No One EVER visits, except when . .

[Sarah Doepner]

My kids are grown and have houses and kids of their own to care for. My closest friends don't live close at all and visits usually require advance planning. Even though I've been in the same house for nearly 18 years, my house is down a private lane and I'm not a member of the local faith. So nobody comes to my door unless they want to sell or drop off a delivery. So nobody visits and I get comfortable, present how I wish and then forget about it while I go about my day.

Except this time of the year. I was watching TV a couple nights ago and the doorbell chimes. First I say "What the . . ?" then I say, "Why not?" I have told the neighbors I'm trans, my kids and most of my grandkids and my closest friends know about this in theory, but not very many have had the pleasure of meeting me face to face as Sarah. One of my neighbors was at the door with a tin of Christmas cookies and a health update on her husband. We chatted for a few minutes and she had to leave, never raising an eyebrow or making a comment. I'll be visiting, probably in mostly guy mode, in the near future to visit her husband and drop off my holiday gift to them. It will be interesting to see where the conversation goes, or doesn't go.

Regardless, it was a great treat to not jump up, run and hide when the doorbell sounded. It's a small thing, but I'm going to count that acceptance by her and myself as the best thing so far this holiday season.

[Teresa]

Sarah,
Stick to it she obviously didn't have a problem , what obstacle would you have to drop the gifts off as Sarah ?

[docrobbysherry]

How nice, Sarah! That's something I could never do.:eek:

By the way. A woman cashier at a store yesterday looked just like u! I was temped to ask her for a photo to send u. But, I don't carry a phone or camera in guy mode!:battingeyelashes:

[Bobbi46]

I gave up worrying about what a neighbour might think if I answered the door as Bobbi this proved to be true on many occasions now of course as i say i have no worries only peace of mind now

[Helen_Highwater]

Sarah,

I'm with Teresa on this. It does seem the ideal opportunity to carry things forward. It would cement your identity with them. Okay, you might need to gauge their reaction, be on the lookout for any comfortableness on their part and if you sense it then be aware of it in the future. If you detect nothing then the door bell ringing will be one less thing you need to stress over in the future.

[Jean 103]

I'm with Teresa, what's to lose.

What can he do?

It almost sounds like if someone doesn't know about you they may be hurt you didn't tell them?

[Allisa]

Answering the door is no longer a thing for me, it's known that if you knock you will get Lisa and sometimes not at her "prettiest" but Lisa all the same. As I've said before having open curtains, blinds, windows and doors is truly letting the light shine in and a true freedom. It's your home and you shouldn't have to hide who you are. I realize there our different circumstances between us so this is just my opinion from my situation.

[kimdl93]

Not having visitors can be a good thing. I rarely see my neighbors...there are just three full-time residents along the lakeshore. Since settling here, I?ve made it a point of being myself....and if someone does happen to come to the door, they will get exactly that.

Sarah, had she visited with you as Sarah in the past?

I’m inclined to think that if her husband has serious health issues it might be a matter of simply being considerate to visit him in the mode he is accustomed to....but then, I have this feeling that sometimes its better if its not about us...even if I have to hold back.

For example, a former colleague passed away recently. I was asked if I’d be attending the funeral in my present manner. I elected not to attend at all because the event really should be about the departed. I’m afraid if I attended, even in male mode, the event would begin to be about me.

[Rogina B]

I'll be visiting, probably in mostly guy mode, in the near future to visit her husband and drop off my holiday gift to them. It will be interesting to see where the conversation goes, or doesn't go.

I don't understand why you feel that need...

[Crissy 107]

Sarah, The cat is out of the bag so to speak so why not just go as yourself.

[lingerieLiz]

I don't think I would visit except in male mode. If he is passing and people are coming by to say there good byes I would not want to intercede in changing the discussion. It does depend on the situation, so I don't know if we can really say what is right.

[Sarah Doepner]

My thoughts mirror the full range of posts here, which may provide me the answer. As I was taking my pills this morning I saw a reflection of someone non-binary and who is becoming more comfortable dressing in more of an androgynous fashion. They are conservative and may see that as a fairly feminine presentation, but it won't be a skirt or dress, nor will I wear full makeup or forms, just me. The visit isn't to come out but to visit the ailing neighbor (it turns out he had one leg amputate recently and I'm not sure why). I plan to bring my presentation up with the wife just to make sure she understands it's not uncommon nor should it be seen as a problem.

Thanks for the responses, I appreciate the feedback and great cross-section of suggestions.

[April Rose]

Sarah, that sounds reasonable. I think you can trust yourself on this.

[alwayshave]

Sarah, That's a great story.

[Bobbi46]

Sara, An amazing story, just be yourself own the world and enjoy

[Jane G]

Just because your neighbors wife was accepting, does not mean her husband will be. Though for sure they will have discussed your doorstep chat. I like your androgynous approach. Gives your neighbour an opportunity to understand you better, without being too out and in their space that will be appreciated.

[KymG]

Regardless, it was a great treat to not jump up, run and hide when the doorbell sounded. It's a small thing, but I'm going to count that acceptance by her and myself as the best thing so far this holiday season.

I think this is great, dont know if i will ever get to that but its inspiring to hear.
Well done.