Did I put my foot in it ??

[Teresa]

Saturday night was a great , we had our social group Xmas party , it was held as an open event so other groups also joined us at the hotel .

While standing at the bar a young woman , I would guess well over half my age stood in front of me with some of her friends , she was wearing the same dress as in my avatar . I politely said I love your dress , I know it came from an expensive shop ( in fact it was from Matalan from their Soon range ) she thanked me very much but then I added I have one just like it , she replied " That's great !" then one of her friends did add how much she liked the dress .

I repeated the story to my friends and added do you think I offended her , when she could see how much older I am to be wear the same dress as her , it would have been like her going out with her mother wearing the same dress .

[Stephanie47]

You are precluding the thought she may have thought you were trying to look too young as in you're the one not dressing "age appropriate." Let's see if the GG's chime in on your question.

[Helen_Highwater]

Teresa,

We all know we get read so if any offense was taken it's just if not more likely it's because she perceived she shares the fashion sense "Of a man".

[Dutchess]

No , she was not offended , she just didn't want to talk , she was with her friends and that was that . She was just trying to be polite and cut it short and could have even said the same thing to me .
I doubt I would have even spoken to her but if I had I would have said that dress really looks great ! She says thank you and that would be it for me , it would be out of my head already . I do not need for her to know that I have the same one or that I know how much she spent on it . IDK why but I just don't . Don't ask about the price tag of something for sure or assume out loud that we have alot of cash ( to buy things like that ) - it doesn't matter how we acquired it an sometimes that can be a red flag for us .

Just because we are female at birth does not mean we are part of this sorority that alot here seem to think GG's belong too. Most of us won't talk to strangers just right off like that and she may have even wondered if you were for real or just messing with her when you said you had one just like it .
Most women are not just totally accepting and totally gabby with every single person . You did nothing wrong , she was just doing her own thing .

I met my late companion I talk about alot here over our love of Lilly Pulitzer but we were not in a bar , a mutual friend introduced us who knew I liked non binary folk and s/he'd seen a picture of me where I was wearing a Lilly dress, told me she' seen me in pictures and asked me if I were a fan of Lilly as s/he was , that s/he would buy the material to sew garments with and we started off talking about how long we' loved that designer and what garments an other things of hers we had , but I found her to be insanely attractive and very smart also so that helped .... in bars/parties with alcohol I am notoriously standoffish.

[Micki_Finn]

I doubt she was that insecure about her fashion sense. It’s more likely that she was thinking “that old woman has no business wearing that dress”, but honestly she probably didn’t think anything at all.

[Teresa]

Micki,
Thanks for that but we did get talking to the group later in the evening and a conversation about age did come up , the friend who commented about the dress earlier thought I was about 45 , so not quite " That old woman !"

Dutchess,
The other groups were very friendly so dropping into a converstaion wasn't difficult .

As a general reply the other groups loved mixing with our party and have already asked if they can book next year on the same night .

[Robertacd]

I see you make posts like this all the time.

Why does it matter?

You seem to be under the impression that if someone doesn't openly accept you, embrace you, and shower you with complements, then they are offended by you.

Just because she didn't gush all over you for completing her dress doesn't mean she was offended by your presence.

Give yourself a break, honey.

[Teresa]

Roberta,
I was only concerned that I might have offended her I was only wondering what other members thought , I'm sorry if you see it any other way but I can assure it's not how I work .

[Robertacd]

You say that's not how you are but your posts say otherwise. This isn't the first "Why don't they love me?" post you have made.

Well honey I the truth is the vast majority of people really don't care. They have their own lives to worry about and deal with.

Also some people really have a hard time talking compliments from strangers, I know I do.

When someone compliments my outfit, GG or GM, I say thank you, and nothing else. What else should I say? I don't know this person... Are they hitting on me?... Why are they still standing there?... Now I am feeling uncomfortable...

[kimdl93]

I can?t see how that would be offensive.

[AllieSF]

Roberta, your personality is different from Theresa's. I, like her, am very outgoing and give and receive compliments all the time. Why do you worry if someone is hitting on you? If someone did, why not take it as a compliment and not, as you hint clearly, something bad and that you do not like? That is your own personality, not Theresa's nor mine. Given the opportunity, I love getting into conversations with strangers. I have no bite marks, scars or bad experiences to share, only great happy ones.

Theresa, I think that is cool that she had the same good taste in fashion as you do.

[Tracii G]

Another case of over thinking an encounter.
Best to let it go because I am sure she has.

[Robertacd]

Woosh.... The hitting on me has nothing to do with it... That was just an example of how awkward Teresa could have been making that other person feel.

[Majella St Gerard]

I'm with Tracii, I think you overthink too much. I have told women that I have the same dress and I don't care if they're offended, not my problem.

[AngelaYVR]

If this story is about being worried about offending someone, why did we get the details on the make and expense of the dress?

[Tracii G]

I see so many here over think things trying to validate where they stand with women.
Maybe its just me but I don't think women want us comparing them to us or vice versa.
Why is it so important to worry about what they think?
If you offended them I am sure they would let you know in short order.

[Suzie Petersen]

Most people know that walking into a room and seeing someone else wearing the same dress you are is not a good feeling.
For the same reasons, telling someone that you own the same dress is equally unfortunate as it basically says "dont think you are special!".
It is much nicer to just offer a compliment such as "You look absolutely lovely in that dress!" and leave it at that.
That way, you make her feel good ... and you are not making it about you!!
Mentioning the price or value of the dress, be that high, or even worse, low, is not very tastefull.

[Jean 103]

Maybe its just me but I don't think women want us comparing them to us or vice versa.

This is one of my rules. I never compare myself to women.

Most all my friends are GGs including my roommate. I feel it could be insulting.

There is no way to tell what anyone here was thinking. They are all individuals, on top of that you have the group effects. Besides all this doesn't matter.

Allie is right. My roommate and me get complements all the time. It's no big deal.

[char GG]

I agree with others who are cautioning you not to over think the situation.

The only time it gets awkward if you have the same dress is if two people are wearing the same dress to the same event.

[Tracii G]

Another good tip never compare one woman to another for any reason.

[Sharon budd]

Teresa, the fact you later conversed with the same group should answer your question.

[alwayshave]

Teresa, Women want to believe they have the only copy of a dress. I wouldn't worry about it.

[Leslie Langford]

Teresa, the short answer is that it all comes down to context and tone of voice. Had the GG replied "That's great!" with a sarcastic tone of voice, you would have known immediately that your remarks did not sit well with her. On the other hand, had she replied in a gushing, appreciative manner, that would have signalled the fact that your compliment was very well received.

As it stands, it appears that she replied in a rather neutral fashion, and considering that the other GG's in her group were also in agreement with your love for this particular dress, I would say that it all ended well and no children or small animals were hurt in the process ;) )

[suzanne]

First, you didn't need to add that you had the same dress. It blunted the compliment. But since you did, age appropriateness often has little to do with it. A classy outfit is classy no matter the age of the wearer.

I had a similar situation some years ago. I walked into my favorite dress shop wearing a shortish animal print pencil skirt. The 20 year old SA, who I knew well, raved about it. "I love that skirt. I have the same one and I wear it all the time" My first thought was "OMG, I'm dressing like a 20 year old, and I'm in my fifties". I told the story to an older SA and she replied, "The kind of style we have in this store is classy across many age groups. She dresses mature for a twenty year old."

I felt better about that, but whether your younger friend was insulted or not is anybody's guess. I think you shouldn't worry about it.

[Helen_Highwater]

And let's not forget this works both ways. On my recent vacation while standing at a click and collect counter a GG commented that we had on the same jacket. The only thing I took away from that was it was she who initiated a conversation so either she was unsure/curious about me and was checking me out (Don't think so, I don't pass that well!) or she was just being friendly as many GG's are when two or more find themselves together and seek to pass the time with a little natter.

[Teresa]

Roberta,
As Allie points out we are obvioulsy different personalities and I'm afraid you totally misread and misjudge me . I love being with people and because I care they do actually care , sorry if your life isn't like that but that's not my problem .

The general feeling is I should have left it at telling her I loved her dress but as Helen points out there are two sides to this situation .

On one occasion I was trying on a pair of brown heeled boots , before I had chance to slip on the second a man tapped me on the shoulder to ask if I would slip the other boot on because his wife wanted to see what they looked like . When I finally stood up two ladies saw me and I overheard them say that the heel height wasn't so bad and they then went off to find some in their sizes .

Again while trying on a lightweight jacket in a store a lady commented on how nice it looked and decided that she would buy one to take with her on a cruise .

All I can say is it felt great that my choices were something other people would also be happy to wear , in no way was I offended .

One final and quite amusing story today was at my at group , as it was the last meeting before Xmas we take in light bites , I usually make mince pies . I asked around last week if anyone was going to wear something with a Xmas theme , I told them I was going to wear my Xmas jumper . I've become friendly with a lovely 35 year old blond lady and she loved my jumper she wanted one and wished to know where I'd bought it , some of the others apologised for not entering more into the spirit of it after seeing my jumper .

Some may accuse me of it all being about me but I'll never lose sight of the fact I'm TG and hope my actions are improving the situation for others in our community , it's all about acceptance and that's important to all of us .

[AngelaYVR]

My first thought was "OMG, I'm dressing like a 20 year old, and I'm in my fifties". I told the story to an older SA and she replied, "The kind of style we have in this store is classy across many age groups. She dresses mature for a twenty year old."

This is like my daughter. She is thirty years younger than I am but we love the same style of clothes. She works in an antique shop and collects old furniture, gramophones and even a 50s vintage wool coat that she is wearing this winter. A chip off the old block!

Teresa, as much as we love to engage in chitchat with women, we know that everyone simply has their limits. People have their own hang ups, personality types and daily problems. Enjoy what you receive!

[Palaina Nocturnus]

Hello Teresa,

There's a plethora of rude members on this site. Just hit the ignore button on them and don't worry about replying to them. If it persists or gets worse, report them to a moderator.

No I don't think the young lady noticed or cared about your commenting on her dress. I do feel the following comment was unnecessary but very organic.

In the future I would not go beyond the comment of how pretty something a woman is wearing. It's a crap shoot whether or not that person is accepting and tolerant of a CD.

[Bobbi46]

Putting a foot in it is when you do it and get it all back at you, it's called "foot and mouth disease"! yes complement but don't go overboard.

[Amelie]

One can't tell if the other person was offended unless they ask that person.

But there is nothing wrong talking to strangers. The world would be a better place if people can talk to each other without the fear of offending someone. You did nothing wrong Teresa, it's friendly thing talking to others.

Sadly, for me I don't talk to many people, especially to strangers. That is just a problem I have, been that way most of my life.

[docrobbysherry]

Oh! I thot u were posting about a mess your pet left!:doh:

No idea what she thot!:straightface: