Taking the plunge

[Angela Marie]

After many stops and starts i've finally decided to go to counseling. I'm not expecting an epiphany; but I would like to speak to an objective professional who can give me his/her insights. My wife has suggested this in the past but I was hesitant. Now I am actually looking forward to it.

[GretchenM]

Pick one that you are comfortable with. You won't be sorry if you approach this with a good attitude that the therapist won't tell you what to do but only guide you to find what is right for you. At some point, you really can't do it by yourself because your brain needs some tools to work with that you already have but are not yet assembled into a working form.

Seeing a gender therapist made a huge difference in my life. But even a general therapist will help a lot. The gender therapist did not direct me in any particular direction but helped me to find my own direction. If, in the end, you decide transition is the best that decision will be yours and not something the therapist told you to do, that is, if the therapist is any good. But a decision not to transition is the most common outcome because most of us with gender issues are not transition material. That takes a really unique set of traits. If the therapist tries to tell you exactly what you should do, RUN. Go find someone else.

Therapy is difficult and you will need to face some truths about yourself that may, at first be disturbing. But that is the point. If the nature of the reason you are there is because of deeply hidden truths you have not faced then it is likely those truths are a big part of the reason you are there. So approach it with an open mind and expose everything that you are to the therapist during the discussions. Don't hold back anything as what you hold back may be at the core of the issues. If that is kept hidden it can't be dealt with holistically, that is, with regard to the total person you are.

Bless you for taking this step. It shows the love you have for you. Be open to exploration. Not expecting an epiphany is the right attitude, but don't be surprised if there is one.

[Stephanie47]

Curious I am. How does your wife feel about your cross dressing/ Over the years I have evolved without any assistance of a counselor. My biggest hurdle seems to be relationships with others and not self.

[MarisaRose.]

You'll never regret it, it really helps to be able to have meaningful constructive dialogue with a professional to help put perspective on yourself.
M...

[Star01]

I am attempting to do the same and tried to book an appointment with one that I selected due to her expertise in gender issues. Unfortunately her website shows the company name of my supplemental insurance and I thought I'd be good to go but she emailed me back and said that it's not the Medicare supplemental but another insurance the same company offers. Next step I went into their providers list for my plan and there are several therapists shown but no mention of the areas they specialize in. My wife has suggested therapy in the past but I haven't told her that I'm looking yet but want to get everything in place before I have that conversation. I'm sure that she will be fine with it as she has been suggesting that I go for years but I think she's kind of fearful on the other hand. My oldest daughter had been going to therapy, came out as a lesbian and got an amicable divorce that includes joint custody and they're calling on us to watch the two smaller ones more often while at the same time prepping to host thirty or so for Christmas and finish up some work on a lake home where my daughter will be living temporarily. I don't think right now is the best time to discuss my situation until after the holidays when I get a chance to call them and verify my coverage and what therapists are available to me through the plan.

Good intentions but it just got complicated, I hope things go better for you than they have for me so far.

[kimdl93]

Its a good idea, particularly if you are struggling with any issues. I would not go for the therapists insights. Their job is to help you clarify and deal with the realities of your life.

[Jenny22]

It seems that there is some type of thread about seeing a therapist. Here's my situation and I'd appreciate any comments. My dear wife (not accepting/supportive at all) passed away. Following that, my CDing increased dramatically. Subsequently, I came to realize I was truly TG in every sense of the word. I was happy to the Nth degree and totally comfortable in being who I really am. I dress fully fem daily sans wig and makeup daily for the entire day, unless going out and feel the need to be in drab. I've thought about seeing a gender therapist, but I always ask myself "WHY." Do I really need such counseling? What will it do for me? I'm very happy as I am. Please tell me how seeing a therapist can help me more.

[April Rose]

Jenny, I'd say, "do it". You never know what you could learn about yourself. If, after a reasonable amount of time you feel like it's going nowhere, all you will have lost is some money, and a few hours of time. You'll never know what you might have overlooked if you don't try.

[Teresa]

Angela,
If you have the need there's no harm in taking this step , I never regret my counselling , when you're deep into a DADT situation with no one to talk the situation through there is no alternative , to me it was a life saver .

Please don't hold back they aren't mind readers they can only work on the information you give them , they are professionals and have heard it all before so trust them .

[Angela Marie]

Curious I am. How does your wife feel about your cross dressing/ Over the years I have evolved without any assistance of a counselor. My biggest hurdle seems to be relationships with others and not self.I

I told my wife very early in our relationship and she has no problems. She does not want to go out with me so I don't push it. She is actually the one that suggested I see a therapist. Understand she is not of the mindset that I will quit dressing; she is well aware how strong the motivation is. She simply suggested it so I could have a better understanding of my need to dress and the underlying issues, if any.

[Andy1087]

I have had passing thoughts of getting counseling also to deal with my dressing, but I am so worried that who ever I did see would pass judgement on me and make things worse and make more frustrated and upset with myself.

Andy

[Stevie Allyn]

Andy,

I struggled with depression off and on for a couple of decades before I got some counselling. My counsellor didn't pass judgement on me at all, she simply helped me to understand who I really was and what I wanted and could realistically get from life.

In my experience getting counselling was one of the best things I've done. I still take a small dose of anti-depressants daily but the suicidal thoughts are gone and I'm comfortable with who I am. Actually make that I'm happy with who I am.

I wish you all the best for the future.

[BTWimRobin]

Curious I am. How does your wife feel about your cross dressing/ Over the years I have evolved without any assistance of a counselor. My biggest hurdle seems to be relationships with others and not self.

Hi Stephanie,

When I came out to my wife I decided I should probably go to therapy. While my wife is accepting towards my crossdressing she didn't particularly like the idea of therapy. She felt either the therapist would steer me towards a path of transition or make her out to be a bad guy. It was quite the opposite. My therapist helped us set up some guidelines towards my dressing and encouraged open communication.

Fast forward 6 months ... we don't talk about my dressing desires. She doesn't ask me anything and I feel uncomfortable dressing in front of her. She doesn't comment on all the panties in the wash, nor does she comment if my toes are painted.

[Star01]

Is anyone else here who lives in the US retired and on a Medicare supplemental plan from an insurance provider? I was going to book an appointment with a therapist of my choice but found out I'm not covered and as it turns out I only have access to a handful of approved therapists in a downtown hospital complex. There has to be someone closer so I need to research it further and may have to call my insurance customer service to be sure of all the options available to me. I'm not desperate or anything like that but just wanting to put another set of eyes on things and get a different perspective.

[Crissy 107]

Star, I think everyone’s insurance either primary or supplemental will be different with regards to therapists. Good luck, I hope you find one that is a good fit.

[Melissa in SE Tn]

It is great that you are seeking help. I can?t help but notice that your feminine alter ego has been much more pronounced as of late. Something about our aging process that triggers the scream to be / live with our feminine side. I wish you much success in trying to balance the gender scale before you. Much peace.

[Aunt Kelly]

After many stops and starts i've finally decided to go to counseling. I'm not expecting an epiphany; but I would like to speak to an objective professional who can give me his/her insights. My wife has suggested this in the past but I was hesitant. Now I am actually looking forward to it.
I didn't either, but that's what I got. And no. It did not come from my counselor. She did not tell me anything I didn't already know, but she most certainly helped me gain understanding about myself that I probably never would have otherwise.

As others have already suggested, find one your comfortable with. There will be times when your trust and his/her ability to support you may be tested, so make sure those things are there. It shouldn't take but a session or two to get a feel for that.
Beyond that, be open and honest. You're the one who will benefit from that, so give yourself that gift. Your therapist will help you with the rest.

Good luck to you.

[Mermaiden]

I?m curious as to the goal of therapy? I can?t imagine a therapist can explain or help us understand why we crossdress, because I don?t think the science of that is known. But I do think therapy would be tremendous in letting us vocalize our doubts, concerns, emotions about accepting our crossdressing. Saying things out loud seems to de-pressurize the negative things that trouble our thoughts. That would be worth a lot.

[Angela Marie]

It is great that you are seeking help. I can?t help but notice that your feminine alter ego has been much more pronounced as of late. Something about our aging process that triggers the scream to be / live with our feminine side. I wish you much success in trying to balance the gender scale before you. Much peace.

You are absolutely right Melissa. I purged 3 years ago (big mistake) and started again last year. I realized how much a part of me it truly is; and at 65 I have no need to prove or justify myself to anyone. My feminine side has always been quite strong but i'm now more confident and at ease with myself in it's expression. I don't indiscriminately announce myself to the world and try to maintain a low profile. Not hiding, just going about the day to day routine as most people do. Although most of my time is spent in male mode it is pretty clear which part is ascendent. Hopefully I will get some answers from therapy. As I pointed out no miracles expected; but its always better to have a deeper understanding of your feelings.

[Kendra Sue]

I am on medicare and a supplement. I called and was told it would be payed for and no precertification required p

[Sidney]

I am om medicare and tricare for life and they both pay for counseling with no problem. My councelor accepts them and therein is the problem is finding a providor that will accept their payment. Took me awhile to find one but it was well worth the effort.

[char GG]

I believe the only way you will get an answer that pertains to YOU, is if you call your insurance provider and ask specific questions. Policies vary.

[monalisa]

I guess I would try to find a counselor who has experience with crossdressers. Then you have to be open and honest and lay it all out and what you like about dressing. They can't tell you why you dress only ask lots of questions and hopefully make you feel more comfortable with dressing.

[Teresa]

Mermaiden,
It depends on how bad your circumstances are , if your dysphoria is so crippling it maybe your only way to move on , my first counsellor had to deal with me almost ending my life , so he was literally a life saver .

We can form opinions and assumptions in our heads but it may not be the truth or we don't realise what is driving us , a good threapist/counsellor can hopefully unlock or free up your mind to hopefully see where you need to go . There is so much information out there today they more than likely can give you an insight into what drives the dressing need .OK just talking does help if you're stuck deeply in a DADT situation but then you can talk openly in certain sections here on the forum and see how others feel .

[JenniferR771]

Take a look at the potential counselors website, credentials, background and specialties.
Read between the lines for their ideas.
My first counselor suggested I purge and wanted to cure me.

[Leasa Wells]

After many years of living in the closet an the stress of isolation this past May I started consoling. I did some research over a few month using the internet and found someone who also worked with transgender or LGBT clients. I liked the therapist but my insurance wasn't covered after a few month I just couldn't afford her and she suggested one who would.

I met with them a few time and it just wasn't a fit. I had been attending a few group meeting one in particular is put on by a hospital. I found my next therapist is way, so far I am very happy with her. In just a months I feel i have gained so much more understanding. I think my next step is to get out more and blend, to open up to a few people all taking small steps in each direction. I have been on hormones since May my labs are good, my body changes are good and I don't feel so much alone because I have someone to talk to.

[Devi SM]

So far I'd been in therapy for around 4 years. The first one was a family therapist. She helped me a lot to create strategies to work with wife but wasn't very knowledgeable with crossdressers and less with trans people.
So like some issues still in my life after around a year with her, I ask my insurance for a gender therapist. Finally I got one that's trasgender as well, ftm and has been amazing, to the point that he let me keep by my own and whenever I need he's there for me. He was fundamental for start on HRT and start living full time as me. The other day he told me that he used my case in a class in the university as an example of later transition and the results about being positive. He has a PhD on psychology.
For me, is very important, when we're talking about transition and not mere crossdressing that the therapist have real experience or education on trans.

[char GG]

Andy,

Please, for your sake, consult a professional to talk to, don't wait.

[Jane G]

It's a little odd, as a Brit, to read all this input about insurance. Makes me appreciate the good old NHS. Counselling is all part of the service. Though it may take longer to find the right councillor.

[Andy1087]

After thinking about it again and talking to my wife about me I wonder if I have expected too much of myself for a better part of my life. I have always expected to do everything right the 1st time even though I have never done it before in many cases. Thus when I do try something and I fail it really upsets me a lot. On the other hand I don't try to do a lot of things due to fear I will once again fail and by not trying I also avoid being frustrated and upset. Thanks for listening to me ramble.

Andy

[giuseppina]

Hello Andy,

That sounds like something a duly qualified and licensed mental health care practitioner can help with. The way it works where I live is your primary care physician refers you to an appropriate practitioner.

A competent practitioner will not judge you. If that happens, it's time to ask for another referral. They are unable to help you once a judgement has been imposed upon you.

Please get on this without delay. It's difficult for us to read between the lines, but for someone like me who's been there, you are in danger of falling into the rabbit hole of depression. It gets more difficult as time goes on without treatment.

[Angela Marie]

Well I submitted my form for counseling. There is a long wait; but I finally did do it. Ever since I made the decision to seek counseling I feel much more at ease. I went out yesterday and there were no butterflies, fear, etc. I shopped in a super busy mall, visited Sephora (that is a must), and replenished some of my stock. Letting go of many of the inner tensions is such a relief. I'm anxious to see how therapy works for me. But whatever happens I have finally made peace with a side that I tried to suppress for so long.