No longer DADT or at least goid progress

[Maria_mtf]

Long time since I have posted and I would just like to share the good progress I have made with my wife's and my own acceptance recently. I have posted before about how I am going to make sure I keep communication going with my wife, however I keep not doing that hence this time I am only going to share what I have actually done.

My wife and I have had another few long talks recently and she confided in me that she doesnt like that I crossdress and honestly she hoped it would go away. She tells me she feels awful for saying that. However she has now said she is trying to be supportive and will not stop me pursuing this. I asked about me wearing a dress in front of her on an evening, she agreed to try it. I was shocked given in the past she has said no way. I suggested maybe starting off with me sleeping in my womens pjs instead, small steps for both of us, she agreed.

During our long chat at the start of the week I shared that I really wanted to try a transformation service. To my surprise my offered to pay towards it for xmas. I declined but shortly after contacted the place I had found and booked marked ages ago.

So all this week I have worn my pink silk pjs that I bought last year. We have spoken since and she seems ok with this but we are still having ups and downs around this area but mainly good talks. The other night after the kids were in bed I underdressed with padded bra and panties and told my wife, she was ok for me to keep them on. This was the longest I have warn a bra for, will take some getting used to.

The same night I also agreed a date to go to a transformation service with my wife. I am just waiting to have date confirmed and pay the deposit.

Throughout the years the biggest problem for my wife has been how dressing has made me secretive. she suggests I should come out to everyone, or at least my best friend. This is complex because she didnt want to see my dressed so secrecy is a must, however I feel this is changing. So when it came to talking about going to a transformation I explained my plan to leave their fully dressed for a short period, surprisingly she didnt mind. In fact she even said its too expensive and she could do makeup for me however I think that was a fleeting comment.

I bought a night dress to alternate my sleepwear between washes. Although my wife doesnt know I bought this she does know I have bought myself something and clarified she doesnt need to know what I buy.

There is more examples too, so dadt I feel has gone, hopefully for good. I just need to take it slow and not over do it, I can hear you all saying this every time I think about whats next.

[Stevie Allyn]

I hope you both continue to move towards a more accepting relationship. Having a supportive wife is a wonderful thing for us CDers. Good luck and best wishes for both your futures.

[Jenny22]

Maria, what a wonderful update. I'm so happy for you! Remember, baby steps.

[mykell]

sounds like you have good communication between you, just remember she may want to dial it back if she gets overwhelmed....its always give and take....

[JenniferMBlack]

Sounds like you are on the right path.

[Tracii G]

Please don't push too hard and overdo it OK ?
Just because there is some give does not mean you have a green light to go all out.

[alwayshave]

Maria, That is wonderful news regarding the end of DADT. Have fun at your transformation.

[Helen_Highwater]

maria,

This is good news, light at the end of the tunnel.

One thing I would consider is if as you say your SO hasn't seen you even in a dress then the transformation service could be a seismic shock. It's zero to full throttle with the top down. Remember the transformation service is just that, transformational. She's going to see you in a whole new way. Going for a casual day makeup as opposed to full on glam might be prudent. However I must admit the offer of letting her do your makeup along with a few more interim steps might be a more prudent plan.

I understand your desire for this but the advice of now pushing too hard, baby steps seems more the way to go to avoid the risk of what could be a total meltdown.

[Micki_Finn]

Please don't push too hard and overdo it OK ?
Just because there is some give does not mean you have a green light to go all out.

This. As much as you want her to see you, remember she can’t UNsee it either, and she may have reasons for not wanting to be around or see certain things.

[Maria_mtf]

Hi everyone and thanks for your replies. I like to reminders to not rush and take baby steps, so easy to go full throttle. With regards to transformation I do not plan to show my wife any pics and to be honest I dont plan to have many taken anyway. If she ask to see them I will suggest smaller steps and suggest so see a pic of me in a dress first.

The reason to go is because I wonder if I would even like myself fully made up, or will I just see a miad staring back. Its a self discovery exercise, if I like what I see then I will finally have to start learning makeup.

[Eemz]

Phew ok that's not so bad. I think we were reading this as meaning your wife was going with you:

> I also agreed a date to go to a transformation service with my wife

So you just agreed a date with her. She's not going with you, right? I personally think that would be mind-blowing for her, and not in a good way.

I agree with her btw that you should be thinking about expanding the circle of people who know. Otherwise you're asking her to enter your small world and hide there with you, which is a much different thing than opening up to her. imho. ymmv etc etc.

[Maria_mtf]

Yep going on my own. As for expanding who knows I agree and plan to do this, just not yet. My wife is free to tell people anyway she knows that is her choice but respects that I am not ready.

[Crissy 107]

Breaking away from a DADT is the holy grail for many of us, me included. You are very lucky to have that dialogue with your wife and her agreeing to the transformation service.
The best advice you have received is not to overwhelm her. Slow wins this race for sure, that said we cannot wait for any updates. Good luck!

[Maria_mtf]

Just giving quick update, hopefully I am not racing ahead and ignoring pink fog.

I have worn my pink pjs most nights simce this thread except a few nights I chose not to over xmas and a few nights I wore my newly purchased silk night dress. I figured it was nightware and came under the pj bucket but my wife not so much. She was not happy when she realised the length of it and we had a little disagreement. We discussed the next day and I agreed I should have discussed and not presumed it was ok.

For new years I am going to make sure I keep the comms going. Tonight I told my wife I had reveived an order of clothes. Later on when planning our evening I said ideally I would like to try them on, she asked what I had bought I replied 3 dresses but I only plan on keeping 1 as they are all similar. Later on she offered to stay down stairs to give me time alone. I liked 2 but kept this one:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B07ZLSH5HG/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_t1_e8sdEbT5QQ97H

If I decide to go out after my makeover I plan to wear this with opaque tights or leggings. Figure should be warm and casual enough for daywear unlike most my wardrobe.

In summary its going great.

[mykell]

hi maria,
seems like things are good for you.
dont know a lot about you.....if you wear a wig a turtleneck is not the best choice, frizzing and tangling are greatly accelerated and it rides up and does a number on facial makeup, just info while your still in the picking stage.

[Maria_mtf]

Hi Mykell,

Thanks for the advice I really appreciate that.

I really struggle to buy casual dresses because I find many to be boring, when I do find a nice one its then hard to get a nice fit and feel. Now you are telling me the next issue is problems with frizzy wigs and makeup! Just made dress buying even harder ;-)

I opted for hi neck to hide my massive adams apple. I am still tempted to try it and experience the issues first hand.

Thanks again

[mykell]

lost 30 lbs, turkey neck hides it pretty well but eventually i end up talking and removing all doubt :o

[suzanne]

I am very happy to know things are going in the right direction for you. Your story is not so different from mine. For a long time after I began trying to help my wife understand me, her opinion was that she would rather see me dead than in a dress. Rather than DADT, we were me in a skirt any time I liked and her hating it. But after a few talks and some counseling, we have a compromise we can live with. I wear what I want but not with her in public. I think that in time, she may relax her position further, but I will not ask her to. She will do it when she feels comfortable. I think your situation is on a similar trajectory of steady improvement.

[Gardener]

This all sounds like a very significant shift. You are respecting her feelings and being honest. She is willing to explore her boundaries of what she can manage. Good luck

[natalie edwards]

Not to be the piss in your corn flakes but baby steps isn't always a good idea. Yes I fully understand the idea of easing the wife into it and letting her adjust slowly. But and it's a big but, you can't help but want more. More time to dress, better clothes, sexy clothes, different bras and panties, different style and color shoes to match outfits, different makeup, eyeshadows and lipsticks, a few different wigs...perfume, nails, shaving, etc.
All this will be seen as progressing. She will think you're transitioning.
She will definitely pull back and maybe even consider leaving.
I think it's best to start out fully dressed. Let her pick your outfit. Let her do your makeup. Let her do your nails. But don't pretend that pj's are enough. Or maybe 1 dress, or a little eyeliner.....
And telling your friends you crossdress? Why? Are you planning on hanging out with friends dressed? If not why would they need to know. She may have suggested that to snap you back to reality.
Either way like I said I'm not trying to ruin anything for you. But I think your next conversation should be something along the lines of I'd like to dress completely. A wig makeup, dress, stockings ,heels, bra panties, nails perfume, jewelry and I'd like you to help me. This way you can dress me in a way you're comfortable with and I can see the total effect instead of constantly wanting more and different things. I just want to dress fully and by doing it gradually it might seem like progression but it's not.
Anyway best of luck ❤