finding time and place to dress

[Ginnifer Wilde]

so ok with my home situation I have two kids and my wife works from home so I don't have many opportunities to dress. now that I told my wife we have talked quite a bit about it, she's super understanding and is kind of don't ask don't tell but not completely. so as a gift to myself for coming out I bought the whole kit & caboodle. and with all the talk I want to dress so badly. question is how to make some time and more importantly where? my wife is very supportive so want to be sure to be respectful.

thanks ladies,
Ginny

[Davina Katherine]

Ginnifer, welcome to the Forum.

Our situations are a bit different. No kids at home, and my wife doesn't mind seeing me dressed.
I've been eager to go out in public, and I'm not so sure my wife wants to be out with me (just a guess).
I've been attending a bi-weekly gender support group, and use that as my excuse to dress and take the opportunity to go shopping en femme before the meetings. She can't really argue with my dressing, since it part of my "getting help", as she once put it.

Jessie Mae

[Robertacd]

Instead of sneaking around you should talk more with your wife maybe you can work something out.

[NancySue]

As the old saying goes, ?where there?s a will...there?s a way.? I?m sure you will figure things out. Be patient with the situation and honest and caring with your wife. I know...from experience. Being patient when the pink fog rolls in is difficult, but maintain the high road. Best to both.

[Suzie Petersen]

Hi Ginny and welcome,
Sounds like yoh are about to make classic CD mistake #8! "I told her so I can do what I feel like".
Just because your wife did not explose when you told her a few days ago does not mean you are all clear. Her real reaction might come in a week or in a year and it might be very different from what you expect.
Go very slow and be super sensitive to any signals she sends you, verbal or otherwise.
It will take her a while to process this and she will likely fluctuate in her feelings about it.
- Suzie

[Davina Katherine]

From my experience, I'd add to what Suzie says about going slow... Try not to guess what your wife might be thinking or feeling.
I don't know about you but 999 times out of 1000 I get it wrong.
My wife takes a LONG time to process things, and I'll assume the silence is a negative response.
Hopefully, you can talk openly and honestly with your lady, without any defensiveness.

[Ginnifer Wilde]

thank you, it's not about doing it at home I still want to keep it from her when id do it. guess I really need a where.

[RachelWCat]

While my wife knows about and my CD'ing and understands my need to do it, so far she doesn't seem interested in participating or seeing it happen. I tend to coincide my dressing with her being out of town (which she's aware of) but there have been a couple of occasions when I've resorted to booking a local motel for a couple of nights to indulge. My wife actually joked about why SHE couldn't be the one staying at the motel while I dress at home! When I was living back in the UK I booked a B&B cabin/cottage so I could come and go as I pleased without having to deal with hotel front desks or receptions. As these places have been close to home I could head home during the day and see my wife. Then return to the motel/B&B in the evening. If you can afford it, these are a good option.

[Micki_Finn]

If you’re trying to be respectful of your wife’s boundaries, than the logical thing to do would be to ask her.

[Ginnifer Wilde]

I was thinking of a hotel, the hard part is i'm usually always home so the trick is to not make it obvious.
what is proper protocol to meet people in my area?

[Tracii G]

Before you go ahead and make a fatal blunder think of your marriage and your kids this isn't all about you.
Talk with your wife and set the boundaries now before you blow it big time.
Just because she seems supportive at this moment she may not be in the morning and it all is a no go.
What is she thinking you may ask?
1. My husband wants to dress up like a woman a. is he gay b. is he having an affair and wants a reason to go overnight somewhere alone?
2.Have I done something wrong to drive my husband away? Does my husband not love me anymore and wants to be a woman?
These and many other questions could be running thru her head right now so please don't be thinking your talk is over and you can do whatever you want. It doesn't work that way.

[Ginnifer Wilde]

thank you Tracii G. very insightful. I honestly would not go overnight just a few hours. we havn't really talked about the next time I dress and I don't plan on bringing it up to her and we only converse about it when she opens the topic. otherwise I don't say a word. one of the most common questions she asks is if i'm gay, to wich the answer is no. I just want to try and find a way to slip away a few hours and not raise any suspicions. and I know the talk will never be over but she does feel good that she's the first and only person I told. so atleast there is some trust there.

[Tracii G]

Just take it slow is about all you can do

[Ginnifer Wilde]

I will, thx

[Rachelakld]

I wake up around 5.30am on weekends (just like my alarm wakes me during the week)
Wife wakes up around 8.30 on weekends and spends a few hours relaxing, so there's nothing for me until around 10.30-11.30, or she might have plans until 2 pm - whatever.

So basically I usually have 3 hours to myself, sometimes 5 hours and occasionally 8 hours to be me.

5.30 wake up, 6 am out the door (before kids wake up), 6.15 am knocking back my first coffee, reading the paper. 7.30 am visit a 24/7 Kmart shop, try on some new clothes/shoes etc. 8.30 am at a major hardware shop buying wood / tools etc for wife's latest project.
Around this time I usually start missing my wife so I car change and head home, but some days I have mall shopping time, visit an art gallery, museum etc or just hang out with a like minded person for Brunch.

Some days start a bit later as I might have slept in until 6.15.
So my hours out can be as low as 1 hour - getting dressed and applying make up never takes more than about 20 minutes and looks like this -

309690

[Zoeytgtx]

Ginnafer:

I worked away from home before retirement. So living in a big city with my job gave me the freedom to learn how to be out successfully in public. I also made contact with many other TG friends while I lived there. My wife and I treat my need to be out as a woman as DADT. Because of my gender dysphoria, she finally understands my need for my girl time.
Recently, she understood that I could never be happy without it, but she doesn?t want to see me out dressed. So every month she now expects me to travel to the big city and attend my monthly group meetup. I get four day out as Zoey. I come home and feel better. Everyone is happy with this arrangement. It seems to be working for us.
Best of luck, Zoey

[JennniferMcC]

Just my two cents. You said it never comes up unless SHE brings it up. In that case, if I were she I'd likely suspect you were hiding something. (which in a way you are) If the goal is to "normalize" crossdressing in her eyes it might be a good idea to bring it up yourself sometimes. Keep the communication going. Secrecy kills.
Best of luck.
-Jen

[Pumped]

Ginnefer, talk to our wife. If she is understanding perhaps she will help you have the time to dress. She might take the kids to see friends or grand parents for a few hours, or go shopping, so you can get your girl on for a few hours.

Talk to your wife!

[Stephanie47]

You have two problems; understanding but not a fully engaged wife and kids. You need to figure out how much alone time you need to satisfy your needs. I was in the same situation decades ago when my wife stayed home and the kids were not yet in school. On Sunday she took them to Sunday School and church which gave me about two to three hours. Now I would call it "crumbs of time," but, that was all I could get. If you can get by with some "crumbs of time" is it possible for your wife to take the kids to grandma's or the movies and pizza? I realize a "crumb of time" may not be sufficient for a full blown session that includes makeup, but, it may be better than nothing. When my kids finally went to school my wife was a volunteer or had a part time job at school. When the kids are out of house (school or overnight at grandma's house) and, if your house is big enough, you may be able to sequester yourself away from her for several hours. When my wife had "The Talk" she expressed she wanted nothing to do with my desire to wear women's clothing. However, she told me to find a support group. I looked, but, back in the early 1980's there was none in my area. Sometimes the question comes down to how much can a wife tolerate and how much does the husband need to do to be satisfied. Some wives can get by a husband wearing heels and hosiery and a dress, but, are very uncomfortable and cannot tolerate adding a wig and makeup which may erase all vestiges of maleness in a husband.