It must be something about this time year(Chistmas)

[Andy1087]

Good Evening Everyone,

It must be something about the Christmas season that makes me feel so upset and frustrated that after all these years my CDing has never progressed the way I wished it would/should have. My birthday is Christmas Eve and once again another year has past and my dreams have not come true. I get so upset when I see the photos here and see videos on You Tube and see what I could have been am not. I almost died in early October from bleeding ulcer and that drives home the feeling I have little time to see my dreams come true.

Andy

[Davina Katherine]

Andy, please take heart. Many, many people find this time of year difficult, and not at all joyful. You are not alone.

Be careful comparing yourself to others. There will ALWAYS be those who are "greater or lesser" than ourselves.
Find your own light, find your path and follow them. You were born near the winter solstice, the shortest day of the year, but also when the day is becoming longer, stronger than the night.

Peace, Jessie Mae

[AngelaYVR]

Perhaps you could elaborate as to why you are unable to make any progress? Wife, kids, life?

[Tracii G]

Maybe you didn't get what you wanted because you didn't put forth the effort to achieve it.
Was it easy for any of us no we had to work hard and sacrifice friends and family in some cases.

[FrannGurl]

I hope you are recovering from your ulcer and stay strong.

You are as free to progress as anyone. Its all in what you are willing to do to achieve it.

It's also in how far you want to go, and what hardships you can endure to reach that goal.

Everyone is different, and you will see that on this site, I promise you.

Some of us are fully out and some are closeted. Some are married and some not. Some are nearly full time outside of work, as I am , and others part time.

I think everyone on here gets to a point where they ask themselves " How far do I want to go, and how far am I comfortable with?"

This is what I think you should ask yourself, and be willing to accept what you feel that is.

[docrobbysherry]

I'm so sorry u feel that way, Andy. Because u have so much of your life left to live!:thumbsup:

I am almost 20 years older than u. And, my CD life really didn't begin until I found cd.com 12 years ago at age 64. Since then I've met hundreds of trans from all over the world. And, Sherry has brought so much joy and satisfaction, as well as many new T friends into my life.:hugs:

Don't wish it, DO IT!:)

[Jean 103]

I was about your age when I started.

I have been through a lot to get to where I am. The biggest difference between than and now, is I now have zero fear of being in public.

It's not to late, health permitting.

[Helen_Highwater]

Andy,

Firstly glad your health is improving. Secondly, as others have said it might be worth you elaborating on what exactly it is you're hoping to achieve in your CD'ing journey. What's your home situation like, married, single, kids. We all know it's things like those that can have a huge influence upon what our CD'ing looks like.

Knowing how the forum works if you lay out your current situation folks will offer both empathy and suggestions. I'd like to do more but I'm currently constrained by virtue of being in the closet to all. That said over the years I've been able to spend time out and about enfemme and met others from the forum socially.

Problems are there to be solved. The solution may not be totally ideal but an improvement is just that and a few small improvements start to add up.

[alwayshave]

Andy, I hope that your ulcer is healing. I think the thing to do is set some goals for 2020. Find a transformation service or support group. I'd look forward to the next year rather than lament the past year.

[Teresa]

Andy,
Xmas is not an easy time for many people despite all the media hype and feel good factor , for many it's a lonely time of the year . The cold weather doesn't help as some struggle to keep warm and take care of themselves .

I wonder how many in the TG community hope the goodwill might bring some recognition , a little gift to show an acceptance .

I hope your health keeps improving and your dreams do become a reality , I never thought they would so I'm surprised they have happened .

[Stephanie47]

Andy, I checked your age (57). You're entering the age when people start assessing what they have accomplished, what they wish they had done, and, so forth. I can only surmise without any further explanation from you that there is an impediment in your life to fulfilling yourself. I know for many who have had a life threatening experience that Christmas time triggers angst. Throwing a birthday in makes it doubly troubling. I think you need to go Christmas shopping for your "girlfriend," as in your inner self.

[Sarah Doepner]

Like the others I hope you are mending well and getting stronger physically all the time. As for feeling bad this time of the year, welcome to a very large club. I find this time of the year to be over-hyped and full of unrealistic expectations that when they aren't met, result in an equal and opposite reaction. Basic physics I guess? The lack of sunlight doesn't help either.

As for having your wishes come true, they never will. Wishes are goals without plans and usually require nothing more than magic or outside intervention to read our minds and do what we wish for. What are your goals? Have you set them so high that you are defeated before you even begin? Dial it back just a little is my suggestion. Find the smallest things possible to change in your life that will support your goal. Somethings only you might notice, but makes you understand you can be successful in moving toward your larger goals. I'm old and all the "baby steps" added up. It's possible I'll never make the full transition I wish for, but I'm a hell of of lot closer this year than I was last.

My brother-in-law was born on Christmas. If it helps at all, it was clear that was timing that really sucked, regardless of how much people said they understood. Throw yourself a party in July, you've earned it.

[Andy1087]

Good Evening Everyone,

I have a lot of things on my mind so excuse me if I ramble. First of all I was not to sure I should have posted what I did last night as I was worried I would come across as being whining and looking at it in retrospect I feel I was and that people here would have rather not seen it. There are so many reasons I feel frustrated with my CDing. My weight for one as I weigh 320 lbs. I have no make up skills and any attempts to wear make up were a joke and left me upset and frustrated. I have been trying to CD for at least 30 years and so far the only things I have been able to buy in the right size is pantyhose and panties. Any other clothes I have bought and tried were the wrong size/style and in some cases something dated and something even a GG would not even wear. I bought a bra and forms that I have worn and they seem to be the wrong size and don't do anything to add a female form to my body.

There is a transformation service in my area and from what I have seen on their webpage they do work magic. On the other hand I would probably go down in history as the 1st male they would not be able to transform as I am such a fat dumpy guy. Not to mention I am a little concerned about spending $600.00 to come away frustrated by the result. It just seems any attempts and dressing as a female just look wrong for me.

I don't know why I even mentioned being upset that my dreams will not come true as I long ago stopped setting goals and dreams as they get derailed and never come to be. I have been told seeing as I have no dreams or goals in life I have nothing to my life and I truly feel I do have nothing.

I realize you folks here did not have it easy in your CD journey and had to work at it. On the other hand it seems so many things in my life that come easy for others are so hard for me to do the same thing. It does not help that my nephew just came out as transgendered and I have seen photos of him as a female form and it makes me jealous and feel bad that he as done what I have wanted for so many years and fail at.

I can't think of any more to say and figured I came even more whiny then before.

Andy

My health issues I have dealt with the past two years make my desires so distant. Since December 2017 I have been diagnosed with Afib, and other heart issues, become diabetic, had recurrent bouts of cellulitis the last one of which put me in the hospital for 2 weeks along with the bleeding ulcer happening while I was there.

- - - Updated - - -

It did not help that earlier last night I was trying to put on a pair of medical grade compression thigh highs for the 1st time using a stocking donner and while the 1st one went on my right leg ok, when I went to put the other one on my swollen left leg I was pulling it on and ripped right through the stocking with the donner. Half of a pair of $20.00 stocking wrecked headed to the trash, Needless to say that did frustrate me and set the tone for the rest of the evening.

Andy

[Vickie_CDTV]

There are stores online that sell "supersize" womens' clothing, that fit women your size. There are GGs your size and larger. Styles will be limited though. If you can't find anything you like, you may need to find a local seamstress and have them make clothing for you.

To be honest, if you have the money, it might be faster to just have clothing made for you. Then you are guaranteed a good fit. Big men and big women are built very differently, something I know too well.