Coming out to late teen daughters

[carisa]

Hello my dear forum friends!

I am married with two late teen daughters 19 and 17. My wife knows about my cross-dressing and we both decided that my daughters should get to know my femme side. I do not plan to transition but I do want to be able to not hide at my home anymore and be able to wear what I want. My kids would still experience my as male (necessary for my work), but in my free time I would mostly be en femme.

I do believe my daughters will be able to handle this, since they grew up with a very open mind and have had exposure to many different types of people and are very accepting of others. None the less I want to do my home work and give them support if they need it.

I was wondering if anybody has some experience with coming out to late teens? I wonder if I should tell them at the same time or do it individually?

Any thoughts you have will be greatly appreciated!

Many thanks,
Carisa

[kimdl93]

Yes, but I did it in a more abrupt and clumsy manner than I would recommend. I just blurted it out and the reaction was still supportive. Before long, I was even introduced to their friends. I guess its a generational thing, cause they were all fairly positive.

Still, had I to do it over again, I would have taken a bit of time to more thoughtfully introduce the topic

[dallasmann]

Hello my dear forum friends!

I am married with two late teen daughters 19 and 17. My wife knows about my cross-dressing and we both decided that my daughters should get to know my femme side. I do not plan to transition but I do want to be able to not hide at my home anymore and be able to wear what I want. My kids would still experience my as male (necessary for my work), but in my free time I would mostly be en femme.

I do believe my daughters will be able to handle this, since they grew up with a very open mind and have had exposure to many different types of people and are very accepting of others. None the less I want to do my home work and give them support if they need it.

I was wondering if anybody has some experience with coming out to late teens? I wonder if I should tell them at the same time or do it individually?

Any thoughts you have will be greatly appreciated!

Many thanks,
Carisa
It sounds like you've got an extremely healthy household that won't consider this an "issue" at all. One will probably say "duh, Dad - everybody knows and it's totally cool!" while the other will tell you not to take her makeup unless you're planning to buy her some more. :)

[Judy-Somthing]

After I found this site 2-1/2 years ago I decided to tell my wife about my secret love for CDing!
It didn't go well at all. For the next year we argued quite often.

My 23 year old daughter was getting very sad that my wife and I argued so much, and asked my why.
I said to her "you know I dressed as a woman for Halloween, well I like to dress now and then even when it's not Halloween and mom thinks it's F-Up"

My daughter said she didn't think it was a big deal and then told my son and told mom that it's not a big deal.
It's been a year since then and everything seems great, I'm still hiding it from my wife sadly! Can I ever stop?

[Dressing up]

I'll be in a similar situation soon. My daughters are 13 and 18. My ex, their mother, knows all about me and we have a good relationship. I have taken a different approach, over the years, I have not tried to hide my stuff. My closet has both male and female clothes, about equal amounts. All my shoes are in the closet as well, those are overwhelmingly female styles. They often use my bathroom when their sister is tying up the other one. I do not store all my makeup in the bathroom, but I can't say I never leave stuff there. They are pretty bright girls, i am sure when I tell them I will get the "no Duh" comment. My relationship with them is really strong as well. I haven't told them yet because I do feel it is something that should be told to an adult.

Good luck with your daughters.

[mattea]

All of my children know and it was really no problem for them at all. My daughter is the youngest still in her teens and she was like no big deal, and sort of "well we already knew" when I told her. My older children are very supportive too. They know that my affinity for expressing myself is centered around the fact that I am transgender and accept that for me to be happy I have to express myself the way I need to. My daughter told me the other day that she only wants me to be happy, after doing everything I can for her, the least she can do is be supportive but I think they all understand. I will always be Dad to them, even if I were to ever transition which is not something I can do just yet because of work and where I am in my career. I am not to the point that I have to be one or the other to survive and honestly it is just easier to be a guy when I am at work, and then be who I am supposed to be when I am at home.

I will be honest and say that I was terrified when we told them. I felt like they deserved to know, I didn't want it to be a betrayal or for them to think lesser of me, or consider what I am as something naughty or unsavory. My sexuality and my gender are two separate things for the most part, so I didn't want them to one day find out and wonder which was real, because they both are and being honest with them has gone a lone way to make our relationships even more meaningful, because they know we trust them and respect them, at the same time we are their parents and responsible for them. I worried that our dynamic would change when I came out, but again it has only been better because I don't have to hide from the people I love and who love me anymore.

My biggest suggestion is to be honest and allow them to process things, don't force it on them and let them tell you how much they want to know or need to know. It has gotten to the point that I am the fashion adviser for my daughter and it has become my job to help her when it comes to clothes, makeup and style. It is truly amazing and I know I am blessed as the others on this site who have the full support of the family. For those that are not there or have family who are having a hard time to cope with it, I can only continue to hope and pray that things would be better and hope for a future where there are no stigmas or discrimination for being yourself.

Good luck!

Mattea

[April Rose]

I came out to my son when he was 22; it turned out he had known since he was 14. It was no big deal to him. He was in a band with a friend who transitioned. Millennials as a whole seem to be better educated about these kinds of issues than Boomers and therefore are less likely to react in an ignorant way.

[Devi SM]

Carisa I dont agree with dressing up about wait they be adult. I dont see the relationship of crossdresser with age, except there's a sexual concept in it.
I'm a trasgender that crossdress for years before arrive to the conclusion I was trans and then is when I told three sons, all married and their wives. There was no issue since they love me and assure me they will keep living, now more because for daughters in law they relate better now with me. The other person in the family is my grandson, 10 years old, he did have any problem and told I look like my mom or my sister.
We usually build up fears and preconceptions about things will never happen.

Mho.

Devi

[docrobbysherry]

I told my 19 y/o daughter, Carisa. After my divorce I had the house to myself when the 2 girls were over at my ex's.:battingeyelashes:

Suddenly, at age 18 my younger one decided to move in with me full time. After almost being caught a few times, I realized I had to tell her. That meant telling my ex and older daughter. I told the 2 girls separately so they could ask whatever they liked privately. My ex is the only one that went bat s--t crazy!:eek:

[Michelle Crossfire]

This is not an issue for me. I have an 18 year old daughter whom I have no relationship with whatsoever. It is the direct result of a vindictive ex who brainwashed my daughter. It is quite sad. There is no other way to describe it. I don't ever expect to find myself in this kind of situation with her anytime soon, if at all.

[Connie D50]

I have 2 daughters, I told them both when I felt they were old enough. I also told them separately I think it made it better for questions. Both very supportive I think it helped my wife also after I told them.

[Rogina B]

Teens,especially girls,are quite accepting these days IF you and your wife raised them to be...If you have taught them to be open minded and considerate of others then you will never have a problem in your reveal. Perhaps you want to give your narrative a run through before the sit down. After all,it seems that you are a crossdresser and not looking to do more than have the freedom to dress around them.

[Teresa]

Carisa,
I'm a little like Kim , I was clumsy with my daughter . She was doing a second university course so bascially an adult , I forgot she was in the house and she caught me ironing a dress she knew didn't belong to my wife so I told her the whole story . She has been wonderful since , I've been out with her and her daughter , we've been shopping taken in a live show and invited me to dinner on Xmas day . My son is totally different , I came out to him after a session with my counsellor , she said I couldn't keep living on assumptions so I had to break the cycle , the outcome was he's OK about it but has never seen me although it's getting close to happening .

I'm separated from my wife but we still contact as friends now the dust has settled , I'm still dad to my kids and grandpa to the grandchildren , I have to admit that is getting harder but at least I haven't lost them , in fact I have gained more than I've lost .

On the whole girls are more accepting than boys , I guess that partly depends what sort of a father you've been , I've renovated two homes for my son and the same for my daughter so they tend to see me as a hands on type of person . I'm not sure what my daughter feels she's gained but my son has lost his dad .

[Cynthia_0101]

I had decided that I would never tell my kids about my dressing, back then I was still not comfortable with dressing in front of my wife let alone my kids. But when our Daughter came out as non-binary we decided it would make sense to tell them so they would not feel alone. They were surprised, to say the least, but took the news quite well. One great thing is that I can now keep all my stuff out in the open like makeup, wigs, etc without anyone asking who it belongs too.

I still don't dress in front of them even at 16 (almost 17), but thats just me.

[carisa]

Thank you everybody for your answers and sound advice. I really appreciate it. I am ready to let my girls know. I do will run through a few rehearsals to get prepared.

After reading your replies I look forward to spend time with my girls with this out in the open.

[Asew]

My kids were between 5 and 12 when I told them. My wife and I said we would slowly introduce them to it over a few months. Then a week later she just told them and told me to get changed. They are quite accepting (and agree how the younger generation in general is much more accepting because of much more positive exposure they have had to LGBT+).

[Lara A]

When I came out first to my now ex wife, my daughter was 15. My wife was cool with me dressing, and quite embraced it with me, and we talked about who we might tell. We decided to wait to tell my daughter and any family. However, my wife went ahead and told pretty much everyone without telling me she had, which was a shock to me. I understood tho, because she felt alone with that 'secret'. My daughter was OK with it, and we even went out together with me dressed a couple of times. I had my Lara room at the house, and dressed often at home for a time. Her friends would come round, and a couple knew about me and met Lara too. They were quite unfazed, I think I was more nervous than they all were! This was about 23 years ago, so not sure if they were Millennials at that time!