Purging

[Crissy 107]

Have you ever purged or not? I have purged at least twice but that was before sites like this, what a waist of some good things not to mention the money involved.

[JuliaGirl]

Purged several times during the past 40+ years . Stopped purging a decade or more ago though .. waste of money, only so much room as a closeted dresser to safely store things, and finally fully happily accepting that I am who I am.

[Kendra Sue]

Crissy, I have purged too often. I so regret it. My new strategy is...put it in storage. Ihe urge goes away but it always comes back

[Kimberly A.]

Julia, I can totally relate..... About being a closet CDer and only having so much room to hide the feminine stuff. See, I'm an over-the-road truck driver, my dad lives not too far from me and while I'm gone, especially during the winter, he'll drop by my house to check on things and turn on the heaters for me. I gave him a key to my house a while back. Now, while I do go out in public dressed, my family doesn't have a clue that I'm a CDer and if I have it my way, they'll NEVER know. If they found out, especially my dad being as judgmental and bigoted as he is, he would call me that dreaded "F" word, (I won't repeat it here) and he may even disown me..... Anyway, like I said I can relate.

[Pixie_94]

At least 3 times and I'm only 25.

[Gillian Gigs]

I have purged more than once, I don't remember how many times. The last time was in the spring of 2001, and within 6 months, I was on the way to replacing the purged items. I swore that I would never purge again, if not for any other reason than the money wasted. Even my wife has admonished me for the waste of money spent. Now it's easy to become a packrat, not throwing anything out. For me purging was one of the signs of me not accepting myself.

[CayleeMarie]

Me too, me too! I would guess that I have purged maybe 5 or 6 times. What a terrible waste of money and ridding myself of some things I wish I still had. Really I think that the worst part of the purging nightmare was the desperate emotional state that I was in when I purged thinking that it would make everything better. Fortunately I have the love and understanding of an amazing wife who accepts this part of me and has forbidden me to purge like that without talking it through with her first. Also, I have a much greater sense of self acceptance now too... I fully embrace that aspect of myself without shame.

[Elizabeth G]

Yes I have, the most recent time being about ten years ago. It wasn't due to self loathing or a lack of self acceptance though. At that time I had met someone (a wonderful woman who I eventually married) and I felt no need to dress so I thought I was "over" the crossdressing thing. Since I no longer had any need for any of those things I got rid of them. I didn't understand that crossdressing is a lifelong journey. I know better now and the only way I'll get rid of any of my stuff now is if something no longer fits or I don't like the style anymore.

[dana8656]

Purged many of times, until I came came to the realization that I could not stop, and acceptance of myself as such, then no more purging.
Now more just getting rid of clothes I don't wear very often. As closeted myself, I intermix my clothes in the closet as best I can, so nothing really stands out.

[GretchenM]

Crissy, I never really had all that much stuff or that much invested. Yet I purged. For the most part it was an act of self disgust. Common back in my younger years when I denied it and yet couldn't actually stop it for that long. I wanted nothing to do with. Kind of symbolic as well - throwing away your old self with a desire to be a new person without this trait. Didn't work; rarely does. Never again. If I get to that point I will pack it up and store it away in a corner of the basement.

I suspect most of us go through these periods where that part of us seems to be much more of a burden than it is worth. And I suspect from a psychological point of view there are a lot of different reasons. Sometimes that part of us just up and "leaves." Maybe self disgust; maybe no more supportive feelings from inside; maybe a whole bunch of things.

We like to think that as conscious beings we are in control and we are aware of every decision that we seem to make. But consciousness is just the tip of the iceberg - it is the final result of all the complex things that go on in the subconscious mind. Decisions are actually made there and a memo is sent to the conscious brain regarding what it is supposed to implement based on the decision. As the neuroscientists say, "There is no such thing as a conscious decision." Everything is decided after millions of calculations are performed in various parts of the brain. The conscious mind is the last to find out. The mystery really is a question of how does the brain do that? Nobody knows the answer to that.

That said, the conscious brain can influence the subconscious with messages as to what the preferences are with regard to its point of view. Sometimes, it appears that those preferences are incorporated in the subconscious thinking and what comes back as the decision includes those preferences. The subconscious brain is not always very rational like the conscious brain, so some arguments can arise that we experience as indecision. A good approach to dealing with that is set it all aside and let your brain work it out when it isn't doing a whole lot of other things - like when you are asleep. Thus, perhaps the final decision might appear in a dream, but it may be muddied with other memory sorting things the brain is doing. Dreams that are remembered might be symbolic representations of important decisions that are just not stated very clearly.

My advice? When the purge urge hits, store it, don't discard anything. Discarding it all may actually work to provide a void that is refilled with the same feelings that cause a return of the behavior. Purging is often a highly emotional action and that is remembered. To regain stability the feelings and need may return later. Nobody really knows how all this works. The brain knows though; it is just not telling our consciousness how it does what it does. Why would it hide the total truth? Maybe it is too complex for our conscious mind to understand - after all that is the newest part of the brain and, in terms of evolution, is still kind of experimental.

[Judy-Somthing]

I regret purging some of the items I loved.

[sara66]

I have only purged once. It was 15 years ago when I got married and vowed never to dress again (that work out, not). If I purge again it will be to make room for new stuff.
Sara. :battingeyelashes:

[Tracii G]

Only to get rid of stuff I don't wear anymore to free up room in my closets.

[Jillian Faith]

I purged once while going thru a bad divorce now I'm with Traci G I...Only to get rid of stuff I don't wear anymore to free up room in my closets.

[wendy]

Sad to say : Yes, I have purged and I've regretted doing so.

Before I met my g/f (now wife), I had an awesome collection of women's clothing. From vintage swimsuits to 80's style aerobic type wear, all gone. One of my favourite swimsuits back then was a neon coloured u back zippered front suit. Unfortunately, it has been so many years I cannot remember the brand name of that suit so I have no way of even looking it up online. I also miss the aerobic type wear too, spandex body suits and leggings. Even though those can be found now, because it is vintage the price is exorbitant.

When my g/f and I moved in together, I started up my CDing again, and I started buying women's clothing again but hiding it around the house. I had a beautiful black Undercover Wear night gown, it was long, and it fit like a glove. I eventually had to purge the whole collection for fear she would find out.

Now that I have come out to her as a CDer, the only purging I do now is items that I have not worn in ages or no longer fit. Those items I do not miss when purged.

[Macey]

Geez Crissy, I saw this thread title and your name as the author and got nervous!

*whew* glad you're just starting a topic and not purging!

[Pumped]

I had a bad purge when my wife first discovered my dressing. I had a pair of cute sandals and a pair of stiletto heel, knee high, Nine West boots that fit perfedty that I tossed. A have not been able to replace them.

[Cheryl T]

Yes, of course I have!
It's something of a rite of passage it seems.

When I was younger I would accumulate a wardrobe and be happy for months. Dressing when I could and then hiding everything in shame. It would peak with a purge, many purges actually. I lost so many lovely things over time by purging and wasted so much money.
I haven't done that now in about 20 years since I accepted this part of myself and especially not since I came out to my wife and gained her acceptance. Now my things hang in the closet where I once hid.
No more purging...that will be done by my heirs when I pass.

[Felicia M]

Two small purges when I was young and then a major purge in my late 30's. Such an incredible waste.

[Kelli_cd]

I purged many times. And like Macey said above, I almost panicked when I saw Crissy started this topic.

The most recent (and last - I will not purge again) was about 3 years ago. As had happened previously I regretted the loss of items I could not replace. With the decision to never purge again came the decision to treat myself better because I deserve it and I'm worth it. Now, I buy myself nicer things and have more appreciation for what I have and who I am.

[Stephanie47]

I fall into the pack rat category. The only femme clothes I have gotten rid of that were not worn out were dresses which did not fit. It took awhile to figure out women's sizes and styles. So maybe about twelve dresses went to Goodwill back in the 1980's. I should preen my wardrobe. When I first buying lingerie I wore a size 38 slip. Now I'm into size 42 or 44 with dresses in the 16-18 or XL range. I have too much that falls into the vintage category (1980's).

I got over the self loathing and disgust before actually starting to buy dresses and shoes and hosiery and wigs and ............ This site is of great value for myself. It keeps my head on straight realizing I am not alone in this world.

[Amelie]

I had a BF throw me out of his apartment and he purged a lot of my clothes into the trash.

I never purged my clothes and stuff, what would I wear?

I did try and purge out of living but, well, that didn't work, I'm still here.

[Angela Marie]

Purged twice. The last time 2 years ago; even though my wife know about my crossdressing and was supportive. It was an act of disgust. Illogical but real nonetheless. I got rid of so many nice clothes both times. Never again. I will never deny this part of me. As an aside as a runner I have a great collection of leggings. Those were always safe lol.

[Star01]

I have purged several times over the years most recently in the mid 2000's and started dressing again (slowly) this most recent time around 2012. I had a six year smoking relapse that made it easy to keep the weight off from around 2000-2005 but purged after a 2004 car accident threw me off my game. There weren't any serious injuries but I had neck surgery in 2001 from a previous accident and was experiencing a lot of back discomfort due to getting jostled around. The second accident coincided with one of the kids moving back in with her fiance and two kids. There was a time prior to that during the early 00's when I had long hair and was slim so that despite my limited wardrobe I looked pretty good and could have easily been passable with a few makeup and clothing tips. Anyways, the 2004 wreck and resulting lack of privacy put everything on hold until 2012 when my wife went out of town and I took a vacation day which found me spending some Star time.

As I said, I had been down the purchase and purge road a few times and decided I would take it slow this time. I'm slowly building up a wardrobe and makeup and do not plan on purging this time as I feel like I'm in it for the duration. With retirement and more opportunities to dress it's no surprise that the desire came back.

My goal now is to collect nice things and improve my overall look so that my next avatar will look more passable and age appropriate. There is a lot of work to do but the plan is no more purging.

[Alice Torn]

In self disgust, and near suicide, I purged just over 2 yrs ago 99% and took eight bags and containers to a large charity store. I said i would try hard to never dress again. Months later, bought a few more dresses , hose, and a pair of heels and a cheap wig. I regret it now, as those great dresses, shoes, wigs, skirts, jewelry, purses, are now gone. I even went back to the store, and looked for some, but never did find anything i gave away. Many of those dresses, i had alterations done on, and zippers put on. Lots of money invested.

[Aunt Kelly]

Purging girl stuff? Too many times to count, over the years. This time, I'm working on the boy stuff. :)

[lingerieLiz]

I guess I'm different. I did throw away one outfit which I had purchased as a onetime event. My wife did purge some of my stuff when she cleaned out her closets. She said they were too old for me and some were just plain ugly. She and my daughters purge often. I'm amazed at how many clothes they go through. My wife is not as bad. Then again they make good money and are expected to have great wardrobes.

p.s. My mother grew up poor in the depression era and resisted throwing anything away. On one visit home she asked me to take all my girl clothes and my sister's clothes back with me. My sisters didn't want any of them. So I ended up with a bunch of 50s/60s clothes. I ended up donating them to the high school.

[Pumped]

There is a big difference between purging and leaning out you closet.

[Cheryllynn]

I purged three times that I can remember...along with illogical thoughts that I wasn't going to dress anymore or that I was "over" or had "outgrown" that "phase". When I actually decided to accept that part of me and embrace it a little bit occasionally so that Cheryllynn could come out, I vowed to not purge again. I really wish I had some of those clothes back, especially the early stuff I had in the mid-late 1980's.

[Kimberly A.]

I did purge once before, the better part of a year or so ago..... I had TONS of feminine stuff, makeup, clothes, shoes, etc. and due to religious reasons, I threw EVERY bit of it away, all except for my hosiery. But now, since getting back into CD'ing, I do feel like perhaps it's who I'm supposed to be and I'm a lot happier when I'm dressed as Kimberly.

[Crissy 107]

I agree that purging is not cleaning out your closet, I think with myself it was as a result of being disgusted and thinking if I dumped my girl stuff that part of me would go away. Thanks to sites like this we know that is not the case and the desire comes back eventually, stronger then ever.

[suezeq]

no need to perge daughter number 3 has a look every year when I buy new things

[Eemz]

The biggest regret was that I threw out a teddy bear I had had since I was a child. I’m still upset about that after writing it just now.

I came across him under the bed during my worst ever purge and he fell victim to the same “you’re a grown man” crap. I can replace the shoes and stuff but not him.

[Tomara]

I've purged several times over the years but once I worked on myself with a very qualified therapist I accepted me feminine side, my dressing desires and most importantly myself, it was life changing for the better in many ways and I vowed to myself to never purge again, to always be honest and open with anyone I was going to be in a relationship with and to live my life the way I wanted to live it and I've never been happier in my life, I have a very accepting and encouraging girlfriend to share my life with and I couldn't be happier.

[Seana Summer]

The last purge I had was just before I left home for college, that was more out of necessity than anything and that was more than a few years ago. I remember when I was a kid I would purge my collection a couple of times a year!

I have stopped dressing from time to time in recent years but I have not purged like I did when I was 15. I have come to accept that this is just part of who I am.

[Pumped]

Last time I felt like purging I stuffed everything in a big box, taped it shut and put it in the attic of the garage. A couple weeks later I was out there getting the stuff back!

[Bobbi46]

Think twice before purging, could what one considers needs throwing out come back into fashion again? if so keep it store it in a vacuum pack bag it will stay fresh. if something does not fit any more or its shrunk then sure get rid of, I have had one clearing out session getting rid of stuff i considered was not my style at all.

[franlee]

No just disposed of worn out or grown out of stuff. And a few things that I just never liked on me anyway but NO PURGE.

[Crissy 107]

Last time I felt like purging I stuffed everything in a big box, taped it shut and put it in the attic of the garage. A couple weeks later I was out there getting the stuff back!
If you absolutely feel the need to purge then do it this way.

[Kendra Sue]

Hi Crissy,
The urge to purge has not struck in a long long time. I have too much money in my wardrobe. Dressing makes me happy. Why would I give up something I love. Since I am in a DADT relationship, I keep it to myself. I'm not a smoker or a drinker or a drug abuser so I see it as harmless fun

[Michaelasfun]

Fortunately not, having read the regrets of everyone on here who has ;)

[ellbee]

Purging? Too many times to count. :o


Overall, I don't really care about that anymore. What's done is done. Just part of the journey of discovering & self-acceptance, I suppose.

And as weird as it may sound, there can be some positive benefits to that, such as freeing you to shift your course, as needed... You know, when you inevitably start back up again. :heehee:


The only material one that really hurt was the really HUGE one, maybe in 2011/2012? Leading up to that, I had been going at it hard for a long time. It was my life. *Lots* of money & cool stuff, down the drain... Along with many of the memories specifically associated with each piece.


But the worst one, by far, IMO? All the digital pics (the long-term "keepers," if you will) from over the decades -- gone forever. :(


Anyway, I know better with all this to never say never...

But purging? No more. Done with that, thanks! :)

[Lilly Diadem]

Yes - several times in the past but never again.

[JeanTG]

I've done it a few times in the past; once, it lasted for nearly 20 years. But the urge to purge is always overcome by being keen to preen. Now, if I have a bout of angst about being TG and want to purge, I hide instead, in a safe place in the attic. But I usually keep an "in case of emergency break glass" outfit readily accessible, LOL! But now I don't bother hiding stuff other than putting away the summer stuff when it's winter and vice-versa. I just dress when I feel like it and don't when I don't. I do cull though, when I have too much and realize this or that dress doesn't really suit me or is not really to my tastes, and to free up room. Even culling though, I've ended up regretting the odd outfit I tossed in the community charity bin.

[Lacey New]

I can count seven times when I hav purged mostly around moves and no interim place to hide the stash. Sadly, I have lost a lot of nice things that are now considered vintage and cannot be easily replaced - some things, not at all. I won't say I will never do it again but I will certainly be more judicious about what will go and what will stay.

[BLACK STOCKINGS]

I only purge things that do not fit the way I want them to or maybe there is a rip in them. Or I just do not like it anymore. I have outfits that are 30 years old that I still have. The other thing as I got older found it hard to walk in some of the shoes I have. They do not fit right or too tight.

[Meeshell]

Over the years, my purges have been more about thinning the heard, but, I recently found myself in a very dark place. Lots of downers in many aspects of my life. My selectively accepting wife made a comment, which combined to lead me to fear losing my only friend (her). I resigned myself to purge and never dress again (I know). Luckily I had a shadow of sanity left, and opted to bury everything deep in the attic instead of the dumpster. Things were further complicated when my wife took the disappearance of my things as a passive aggressive retaliation for her comments, that admittedly I had overreacted to. Time and communication have begun to heal this situation, but, even as much as I’d like to dress again, I’ve been unable to bring myself to do it. I am, however, glad I did not purge, and my things have returned to their rightful place, though I am having a tough time even looking at them at this point.

Hugs
MeeShell

[GeminaRenee]

I've done it more times than I'm going to bother to count. I always regret it, even if it takes a few years. The last time I was "done for good," I at least knew better than to purge again. So, rather, I boxed my things and left them with a friend who lives across the state, and was kind enough to keep them in her basement. I realize that not everyone has this option, but it turned out to be a good strategy for me.

[Rachel M]

I?m feeling not so much of a purge, but a thinning of the heard. Some items are several years much less out of style, out of season. I guess it?s gonna be a trade off, lose some to get some, clothes that is.

[CarlaWestin]

I am, however, glad I did not purge, and my things have returned to their rightful place, though I am having a tough time even looking at them at this point.


I've known that feeling. Rational thinking knows that it's the perception that's the problem, not the actual activity. Compartmentalize. Never purge. Just allow the CD thing to take a back seat for a while.

[junetv]

I have purged many times. After I accepted myself and won partial acceptance from my wife (DADT) I have stopped purging. Although, now I need to thin out the herd as I can actually say I have too much. I've sold some of my clothes at rethread stores that buy used clothes.

As someone else has mentioned, I think the best thing to do is to box it up and put away - not throw the stuff away - because the urge almost always comes back.

[JenniferMBlack]

Nope not once have I purged. I still have a skirt my sister didn't want any more and I took. It is nothing special except my mother made it for her just before I started dressing and she disposed of it shortly after.

[candykowal]

I so wish I never purged all my clothes and pictures of my past when I got engaged to my current wife 25+ years ago.
Especially the pictures...from age 13 to 30, all my Candice Kowal pictures were tossed, before the internet defined social media and our current digitized society of pictorial history.
Only a few survived through past girl friends and from my high school and college year books.
My mother liked to take pictures of me with my first dress, beauty salon cut and curl (under a bee hive dryer), presenting in public on the bus, train, downtown window shopping, or in the old Buick on my way to Buster Brown for my first Mary Janes girl shoes. In my room listening to records with curlers in my hair, painting my nails at my vanity, and hugging a Barbie at Christmas.
Standing by my first Mustang in an outfit from Sears like Marsha Brady wore on the TV show and so many more memories...all gone...as if I can't say they ever happened because the proof is gone.
So depressing for me as I try to reminisce and relive some of those days as I am passing my mid life *sigh*....don't ever purge...just try to hide it good for future reference.

[stephenie3756]

I had one complete purge in 2004. Wife had found out in 2001 when she found my collection in boxes in the basement during a move. She was barely accepting at first and then it went to Def Con 1. I got rid of everying..put all my stuff into probably 8 large garbage bags and took it to the dump. Went into a deep depression and years of individual and joint therapy. After the counselor said there was nothing more she could do for us, I told my wife I was done working on the relationship. Finally in 2010, I decided that I was only hurting myself since crossdressing was part of who I was. Fast foward 9 years and I am out of space to store everything. My collection is probably 10 times larger than it ever was. I only have some photos of the heels that I got rid of. I miss many of the dresses that I used to own (Fredericks, Victoria Secrets, Cache, etc). Purging didn't get rid of my crossdressing. It just buried it for a while. Now in DADT relationship. I just wish I could have the basement with clothes rod and have all of my collection displayed. I could easily start up a small botique with my collection.

[Melissa73]

i myself have purged and regretted it multiple of times. However that said, my best purge came in 2012. I purged all my mens underwear, and socks in favor of womens panties and socks. No regrets! i kept 1 pair mens underwear just in case of doctor appts. but i hardly see them but 1 time a year

[melaniethecd]

My biggest loss that was incurred from one of my purges was a pair of gray, suede, calf-length, Marco Sarto boots. I have never able to find that pair again. I will forever mourn them.

[hosekid]

LOL I am about to purge right after Christmas! It's not going to be a 100% purge. I am going to sell a lot of the stuff that I don't wear anymore. I have got well over 100 dresses, and I cant count the shoes and probably 400 pairs of pantyhose. (I buy discount bulk when I can) Need room for things I will actually wear and enjoy.

[Leslie Mary S]

I don't purge, I rotate and replace as the fashions I like change and suit me.

[BrendaPDX]

Purged? Yep, me too. More than once? Yep me too. Totally regretted it? Yep me too.

[coleenedinburgh]

I have purged so many times it is a joke. I have not purged for many years now and when I think of the vintage lingerie I thrown out stupidly. As a little study I toted the cost of similar items that I had and this amounted to over ?3000. Therefore no more purging ever I can't afford it

[Genifer Teal]

My words are simple, and probably repeated here. Pack it away. You'll be back.

[stephenie3756]

hosekid - let us know where you are selling so we can take a look. Impressive pantyhose collection...

[Pumped]

One time, when my wife was not impressed with my dressing I tossed a bunch of clothing. The one thing I miss was a pair of Nine West leather knee high stiletto heel boots. I had bought then new for something like 75% off. The fit like a glove and were very comfortable. I have never been able to replace them and get a similar style and fit. Knowing what I know now I should have hidden them away somewhere until she cooled off. Today I have about 15 pairs of high heels that I wear with her all the time.

[MiniRock]

Yes once, very early on. I never had any shame but my children's mother did. So I tried to appease her but of course failed. Lost a mini skirt I liked and a Basque. I hadn't really got started at the time so no great loss.

[abbiedrake]

I'm so over purging, Crissy.
I spent 46 years doing it and it was my refusal to do it again that lead to me confronting Lee. And in the two years since I've only got rid of stuff that doesn't fit or that was from that awkward phase in my girl adolescence where I was finding my style.

Repeat after me... Never again.

- - - Updated - - -


I so wish I never purged all my clothes and pictures of my past when I got engaged to my current wife 25+ years ago.
Especially the pictures...from age 13 to 30, all my Candice Kowal pictures were tossed, before the internet defined social media and our current digitized society of pictorial history.
Only a few survived through past girl friends and from my high school and college year books.
My mother liked to take pictures of me with my first dress, beauty salon cut and curl (under a bee hive dryer), presenting in public on the bus, train, downtown window shopping, or in the old Buick on my way to Buster Brown for my first Mary Janes girl shoes. In my room listening to records with curlers in my hair, painting my nails at my vanity, and hugging a Barbie at Christmas.
Standing by my first Mustang in an outfit from Sears like Marsha Brady wore on the TV show and so many more memories...all gone...as if I can't say they ever happened because the proof is gone.
So depressing for me as I try to reminisce and relive some of those days as I am passing my mid life *sigh*....don't ever purge...just try to hide it good for future reference.

Christ that's grim, Candy. Hope all your futures are rosy.

[abby054]

Once and only once. At age 25 when I needed to concentrate on my schoolwork. It cost me my first outfit that I wore in public. The total was less than a hundred US dollars. I am such a cheap @$$ that even with that small loss, the pain made me vow never to do that again. And I never did.

Now I have the opposite problem. My closet needs some serious maintenance. Stuff that does not fit and stuff that I acquired while early in the process of developing my style, it really should go. As a serious cheap @$$, I find that maintenance difficult to do.

[Rachel05]

When I was in my early teens and the difficulties that go with that for some of us, I didn?t have many femme clothes but got rid of them, feeling was so bad not to have my things that I promised myself never again, way too tough

[Melinda Jean]

Add me to to the list. I have purged a few times and regretted it soon after. I have tossed far too many things that I spent a lot of time and effort acquiring. I long ago decided not to do it again, except for things that are too worn out or makeup that is way past its useful life. That said, I am running out of closet space!

[stefcd1]

The last and final time I purged was back in 2013 when I met a gal I ended up marrying and promised myself that I would put my female side away for good. After it became obvious she was only after what retirement money and she couldn't get access to it, we divorced. Now I have been building up my wardrobe with nicer dresses, heels, wigs, etc. as I have started living as a transwoman about 40% of the time. Never ever ever will I purge again!

[Crissy 107]

Thanks everyone for all the replies on purging. This is such a terrible wasteful thing that many of us have done. I do not know anyone who has purged and later thought it was still a good idea.
Cleaning out your closet of old worn out things is not the same as purging.

[Stephanie47]

The biggest regret was that I threw out a teddy bear I had had since I was a child. I?m still upset about that after writing it just now.
I came across him under the bed during my worst ever purge and he fell victim to the same ?you?re a grown man? crap. I can replace the shoes and stuff but not him.

I came back to read the responses about purging. It is so sad that so many have endured so much pain trying to purge ourselves of a part of who we are. Femz, you are not alone. When I was a little boy I had the greatest stuffed elephant. Of course, he was grey. The bottom of his feet was red. The inside of his ears was red. My mother decided I was "too old" for stuffed animals. She convinced me it was time to get rid of him. We walked to the apartment building garbage chute. In his went. I balled and balled. She tried to fish him out, but, to no available. He ended up being cremated. I think I was scarred for life. Years later I formed the opinion because of that incident and others my mother was the "Greatest Bitch" that ever lived. I was so happy when that evil bitch passed away. Long live my "Perfuming" as I called him.

Our daughter has her childhood "baby doll" as she called her favorite doll. That doll went off to college with her after high school. I remember when we went for family pictures and the photographer said "Baby Doll" was too ugly to be in the picture. Another "bitch" in the making. Of course "Baby Doll" is in the pictures.

I think I am a stubborn Dutchman. Even after almost fifty years of life I think I'd purge my wife before I purge who I am.

[Pumped]

Steph, I bet you wish you still had that elephant.

It is funny the things we keep. I have a stuffed gorilla holding a banana that was from a friend of mine and given to my daughter when she was born. My daughter had no attachment to it and one day she was cleaning her room and she was going to toss it. I asked if i could have it and I got a funny look. My daughter turned thirty years old last fall. The gorilla sits on a shelf in my home office. The friend has long since passed away. I can't explain why I keep it.

[Bruce64]

I have in the past when living with Families, now I do not I wear them to the ground then throw it out.

[Stephanie47]

Steph, I bet you wish you still had that elephant..

Yep, Pumped (#72). I wish I still had my friend. Our niece has a lamb that looked like a dog had chewed it up royally. Stuffing yanked from it. Tattered. Dirty. My wife and I bought her the exact lamb on ebay. That old beat up lamb still sits on the shelf above her bed. The new lamb is just another toy. You just cannot substitute a new friend for an old buddy.

[Sometimes Steffi]

I fall into the pack rat category. The only femme clothes I have gotten rid of that were not worn out were dresses which did not fit. It took awhile to figure out women's sizes and styles. So maybe about twelve dresses went to Goodwill back in the 1980's. I should preen my wardrobe. When I first buying lingerie I wore a size 38 slip. Now I'm into size 42 or 44 with dresses in the 16-18 or XL range. I have too much that falls into the vintage category (1980's).

I got over the self loathing and disgust before actually starting to buy dresses and shoes and hosiery and wigs and ............ This site is of great value for myself. It keeps my head on straight realizing I am not alone in this world.


I am also a packrat and my packrat personality overwhelmed my self loathing. I never purged.

[Janet Murray]

yep, just last Nov. Didn't last long, got the urge back, and now shopping for everything I tossed, including a pair of $200 BF's. Stupid Stupid! My fear is something happening to my wife and I, and our kids (all grown) finding my clothing. I can't imagine the hurt and confusion that would cause.

[Leslie Mary S]

The solution for the kids finding out when you die is to tell them now.

[JuliaGirl]

Or is to write a letter explaining and keep it in your stash. I've started my letter already.

[April Rose]

yep, just last Nov. Didn't last long, got the urge back, and now shopping for everything I tossed, including a pair of $200 BF's. Stupid Stupid! My fear is something happening to my wife and I, and our kids (all grown) finding my clothing. I can't imagine the hurt and confusion that would cause.

It will be less than you think. The pain will come from the loss of you. Everything else will be peripheral. "well, I guess dad had a secret...."

[Crissy 107]

With talk of purging lets bring this thread back to the top.

[Leslie Mary S]

Crissy107 when was the last time you really did a purge as opposed to "packing it away"?
I am so new to CDing I have NEVER really PURGED, I just pack away. I live by myself so I have no need to Purge.

[Crissy 107]

Leslie Mary, I have purged, unfortunately, several times all when I was younger and the last time was when I was getting married. It was definitely the guilt and shame that caused it. There were no forums like this so of course I was on my own. I feel it is terrible on many levels, first, you dump so many nice things some that can never be replaced, second, the feeling of guilt and being ashamed for wanting to dress is just so stressful. It is definitely something to avoid and just pack things away for the time being.
Thank you for asking that, I actually feel good about warning our members to please not do it.