Wanting to dress so much!

[Brianne]

Hi,
Just wondering how many members are just like me? I?m 68 and been cross dressing and purging on and off since my teens. My last purge was a big one and a year later I was sorry I did it. Clothes and wig...etc. Everything that let me go out totally enfemme. Since then I?ve grown a goatee. But my desire to dress and go out is much stronger. Now I?m a man wearing women?s jeans, cable knit sweater, earrings, necklace, bracelets, makeup, nail polish and a crossbody Coach pocketbook. I?m going to the mall today and I don?t care what anybody thinks because I want, need or have to do it!
Brianne

[alwayshave]

Brianne, I am sorry that you purged all your clothes and wigs. Enjoy your shopping.

[GretchenM]

There should be a law that purging is illegal. I did that so many times in the past. Many times we do it as a symbolic action that represents trying to discard or kill off that which produces so much shame and fear and self disgust as well as needing to keep really important things as something much more stringent than Top Secret. At first we feel good, that lasts awhile allowing us to think we have been successful, and at a later time, wham, she is back. It all creates so much stress, self disappointment, and often deep depression. Throw or give away the old things that don't work for you anymore, but nobody should ever fully purge. It is bad news.

I am happy to hear about your new approach, but quite honestly it sounds a bit randomized and defiant. The power of the desire is perhaps so great in you that you are feeling you need to throw all caution to the wind and just do it. In the end it may not work out so well with regard to your internal feelings. You may reach a point where you feel a need to consolidate it into a more defined presentation. On the good side, you have taken the first steps toward accepting who you are and maybe getting away from the purging pattern.

My wife is marginally tolerant of my desires and needs, but in a discussion I talked about purging. She said absolutely not. She does understand that discarding that which represents such an important part of who I am, irrespective of her feelings, is a really bad approach. At least she understands that, even though allowing me to do more than just the bare minimum around the house or in public is still something she wants no part of. That's OK. For now I have lots of workarounds.

[Patience]

Why did you purge in the first place?

[Alice Torn]

I did that a few yrs ago, and within several months regret losing all those dresses, shoes, wigs, tops, hose, jewelry, and make up i spent so much on. Gretchen is so right about this. i now have 7 dresses and one pair of heels, one skirt, three cheap wigs, and lots of hose and cheap jewelry again, but i do not dress very often now, even though the urge is there. I am having some physical ailments, still have some mental and emotional illness, and conflicts, and mostly too tired.

[docrobbysherry]

I saw the movie, "The Purge". No chance of ever doing it after seeing that!:brolleyes:

[Brianne]

Thanks for the replies and I?ll never do that again! I did the last purge because even though my wife knows it?s more or less a DADT situation and she made a comment about my panties in the laundry an she sounded really disgusted! That really hurt but I thought she didn?t ask for this, she?s never going to accept it. Stop fantasizing about that ever happening and just stop with this girly BS. So I purged and grew the goatee as a preventive measure.
But I spent 2 hours cruising the mall today. In and out of Ulta, Torrid, Macy?s, Lord and Taylor and Hallmark for Christmas card for my wife. Bought myself a women?s cowl neck sweater.
On the drive home I thought ? all I need is a shave and a wig?

Thanks for listening it feels good to express myself!

[Crissy 107]

Purging is a terrible thing and the relief one gets from it is short lived. It is only a matter of time, sometimes a few days or other times longer but you will always be sorry.
Dumping clothes because they are worn out do not fit or you just do not like them anymore is thinning the herd or at least that is what I call it. Two totally different things.
Good luck on your shopping!

[Rachellovesdresses]

I've lost a lot of clothes through purging. I still think about a bra I lost that way, and that was a few years ago. So sad.

[Angela Marie]

I purged twice. The last time 3 years ago. Last year I began dressing again and I feel more confident than ever. Also, as I pointed out in another thread, I'm going to start counseling. I've finally fully accepted my feminine side but without the guilt. Everyone's experience may not be the same as mine but one thing is true; purging is not an antidote.

[Cheshire girl]

Purging gives a brief sense of new beginnings but is soon lost. Since I acquired a large amount of clothes wigs etc which have cost so much money I have never purged and never will. It must be heartbreaking to have to buy back things you loved and destroyed.

[Jean 103]

I'm so sorry, and completely understand, as I'm sure most everyone here does.

You shouldn't have any problems going out as you described.

Smile, be pleasant and upbeat, happy. People respond in kind mostly.

Wishing you a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

[RADER]

Purge is a very bad word; You should say STORAGE, instead.
When I wanted to purge, I gather up all I wanted to get rid of, put them in a
large plastic storage container, and put them into my Attic.
8 months later, I dragged out my Storage box and picked out a few things to wear.
Later I did throw out some worn out things and things I have nit worn in ages.
A lot cheaper this way.
Rader

[Ressie]

Good for you Brianne! It will be a feeling of freedom with that attitude.

I'm in your age group and the last time I purged was nearly 20 years ago when I got married. I didn't have many clothes back then so it wasn't too painful. Now that I've been divorced for about 15 years my closets and drawers are overflowing. No more purging for me and no more facial hair either. :)

[stephenie3756]

Many of us on this forum understand exactly how you feel. I purged everything in 2004. Fast foward to now and my collection is probably 10 times bigger and keep adding to it. I am headed this Saturday to pickup 7 pairs of high heels boots for $5/pair.....my relationship is DADT. I hear you on stop fantasizing she is going to accept it, etc. My brain is always looking for opportunities to dress and/or purchase more sexy clothes/heels to add to my collection. Thanks for posting..

[Judy-Somthing]

I can so relate,

I spend so much time learning makeup techniques. I know I can look more fem because I know older women who are not so fem that look great in makeup.
Way to much time for something CRAZY, CD-ing!

[BTWimRobin]

I've come to the conclusion purging makes absolutely no sense. Just pack it all away so you have it the urge comes back.

I am so happy you have accepted yourself. Life is so much better when you do.

[Cheryl T]

I believe that almost all of us have done that a time or two.
I'm glad I've reached the point in my life where that will no longer happen.

Enjoy your shopping trip.

[CynthiaD]

I’ve purged many times, but I’ve been purge-free for more than ten years now. (Is there a twelve-steps program for purging? :) ) One day I said to myself “These are my clothes and I’m not going to throw them away.”

Since that time I’ve come to realize that crossdressing is a beautiful thing and nothing to be ashamed of. In fact I now believe that it is something to be proud of. There are so many positives. It can relieve stress and stress is a killer. If you let it, it can lead to a realistic view of women as equal partners in life. In my case, it allows me to present myself to the world as the person I am inside. There is the downside of societal disapproval, but that’s waning.

I regret that it took many years for me to reach this point. I wish I could have seen things this way when I was a teenager, instead of feeling that I was dirty and unclean.