Eating in a restaurant with your wife/SO.

[alesha_cd]

I would love to eat at a nice casual restaurant with my wife (dressed). I?m thinking along the lines of a Texas Roadhouse, Olive Garden, Applebee?s, etc. I was wondering if anyone cares to share their experiences, suggestions, tips, etc. on this. I think I ?blend in? OK as far as presentation goes, but I would definitely give it up if I had to speak. :D I know some would say that shouldn?t matter but I?m just trying to figure out how this could be done without drawing unwanted attention to us. Thank you.

[Robertacd]

I am not sure what you are asking for.

When my wife and I go out to eat, we just go out to eat. Me being dressed changes nothing except we are often refered to as "You two ladies".

[docrobbysherry]

If you're concerned, Alesha? Have your SO do all the speaking to the waitress. And, talk low so the other guests won't hear your voice!:thumbsup:

[Krisi]

The problem of going anywhere with your wife is, you may run into someone who knows her. You may be recognized by that association or the person may come over to talk to your wife and she will have to introduce you as someone.

Of course, if you are out already, this is not a problem. If not, it would be a big problem. You can lessen the chance of this happening by going out in another town but there's still a chance.

As for speaking to the server, that may or may not be a problem depending on your voice.

Personally, I would love to do what you are considering, but I don't think my wife is ready for it yet, even 100 miles from home.

[alesha_cd]

I’m asking because we’ve never done it. Every one of us has our own comfort levels, goals, expectations, methods, etc. while dressed. What may seem normal to some may be outside of normal to others. I’m just looking for some insight from the experiences of others. Anything that could make me less nervous I guess. When we go out, I don’t personally interact with others. Robertacd, I would love for our first experience to go as it does for you and your wife but never having done it, I’m a little nervous.

Oh, and we’ve thought of the chance of someone recognizing my wife. We typically go far enough away that it’s never been an issue.

[Robertacd]

I get it, but as I have been saying, just do it.

I don't pass for anything besides a Transwoman at best. I wear woman's clothing, makeup, sometimes my breast forms, sometimes not. I don't even try to change my voice.

So far every restaurant experience has been no different than when I was DRAB except for the pronouns.

I really don't know what else to say...

[alesha_cd]

That’s great! If I ever get enough courage to do it, I hope it goes like your experiences. Thank you!

[kimdl93]

I?ve been out with GG friends many times. It may be that we were noticed, but if we were, nobody said anything, nor did we have any problems or embarrassment. Since this would be your first time, the main issue will be your wife?s desire to protect you and your own nervousness. Both will pass quickly. Then you can settle down and enjoy the experience together.

[Joyce Swindell]

My wife and I have been out many times. Once at an Applebee's dinner I recall that we had some odd looks from a few servers waiting for patrons when we came in. But no one said anything. Our server was intrigued by us. She actually sat with us and asked questions. She wanted to have her S.O. join her for dinner in fem! She thought it would be hot! We enjoyed a good meal and had fun. So on the way out we were sure to display some p.d.i. in the parking lot in the event the others with odd looks could see! Too much fun!

[Di]

When Sherlyn and I first went out I ordered for both of us because she hated her voice. After becoming more confident and going out was our life ...she just spoke herself.
Look at the menu online before hand and get some idea .
It will get easier and not a big deal just enjoy.

[Dutchess]

I went out many times with my Kat and we were always so wrapped up in each other that we could care less . Our main problem was too much pda lol . Just go and enjoy really . If anyone notices they still won't say anything , once you are out the ice will break .

[Dressing up]

I am guessing you are concerned about someone taking issue with a CD. Probably won't happen. I've done this a bunch of times with a girlfriend. It took me a while to learn to dress appropriately for the venue. All the places you mention, it is normal for a woman to be in jeans, boots and sweater this time of year. I am guessing you see yourself something more feminine, it will attract more notice but I still doubt any scene will be made. I say go for it, I've never had the slightest issue. Servers want tips, friendly ones do better in that line of work. That's what you will probably get so treat him it her nicely. Enjoy.

BTW. Movies are great for first forays into enfemme dates with SO.

[Jenny22]

Alesha, I'd suggest you select a restaurant that's a cut or two above those you listed as possibles. You'll pay more, but you'll also will most likely be getting more privacy, subdued lighting and a smaller number of patrons. IF you know of a trans couple like you and your wife, invite them, too. Have fun!

[alesha_cd]

I am guessing you are concerned about someone taking issue with a CD. Probably won't happen. I've done this a bunch of times with a girlfriend. It took me a while to learn to dress appropriately for the venue. All the places you mention, it is normal for a woman to be in jeans, boots and sweater this time of year. I am guessing you see yourself something more feminine, it will attract more notice but I still doubt any scene will be made. I say go for it, I've never had the slightest issue. Servers want tips, friendly ones do better in that line of work. That's what you will probably get so treat him it her nicely. Enjoy.

BTW. Movies are great for first forays into enfemme dates with SO.
You’re correct. That’s my main concern. Other than eating together in a restaurant, my wife and I have gone out a number of times shopping and even attended a few movies together. She always buys the tickets and in some cases I’ll come into the theater a few minutes later and meet up with her. I dress to blend in so it’s jeans and casual wear with no crazy wigs or 6” heels. Thank you for your input.

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All great answers and I would love to get past the nervousness and just enjoy dinner with my wife and without her feeling uncomfortable either. Thank you!

[kimdl93]

It will be fine, Alesha. As you can see, many of us have had positive experiences with no negatives worth mentioning.

[dallasmann]

I would love to eat at a nice casual restaurant with my wife (dressed). I?m thinking along the lines of a Texas Roadhouse, Olive Garden, Applebee?s, etc. I was wondering if anyone cares to share their experiences, suggestions, tips, etc. on this. I think I ?blend in? OK as far as presentation goes, but I would definitely give it up if I had to speak. :D I know some would say that shouldn?t matter but I?m just trying to figure out how this could be done without drawing unwanted attention to us. Thank you.
I'm not sure, but it sounds like you have some goals or wishes that are more than just eating a meal out in public. Are you hoping to get something specific out of the experience apart from avoiding unwanted attention? Most people are not going to notice you at all, I bet.

[alesha_cd]

I'm not sure, but it sounds like you have some goals or wishes that are more than just eating a meal out in public. Are you hoping to get something specific out of the experience apart from avoiding unwanted attention? Most people are not going to notice you at all, I bet.
Yes...to blend in without being nervous...and to enjoy the experience with my wife. Maybe I’m not good at explaining myself but it feels like some are misunderstanding me on this. :(

[Deborah2B]

Alesha if your avatar with the curly hair and the black top is really you then no one would think you were anything but a woman (GG). You are so lucky to have a wife that participates with you in getting dressed up. Enjoy every moment that you can and show a lot of appreciation toward your lovely wife.

[Jean 103]

My roommate (GG) and I eat out all the time. No problems and I don't dress to blend, hide or any of that. See my avatar that's how I dress. My roommate is disabled, can walk short distances, has light gray hair with purple tips. We get noticed where ever we go.

Applebee's and Olive Garden are a couple of our favorite places. We were last at Olive Garden Monday and yes I wore a dress. As my roommate wants me to take her out after work today we'll probably go to Applebee's but it depends on how we feel .

We went to Applebee's about a year ago. It had been a long day and I didn't feel like getting all dressed up. I wore skinny jeans and a top, no makeup, but I did let my hair down. I was pleasantly surprised when they addressed me with female pronouns.

Go and enjoy , don't overthink it.

[Lana Mae]

I recently went out with my daughter and her friend who was visiting! We went to see the Star Wars movie, had great conversation afterwards and ate at a local Italian restaurant! Just be you! I had one woman stare at me as she stood up to leave! It was longer than appropriate but I just smiled back at her and she went on! Most people pay no attention at all! Oh, yes, I was in jeans and a tee shirt with a logo and my day to day flats! The waitress called me "Ma'am" and my daughter gave me a thumbs up! Really just a GNO! Hugs Lana Mae

[Aunt Kelly]

May I suggest you try something like Starbucks, first? First of all, it's almost a lead pipe cinch that the staff will be totally cool. More practically though, your interactions with them will be short and once completed, you can bolt if you find yourself overwhelmed. You won't, but as you say, everyone has their own comfort level, so I propose that as an option. If you want to jump into the deep end, avoid "family" venues like those you've listed. Nothing wrong with them, and the staff will likely treat you fine, but some of the clientele may be a bit less... diplomatic. Go for something a little more upscale for your first time. The host/hostess and wait-staff will be seasoned pros, and the clientele will likely be a bit more refined (less likely to point and stare).

Managing your nerves is going to be the key, at least for the first time or two out in public. If you look nervous, people will wonder why. You don't have to "pass", but you should be able to comport yourself as the woman you are presenting. You'll be amazed at how people will "play along" and treat you with respect and kindness. With a little exposure and the ensuing confidence boost, you might even find yourself looking forward to the rare gawker. I live for the opportunity to make them squirm. :)

[Rhonda Jean]

I get it. Go in drab first. Pick a place where you won't have to wait, maybe one that takes reservations. I'm sure one that is dimly lit would be preferred. Sit at a booth rather than a table and the further away from the bar the better. Dress accordingly to your wife. Don't wear a dress if she wears pants. Consider a low heel flats so you don't conspicuously tower over her. Dress more modestly than she does.

I had decades of frequent solo outings when I started going out with my girlfriend. I found it very unnerving at first. Can't really explain why, but it was very different and was quite an adjustment to going it alone. Once you work through that, it's an experience not to be missed (if you're lucky enough to have the opportunity at all). I'd imagine that negative experiences are more rare than when going solo (negatives are pretty rare anyway).

As Krisi said, even if you're out of town, you may be hard to recognize, but your wife is not. That's a complication you have to come to grips with. You might want to have a plan for if that happens.

[Sandi Beech]

Alesha, hi there. I understand completely. My first outing for dinner was a little scary but you will get over it quickly. I would suggest

1. Go to some place like Olive Garden but go a bit ahead of the peak times so you don?t have to wait out front so long.

2. Make sure you can walk well in your shoes if wearing heels since you will have to walk a bit.

3. Have SO at least order your drinks ,etc if worried about voice.

4. Use bathroom before to go so you don?t have to be concerned with which bathroom to use.

5. Have a glass of wine and relax.

6. Don?t forget to report back to everyone here. Haha.

It will be great. The first time I did it, I thought it was the most fun I ever had.

Sandi

[Tracii G]

Pick a place and just go don't be afraid just go have fun.
I have one GG friend and we go out to eat frequently when she is in town or I go visit her city.
We get the you two ladies comment all the time.
Its really no big deal as Di mentioned. You are making it a much bigger deal than it really is.
Its all hinging on how you act and how lady like you handle yourself.
Attitude is everything.

[dallasmann]

You?re correct. That?s my main concern. Other than eating together in a restaurant, my wife and I have gone out a number of times shopping and even attended a few movies together. She always buys the tickets and in some cases I?ll come into the theater a few minutes later and meet up with her. I dress to blend in so it?s jeans and casual wear with no crazy wigs or 6? heels. Thank you for your input.

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All great answers and I would love to get past the nervousness and just enjoy dinner with my wife and without her feeling uncomfortable either. Thank you!




Yes...to blend in without being nervous...and to enjoy the experience with my wife. Maybe I?m not good at explaining myself but it feels like some are misunderstanding me on this. :(

I think I get it now. I hope I didn't sound hard or judge-y in my earlier post. I'm sorry if I did!! I totally understand we're all at different levels of comfort in different situations and I believe most can appreciate that you're also concerned with your wife's feelings about trying something new, given how supportive she is of you.

If your evening going out look matches your avatar, I think you WILL be getting some extra attention, though......and that it will be of the positive variety. You're beautiful! (I hope that's OK)

[alesha_cd]

Alesha if your avatar with the curly hair and the black top is really you then no one would think you were anything but a woman (GG). You are so lucky to have a wife that participates with you in getting dressed up. Enjoy every moment that you can and show a lot of appreciation toward your lovely wife.
Yes, that’s me and thank you for the kind words! I definitely know how fortunate I am and I let her know.

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My roommate (GG) and I eat out all the time. No problems and I don't dress to blend, hide or any of that. See my avatar that's how I dress. My roommate is disabled, can walk short distances, has light gray hair with purple tips. We get noticed where ever we go.

Applebee's and Olive Garden are a couple of our favorite places. We were last at Olive Garden Monday and yes I wore a dress. As my roommate wants me to take her out after work today we'll probably go to Applebee's but it depends on how we feel .

We went to Applebee's about a year ago. It had been a long day and I didn't feel like getting all dressed up. I wore skinny jeans and a top, no makeup, but I did let my hair down. I was pleasantly surprised when they addressed me with female pronouns.

Go and enjoy , don't overthink it.
Thank you Jean!

[Helena]

Alesha, one of the first times out with my wonderful SO we dined at a bar/grill in the centre of Doncaster. The staff were lovely, "ladies" all the way. The young crowd who were the main clientele took no notice.

M did order because my voice bothered me then. I think it being busy, but not so busy that we had to queue, helped and was better than visiting a quieter restaurant. I was nervous but it was very enjoyable in the end.

We have been back quite a few times, including meeting a friend from our group who wanted a little support. Sometimes other diners have felt so close but none have taken any notice at all.

I hope you do overcome your nervousness as it is a lovely experience.

[Majella St Gerard]

Confidence is key, if you have that then it doesn't matter where you go. I've been to restaurants alone and with wife and girlfriends and never had any problems. You just need confidence, show no fear, be assertive not mousey and act like a lady. And of course dress appropriately for the venue.

[mattea]

Tracii, Megella and the others are all correct in my opinion - it is all about attitude. If you avert your eyes and look uncomfortable you are going to be noticed far more than if you are comfortable and just be yourself. I used to worry about my voice, and tried to avoid eye contact when we first started going out and that only made things worse. Remember most people avoid confrontation, which is what I was the most afraid of, but at the same time I really just wanted to be me. I used to have my wife order everything for me as well, but then I realized that we only get one chance at this life and sometimes she would get my order wrong!! She actually did this on purpose because she was astute enough at the time to know that it was my own behavior that was calling me out, not the way I looked or what I was wearing.

I would be most of us here who frequently go out remember those early days where we had the butterflies as we crossed the threshold to the real world en femme, but it does get easier and it is your life to live on top of that. The people out there who will pass judgment on people like us are not people we need to be concerned with, their acceptance is not needed or wanted in my opinion. I just have to be out and be me. I understand the goal of wanting to blend in and let me assure you to blend in you just need to act normal, as you would whether you were in male or female mode.

I know that you are looking for encouragement and advice that will make you feel more comfortable and while there are a lot of good tips coming from the participants here, what really worked for me was getting out there and doing it, and having the encouragement of my wife to realize that we just have to do what we have to do and not worry so much about what others think, and the only way I gained that confidence was through doing it.

Good luck and hope you have a great dinner very soon with your wife! We are partial to Olive Garden and Red Lobster, but when we get out of town we have a pact that we always eat at places that are not around home, just for the experience. We have been many many places together with me dressed and there has never been an instance where there was an issue. Now that doesn't mean someone doesn't give me a funny look, but they just go on and then I never see them again.

Mattea

[Maid_Marion]

Take advantage of the "early bird" specials for showing up when restaurants first open for dinner. In my many years of experience there won't be anyone else in the rest rooms.
You will typically get the best service they can deliver, as you are the most important customers in terms of keeping a restaurant profitable. A good restaurant can't serve any more people during the prime hours.
And they don't want to stay late for stragglers. But they can certainly take more customers earlier.

Marion

[Tracii G]

Marion has a great point get in early and avoid the really busy dinner rush.
Less people and faster service.
I went to Red Robin yesterday around 4:45pm had a great dinner with a friend.The rush started around 5:15 and it got very crowded.
The server had waited on us in the past so she was super friendly this time too.
The trick is tip well and don't be all crabby to the servers and they will treat you just fine.
Ours came over and said hi ladies how are you its been a while since you have been here I hope you had a great holiday.
We chatted right back as always. The thing to remember is be nice to people and don't have a burr up your butt.
People generally are nice back to you.

[Michelle Crossfire]

Me and my wife have eaten out before. Most of the time it is thru a drive thru on the way to somewhere else. But we have gone to a place called Ponderosa several times, If you are not familiar with it, it is a steakhouse that also has a buffet. Most of the time we get the buffet. It is nothing special, but she likes it. When we go, she does all the talking to the cashier. We don't speak a lot (this bothers her, and i am trying to work on it), when we do, and I keep my conversation rather low. I go up to the buffet, get my food amongst the other people. No one has said anything to me. I am sure I have drawn some attention to myself, but nothing terribly negative that I was able to overhear.

[bridget thronton]

We often get the two ladies treatment when we dine out - occasionally we get asked 1 check or 2. No real problems

[MonicaPVD]

At the risk of sounding simplistic or repetitive, I would just add that it's always best to start with smaller, quicker excursions and work your way up to more elaborate settings. If you do this, by the time you walk into a restaurant for a meal the fact that you are dressed one way or another won't even cross your mind. You will simply enjoy the meal, the ambiance and the company. As it should be.

[alwayshave]

Alesha, I have been out many times with my wife, though it has been to inner city venues, not a suburban chain restaurant. Either way, everyone was fine with it, as far as I could tell.

[Jillian Faith]

My wife and I have enjoyed lunch together several times while shopping, we've eaten in a mall food court, a stand alone La Madeline's in a strip center and a very nice Grille in an upscale Mall. Everything was normal except I was presenting en femme. Staff referred to us as Ladies and ma'am etc. also we experienced no negative looks from other patrons just everyone enjoying their lunch.

[Sarah Doepner]

I've been to dinner with others many times and never had a problem. No, once my wife and I went to eat and while I was relaxing with a cup of tea at the end of the meal she got up to use the restroom. Then she decided to return to the casino and left me to pay the bill that we had planned to split. Now THAT was a problem. Other than that, my money was as green as the rest of the patrons who were all absorbed in their meals and companions and not paying attention to me.

And just think, if nothing goes wrong, the stories that follow won't be nearly as much fun to share.

[foxy bartender]

If you’re confident, and try to be comfortable, you’ll be fine. I go out with my wife all the time, and never had a bad experience because of how I was presenting. The only confusion comes when it’s time to bring the bill, we do frequently get asked if it’s going on one or two checks. We usually get a good laugh about that. Remember, waitstaff and bartenders work for tips, so they don’t want to upset you. Treat them well, tip them well, and you’ll have a great time!

[ReychelleC]

My SO and I have had good service at Applebee's on several occasions. Unfortunately the last time the server got so flustered he couldn't get out the evening specials, and tried to look everywhere in the restaurant instead of at me. He was young and I did feel sorry for him since he was trying hard to be pleasant. I doubt management in any of these chains gives servers any special training on how to handle transgendered customers.

[Cheryl T]

Just go.
Dress for where you are going, be it a high end restaurant or Burger King (we've done them all).
Just be yourself, soften your voice when you order and be confident. You belong there as much as anyone else so act like it. If you present yourself with confidence you will be treated accordingly. Don't be the deer in the headlights. Sure there may be some that stare or snicker. We see that all the time, but be YOU and don't be someone for them.
Order your dinner, enjoy the night out and have fun. Let everyone else worry about things, let them be consumed by your presence if that's how they wish to be. Don't let yourself be concerned with them.

[Asew]

As I have been out dressed more than my wife has gone out with me dressed, I think most of the nerves are now on my wife's end. We never have an issue, but she is still hesitant about it.

[LeeAnnRose]

My wife and I recently took a day trip to the DC museums. I thought we were just headed home when she made it known she was hungry and it was going to be a sit down dinner. The next place up on the beltway was a Carrabas. Thursday night 6:30...it was fairly packed. We ended up in the very first booth by the door/ waiting area. So nice EVERYONE had to pass by to enter, exit, use the rest room, or check-in. Nerves...shot. After a nice glass of wine and a waiter who asked us how the sisters were doing, we had an enjoyable meal and definitely left feeling good about the experience. And yes, it was before they dimmed the lights for the night, talk about feeling like you were on display!

[alesha_cd]

Sorry I didn’t reply sooner. I’m thankful for all the comments and insight that everyone shared! I wish I could reply to each one of you individually. My wife and I decided not to do the restaurant thing. No big deal. I don’t think she is 100% up to the experience yet. Maybe someday. I think I failed to state earlier that I’ve been CDing for 40 years, going out in public for 35, and going out in public with my wife for about 23. I only dress maybe 5 times in a year and go out maybe 2 or 3 of those. We shopped at a couple of well known department stores and overall everything went well. I helped her with a few items. I think that helps with “blending in”. In my outings over the years, I think I’ve learned how to become aware of when someone is “curious” or if I’ve been “clocked”. With that said, I felt pretty confident this last time. I’m not saying no one noticed; just saying no one seemed to notice and/or they just didn’t care. Both are nice! That probably wouldn’t have been the case had we gone into a restaurant. ;) Thank you again for all your comments and taking the time to share your insight.

[Linda Leigh]

My wife would not dare/care to go out with me dressed, always afraid someone will spot me or figure it out. I too live in Central Ill.

[RachelB.]

We go out to eat a lot, most of the time with me enfemme. I was very nervous the first couple of times and worried about my voice also. We have only had one server issue and my wife nipped it in the bud. She asked the server if he worked for tips. He replied that he did. She then told him that I would be paying the check and if he wanted a tip he needed to check his attitude. He was pleasant the rest of the evening. God I love that woman.

As I have ben told," Put on your big girl panties and go for it".

[Robertacd]

Here's a picture from one of several restaurants I went to with my wife this weekend in Seattle.
310171

As I said before we did nothing special and nothing special happened, except we did have a Dutch Baby for desert that was heavenly...
310172

[Sometimes Steffi]

I've gone into higher end places than you mention, sometimes alone and other times with a couple of CDs or a CD husband and GG wife. I've also gone out to restaurants at the Keystone Conference with 30 other girls. I only ha one somewhat unpleasant experience where the waiter made us and was clearly uncomfortable. However, about halfway through he figured out that we we just a couple of girls eating out, and he couldn't catch anything from us (except maybe a cold).

[Robertacd]

Here I am tonight eating at a restaurant two blocks away from my house.

310173

[TheHiddenMe]

Downstate Illinois covers a lot of territory but I've been out to eat in the metro East area at a couple of different restaurants and I've never had an issue. Ditto for places in St. Louis (and Bloomington, and Cleveland, Ohio, and Chicago). I've never had a problem anywhere.

Once I was at a 54th Street and the waitress complimented me on my dress. At a Cheesecake Factory a server liked the color of my nails. I've got a guy voice and I assume people see me as a guy in a dress.

If you've been doing this for as long as you say, you should have it down.

I have also found that actually interacting with people can have unexpected favorable results. I made a friend trying on dresses and another getting my nails done.

Don't overthink it and just do it.

[alesha_cd]

Again, thank you all for the encouragement, insight, and photos. My wife and I usually go to a neighboring state (MO or IN). This last time we were in the northern Indianapolis suburb of Carmel, IN. We’ve been to Chesterfield, MO, Evansville, IN, and Champaign, IL. That gets us far enough away from home that the chances of seeing someone we know is slim. It could happen and we realize that. When we’re shopping, we usually go our own way in the store for the most part. Maybe that’s why being together in a restaurant kind of makes my wife nervous. Yeah I’ve been doing the shopping thing for many years and seem to do ok but the restaurant idea just makes me nervous. I envy all of you who have the courage to interact! If we happened to get a server who complimented me, that would be wonderful and a nice boost!