For those who are hesitant, but still want to.....

[Kimberly A.]

Hey y'all! :-) Since I have been out like, four times total now completely dressed, I just thought I would give some words of encouragement to those of you who are still hesitant or afraid to go out dressed..... Of course I'm sure y'all recall my introductory post about the first time I went out. Yes, it was very nerve-racking, I was nervous and I wasn't out for very long. But then I thought, "Girl, just do it. Go out there and be who you wanna be!" LOL So, I've done it again, three more times and you know what??? It is SO much fun, exciting and awesome! Now, looking at some of y'alls pics, the ones who only dress up at home and are hesitant to go out, I would not know that y'all were guys if not for being on this forum. I'm serious, some of you pass for women better than I do, so why not just step out that door, get into your car and go out dressed? I will give y'all the same advice I got when I first wanted to go out wearing shorts and pantyhose from men who have been doing it for years: dress up as best as you know how, get out that door and take what I call and what I did, "baby steps". Maybe go down to the gas station and put gas in your car, then go back home. Or maybe a quick trip to the store to pick up something, then back home. Or, maybe for the first time, just maybe a 30 minute drive in your car, then back to the safety and comfort of your home..... I'm serious, y'all, there is NOTHING to fear except fear itself, so put on your big girl panties and do it! LOL I PROMISE you, you will not get beat up for it or anything and I'd bet ya a million bucks that NO one will even think that you're a guy. LOL

[docrobbysherry]

My experience is VERY different! For most T's? If u go out expecting to pass?:battingeyelashes:

You'll be in for a great disappointment!:sad:

That doesn't mean u should be afraid to go out dressed. Just expect to be made and treated differently that natal females!
Often times, "different" means better!:)

[Tracii G]

Get ready for the backlash from the closet crowd because it always happens when someone posts a just do it post.
I agree stop being a baby and a homophobe and go out and have fun.
Some will never go out because of fear but they will always seem to get pissed when you point that out.
I was scared the first time too so I do understand the fear aspect but I did it anyway.
I don't completely pass and thats OK because most people don't look past the clothes anyway.
They see hair and womens clothes and they think woman and go on about their business.

[Star01]

Thanks for the encouragement as going out dressed is one of my eventual goals. In my case I need a more realistic wig, more age appropriate clothing and a bit more makeup practice. I sometimes travel to sporting events and get a room during the summer months so I would use that cover to spend a night in motel somewhere I am not as likely to be recognized. Ideally it would be a place where there was some night life either in the motel lounge or within a very short walk. Up where I live in the north country we already have a foot of snow on the ground so walking in heels would be out of the question and women's coats and boots too bulky to store so I'd have to do it when it's warmer outside.

My eventual goal is to go out into the world so thanks again for the positive experience.

[Robertacd]

In the TG forum I started a thread about how I have done my makeup everyday for now the past 10 days and gone about my business. I know that I am not fooling anyone, I am obviously a transwoman I just own it. All of my recent experiences have been positive. Since I started going out regularly as far as negative, beyond juvenile looks, smirks, snorts, and giggles, I think I was intentionally misgendered a couple times, but that is really the worst I have run into.

[Micki_Finn]

Encouragement is great, but please temper your enthusiasm a bit. There are still places in the world that you CAN still be locked up for crossdressing, and anti-trans violence is a very real thing even in this country. Going out is great, but please be aware of your personal safety as well.

[Jodie_Lynn]

When I look back on how many missed opportunities to go out dressed, because of fear, I want to kick myself.

The truth is, unless you go out, you are missing out.

What is the point of getting beautiful, if there isn't anyone to see you? I understand that there are a lot of people who dress up, get "excited" and do what they need to do. And then, their girl self gets stripped off and stuffed back into a box. IMO, those folks are missing out on so much living.

[Stephanie47]

I have to concur with Micki. Kimberly, I did notice you posted on Crissy thread yesterday if your father found out he'd throw some cruel words at you. I believe you thought the "F word" would be his answer. Well, that is the risk many cross dressers face, i.e., there will be some adverse consequences from family (including wife), friends, neighbors, work, church, etc. Yes, as Micki has pointed out there have been assaults on trans women. And deaths too.

My comment is not a backlash. It is not being "chicken" or playing some sort of "dare game." Each person has to operate in his or her own comfort zone. And, each has to bear the consequences of their actions. Sometimes this entire idea of going out totally en femme is akin to a little kid standing at the curb and pondering what is happening on the other side of the street because his or her mother said to not go across the street. Yes, I personally have dipped my toe into the water to test it. I do go for evening strolls in a dress and heels and hosiery and wig, etc. I don't try to semi cloak myself by wearing women's jeans and a sweat shirt. Basically, it comes down to "I did It!" I found after awhile it was rather boring. I accomplish more being en femme at home.

I do have compassion for male and female transexuals who are born into the wrong body. For them it is a real life experience filled with adversity and on occasion terror. I know of the problems of a transwoman and a transman experience among my extended family and friends. It's a real world experience for them.

This word "fear" is thrown around a lot when it is not a question of anticipation of danger. I prefer to differentiate between an unfounded groundless reaction to an unknown, and, evaluating potential consequences of one's actions.

[Amelie]

I use to go out all the time, mostly at night cause I was a night owl. The night time clubbing was where the fun was, shopping wasn't fun for me back then.

But now I mostly stay at home and I must say it is very enjoyable. The nearest store is a 4 mile walk for me so going anywhere is a struggle. But I enjoy gardening and nature, there is so much nature to view where I live. And I find this more enjoyable to clubbing or shopping(I hated shopping). I also grown to dislike people so being alone is quite comforting. I am still me in whatever I am doing, whether it's clubbing or sitting in my garden. Also I have a dog and I don't need anything more in life. I get to use a computer a few times a month to keep me updated on things.

While some people have a desire to go out but are afraid to. To them, I hope one day you get to enjoy going out. For others who wish to stay home, enjoy yourself just the same, just be happy.

[Tracii G]

I know some will deny that "fear" is part of it but if you are worried if someone/ family sees you in girl mode then it is "fear".
Fear of them finding out and changing how they perceive you. It is what it is.

[Aunt Kelly]

I agree with Tracii - there are many here whose... let's call it "style" of crossdressing is inappropriate for going out. Some of those will anyway, but their motivation is decidedly different from almost everyone else here who might want to go out. A great many more crossdressers simply have no need or desire to go out, regardless of their "style". Nothing wrong with that.

Some, however, feel the need to interact with others, as a female. To do that, successfully, your presentation has to show that you're serious about that. That means your presentation; clothes, hair and makeup, must be age and venue appropriate. No, I am not saying that no one should go out unless that's how they present, but one should expect to be treated as one presents. Tracii's observation that most people won't get past the clothes or hair anyway is very, very true. Until you interact, especially by speaking, you're going to "blend" (more or less, depending on how many other gender markers you have that are difficult to hide, such as stature, brow boss, etc.). When you do interact, your presentation and your comportment will dictate how you are treated, by all but the most insecure haters. It's uncanny, how people will recover, right after that wide-eyed moment of realization and treat you like a lady.

So if it's that interaction you're after, don't let that fear stop you. That fear is normal, and it will go away quickly after you've proved to yourself that most people will treat you with all the respect that they would for anyone else, regardless of gender.

[Star01]

If the fear that is being discussed is of getting blind sided up side of the head with a cast iron frying pan I am guilty of fear. But seriously, that would be a big reveal to someone who doesn't want to see me dressed along with a big surprise for the neighbors. :)

[Jodie_Lynn]

This Friday past, I went to Albany to meet up with 2 girlfriends for a night of dancing at a club. We shared a room, and the next morning, myself and one of the girls went for breakfast, en femme. But, because it was very close to my other friends home, she decided to stay in the room. She was uncomfortable going out, and possibly running into someone she knew. And at the same time, had concerns about going out in guy mode and being with 2 transwomen for the same reason.

I fully understand and sympathise with her fears, but I still felt sad that she had those fears at all.

And, no one at the restaurant batted an eye at the two transwomen. In fact, one Canadian gentleman stopped at our table on his way out, to compliment us.

Wouldn't it be a wonderful world, if people could just be themselves, and not have to worry about others perceptions and opinions?

[Tracii G]

Jodie that fear is called homophobia.
I lot of CDs exhibit it but swear they don't.

[Jodie_Lynn]

"Jodie that fear is called homophobia."

I'm not sure I understand. The girl I'm discussing isn't out to her family or employer, she has concerns about how being outed would impact her life. How is that homophobia?

[Tracii G]

It is because she doesn't want to be perceived as gay or a perve of some sort.
You know thats the first thing people will think.
Its a legit fear I know that you know that but she is making excuses for not wanting to be seen with you dressed. Its all about her image and I understand that.

[Julie Slowinski]

On the subject of passing, I submit this previous post as my advice on the subject
https://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?254141-Going-Out-and-Passing/page3

[Majella St Gerard]

When I go out dressed I assume people assume I am gay, that doesn't really bother me but I usually let people know that I am straight because I want to meet and hopefully have some fun with a woman. So I let it be known so the word gets around and maybe the rare woman that would date a crossdresser will come up and introduce herself. I've thought of getting a dress with " I like girls" printed on it.

[Ashanti]

Thank you. I think you are writing to me. I am still in the planning stages of going out.
I love the ?big girl panties? part in your post. I do have large bottom, and that is an ASSet for a crossdresser (pardon the pun).

[Tracii G]

Big butts run in our family........... Eddie Murphy in Doctor Doolittle

[Kimberly A.]

First of all, there were so many replies to my post, again it would be quicker for me to just reply to all..... Secondly, Tracii, I hear ya about the backlash and I'm prepared for it. Trust me, I've dealt with worse online before. LOL..... Also, about people just seeing a woman's hair and clothes, assuming that it's a woman and they just go on about their business, you are absolutely correct. That's why I said in a previous post that I don't think anyone gave me a second look when I was out dressed. For those who said, "Thank you for the encouragement", you are VERY welcome! That's what my post was supposed to be about. I would love for everyone who wishes to, to be able to have the courage to go out wearing whatever the frick you feel like wearing..... Inside of the law, of course. LOL And speaking of the law, I did not take into consideration that in some places, it is illegal for people to crossdress and I do apologize for that. I live in MS, USA and there is no law prohibiting crossdressers in my neck of the woods..... Micki, if my enthusiasm was a bit much, I apologize for that as well. It's just that I get SO excited to be able to go out en femme that I get very caught up in it. For years, YEARS it has pissed me off how women can get away with wearing men's clothes and the majority of society thinks it's "cute" or "sexy", but Heaven FORBID for a guy to so much as wear a pair of panties. Imho, it's a HUGE double-standard, but I'm sure that's another topic for perhaps a different thread and possibly been discussed at some point in the past...? Any old how, yes, I know that trans violence is an unfortunate thing and I wasn't implying for anyone to take a risk that they feel uncomfortable with taking...? I should also add that, if for those of you who have yet to venture out dressed and are afraid of people you know finding out, then do what I do and go to a different town close by where no one knows who you are. See, I'm afraid to get out of my car in my town dressed, because I'm afraid I'll run into someone I know..... Yes, that's the "fear" that I was speaking of. LOL But the first night that I went out dressed, got out of my car just to put gas in it, then went to a park for a few minutes, it was so late at night that everyone I know was at home and most likely in bed at that time, so I wasn't really worried about it..... I totally agree, Jodie, there really isn't much of a point of making yourself beautiful if no one will see it. That's one reason I decided to finally go out en femme. I was tired of putting all of that effort into dressing up and no but me was seeing it. LOL Stephanie, that is true, if my father or anyone else in my family found out that I'm a CD'er, they would most likely call me cruel names and I just can't have that, which is why I have to keep it hidden from them..... I came out to all of them on Facebook, made a big post about me wearing hosiery and why I have to have wear them, because I have varicose veins in my legs. THAT was tough enough to do, but they all understood..... They wouldn't understand my CD'ing. Also, Stephanie my post wasn't a "dare" or calling anyone "chicken" or a "coward"..... Again, it was ONLY for encouragement because I want everyone to be able to feel how good it is to get out and be yourself as I, along with many others here have felt. But, if personal safety is the reason why some refuse to go out dressed, then I totally understand and that is why I was so nervous the first time I went out CD'd.

Anyway, as I said, this was a reply to all who replied to my original post and I think I've made it long enough..... I did learn a lot from reading y'alls replies, all of this so far has been and will continue to be a learning experience for me, so thanks to all who replied! :-)

- - - Updated - - -

Ahsanti, I'm deciding to reply to you personally because you're one of the ones whom I was referring to about being able to pass as a woman. From looking at your pic, I wouldn't know that you're a male if not for this forum..... You look like an attractive woman to me. LOL

[Cheryllynn]

While I don't have plans to go out en femme any time soon, I do appreciate the encouragement. Everyone has their own reasons why they do or do not go out presenting as who they want to be- I'm not going to talk down to anyone who chooses not to. We each make our own way through life and that's ok...maybe some day I'll venture outside the house...maybe I won't....and there isn't anything wrong with either decision.

[Kimberly A.]

Cheryllynn, I totally agree..... If one wants to only dress in the safety and comfort of their home, I say do it. Not that you were implying that I was, but I wasn't trying to talk down to anyone. I totally understand if some don't want to go out for the fear of their own safety.

[Ashanti]

Thank you so much Kimberly. I did feel as if you were writing directly to me. All right. Baby steps. Will do it. I feel it in my soul that I have to show the world who I am inside. That is why I love to send my pics here, which is actually one giant step for me.
I do feel as if I have many big sisters here that I can comunicate with, one of them is you.
Love,
Ashanti
PS: about my looks, I thank you, but you all haven?t seen my large head and hands which are not feminine at all. By the way, I notice that men do have larger heads than women. I don?t know if that is anatomically correct or not.
I am attaching a photo from a while back taken by my wife when we stayed at a hotel. At that time, I only dared to venture to the hotel?s empty hallway in front of our room! Notice my large hands. 308974

[Helen_Highwater]

Ashanti,

My advice is to forget about the big hands/head. It's way way down the list of things to worry about if you're planning to go out. Looking at your picture I see nothing, repeat nothing, to stop you stepping out into the world.

What folks see is the bigger picture. We take a mental snap shot of those around us and as it's been said so many times here, if our brain says that walks like a duck, looks like a duck, quacks like a duck well it's a duck and that's how so many of us go out and about. We dress like all the other GG's of our age for the environment we're in. We blend in, hide in plain sight.

The real trick is having confidence. Once you've learned to relax and just go about your business as you would if in drab it becomes so much easier, natural.

You will be scared witless the first time but that will very quickly pass, I mean minutes. The more people the safer it is. Think about it. If you're in a quiet store, there's you and 3 others you'll notice each other. You and 300, 99% won't know you're there. Those that see you, 99% won't care.

Accept that a few will deliberately mis-gender you. Goes with the turf, don't fret it. Against that there are those lovely moments when you walk into a restaurant and the greeter says, "Good evening madam, how can I help you".

I'll keep posting, encouraging others to go out simply because of the wonderful, life enhancing experiences I've had. I'll go to my grave a much enriched person for the time I've spent out in the world. So glad I did it.

[Kimberly A.]

You are very welcome, Ashanti! :-) See, I have rather large hands as well, but I believe that doesn't keep me from being at least somewhat passable. Lol And yes, take baby steps at first and see what happens.

[mandysmiles]

Kimberly, your post was the final push that sent me out into the world for the first time today. Thank you! I was pretty much ready for it but this thread was last one i read and finally just went for it. The stars aligned for me today I guess. I went to the local outlet mall aroud lunchtime today, it wasn't crazy busy but walked by a couple hundred people. I went into several stores and browsed like any other day, except I had the freedom to browse for preferred clothing and shoes. I'm pretty sure I blended really well except when I had to talk to people. I need some kind of voice changing technology. :) It was also cold out so I was able to cover up my giant adams apple that would otherwise be a dead giveaway. It was a great day but I didn't want to push my luck so I went home after a couple hours.

[Tracii G]

Thats awesome Mandy.
Not much sense in changing your voice too much because you don't want to sound like Mickey Mouse.
Try talking softer in your regular voice.

[Jenny22]

Find a seasoned sister who will mentor you in what you do and not do femininly. HOW? Posts and threads often show locations. If some are near you, (or maybe an over-night) PM them and ask for their big sister mentoring help. You will not be so nervous when you go out with another person.

[Kimberly A.]

AWESOME, Mandy! It sounds like you had a great time and you're very welcome! :-) The first time I went out dressed, I hadn't even joined this forum yet..... I just wanted to do it and see how it felt and how I liked it. And you know what??? It felt GREAT and I LOVE doing it! I didn't spend much time my first time out, either. When I got home though, I Googled crossdressing forums and found this one, so I read a few posts as a guest, then I decided to join, tell my story in my introductory post and well, it's like they say..... The rest is history! LOL But either way, I'm glad you decided to take that first step and venture out en femme and I'm glad that my post was what gave you the encouragement to do so..... HUGE congrats to ya! :-)

[Helen_Highwater]

Mandy,

Feels good don't it! Really pleased for you. You did just the right thing, went somewhere with people about and did what folks do.

Finding a voice is something that will come with time. As Tracii says, "Not much sense in changing your voice too much because you don't want to sound like Mickey Mouse." While dressed I once met a speech therapist socially and she said the big mistake most CD'ers make is sounding like the Bee Gees. She went on to say raise your pitch only slightly. Sing Do-ray-mi starting at your normal pitch. Speaking with your pitch at ray or mi, no higher, is more akin to what most GG's use. Beyond that it's more about how you speak, inflection, phrasing as well as mannerisms and eye contact. GG's engage more. Every interaction is a mini conversation.

Man: "Have you got the time please?" "It's one o'clock". "Thanks".

GG: "Excuse me my dear but do you have the time please?" "Oh yes, of course, it's one o'clock". "Thank you so much", "Oh not at all, it's no bother"

Get the picture?

[Jean 103]

It's nice that you are enjoying this part of your life.

You could stay here like many do, there are many reasons, that's just life.

Or you may find you want more, this is were the big problems start, or not, it would depend on your current relationships.

If you do manage to get through all this, make friends, live openly, you'll find that it is not about passing , but being accepted as this is just you and how you are. I don't expect many will ever get here or understand what it is like.

That is living life where everyone expects you to be dressed all the time. So things are flipped and you don't want people to see you in guy mode.

I live in CA where I grew up. There is no where I will not go, at least in the day time.

Have fun, enjoy, and be careful what you wish for.

[RachelB.]

My personal experience is once you leave the house it will be hard to stay at home. Be careful and aware of your surroundings and you should be fine.

[jessicabf]

The thoughts and advice on voice is big on my mind. I haven?t gone out dressed yet. But planning to. My SO is more ready than me. She started planning a day in Vegas, and wanted to include her sister. Even do a wedding. I got cold feet. But still want to work up to it. Now we are planning the outfit, and location. Maybe two days at a hotel away from house (avoid running into people we know). Then spend the day out dressed. She giggled that people will think she is gay. I just answered that if I can pass that well, I?ll call it success! Lol.
But seriously, beyond visual passing, I worry about the voice.

[TheHiddenMe]

From Columbia, you have two choices, Kansas City or St. Louis. I can certainly recommend St. Louis, and have been out there frequently.

I have a guy voice and I'm somewhat reluctant to talk but it hasn't been an issue. I assume that if someone is close enough to talk to me, they are likely to assume I'm a guy anyway (or trans).

You will have your wife with you. She can do the talking if you have any interactions with other people.

The main time I am reluctant to talk has been on the few occasions I've been in a bathroom with one of my GG friends (friends I have made after I starting going out). They will start talking to me while in another stall and I generally don't answer. Afterwards, I will explain I don't want to talk because I don't want another woman to hear a male's voice in the bathroom. My GG friends are just so used to my male voice they just treat me as a woman.

Your wife is supportive. You know you want to do this. Book a room in St. Louis, visit the Galleria, hit the Nordstrom or Macy's (or both), have lunch or dinner at the Cheesecake Factory, and you will be fine.

[MarinaTwelve200]

I would suggest FIRST going out on Halloween. (or Mardi Gras if they celebrate it near by) if only for your own comfort, as you will have both the experience of being out in public and a ready, justifiable "EXCUSE" should you be questioned or accosted for your costume choice.

Most likely, NO ONE will question or make an issue of it anyway, if you play it cool and don't advertise that you are a guy. This realization will make it MUCH more easier to go out when it is NOT Halloween, and you will have had experience. Indeed, having a REAL excuse you can use like Halloween, or a Womanless beauty contest, etc. is perhaps the psychological edge you need to start going out in public

---Think of it like an inflatable water toy you used to cling to when you first ventured into the WATER. It made you comfortable and allowed you to go in without fear.--Once you realized you were not gonna sink like a rock and drown, and had some more experience the water, you found you didn't need the water toy at all, any more to go swimming.