What do GG's really think

[NicoleRenee]

I often wonder...what goes thru a GG mind when they see me dressed and figure out I am actually male.

I've been out femme once. It was for a late night movie with my SO. There were a lot of people there. There was a group of GG's in front and in back of us. Both groups kept looking at me...mostly good but confused. When I would catch them looking, my mind would wonder what they are thinking...is he wearing womens or men's underwear? What kind, cut, material or color? Does he have real breasts or what is the bra stuffed with? Where are the clothes from? And the big one...is he straight or gay? Yes I know when I am dressed I refer to me as a she.

None of them asked anything. Even when I came out to my Facebook friends, most of them supported me but I still wonder what they are thinking. Anyone else have that issue?

[Jean 103]

If I wanted to know I would just ask them, as most all my friends are GGs, including my roommate.

They aren't thinking any of that stuff.

Women are not that interested in what you are wearing, well not like you think. All women are different, it is basically how well you look in whatever you were wearing.

More than that woman are about relationships, so they would be more interested it what is going on between your SO and you.

[Helen_Highwater]

Nicole,

I suspect they were more interested in your SO and trying to figure out if she was a he and very "passable" or a GG and what the relationship is between you.

When you go out again, certainly the times you go out solo I'd suggest you put that question to the back of your mind and focus at being you. It matters not a jot what others think, assuming you're dressed to blend and not to attract attention. If the latter any attention will have nothing to do with whether or not you have on male underwear.

In my albeit limited experience compared to some, I've found GG's to be more interested in your style and comment that, "I like your blouse" or "That dress is a lovely colour".

Folks tend to focus on what they can see. The hidden mechanics of how we achieve our deception I believe don't really play much of a part.

[ReineD]

When I would catch them looking, my mind would wonder what they are thinking...is he wearing womens or men's underwear? What kind, cut, material or color? Does he have real breasts or what is the bra stuffed with? Where are the clothes from? And the big one...is he straight or gay?

I can guarantee they weren't wondering about your underwear, what you had stuffed in your bra, and where your clothes came from. Women don't care about other people's underthings and they already know you got your clothes from one of thousands of places that sell women's clothes. They likely weren't even making judgments on your style choices, because they were more preoccupied with your motives.

They kept looking at you, (as you said with confusion), because they were confused. They don't often see men dressed like women in real life. It's considered taboo (or just weird) for most people and so they wondered why would any man want to do that. What does he get out of it. Why would a man want to dress like this and draw attention to himself in this manner. But, you are correct in assuming they might have thought you were gay. And because of this, as Jean mentions, they might have wondered what you were doing out with a GG. Was she family? A friend?

Before I met my SO I had no clue a community such as this one existed. The only men I saw fully dressed as women were drag queens (pictures mostly because I hadn't actually ever been to a drag show) ... which I could understand because of the showmanship (and I thought they were all gay anyway), and gay men in movies dressed effeminately in gay clubs, or dressed outrageously to push gender boundaries at gay pride parades. Had I seen a crossdresser at a non-gay venue, I would have simply wondered why. He would not have fit into any of the definitions of men that I already had. Now I know better, of course, but there was a learning curve.

... and I never even think about what underwear my SO - or any of the TGs/TSs/CDs that I know - are wearing.

[Aunt Kelly]

"They" are not a group who all think alike. It is a big mistake to assume that they would. Their thoughts, when confronted with you as a crossdresser, are going be as individual as they are, formed be the experience, knowledge, and cultural biases of each.

[char GG]

I absolutely agree with everything that Reine said. Especially, I don?t think about what underwear anyone wears!

[Vickie_CDTV]

They might have read you and were looking back and forth to confirm their suspicions that you were a crossdresser (or trans of some stripe.) Unless you were wearing something really special, they probably didn't even twice about your outfit.

I can't fathom a GG caring about what underwear other people are wearing.

[Princess Chantal]

Had I seen a crossdresser at a non-gay venue, I would have simply wondered why. He would not have fit into any of the definitions of men that I already had.
The wondering why I am crossdressed at places that a crossdresser is not expected to be is what I always assumed are on the minds of not only gg but most folks. Hopefully, many of those folks realize that I am not there for the negative stereotype activities usually thought of men dressed in this way. Negative stereotype activities such as trying to pick up men, dressing for a ?humorous? portrayal of women, and so on.

[Eemz]

The good and bad truth is that other people care far far less than we think. This is your entire life but it’s a few seconds of life for them. You’re over thinking it.

If it helps, I had a (slightly drunk) male friend who was really curious about the boobs, what are they made of, how do they work. His wife dragged him away “OMG what’s wrong with you?”

[Crissy 107]

Eemz, Pretty funny!

[GretchenM]

I agree completely with Char, Reine, and Jean. Women are relationship oriented and although they may have concerns about appearance and attire, it is way down the list in importance. It is, in part, that old observation and conclusion that women are "expressive" and men are "instrumental." Men are material oriented and not so oriented toward expression and emotion as women. Women are concerned about interactions and the emotions of the interactions. Put a woman and a man together in a constructive relationship (marriage) and you have a cooperative unit where they more or less complete each other and form a family relationship.

But with men who are expressive in some of the same ways women are, others are faced with something that just seems a bit different from what is expected. That creates curiosity. Men who look at you might wonder about your underwear because they are instrumental and focus on, so to speak, gadgets. But it is a rare woman who will think that, unless perhaps she is bit trans herself and oriented toward masculine expression. As the others say, the women looking at you with curiosity perhaps want to know what makes you tick and how you deal with that in real life. Personally, I think you are perhaps transferring the kinds of concerns a crossdresser has on the women who are looking at you with curiosity. In short, you wonder what they think about your underwear because you are concerned about your underwear as a part of your own expression. In fact, they could not care less about that and probably don't even want to know.

All that said, I think your visual interaction with those women is a very healthy thing for you and for them. It widens your range of experience and forces all the minds to think outside the box. So long as no harm is done, that is always a useful thing. It shrinks the intolerance factor, at least a little.

[Ressie]

Yes, all genetic females are unique and will have different thoughts and reactions. What Reine and Char are saying would reflect what the majority of women would think.

Here's another generalization. Many will think that you might a be fun person or they may feel sorry for you. But most won't think that you're someone they would get romantically involved with.

As Jean said, why don't you ask them what they think? Here's an experiment you can try: First go out somewhere en femme and ask women what they think. Next, go somewhere else (in male mode) and ask women what they think of crossdressers. I'm guessing that answers to the latter will be more truthful.

[Amy Lynn3]

My opinion is I don't think women really care what you are wearing, with the exception: Do her cloths match, do they fit well, wonder where they were bought, that hangs well, the shoes match the cloths or occasion, and I wonder if that would look good on me ?

It is the same when you go out. How do you look at women ? I look at her cloths first. I ask myself....would I wear that ? Would it look good on me, etc. I think the gender of the person somewhat takes a backseat when a lady looks at another person, either male or female. For me it is all about the cloths and the look on either sex.

Stop allowing other people to occupy space in your head. You had the most important person in the world with you. Think about how many people would love to be in your shoes ? Count your blessings and have a Merry Christmas and show your wife how much she means to you.

[NancySue]

I?ve had two experiences. #1: Before I married, I developed a relationship with a SA at Macy?s. She worked in the hosiery department. She knew quickly who the hose I bought were for and asked me a lot of questions, as I asked her. We?d go to lunch to continue our conversations. After several dates, she ask me if I?d dress for our next date. At first I was very hesitant, but finally agreed to. I spent over two hours getting ready, makeup, selecting what to wear, etc. My objective was to blend in...tone down the makeup, low heels, etc. When I picked her up, she was noticeably quiet which surprised me and caused a little concern. There wasn?t much conversation during the dinner. I called her several times, but no response. Oh well, I had fun. #2: I told my fianc?, expecting her to run, but to my surprise, she said ?So?? I couldn?t believe it. Yes, we spent many hours talking, reading, thinking, etc. about how she felt, my history, etc. When she asked me to dress, I had trepidations, but knew it had to happen. The first time she saw me dressed, she smiled and gave me a hug. Finally, I asked, ?Well, what do you think?? She made a few compliments and comments. To this day, when I?m dressed, I still ask her ?Well, what do you think?? Its fantastic!

[sometimes_miss]

What do most GG's think? They think we're at best, at least just a little weird. And I suppose most aren't hoping that one of us en femme, will just walk up to them and try to start a discussion about crossdressing.
Maybe wear a big button that says Ask me about my crossdressing! So if anyone wants to, they will come right up and talk to you.

[Stephanie47]

Not being a GG I cannot do anything more than relay a thought my wife had when our daughter yanked my vivid red Vanity Fair bra out of the bottom draw of my armoire:

"What would a man wear a bra when he has nothing to pack into it?"

That is what my wife said in the early 1980's. I think she has a different perspective now as the times have changed towards acceptance.

I doubt many women actually meet a cross dresser in the wild, let alone sit down and have a conversation with one. The other issue of discussion I believe may crop up is whether the man wearing women's clothing is a "plain vanilla" cross dresser or a transsexual, pre or post operative. I say that because my wife's cousin has a former daughter who is transitioning surgically to a son. The family discussions have nothing to do with choice of male attire. The discussion is basically all about emotions the mother and daughter/son are going through. That seems to affect how they perceive others in the wild.

[Teresa]

NicoleRenee,
It takes a while to come to terms with these thoughts , what exactly are they thinking ? When all this is new to you there's a combination of fear , excitment and uncertainty . The clothes mean more to you than the people you meet , it took me a while to find the right balance of clothes and makeup , on the whole we do tend to go OTT , to me everyday is harder than dressing to the nines for a night out .

As usual Reine gives us a great female aspect , many thanks for that .

This question varies from the way we choose to be out in the RW , I wish to live my life and intregrate so I try to blend as much as I can . Some may want to be out and make a statement so they won't care what people think , the more attention the better . I've also avoided using the " Passing " word .

All I can say is the more you do it the easier it gets , I sometimes feel we create an aura around us , it comes with confidence , the less we think about the attention the less it appears to happen .

Maybe I should end by saying what today consisted of . At the moment I'm renovating my kitchen so I had several suppliers to visit , the first was a builders merchant to buy some plaster coving . I then had to buy plumbing and electrical items from a discout supplier ( Screwfix ) , I then had to drop in at another building supplier to buy another length of tile edging strip because I'd run short and finally drop in at my supermarket to buy a carton of fresh milk . So what response did I get ? To be honest nothing , from male or female SAs .

Recently I posted a thread about a comment a GG friend made at my painting class , we were looking at art work on old record covers , I made a comment about the style she then turned to me a told me she was very impressed and surprised with my style . I've known this lady for sometime now and only in the last 6 weeks dressed as Teresa . No she's not bothered about my underwear or inquisitive about what I have in my bra , she's taking the overall impression of how I present myself , she's perfectly comfortable with me and I believe that is the crux of how we look .

[Tracii G]

Sounds like another case of a CD over thinking things.

[Davina Katherine]

Tracii, I wonder if there is a real correlation between crossdressing and over thinking?
Or if it just goes with the territory of living and presenting in a way that challenges standard expectations.

[Robertacd]

I'm with you Tracii. Most GG's are probably thinking "That's s guy!....PFFFT...(eyeroll) Whatever...." and that's as far as it goes.

I wonder if both groups kept looking at you because you kept looking at them to see if they were looking at you?

Reminds me of that old country song...
I was looking back at you
To see if you were looking back at me
To see if I was looking back at you
To see if you were looking back at me!

[Tracii G]

JessieMae yes there is its called fear of being shamed/ made fun of and thought of as being gay or a sexual deviant.

[susan54]

I have socialised with several GGs when dressed. All have seen me as a male too. They don't care which version meets them. What I wear is a non-issue but we would probably praise each other's outfits. There is one shop I go to and try on before buying and the owner (GG) has said she prefers me to be dressed as a woman and when I do she smiles a lot more. Maybe young women would stare out of curiosity but most regard crossdressing as a non-event in their lives, as long as the men doing it are only friends - if they were partners that could be different.

[Kendra Sue]

All the comments pretty much reflect my thinking. Most people don't give you a second look. They are too busy thinking about what comes next. The only thing that might make them take a second look is a dress or stillheto heels (only because they are awkward) I have worn a dress without a wig and no one seemed to be bothered

[ellbee]

They kept looking at you, (as you said with confusion), because they were confused.

This one line is pretty much it, in a nut shell. :thumbsup:


The past couple months I've been in regular online communication with a GG who I "met" thru eBay. Since she knew my guy name, she originally assumed that I was just buying some of her clothing for my female SO -- it soon became clear that it was all for *me*!

She basically said that while she was completely cool with this kind of stuff, she was also genuinely confused & interested to why I would do such a thing. (The eventual fact that she admittedly sometimes wears all kinds of clothing she purchased from the men's department seemed to have temporarily escaped her, though that is neither here nor there. :heehee: )

Naturally we started talking more about it, as well as other shared interests (including fashion & totally girling it out! ;) ) And though all this, she now has a much better understanding of where at least I'm coming from all this.



But, you are correct in assuming they might have thought you were gay.

Ah, yes... This eventually came up, as well. But of course. :lol:

All good, though. :)

[Dutchess]

I also agree with everything that Reine said and Char as well . I never think about anyone's underwear because I haven't worn any in 40 years .
Since I have had two TG's in my life I would probably look at you and think , "I wonder if I could ever do that again ". What would I do differently , what would I do the same .
So alot deeper than you would think .

I do not miss my ex husband ( who was very closeted ) but I do miss my late companion ( who was VERY out and full time ) .
I would never look at you with an eye roll that is for sure , there's too much history there .Although I'd never let you know it .

My signature is actually about what you asked .

[dallasmann]

Anyone else have that issue?

I never have an issue or concern about what other people are thinking, only with how I'm treated. If I feel I'm in an unsafe situation, however, it's a different story. But as an everyday matter, others' thoughts are of no concern to me at all. Most people don't even notice me and I'm OK with that.....most of the time. ;)

[AngelaYVR]

Nicole, when you have been out more than once you will realise that most of what you are feeling is just in your head. The first time out your senses are on high alert, once you have accustomed yourself to it you will find yourself caring about the opinions of others just as much as they care about your motives.

[GeorgeA]

"They" are not a group who all think alike. It is a big mistake to assume that they would. Their thoughts, when confronted with you as a crossdresser, are going be as individual as they are, formed be the experience, knowledge, and cultural biases of each.

Great post Aunt Kelly. The problems with the world is that there are too many generalities. People assume that everybody think the same. The population consists of individuals; each with his own views and opinions. Some may overlap but others will not. We all are different in our outlooks and that's why it is important to find a common ground rather than conflict. Peace rather than war.

Each of the women probably had somewhat different perception of OP's looks & demeanor.

[bridget thronton]

I do so enjoy reading posts from ReineD and Duchess

[Vickie_CDTV]

Going up to a GG who is a stranger and asking what they are thinking about one's crossdressing is a very bad idea. That could get ugly, fast.

[BTWimRobin]

It appears the GGs have answered your question. I always enjoy getting their perspective. We really do overthink this crossdressing thing.

[Dutchess]

Thank you Bridget , life sure had it's twists and turns . Thank you also Robin .

[JaniceP]

:angel::angel: Thank you so much, your comments, believe it or not, really helped me start to feel good about myself--I guess I may be able to Smile Again (Hopefully wearing lipstick & Pink Lip Gloss.)

[cdsamswife]

I think the other GG ladies have already given very insightful comments... Personally when I see a CD-er with a female companion I usually think ..... "If they're together, Im so happy his SO embraces this part of him and that they are enjoying time together"... and sometimes.. "I wonder if theyre one of the members of the crossdressers forum.."

Also... I sometimes have to urge to go up to the female companion and ask them about their relationship.... it's sometimes hard to only be able to talk to others in the same situation virtually.... it would be so nice to meet another couple and share experiences and feelings purely platonically...

[lingerieLiz]

I think most of my interfaces with women are much like Teresa. I've never had women that knew or observed that I wore women's clothes ask what I had on under my outer clothes. I'm sure they assumed I was wearing lingerie. I've shopped with women including in the lingerie department. I've even gotten a different bra so that a couple of them could avoid having to wait for an SA. I did have a discussion with one about panties while standing in line to pay. While I don't wear dresses anymore it is pretty evident that my boobs are contained in a bra.

From my observations most women don't care what other women or you are wearing under your clothes unless it is out of the realm of common clothes. I do know from experience that if they hug you and feel your bra they will check / confirm by a slide across your back.