Underdressing

[Jennifer2918]

Being in basically a DADT relationship, and with the colder weather occurring (live in the states, So Cal area), how often do your underdress (when you can't fully dress) and if you are in a DADT situation, does your significant other know and to what extent to they tolerate.

For me, Panties are fine any time of the year. Thigh Highs or stockings are good in cooler weather. Body stockings, pantyhose, and tights are OK in colder weather. Tights are OK as long as they are covered.

But, with that said, she has allowed me to go to a Marshalls store when they first opened, during a week day, wearing my leggings and male attire. She always says the same thing when we are about to walk in, "you look ridiculous". But she does still continue with the shopping. I even get to try on female clothing, but can't purchase....as of yet with her there.....

[BlueTempest]

I am in the clutches of a new relationship and so have not told the 'SO'... yet (whole other topic) but I frequently underdress when not on a 'date' as far as panties are concerned.
This time of year is nice because a nice big coat can conceal almost an entire outfit which for me is helpful as I do not have a female alter ego as it were, preferring to stay male with one hell of a female side! So skinny jeans, cami top and woollen jumper with some respectful boots means I can enjoy being femme whilst going shopping or just out walking without being judged at all (its a student area; lots of skinny jeans around)
Underdressing during winter opens up a whole new wardrobe!

[Micki_Finn]

No underdressing for me! What’s the point if those around you can’t bask in the glory of your finely turnt lewk?

[Tracii G]

Seems like a really snide comment to say.
Tell her she looks like a guy if she wears baggy jeans.

[Nastasha]

Underdress every day, bra and panties - occasionally garter belt and stockings. Not in a DADT, I'm lucky and have a very supportive wife.

[Majella St Gerard]

She sounds like a real sweetheart.
That's just plain mean spirited.
Try saying that to her and see how that goes.

[Tracii G]

Personally I wouldn't put up with her bashing me like that.
Its pretty obvious she doesn't respect you at all. If she did she would have never said that in the first place.

[BeingDarlene]

It was a thoughtless and hurtful thing to say, but I suspect she's hurting too and trying to figure out how to deal with the whole thing.

[Stephanie47]

Without the voice inflection I really can tell whether she is mean spirited or not. It could be said with a playful jab. Do you sneak off to a dressing room without your wife's knowledge or does she know you're trying on women's clothing? Some wives would hit the ceiling if they knew their husbands were under dressing.

[LeeAnnRose]

Your wife?s pre-shop comment feels cold considering she has taken you to the door. Perhaps a discussion about your attire and comfort levels should be had before you leave the house next time? Her words are extra confusing if you are trying on women?s clothes in the same trip. The potential purchase seems like the least of the worries here.

[Helen_Highwater]

Jennifer,
Our desire to dress can sometimes be so strong that we are capable of loosing sight of what's a good thing to do or not. We've all read posts were a member has posted a picture wearing what they think is a good outfit and folks here have had to advise them that there's a bit of a fashion faux pas going on and change is in order.

So while ridiculous may be a little strong, the wearing of leggings with everything else being male attire is likely to look at best out of place. I'm not saying you can't do that, how you present is down to you but you at least need to consider that what you're wearing can't count as a matched ensemble and likely to draw attention but for the wrong reasons.

[Victoria_Winters]

I generally prefer not to under dress. I keep my wardrobe kinda separate. I work in a generally non-forgiving Environment so I rather not risk/deal with anything if ANYTHING were to happen...

[Cheryl T]

Since I wear only panties now for nearly 20 years I don't consider that underdressing anymore.
I do wear pantyhose or tights in the colder weather and since the majority of my clothing is women's I suppose other than not wearing a bra all the time I'm pretty much always dressed.

[CayleeMarie]

I always only ever wear panties anymore. In the the cooler weather my wife as loosened the reins on public exposure and is becoming more okay with me in neutral women's jeans and a small cup bra or bralette with small forms so long as it is not obvious. The more she witnesses that people don't notice or don't care the more relaxed she is becoming with my exposure. We shop together regularly and she has no problem with my trying on whatever I want and even helps put outfits together.

[docrobbysherry]

What Micki said. Plus, underdressing is a hassle and uncomfortable!:straightface:

For me, it's like drinking bloody mary's with no vodka!:sad:

[Taylor186]

"Frankly, some women's bodies just don't actually work" [for yoga pants], said Chip Wilson, Lulumon CEO. When asked if he's saying that "not every woman can wear a Lululemon yoga pant," Wilson, "No, I think they can, I just think it's how you use them."

Wilson caught a lot of blowback for the insensitivity of his 2013 comments on Bloomberg, but that doesn't mean his thinking was wrong. And, what Wilson said is even more pertinent for men wearing leggings.

I wear leggings to the gym with the foreknowledge that I'm tall, lean, and, according to my wife, have great legs and bum. My leggings get noticed but I seem to get a pass in that environment. Otherwise I never wear leggings for other casual public activities.

Was your wife insensitive? It would have been nice for her to tell you her thoughts before you left home, when you could have done something about it.

Was your wife wrong? Maybe, maybe not.

Lastly, wearing women's leggings in public is not underdressing, in my book. And, wearing them around your wife is not DADT.

[NancySue]

I?m not in a DADT relationship. I underdress daily. I?m blessed with a supportive wife. We live in the country so I do dress often...even doing chores. I?d love to go into town dressed, but I?d be spotted in a heartbeat. Our little community just isn?t ready for us. We?ve ventured to out of town malls, but neither of us are at ease...maybe someday.

[candykowal]

Being in basically a DADT relationship.....how often do you underdress (when you can't fully dress) and if you are in a DADT situation, does your significant other know and to what extent to they tolerate.

For me, Panties are fine any time of the year. Thigh Highs or stockings are good in cooler weather. Body stockings, pantyhose, and tights are OK in colder weather. Tights are OK as long as they are covered.

But, with that said, she has allowed me to go to a Marshalls store when they first opened, during a week day, wearing my leggings and male attire. She always says the same thing when we are about to walk in, "you look ridiculous". But she does still continue with the shopping. I even get to try on female clothing, but can't purchase....as of yet with her there.....
Hi Jennifer and happy Holidays sister! :hello:
To answer your query, Yes I am in a DADT relationship and I am pretty sure my wife doesn't know the extent I take my feminine ways.
She knows I was coddled and pampered as a child and I have a lot of feminine traits today, including breasts.
She isn't in the know I presented as a girl with my mothers acceptance quite often in my youth.
She isn't privy to the fact that I was engaged twice before her to girls who knew me as Candy and stopped the marriage because I wouldn't stop CDing.
I am semi-retired and she is much younger and still works in a good job, so I did give up my CDing for over 15 years.

Today, being retired allows me to be the homemaker and under dress most days, when I want to present as a guy.
Like yourself I will under dress (in cold weather) wearing soft cup bras (I am a natural 38C) , girdles or panty shapers, silk camisoles or full slips, garters and nylons, gloss clear painted finger nails, and unisex perfumes....cover my curves with loose fitting guy shirts.
I also epulate the hair on my arms and legs and bikini wax and shave other areas....I am pretty hair free. :rose2:
While my wife is at work, I will go out grocery or clothes shopping in full makeup, and dress, presenting as Candice if the time allows or if I am in the mood.
I meet like minded friends in the area and might go have coffee, chit chat, or brunch with the girls.
BUT!!!!...I have NO doubts my wife married a husband first...and I am afraid if I ever told her about the extent of my feminine ways, I would get the "you look ridiculous" jabs you currently have to endure or even worse.
But I do understand where those values come from and I can accept that.

So, when she is home, the bra, garters and nylons, comes off ...she know and accepts my panty girdles or satin Ravissant panties, camisoles, moisturizers, nail polish, and perfumes...she allows me to wear light makeup and neutral lipstick (pierced earrings are next!).
Sometimes it better to allow the husband to be around whenever she is present...for me at least.
I can get super femme, as girly as I desire, and go out with like minded friends when she is off on her own, and I can enjoy my desires without defined limits.
Hope that helps you define your own parameters to keep your marriage going, it has been 25+ years for us.
It has been pretty easy as we never had children....add kids to the mix and it can be more complicated!:chatterbox:

[Lacey New]

For the most part, underdressing is really my only opportunity to spend any extended time in female clothing. So, I will wear panties whenever I can and in winter, I may go further with a bra and perhaps a camisole and pantyhose.

[BTWimRobin]

As far as my underdressing goes ... I underdress on any day that I don't have to go to work. I currently underdress with panties and slowly expanding my horizons with camis and sports bras.

:rant: I like to wear leggings. I like the way they look and feel. They are comfortable and move with you. My wife, on the other hand, admitted to me that she can't stand the way leggings look on women let alone her husband. I was very hurt when she came out and said that and haven't felt comfortable dressing in front of her since. She completely understands the functionality of them and she wears them herself for activities that call for them. They are the first item of clothing she takes off after her bra.

Instead of the snide comments, I wish our SOs would provide some constructive criticism. Something like .... "Gee honey, I totally understand that you like to wear women's clothing so let me help you find an outfit we both like."

[Victoria1]

I am new to this forum. I just discovered it a few days ago. I am catching up on lots of older posts. I am in a DADT relationship with my wife. She knows that I wear panties everyday. She doesn't like it but she doesn't object. She won't open any of my drawers for fear of what she may find. I have a variety of slips, camisoles, and bras but I only wear them if she is not around. When I travel I change into my slip and bra after I get to the airport. I used to be terrified of being seen by the body scanner but now I don't really care. I sometimes get a funny look from the TSA folks but no one has ever said anything. As has been stated by lots of others on this forum, there is no way to describe or explain the feeling of wearing lingerie.

[Glenda58]

Can't really say that I underdress since the only male things I have are some sweat shirts and some dress shirts. Everything else it's female clothing.

[Asew]

I wear boxers under my skirts and dresses so I don't even underdress when I am wearing skirts and dresses :p

When I can't dress as I wish (usually when going out with my wife or kids), I like to have a feminine flair despite the male mode (such as a bracelet or painted toenails in flip flops). Even my male mode utilizes women's jeans most of the time now anyways. So perhaps that is my version of underdressing when I can't dress as I wish.

[Tracy Irving]

how often do your underdress (when you can't fully dress)

Whether I can dress or not the answer is the same: 24/7, 365.

[Patience]

Without actually seeing you, it is impossible to have an opinion on whether you looked ridiculous or not, but I think most folks would agree that men casually wearing leggings in public is not exactly de rigueur, well, not nowadays, anyway.

I have been wearing panties pretty much every day for the past two years. After not wearing a bra for awhile, I have started wearing one again.

[Teresa]

Jennifer,
I don't need to underdress anymore but there's nothing wrong with dealing with your needs that way .

As for the comment your wife made about looking ridiculous , whether it's true or not if she's anything like my wife it's wishful thinking , more like a put down to make you feel bad about dressing . It does seam odd that she allows you to try on in stores but not buy , I feel that's wasting SAs time and just rubbing salt in the wound for you .

The comment about looking ridiculous has backfired on my wife , OK we no longer live together but so many people have seen me now that her forecast has proved to be untrue and it was never going to stop me as she hoped .

Robin,
I'm slightly on your wife's side I'm not a great lover of leggings , they really don't flatter most women , when they first started appearing I couldn't quite get my head round wearing a dress as a tunic on top until I realised many women didn't like the shape the leggings gave them . I also admit I said I'd never wear female jeans but it's what most others wear .

[NitaCD]

Every day for the last 20+ years. Bras & panties, as well as leggings or tights when the weather is cold outside. A supportive wife, so no issues there.

[DianaPrince]

I underdress nearly 100% of the time: panties and a bralette, occasionally a bra.

[Janica]

If I had the courage to go out in public a comment from my SO like that would have me waiting for her in the car. "You look ridiculous" doesn't sound like a light hearted jab to me 😕

[NicoleRenee]

I underdressed in panties 4 days a week while at work. I have a supportive wife for the most part. She likes seeing her man come out also. I love how they feel and how attractive I feel in them. I do wear them occasionally on other days. Haven't tried anything else but it is on my agenda who are other things under. Of course I would much rather a fully dressed and out and about

[Mackem Sue]

I've thought about this and found I'm generally all or nothing. Putting on odd items would feel odd.

About the one thing I'd probably get away with for sure without outlines showing would be panties.

Wearing stockings and suspenders under jeans or trousers would show through for the eagle-eyed and anyone hugging you would soon realise if you were wearing a a bra.

[MeshelleCD]

Being in basically a DADT relationship, and with the colder weather occurring (live in the states, So Cal area), how often do your underdress (when you can't fully dress) and if you are in a DADT situation, does your significant other know and to what extent to they tolerate.

I am also in Southern Cal. My wife knows and accepts. Guess I am one of the lucky ones.


For me, Panties are fine any time of the year. Thigh Highs or stockings are good in cooler weather. Body stockings, pantyhose, and tights are OK in colder weather. Tights are OK as long as they are covered.

I wear panties ever day and tights/pantyhose only when the weather is under 70 degrees, which isnt that often.


But, with that said, she has allowed me to go to a Marshalls store when they first opened, during a week day, wearing my leggings and male attire. She always says the same thing when we are about to walk in, "you look ridiculous". But she does still continue with the shopping. I even get to try on female clothing, but can't purchase....as of yet with her there.....

Havent worn leggings to a store yet, mostly women's jeans.

[Piora]

I've never understood the appeal of underdressing. I'm a visual person, and if I go to the trouble of wearing stockings, panties, a corset or anything of a female nature, I want to see myself dressed. I understand each to his/her own, but I simply don't get it. Consequently, I never have underdressed.

[lingerieLiz]

I've underdressed for many years wearing bras, panties, camisoles, and the rest. Of course I wear women's clothes full time. While most people don't notice some people do. Wearing jeans, and tops most all the time is my regular mode. I wear booties and women's shoes. I can't wear heals over 3", but haven't needed them for years.

[SaraLin]

I've never understood the appeal of underdressing. I'm a visual person, and if I go to the trouble of wearing stockings, panties, a corset or anything of a female nature, I want to see myself dressed. I understand each to his/her own, but I simply don't get it. Consequently, I never have underdressed.

I won't pretend to be speaking for anyone but myself, but for me underdressing is a compromise. If it were left solely to me, I'd be dressed entirely feminine 24/7. But since I strive to present an -um- "normal" look to the world at large, and I don't/can't successfully pass myself off as female, I choose to look like a male to them. I'm not an in-between type of person - not brave enough, I guess.

But I can allow myself a certain amount of expression of my inner sense of self by my choice of inner garments. No one else needs to know. But *I* do!

also - having a minimally tolerant SO with a strict set of house rules that include "don't let anyone else know, or see you" complicates things...

[Irene the Queen]

I wear panties daily, so to me that the norm. Just love it, can?t beat it...

[Brianne_M]

I underdress almost daily, sports bras, leggings, pantyhose.. Its the closest I can get to feeling good, without having to have my life ruined. I know a lot of people who would not accept it so I have to do what I have to do. My wife knows I dress at home and some days shes ok, other days its "what are you DOING?" If my profile pic shows up, she was the one who did my hair and makeup (Halloween), but that was many years ago.
The comment made while walking in did not seem very supportive to me..

[Jackiemtv]

Since I don't have the opportunity to fully dress very often, underdressing is my only option most of the time. Most days I wear panties and in winter its panties and a bra since I can cover up with bulky clothing.

[Devi SM]

I wear fir around 35 years of married women's panties. I begins as a joke then I said they were comfortable so no worries about it.
Around 5 years ago I came out to my wife and many times she knew I was wearing bra, or tight thighs etc, always under wear, never visible but things were changing.
I'm now a 100 full time, transwoman, we still happily married living together. It wasn't easy but she never treated me bad or said things like that "you look ridiculous. I don't want to think bad on your wife because I think she is hurt in different ways.
Women normally want a masculine husband. They love to show off their spouse and when we say are more femenine, for them is sign of weakness, so she's trying to hurt on your male pride to you react and stop bei g like a woman.
I think that you should have a conversation about love, we can't on purpose hurt our SO.
For the other hand, counseling for you and may be her would be great too.
Mho

Devi

[HollyGreene]

I'm in a DADT relationship. She knows I wear panties every day, but doesn't know about other female clothing.

[Fran out]

I'm in unique situation traveling for an extended time w/o wife so I'm able to be Fran every day. When I go out I under dress and since it's cold here I'm able to wear panties, bra, pantyhose, and a slip under my genes, shirt and coat. It feels so natural.

[crissy7]

When I can't dress completely,usually wear panties and bra under clothing.