people and their motives.

[Sarah Handy]

I do not wear a bra out unless I can wear a big jacket over it you can see the outline of the bra in a tee shirt.

[Jenny22]

Sarah, don't wear T-shirts. Buy a couple of front button, patterned shirts one size too big. They will hide you bra. My larger shirt is worn almost every time I go out, and unless I know that I might get a hug. I wear small pads in them, too. The small bumps are like many men's chests. Never had a problem. Try it.

[Rhonda Jean]

I wore a bra all day every day for a year and a half. Work, home, visiting friends, everywhere. I didn't wear forms. I wore dress shirt, T-shirts, polos, just like I would have otherwise. I thought nobody noticed because nobody nobody said anything to me about it. Turns out a lot of people noticed.

[Peggie Lee]

If your going to wear under drab clothes by all means wear a black t-shirt this will hide the bra better than anything including small forms.