Better than I hoped for !

[Teresa]

Last year I was asked by daughter if I'd like to join her , her daughter and also her mother in law to see a pantomime , which was being staged in my new home town . She asked this year if I'd like to join them again but this time in my old home town , now this posed a far greater problem . I asked her straight how she felt if she bumped into any old friends with me standing near by , she just said if I didn't have a problem she didn't . The performance was timed for 1.00pm so it was going to be very busy with so many shoppers with all their family and friends in tow , which also meant parking was going to be a nightmare .
The plan was I would drive them the theatre in the middle of town , drop them off and head for a parking area I knew would be free , this also meant me walking right through the town which was heaving , I saw people I recognised but received no recognition , I just kept my head up and smiled if someone looked in my direction . I arrived at the theatre to find it was almost full with parents and children , there were no strange looks just smiles from others ready to enjoy the show .

After the show finished at 3.00pm I then had the walk back through the centre of town , it was busier than ever with some slightly worse for wear after an early Xmas drink but all I received again were freindly smiles from those who made eye contact .

I have to admit I wasn't going to chicken out and let my daughter down but I was also slightly nervous going back to my old home town and be in such public view , it went better than I thought I needn't have worried .

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Teresa :hugs:, Sounds like you passed the hometown acid test, Congratulations. >Orchid .oO:daydreaming:Oo.

[Bobbi46]

As a friend of mine said "sod them all and do it" sums things up really who gives a hoot these days that is what I am finding

[Jean 103]

It is exactly what I would have expected.

Why should this town be any different than any other town? I doubt that you know everyone in town, or that those that do know you would recognize you. Even if they do know and recognize you so what.

It has happened to me a couple of times. I simply say I now go by Jean and live in ________. The only question I have gotten is "are you happy". Oh and they didn't recognize me I just wanted to say "HI".

Don't you think it is about time you stopped asking permission to be you?

[Teresa]

Jean,
I know you're right but don't forget I was born and lived there up until two years ago , my main concern is my wife and son not forgetting my mother still live there , I still can't ignore their feelings completely .

As for asking permission maybe not , I did have an interesting comment from my daughter's mother in law , she had agreed to take my grandaughter to stay overnight . We chatted about the day at her home while my granddaughter sat on my knee , I told her about how I felt out of place in drab the last time I dropped into see my mother and do some shopping , she said she doesn't really want to see the man again and much prefers me as Terri .

[docrobbysherry]

U walked thru your downtown to a theater? How big is your town Teresa?

I live in a town of about 100,000. It would take me at least an hour to walk thru the center of it. And, that's without hi heels!:eek:

[carhill2mn]

The most likely time that someone would recognize you was when you were with your daughter and that is not very likely. People see what they expect to see and they were not expecting to see the "new" you. I happy for you that all went well.

[Teresa]

Sherry,
I had my heeled ankle boots on but it is a small town and the walk took me about ten minutes . It is an attractive town and attracts a lot of visitors also there was a street market , it would be impossible to say how many people I passed but it was packed being the last Saturday before Xmas .

Carole ,
That was my main concern but my daughter brushed it of as you can read from my opening thread .

[Bobbi46]

Teresa, If I was you I would stop worrying about what people think of you either the ones who know you annd those you don't, you have made a new life for yourself own it and live it. Just because it was the town you came from originally should not make a lot of difference when somebody moves on they are soon forgotten and then reappearing as a totally new person on the outside should not carry any negative vibes at all.
Just live, get on with your new life and enjoy and forget the nay sayers.

[alwayshave]

Teresa, Sounds like a great day. You are so lucky your daughter, granddaughter and her MIL are so accepting.

[Jean 103]

I just couldn't let it go , I think you understand.

I think you are going to find this is the reaction you are going to get from everyone.

As for your wife , well the way things are and will continue to go, she will be all alone if she doesn't give in and accept the new you, or true you.

All you have to do is be you, shouldn't be that hard.

Merry Christmas

Jean

[Crissy 107]

Teresa, You have received some good advice here, not that you did not already know it but sometimes it is good to hear it. Check this off as another nice step forward. We have so many good members here that are an inspiration to others and you are certainly one of them.

[GretchenM]

Teresa, I think you may have found an incidence where truth overwhelms the psychological fears we have. And I suspect those feelings of shying away from the former home may continue for awhile. It is only natural as you have a lot of roots still embedded in that "Oh so Familiar Place." Perhaps now that you have been there and found that nothing terrible happens those fears and trepidation from not wanting to really face it emotionally will fade away. Perhaps you should go there a little more often as it seems to be still a major part of your life along with the memories and the way it all ended. Experience can cure that tendency to shy away from there. Takes time. I think you are doing quite well, indeed.

[Teresa]

Gretchen,
You are correct in mentioning my embedded roots , as I also ran my business in the town for thirty years . That is the part that upsets my wife, she feels I've thrown it all away in pursuit of my new lifestyle , I know I'll never convince her otherwise .

Jean,
I feel without being you and believing in yourself it's hard if not impossible to make it work . I spoke about feeling weird and out of place in male mode in the NB section I certainly didn't feel like that as Teresa .

Crissy,
Just pushing the envelope that little bit further but as Gretchen points out it proves yet again the fears or apprehension don't happen in reality .