Remove the Male Side

[Marsha]

I don't know if anyone else has gone through this. I started CD at 5, move to TV at about 22 ( all of this very closeted and infrequent). At 50, with a SO and grown kids( who do not know about this and would not accept) I began to see a therapist. Anger issues, lack of concentration, severe depression etc. Through therapy I've accept the fact that there is a good person inside, and its the female side ( no depression, no anger/rage episodes, better sleep, full of energy), I've alowed the femme in me to grow, and now I'm wondering why do I hold on to the male side? I easily live a life that allows me to wear drab most of the time (doesn't bother me), discreetly dress femme at times ( feels wonderfully normal), have better relationships and enjoy life. Has anyone else had the self identification that the better half inside your mind is female? Has anyone else disposed of their male self -identification and just absorbed the fact that they are 100% TG female inside? If so, how has it worked out for you? I feel this steady progression towards that direction and it feels right.
Marsha

[Julie Avery]

I think this can be expressed without speaking of two selves or sides, just by saying "I'm frustrated, uptight, and prone to being too critical and demanding, and I'm easily angered, when I repress my desire to be as feminine as possible."

Not that I can read your mind, you may mean something that my wording doesn't fit at all.

Interesting post.

[Marsha]

Julie
That is how it feels but it seems to have an "either/or" condition. It's more than just a feminine expression. Sometimes I ask why it's important to only have "times" when I feel femme and just let go and "be" femme, realizing that I'm never going to be a GG is ok. What is the downside? Will there eventually be a frustration of not living both exterior and interior as the same gender? Just want to know if anyone else is living totally inside (mentally) as a female and if it can be successful while still having at least an appearance of a male exterior (except for those times when I can CD..)
Marsha

[Maria D]

I used to feel like a woman inside, whatever that is. The outward appearance of 'Greg' was only a mask really, and I just became what was expected of me. Why? Not sure really, why do any of us?
Thing is, I couldn't live like that any more, and essentially fell on my arse in life. I needed to change because I couldn't tolerate it any more.

You say you don't mind being male, but aren't sure why you hold on to it because you prefer being female, because you are, is that right?
I think, and it's just my opinion, that you should be what you want to be, and that it doesn't have to be a binary situation. You could transition, or you could crossdress in public as often as you wanted short of full time, it's really your call. Will there be fustration? It depends on you, it isn't this slope people assume it is. It's simply a matter of going as far as it takes for you to say 'This is it, this is comfy for me'. I think fustration comes in when you want to do something but can't, either because others stop you, or your projection of other's views stops you. If you can't find your comfort place, there may be fustration, which you can either remove by ignoring others and getting comfy anyway, or you can live with it. Many do.

Take care :)

[Joy Carter]

Put me down on the ones living as a female 24/7 on the inside but drab on the outside. This realy sucks because I'm a good person (so my friends say) and I'm so frustrated that my true self has to stay hidden.

[jillinla]

live a a girl
live as u r
u don't have to choose
u don't have to be a wpman
u r a man
u r a special type of man
---
get enough money so u don't need to live other people's idea of reality
and be who u want
---------
male side/female side
u don't need to choose
it's U?

sorry
but u asked

[Clare]

It's simply a matter of going as far as it takes for you to say 'This is it, this is comfy for me'. I think fustration comes in when you want to do something but can't, either because others stop you, or your projection of other's views stops you. If you can't find your comfort place, there may be fustration ...I have to agree with this assessment.

The thing is, your comfort level keeps changing over time. It's happened to me here in the forum since I joined. I was reasonably happy to start with, but as I gained more confidence and knowledge, my comfort level increased too.

I guess that with self acceptance of my transgender status, I became a more relaxed, less tense type of person as a whole. The man in me still takes over occasionlly which is annoying, but as I age, I realise that you just have to sometimes 'go with the flow' and accept all aspects of your life as a complete package thats unique.