Tips advice, going for Counseling

[DeniseNJ]

I am going to a place In Phila called Mazzoni Center next week. It is called trans care. I am confused and need advice on the direction in life I will go. They asked me how I want to be addressed , and I said Denise, while there. I don't plan to go dressed up completely but I will have some elements if Femininity. I ask myself, am I normal for feeling this way. Yes I am 61 but I don't think I have what it takes to transition to a female lifestyle. I feel good as Denise, but she is on the sidelines waiting to be called in. She can jump in and out and play and not upset my life. I feel that if I was in my 20's and it was 2020 that I would have well along in a transition. I hear the stories about how hard it is to be a trans woman in today,s society. Dating or even acceptance. I am nervous but I think I need to talk to someone at trans care for advice and help me break down this issue. Below is my first ever pic of Denise going out on Halloween back in 87

[Laura912]

“I think I need to talk to someone at trans care for advice and help me break down this issue.“

And therein is your answer.

[Lana Mae]

They can not and should not try to "cure" you! They will ask appropriate questions but you will have to answer them! Many here have transitioned at 70 or older! It sounds like counselling will be good in your situation! Best wishes going forward! Hugs Lana Mae

[Leanne2]

Hi Denise, My advice to you is to be totally honest. Totally honest with your councilor and totally honest with yourself. When I went through gender counseling I wanted to answer all of the questions correctly. I had to resist giving false answers in order to get the result that I wanted. When I made my first appointment I was asked to come in dressed as a male. At the end of that session i was advised to come to the rest of the sessions dressed as Leanne. From then on i was addressed as Leanne by my counselor and her staff. My sessions lasted an hour and I did it for three months. At my last session my councilor told me her conclusions about me and why. It was a turning point in my journey. Good luck to you...................Leanne

[Devi SM]

Denise, I'm now 60 and im living on 2020 too, bad joke.
I'd been on HRT for almost 2 years and now living full.time as me.
Advice about counseling? Just don't have big expectations on that will answer your questions, none less they will male.you a lot of questions and probably answering them you will find your own answers but that was my case not necessarily yours.
Finally, you're no old to start a new life.
You will find several here that did it and are happily living. Never life will be just peach, cream and honey but the best in life is to life a real life.
Good luck and please keep us posted, as any woman we here are really curious and happy with others success too..

Devi.

[KellyJameson]

Late transitioners seem to have their own psychological path and if it is after a lifetime of cross dressing the loss of their youthful beauty can create a crisis where they lose a part of themselves they strongly valued and identified with. This may make a dangerous foundation to build transitioning on. That you used a picture from 1987 is a red flag. Be careful of using transitioning as a way to recapture the past.

[Devi SM]

Late transitioners seem to have their own psychological path and if it is after a lifetime of cross dressing the loss of their youthful beauty can create a crisis where they lose a part of themselves they strongly valued and identified with. This may make a dangerous foundation to build transitioning on. That you used a picture from 1987 is a red flag. Be careful of using transitioning as a way to recapture the past.
I'd like to know your source because I deeply disagree.
It is not my experience and I'm a late transitioner.

[Aunt Kelly]

Yes I am 61 but I don't think I have what it takes to transition to a female lifestyle. I feel good as Denise, but she is on the sidelines waiting to be called in. She can jump in and out and play and not upset my life.

Pardon me for waxing pedantic, but transition is not a "lifestyle". I don't mean to be catty when I say that you probably already realize that, and if you don't, you soon will, provided that you approach counseling as others have already suggested, open and honest. It is you that will provide the answers to the questions you have. Read the previous sentence again. Your therapist will be a kind of guide. If you hold back, he or she won't be able to show you the way to those answers.

Good luck to you, Denise.

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Late transitioners seem to have their own psychological path and if it is after a lifetime of cross dressing the loss of their youthful beauty can create a crisis where they lose a part of themselves they strongly valued and identified with. This may make a dangerous foundation to build transitioning on. That you used a picture from 1987 is a red flag. Be careful of using transitioning as a way to recapture the past.

That's a bit of an overly broad generalization, I think. Like Devi, I'm late to the party and "youthful beauty" has never been a factor in sorting out my identity.

[Jeri Ann]

Late transitioners seem to have their own psychological path and if it is after a lifetime of cross dressing the loss of their youthful beauty can create a crisis where they lose a part of themselves they strongly valued and identified with. This may make a dangerous foundation to build transitioning on. That you used a picture from 1987 is a red flag. Be careful of using transitioning as a way to recapture the past.

This is absolutely not true!

I don’t know how many “late transitioners” you base this statement on but I know many and none of them were motivated by a desire to “recapture the past.”

I know many trans people, male and female, young and older. Their reasons for transitioning are the same, gender identity.

I transitioned at 67 because I couldn’t pretend to be male any longer. It has nothing to do with my past. It has everything to do with gender identity.

[DeniseNJ]

Thank you for all the responses yes I'm nervous, I'm a little more at ease ,not being under pressure from another person. Yes I'm scared. I don't know what my future will bring all I know is I want to feel good be happy and enjoy life.. I just want to know and be reassured. I will be okay on any decision I make.. I know when I see the transition videos from m to f in their late teens and early twenties or thrities ,I will never look as beautiful as they do.. I have a woman friend who's my age or close to it that tells me how natural I look when I dress as Denise. She encourages me to be Happy and be Me. Always giving me compliments because I turned to her for advice on my look I choose. I don't know if you girls feel like this is a burden in life or you've been cursed with this type of disorder.. thanks for responding and I respect all of you

[Sarah Doepner]

Denise,

We've all been nervous and scared and uncertain. Expressing contrary gender, getting married, raising children, growing a career, exploring unfamiliar places and driving on unfamiliar freeways all come to mind. You can deal with being nervous and scared and I'm sure you have any number of times. I doubt you have ever known what the future will bring either but have always wanted to be happy. The basic feelings you have toward this particular journey are nearly the same ones you've been dealing with most of your life, so trust yourself to handle them. The counselor will help you work through the questions and emotions you have but won't be able to help you foresee the future, just maybe help you prepare for that future without unnecessary anxiety.

Leeanne suggests you be honest with both the counselor and yourself, that's very good advise and it may be the most difficult. I had multiple issues tangled up in my life and it took a while to sort them out so I could deal with them individually and not see failure to handle a grief issue as the reason to stop exploring my gender. It can be work, but it's rewarding if you do it honestly and with an open heart.

Good luck.

[Brenda456]

I was terrified when I first went to a doctor to discuss hormone replacement. The doctor was wonderful and very respectful. It wound up being a very positive experience. That was a year and a half ago. So, being nervous is understandable, but hopefully, seeing a counselor with experience in this area should also be positive and maybe even beneficial.

[LeaP]

That you used a picture from 1987 is a red flag.

This also caught my attention. A decent therapist will probe at some point as to whether a client's expectations are realistic. I think that's a more care-forward and focused way to describe the concern versus recapturing the past, which is just one possible source of expectations issues.

[KellyJameson]

This forum contrasted against real world experiences would be the source. The only experience I had with cross dressing was with transitioning among drag performers who used drag as a source of employment and gender expression.

This is very different than heterosexual men who cross dress and than transition.

Cross dressing is highly sexualized and if you watch closely you can see how often this sexualizing of cross dressing morphs into transitioning.

You see this in the transgender "Community". It is made up of sub groups and this reflects the many different "types" of people who "transition" which as a word has lost all meaning.

Those who have suffered a lifetime of gender dysphoria are a very distinct class from those who have not.

Those who have lived as men and flourished and than transitioned later in life will not be understood by those who could never live as such.

[DeniseNJ]

Kelly you are for real. You must have some sort of Degree is this area. Should I go as Denise completely to this Trans care or only give some hints of Femininity ???

[Nikki.]

Denise-

Random thoughts...go presenting anyway you feel most comfortable. wearing boy clothes doesn’t make you any more or less trans than wearing a dress and heels. it doesn’t matter.

Within the greater trans not really a community community there is a ton of dissent. we eat our own. some people think that unless you’ve suffered great mental anguish since you were a little kid as a result of your gender issues you’re not really trans or a true transexual, whatever that is. they go through great pains to distinguish themselves from people who transition later in life, in many cases thinking it will make them seem like less of a weirdo to the straight cis world than the 45 year old like me. Don’t fall for it. Go to therapy, be really friggin honest, then explore what YOU need to do to be comfortable in your own skin. If you decide you need to live as a woman, do it. If you want to live as a woman part time, cool. If you want to go on hormones, understand the risks, do a cost benefit analysis and make a decision. just don’t self medicate. Don’t let others determine your path. The only real advice i would offer is go slow. there’s plenty of time to try something, evaluate, then explore something else.

As far as your question about how i feel about my transgender experience, i wish it would go away and i could live a regular cis life. but, i’m playing the cards i was dealt.

good luck.

[DeniseNJ]

What does CIS mean ?? I don't want to sound Naive

[Nikki.]

cis is the latin prefix meaning “on the same side as”. trans is simply the latin prefix for “on the other side of”. In the world of contemporary gender stuff, cis people are people that aren’t trans; their sense of gender identity aligns with their sex.

[DeniseNJ]

Thanks for clearing that up I was feeling like a dummy not knowing what it meant

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Well I went today totally as Denise. I had to park two and a half blocks away and walking down the neighborhoods of Philly made me feel so alive. The therapist was wonderful just in case I decide there's a 7 month waiting. To be put on HRT. She put me on the list because she believed I've been dealing with this for so long. She gave me a pamphlet on the side effects and what to expect on HRT .She like the fact that I was aware of my surroundings and my expectations weren't very high and that I knew the pros and cons of what I was about to undertake. After all it was only my first session and she spoke and I spoke we need to find out more. She even told me about a school that does electrolysis from the neck up and it's giving me a link to that place in Cherry Hill like $20 a session. I asked her if it was wrong for me to come there dressed as Denise. She referred to me as Denise and I told her it made me feel good. Like I said who knows if I'm going to go through with all this but at least I'm on a waiting list if I decide. Thanks for all the help

[Laura912]

“The therapist was wonderful just in case I decide there's a 7 month waiting. To be put on HRT.”

As I interpret this statement, you are saying there is a 7 month waiting period before you can start HRT. You have been misinformed. As soon as you get an appointment with the proper endocrinologist, HRT can begin. It is very doubtful that it will take 7 months to get that appointment unless you are involved in a special program that provides low cost care.

[DeniseNJ]

Laura, you I don't know if this is a special program I wasn't even charged for yesterday's therapy session even though I have .insurance. I was told there's a waiting list I guess there's a lot of transgendered people out there in the world these days. All I know, it felt good to be honest to myself and talk about this with a professional. Yes I'm a little scared but it's almost like a heavy weight has been lifted off of me. If I decide to start hormone replacement therapy, I don't know how my friends and family will handle this. All I know is I need to be true to myself and be happy with the rest of my life. I think I could start and not tell nobody because it changes are very very suttle . Just the thought of it is exciting.

[Star01]

When I made my first appointment I was asked to come in dressed as a male. At the end of that session i was advised to come to the rest of the sessions dressed as Leanne.

Is that a common practice for therapists to insist that their clients who are focusing on their gender issues come to appointments dressed as their womanly counterpart? The reason I ask is that my first appointment with a therapist is this Friday and I am in a dadt situation at home. If I dressed en femme for therapy my whole life would blow up before I even have a chance to figure things out myself. I'm 68, we were high school sweethearts and will be married 50 years in a few months. She is caring for her terminally ill mother right now so me blowing up her world is not what she needs until we got past some of these things. My approach going into therapy, and maybe I'm only kidding myself, is to reel this in until I figure out if I can keep it in it's place and how to proceed going forward if I succumb to the dysphoria. It seems odd that a therapist would force a client into something they're not ready for. Besides, how many senior citizens go to therapy with their body shaved wearing panties if they're not dealing with dysphoria? What is the purpose of challenging a patient like that if they have never been out in public dressed and are in a dadt?

[Devi SM]

I share feeling with star with the comment from Leanne a out a therapist asking you to dress or not dress.
My first therapist was a family therapist and didn't know, me either, how far would I go. With the time, when I feel more comfortable with her, I ask her if I could go dressed. She was a cis woman and encourage me to do and after she helped me a lot with femenine tips.

[DianaPrince]

I’m also looking for counseling in the Philly area. So glad to hear your appointment went well.

Solidarity, sister!

[Aunt Kelly]

The waiting list thing does seem odd. I can't imagine a qualified counselor acting like a gatekeeper that way. I suspect that she was referring to the queue for a low/no cost program, but that just a guess.

Denise, you are on the right track. As you've discovered, just the act of moving toward treatment is an emotional lift.

As for going to the therapist in boy mode or girl mode... I am of the opinion that it doesn't really matter. You are who you are, and as long as you participate openly and honestly, the work will get done.
I can't remember exactly where in the process of my therapy the subject came up, but IIRC, it was in response to my therapist's questions about how and when I presented as female. I offered to arrange to come en fem to the next appointment. She did not recognize me until I spoke. We both laughed.
There will come a time when we need to demonstrate that we are completely at home with living as a woman, but you and I are a ways out from that point. So go to your appointments however you are comfortable and keep doing the work.

Hugs,


Kelly

[DeniseNJ]

The girl named Virginia called me to check on me today. I questioned why the waiting list for so long and she said they're short-staffed but she offered me other avenues amd places that could get me on HRT a whole lot faster if I wamted She referred a place in Cherry Hill that does electrolysis and laser. When I first contacted the Mazzoni Centet they asked me how I want to be addressed she / her . Hearing somebody call you by your female name is somewhat exciting. I told her it feels really good being referred to as Denise her response was you better get used to it. They want people to seek the truth and be happy..

[Devi SM]

Wow! Those are really good news Denise.
I remember those days what excitement was...

[DeniseNJ]

I got me another appointment at the Bell Center in Phila. There back-up is Feb 27th for an appointment. When I called the Mazzoni center there back-up was 9 to 10 months away. Well they set me up for intake and trans care. I said that I was going to look for other options and they said if I wanted to transfer to them after I get started on HRT I can. The Journey is starting.

[DianaPrince]

That’s great, Denise.