Body image and self esteem

[Tahoegurl]

Learning to be happy with who I am on the inside ? beauty is an inside job as a concept - has been a struggle. I always tried to strive to be the Ideal in physical, mental and social situations?achieve the ?norm? so to speak. When I started to explore my female dressing, I was again met with having to meet this ?ideal? female image. The relentless ?Being passible? question ? I am 6?1? flat footed ? tall and slim like a runner with narrow hips and average shoulders ? so ? no - I am not going to meet any social standard to ?pass? the ideal test. After a bit I started to look around at the gym, work, the mall and the department stores to discover that people come in every possible shape and size combination. No two were alike to include those who were surgically enhanced. The truth I have learned is that there is no norm or ideal?there is just me. I am perfect just the way I am and the way I express myself is equally my ?norm? and perfectly acceptable. I don?t want to have to worry about meeting someone else?s arbitrary view of what a social ideal is - male or female. I won?t continue to postulate this stigma of fitting in ? it has some potential for real harm. If you are reading this, I want you to know that I think you are awesome exactly how you are. I choose to be happy and I hope you will join me.

This is an very informative article on body image and shaming - https://journalofethics.ama-assn.org/article/what-historical-ideals-womens-shapes-teach-us-about-womens-self-perception-and-body-decisions-today/2019-10

This is a nice article on breast size and perception - https://www.bigcuplittlecup.net/think-know-d-cup-looks-like/

[Tracii G]

Never used to have body image issues but since gaining an absurd amount of weight I do now.
Self esteem has never been a problem for me
You are right women come in all shapes and sizes so what really is normal these days anyway?
In the end there is small, medium and large so you are what you are.

[Helen_Highwater]

I was at a stadium the other day, in drab, and while moving though the crowd I found myself behind a GG who was my height. I say a GG even though I couldn't see her face. She was wearing a coat similar to one have, shoulders weren't that slim, hair in a pony tail. but my brain said GG.

So that's the thing. I assumed from the evidence presented to me it was a GG. So if you can do the same, give the onlooker sufficient clues to make them think you're a GG, well job done in my book.

[Victoria_Winters]

I personally have struggled with self esteem issues. Not just body but me in general. But I currently have a lot of body self esteem issues. I?m tall as hell, very round in the middle, hate the structure of my face, a mess up back, broad shoulders, man hands.... as much as i loath my body it is MY body and I have to deal with it. I?m working on learning to work with my body instead of against it. Also learning to alter my body shape safely...

As I aways like to say....

1: Baby, I am in shape. Round *IS* a shape

2: I have the body of a god! Unfortunately it?s a Buddha

[Tracii G]

I agree Helen.
People glance and see certain "indicators" and think ok male/ female and from then on they really lose interest.

[Lana Mae]

I agree, Tracii! But add Trans gender to male and female! I know I don't pass by a long shot! I have had people look at me and get a sort of Yeah, OK! sort of look on their face and move on! They know I am Trans but they really don't care! Hugs Lana Mae

[Majella St Gerard]

I'm very self conscious about my weight and I wear clothes that hide my belly.

[Tracii G]

Lane Mae Yes when you throw trans in the mix it kind of muddies the water but most people have gotten so used to us its not a big deal.

Majella I wish I could do that. I am way past being able to hide my weight with clothing of any kind.

[kimdl93]

Self conscious....totally. I know every one of my imperfections by heart in male or female presentation. Its part of being human, I suppose. And yes, throwing trans into the mix does muddle things up a good deal.

[Kelli_cd]

My self esteem is well intact. I just wish I could lose my belly fat and develop a feminine waist. And some real boobs.

[Teresa]

Tahoegurl,
I feel you summed if up when talk about just being YOU and being comfortable with it .

I often recall Pat's comment when I was first coming out in the RW , I had concerns over my wig , my makeup , what clothes to wear , her simple answer was , " Don't overthink it !" We can try too hard and in the process it becomes more obvious , a perfect wig/hair , perfect makeup nicely put together outfit , then look around to see how much effort GGs put in . The important lesson is they are just being themselves , OK I admit we do have to make a little more effort as we have certain things to disguise or hide . I can't go out without makeup and certainly not without a wig , to a point the clothes don't matter as much .

[Andies]

Thank you all! This is very helpful to read. I was passable as a teen. Not anymore and I?ve only just been able to allow my self to begin dressing again. It?s a thrill. I thought my partner would not understand but so far so good.

[Tracii G]

Andies understanding is a good start.

[Angela Marie]

Body image affects both males and females. I'm 5f6 135 pds. Great for dressing and trying to pass but I can't tell you how many people have said "no guy should be that small"; thus projecting the image of the tall, broad shouldered, etc. male. It is hard to ignore the societal expectations but at the end of the day we have to learn to love ourselves for who we are not how we look. I know, easier said than done, but what other choice do we have?

[Micki_Finn]

It’s one thing to hear and understand things like that, but FEELING it is a whole different story. I know this is definitely something I’ve struggled with, in both modes. I don’t know that there’s a secret formula to being able to feel that confidence in yourself. I’m sure it’s unique to each person.

[Melissa in SE Tn]

Wonderful articles about body shaming + bra size to read & digest!! Thank you for posting!

[docrobbysherry]

Fortunately, adjusting your body is quite easy for male to female trans. That's how a 76 y/o man with no shape can look like this! :daydreaming:

If u aren't using all the tricks available to us to look more fem? I assume it must be because you're happy with your male shape!:heehee:

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[Angela Marie]

It depends on your shape. I am 5ft 6 135-140 so I can fit into women's clothes and need no "enhancements' My moobs are more developed than most men so that takes care of that.

[Tracii G]

How many times have we heard that here only to find someone start a thread exclaiming how fantastic hip and butt pads and forms are and how it changed their entire look to new heights.

[Stephanie47]

Since women are built different because they deliver babies it is natural their hips are wider, and, with the bust protruding more than a man's, they tend to have an hour glass shape. If one is trying to emulate the figure of a woman, then it seems logical to wear some padding. Of course, if one has packed on the pounds then nature may have saved the person the cost of hip and butt pads. And, based on what I see on the beach sometimes some have no need for breast forms too.

As to the issue of self esteem. Outside of counseling a person as to the negatives of being obese one should not be intentionally or unintentionally "body shaming" a person. When I was a teenager I was six foot two and 138 pounds. I looked terrible. I could not gain an ounce no matter how much food I ate. My wife saw a picture of me at that weight and she thought I must have been ill. She called it my "concentration camp look!" In my early twenties my metabolism changed with a lot of swimming and I ended up for many years at six foot two and 175 pounds of lean muscle.