What do I do?

[Susan Smith]

Slightly weird one... out shopping with my wife and I spot a tartan skirt in mustard and black that looks perfect. I test the water with ?that?s nice, I should buy it for me? (Sometimes she agrees, other times not). My wife looks at it and says she?s going to buy it for herself, which she does. We get home and she tries it on and it?s really not very flattering on her. While she?s in the bathroom I try it on and it fits perfectly. I ask her to give it to me and she says ?no? she?ll slim down to fit it. What do I do? I really want that skirt!

[JaclynL61]

Susan -

I would say you need to go back to the store and buy one for yourself...

[Susan Smith]

It was in H&M on the Champs-Elysee in Paris. We’re going home in the morning. No time to go back.

[Davina13]

It appears sharing is out of the question��.
Because that would seem like a fairly easy solution.

[docrobbysherry]

U know what u want and the size. Buy something similar from the stores back home. Or, online!:thumbsup:

Do NOT steal or sneak your wife's skirt! Maybe, buy something u think she'll like better. Then, SWAP!:heehee:

[Teresa]

Susan,
One question , why didn't your wife try it on in the shop especially as you won't be going back , it's obviously too small ?

You should be able to get H&M online , maybe order a larger size for your wife but don't tell her and then swap them over .

[Stephanie47]

Nothing much you can do. I would watch out for the rest of your wardrobe if in fact she does slim down to your size. You may be losing a lot of clothing.

[Robertacd]

Why can't you share? My wife and I are the same dress size and we share all the time.

We both have had to accept that things we bought for ourselves actually look better on the other person.

[Tracii G]

Why are some of you so afraid to speak up and say something to your spouse?

[Micki_Finn]

You buy one for yourself. Duh.

[char GG]

I'm sure H & M would have their stock on line. Check the website and buy one for yourself.

[kimdl93]

My advice is to tell her you like it too, but wait your turn. You can have it when she tires of it

[Majella St Gerard]

Grow a pair and but your own

[Susan Smith]

Tracii, it’s not afraid of and I don’t need permission, but I do like to get agreement when I can

- - - Updated - - -

Majella, grow a pair is not very helpful. I love my wife and will not simply tread all over her feelings to achieve what I want

[AllieSF]

Yes, please take the caring and compromising path on this one if she is not totally on board with your dressing. That is a small sacrifice to have the freedoms that you seem to have. Most on hear complain about zero tolerance SO's. By something similar, but not the same. I do not believe that rubbing her nose in it (buying the same skirt) is the way to go. Good luck.

[Teresa]

Susan,
I've just been online to check out H & M , I found only one skirt that matches your description but if it's the one they are still stocking it , In the UK it's ?17.99 . Infact I might just pop over to see if my local store has them in stock , I agree it's a nice skirt .

[Majella St Gerard]

Seems like she's rubbing your nose in it by buying something she knew you wanted, that wasn't cool, if you allow her to treat you like a second class citizen, then you will never be happy and will soon resent her. Does she tell you how to cut your hair and cut up your meat for you. I stand by my advice. Be a man or at least a strong woman.

[Rhonda Jean]

I don't think one skirt is worth any disagreement at all. There'll be plenty of other skirts.

[BTWimRobin]

Simple, just buy your own.

[Tracii G]

Agreement when I can?
That sounds like you have no choice and you do what she says or else.
How is that fair for you?

[Aunt Kelly]

Slightly weird one... out shopping with my wife and I spot a tartan skirt in mustard and black that looks perfect. I test the water with ?that?s nice, I should buy it for me? (Sometimes she agrees, other times not). My wife looks at it and says she?s going to buy it for herself, which she does. We get home and she tries it on and it?s really not very flattering on her. While she?s in the bathroom I try it on and it fits perfectly. I ask her to give it to me and she says ?no? she?ll slim down to fit it. What do I do? I really want that skirt!

You're new at this, aren't you. My friend, you are contemplating a dangerous line of reasoning. Not that it's flawed, but it's still a loser. :)

[ellbee]

I love my wife and will not simply tread all over her feelings to achieve what I want

But it's okay for her to do that to you??


Down with the matriarchy! :kickbutt:


#boypower :brolleyes:

#drunkellbee :cheers:

[Lydianne]

I am not married. I am not married. I am not married. I am not married. I am not married.


However 😛, if your wife knew of the extent of your dressing needs before she married you, then I think it might be in bounds for you to buy one of your own.
If you came out after marriage and got anything less than unqualified support from her, then I think you will always be on the back foot in stuff like this.

Even without having seen the skirt, I am reasonably confident it's not the best skirt of all time. Therefore, clench your teeth until a better one shows up, and then get that. You would most likely turn attention away from the skirt in question when that happens anyway; whether it's in your possession or not.

All the best! :Pray: 🤞.

I am not married. I am not married. I am not married. I am not married. I am not married.

- L.

[Pumped]

Wow! Are all you girls here giving advice married? Standing up for your rights is one thing, but just slamming your rights in the wife's face is certain doom.

To Susan, she obviously knows you dress, I would talk to her again and let her know you like the skirt and if she won't give it to you, or share, then you intend to buy your own. Test the waters and see her reaction. If she gets pissy about it perhaps some sit down and talk time is in order.

[Pixie_94]

Nothing. Very easy, and it won't cost you a penny.

Now talking more seriously, no idea, just be careful and don't end up in the hospital or almost there because of a decision.

[ellbee]

Wow! Are all you girls here giving advice married?

Nope! :D


I absolutely *refuse* to give in to the matriarchy.

And yes -- it's real, girls... Don't kid yourselves.



#ellbeeMGTOW...beforeitwaseverathing

[Tracii G]

Nope here too ellbee.
I finally wised up and quit taking the abuse she was dishing out.
Its not fair to let her tell you what to do or for her to pretty much slap you in the face and buy the skirt.
I think you are too close to the situation to actually see what she did here.
1. Women are spiteful
2. She knew it wasn't her size.
3.She bought it because she knew you wanted it.
4.She has no plans to diet or lose weight to fit in it.
5.She did it out of spite.
6. She did it because she knows you won't do anything.
Its called a lack of respect.
I have been married twice to two very spiteful women so I know how they operate all too well.

Now please don't get mad at me because I may have hurt your male ego a bit but you needed to hear it from an impartial onlooker.

[Cheryl T]

Why not just agree to share it?

[Tracii G]

Sharing it seems like a small request on your part and if she says no then you know what she thinks of your CDing.

[Robertacd]

Wow! Are all you girls here giving advice married?

Well I have been married for over 25 years so I think I have a pretty good idea about how to survive one. As I have said plenty of times marriage is a partnership. Both partners have to make sacrifices, compromises, and sometimes you get to have it your own way. But no relationship is going to last when one partner has all the control, makes all the decisions, and treats the other like chattel.

[alwayshave]

I assume the skirt has a tag on it. Find out the firm that makes it, look it up online and order one.

[Dutchess]

Wow! Are all you girls here giving advice married? Standing up for your rights is one thing, but just slamming your rights in the wife's face is certain doom.

LMAO !! NO kidding !!!!

You bow up at me about a flipping skirt after all I put up with concerning this and you will regret it and no she is not rubbing it in anyones face she just wants the *#&@ skirt , my god I swear there are so many other vastly more important things to argue over and this is not it .
I cannot BELIEVE some of these answers here . Seriously .
Yes OP just get what you want online and be done with it .

I find it very strange that some here wish so badly to be something they cannot stand ...

[Tracii G]

I find it very strange that some here wish so badly to be something they cannot stand ...[/QUOTE]

Respectfully I only wish to be myself, that has nothing to do with my exes and how I was treated by them so lets get that straight.
I do find women very spiteful and manipulative to their spouses.That has been my experience and I see it a lot on this forum by member comments.
It does make sense to just go buy one yourself and be done with it but she shouldn't have treated him that way in the first place is my point.

[Pumped]

Well, I find it hard to look into Susan's situation with the few lines written here. You personal experiences might have noting to do in this situation. Drawing a hard line will eventually end the relationship. Maybe it is due to end anyway, but conversation first, then decide how hard you want to push the situation.

When my wife first found out about my dressing she put her foot down and I went deep back into the closet. I am certain if I had pushed she would have left me. We continued to talk about it and eventually she backed down and I was able to dress again, DADT. That slowly progressed and now I am fully out to her. She mentions when she wants her "man" back for a while and I tone it down for a day or two. It is the least I can do for her continued acceptance. She didn't volunteer for this crazy husband and I can understand how it looks from her side.

Imagine marrying a beautiful woman, then one day she tosses all her beautiful feminine dresses, skinny blue jeans, high heels, then decides she wants to wear nothing but logger boots, flannel shirts and men's blue jeans, then cut her beautiful hair off, and stop wearing makeup, oh, then add a chain drive trucker wallet. Plus she doesn't give a sh*t what you say. We as husbands would freak out too.

[Patience]

It depends. You may find the same skirt online, as others have mentioned. Try that first.

If you can't get it any other way and really want the exact one your wife has bought, wait for the novelty of the skirt to wear off. Then, shop for a nice skirt (at least as nice as the skirt in question, definitely comparable in quality, maybe costing a bit more) in a size closer to your wife's current size.

Tell your wife you got a skirt that doesn't fit you very well and ask her to try it. It should fit her better than it fits you. Offer to trade the new skirt for that old thing you both got during that french trip you took <insert amount of time elapsed here>.

That's the best solution I can think of.

[Joni T]

I'm curious--do you want this as a "skirt" for your femme-self, or as a cheap alternative for a "kilt" for your male-self? If the former, go buy one. If the latter, pass. You can't wear a plaid skirt in male-mode and hope everyone thinks it's a kilt. I could go on-and-on about the "whys" and "why nots" but I won't. Take it from a guy who wears actual kilts and plays the pipes. A man in a skirt is a man in a skirt. If that yellow and black plaid skirt is the McLeod tartan, I'd pass any way. It's as ugly as sin.
Jon

[Maria 60]

If your wife is like mine she has no idea what she has. When she buys a dress or something I put my eye on usally about a week she won't even remember.

[Leslie Langford]

If she won't give you the skirt, then ask to at least borrow it until she fits into it. THAT if nothing else should be an incentive for her to slim down. "Win-win", I say. ;)

[Leslie Mary S]

How about offering to wear ita bit to loosen it up for her.

[sometimes_miss]

You should be able to get H&M online , maybe order a larger size for your wife but don't tell her and then swap them over .
&

If she won't give you the skirt, then ask to at least borrow it until she fits into it. THAT if nothing else should be an incentive for her to slim down. "Win-win", I say. ;)

Oh, yes, implying that she's too fat is a great idea. That always works out just great.


slamming your rights in the wife's face is certain doom.
^this. Count your blessings. You have a wife who tolerates your crossdressing.

Order your own. When it comes, tell her that you liked it so much you bought your own. This way she has the option to tell you that you can borrow hers if you ask, or just let you have one for yourself. You can always return stuff, you know.

[Genifer Teal]

If she sees it fits you better it will crush her.

[NancyJ]

As Elsa famously sang in the movie FROZEN: “Let it go.” It is one item of clothing in a (hopefully) long relationship. Amazing to me how many respond here with advice to fight about this as though this should be Custer’s Last Stand. (He got slaughtered.) Nancy

[Tracii G]

Not fighting over it Nancy just standing up to her because its the right thing to do.
A marriage is a partnership not a one spouse rules it all.
Each have the right to be treated fairly.

[Krisi]

Your wife is going to "slim down" to fit a dress? That's not likely so at some point she may give it to you. If she does actually "slim down", the rest of her clothes aren't going to fit her so maybe she will give them to you.

Some folks here have suggested that you are giving in to your wife and that you should do whatever suits you. These folks are obviously not married and don't understand that a marriage requires compromise and respect for the other partner's feelings. Surely your wife and your marriage is far more important to you than a single dress.

Do what you know is best for your marriage. Eventually your wife may give you the dress or agree to share it. If not, get a different dress. Do not get a copy of the same dress, that would be an insult to her.

[Teresa]

Lexi,
The implication of the OP was that the wife had bought the wrong size not that she was too fat , I feel her comment about slimming down to fit the skirt was to block the idea of passing the skirt on or allowing her to share it .

Really it's not an expensive skirt what is all the fuss about let the wife keep the skirt and buy a new one .

[mykell]

doing your best in your avatar seems to be working, do what works for you and your wife. most times peeps here say dont wear moms, sisters, girlfriends, wife's stuff....get your own is the mantra.....you found it she purchased it, return it here, give her her money back and buy it for yourself. we all know bringing up her losing weight issue is a landmine....dont go there

H&M site:
https://www2.hm.com/en_us/productpage.0814652001.html
interweb search :
https://www.google.com/search?q=tartan+skirt+in+mustard+and+black&client=firefox-b-1-d&tbm=shop&source=lnms&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjbqNjiiZPnAhXilOAKHRqhDksQ_AUIDSgB&biw=1435&bih=746&dpr=2


whatever you decide get there before me cuz i think i would look cute in one of those....

[Davina Katherine]

Susan, this it a bit tongue in cheek, but you said "and I spot a tartan skirt"...

If you really saw it FIRST, then by all the laws and principles that hold the universe together THAT SKIRT IS YOURS!

Remind you wife that you saw it first, and see how she responds.
(BTW I've been married to the same woman for 41 years).

[Bobbi46]

Let it go for the the sake of peace and quiet, wait a little while then buy another skirt but dont rock the boat over this one IMHO

[JeanTG]

Sorry, not a hill to die on.

[dallasmann]

It was in H&M on the Champs-Elysee in Paris. We?re going home in the morning. No time to go back.
I guess you will just have to extend your stay in Paris. I would do that!

[Diane Smith]

The stores are full of great clothes. Put this item out of your mind and go shopping for something else (but different) that you like even better.

- Diane

[lingerieLiz]

My wife and I have a mutual agreement from over the years. If it is women's wear and she likes it and wants it she gets it. We usually don't pick the same things out but maybe once a year. I usually ask her if she likes something. If she doesn't want it she will say so and ask if I like it and tell me I would look good in it. We both have more clothes than we will ever wear out. We are also not the same size.

[DanielleLee]

Hi Susan, i

It looks as if you're being beaten like a dead horse, on a topic that has nothing to do with the original post.

In your shoes, I would find the skirt online. I would not tell my wife and when she inevitably saw it... I'd rather succinctly point out that it was me who saw the skirt initially, wanted to buy it & did so. Now, I would do that knowing full well there would be consequences. The consequences being that my wife would get pissed and I'd be in the doghouse for awhile.

And that's all it boils down to really. Can you accept, or are the consequences of your actions worth the "trouble"? Good Luck to you.

My apologies for those here, who can't seem to get enough of piling on about permission, Any fool that doesn't realize compromise is a key component of a happy marriage isn't going to have one. Ultimatums or a "what's good for them, is good for me" attitude are just selfish. Selfishness doesn't work in marriage.

[Marianne S]

Incidentally there were at least two skirts I bought for my wife that I liked so much I bought similar ones for myself! One was in a different color, but they were identical in style, apart from being slightly different sizes. We both wore them. Beats me why some women are awkward about things like that. Life should be fun.

[AngelaYVR]

I would encourage anyone here to look in their closet and find that "must have" skirt, blouse etc that they once bought and be honest about whether they still wear it. This is why charity shops are filled to the rafters with women's clothes!

[ReineD]

To those of you who think the wife behaved horridly, have you asked yourselves how Susan presents to the Mrs ... as a girl or as a boy? I suspect that Susan presents as a boy to the Mrs. most if not all of the time and so why would it occur to the Mrs. that Susan has first dibs on clothing. Honestly.

In the Mrs. eyes, the Mrs. is the female in the relationship - the one who wears girl clothes all the time - and Susan is the male who occasionally wears girl clothes. Maybe the Mrs. did not even hear Susan ask if Susan should buy it for herself. How forceful was Susan's initial statement and how often do Susan and the Mrs. discuss who should get what when there is a conflict.

If Susan dressed as a girl much of the time in and around the house, then you might have a point in that at least there should have been a discussion about it. But a discussion would require Susan taking the Mrs. aside and saying how much Susan wanted the skirt - and they should really talk about this. But did Susan do this?

You all are being way too rough on the Mrs ... and some of you, on women in general.

To Susan, if you want the skirt so badly, why don't you buy an identical one for yourself if you are unwilling to have a frank discussion with your wife about it. Or do you enjoy posting a thread saying how much better you looked in that skirt, in the hopes of getting some sympathy from members who are more than happy to put your wife (or women in general) down.

Sorry if this sounds harsh but this entire thread is childish in my view.

[Leslie Mary S]

Reine, Susan did ask for opinions on what to do, and she got them. As fo Susan's motive for asking in the manor she did, that is Susan.
Some of us are not as elegant in speaking as some.
So Susan, take all the suggestions you have been given and pick out the one(s) you like, and follow through as your mind sees fit. Some MIGHT be right on and others could be way out in the field. Or none could be correct. Susan you know more about your situation than the rest of us.

[Marianne S]

You all are being way too rough on the Mrs ... and some of you, on women in general.

Well, Reine, I heartily agree with that--about some posts here, anyway.

As you imply, I do think it's important not to go jumping to conclusions about the state of anyone's marriage--not without evidence, at any rate--and especially not to project one's own situation onto another person, when the other person's circumstances may be very different.

If somebody had the bad luck to find themselves married to a bitch, for instance--which may have nothing to do with crossdressing--they have no business assuming that "all women are like that." Doing so can be particularly lethal if they're advising some guy to assume his own wife is also a bitch and to treat her accordingly, as if she "deserved" hostility.

That may be a good way for the luckless person to work off resentment vicariously against some other person's spouse, of the opposite sex to themselves. But if the bad advice is taken, it's a surefire way to stir up conflict and maybe break up some other person's marriage! That's part of the game that Eric Berne more than half a century ago called "Let's You and Him Fight." This game has other psychological gratifications for the player. Notably if the other person's marriage does break up, the player who helped to incite the breakup can indulge in a smug "I told you so!" and "See, now we're all in the same boat." gangs! Luckily I've never been a victim of it myself, but I've watched it happening.] Anyway it's a very destructive dynamic, hazardous to the health of marriage, and of human relations in general.

Considering how marriages are different, in the end I can only echo Krisi's words: "Do what you know is best for your [own] marriage."


To Susan, if you want the skirt so badly, why don't you buy an identical one for yourself if you are unwilling to have a frank discussion with your wife about it. Or do you enjoy posting a thread saying how much better you looked in that skirt, in the hopes of getting some sympathy from members who are more than happy to put your wife (or women in general) down.

Sorry if this sounds harsh but this entire thread is childish in my view.

I don't think that's fair, Reine. There's nothing wrong with Susan's asking for advice and support about something she wants and is having difficulty getting. Susan is not responsible for some of the answers she got expressing hostility toward her wife. She explicitly criticized at least one of those posts, saying "I love my wife and will not simply tread all over her feelings to achieve what I want." Please don't blame Susan for what some other people posted here.

And if some of the thread's content is "childish," it's still constructive if it stimulates healthy discussion.


To those of you who think the wife behaved horridly, have you asked yourselves how Susan presents to the Mrs ... as a girl or as a boy? I suspect that Susan presents as a boy to the Mrs. most if not all of the time and so why would it occur to the Mrs. that Susan has first dibs on clothing. Honestly.

In the Mrs. eyes, the Mrs. is the female in the relationship - the one who wears girl clothes all the time - and Susan is the male who occasionally wears girl clothes.

This is where I have a problem, on two grounds. First of all, OK, so the Mrs. is the primary skirt wearer in Susan's home, and Susan is merely an "also-ran" in that field. But does that mean her wife's needs in that field are absolute at all times, while Susan's own needs count for nothing? I don't think so.

What if we were talking about something very different from skirts--like ice cream, say? Suppose the Mrs. had a special flavor of ice cream that she adored? If Susan liked it too, though without the same intense passion, would that make it fair for the Mrs. to gobble an entire carton of it without letting Susan get so much as a spoonful? Again, I don't think so. There ought to be some proportional sharing here.

Secondly, and even more relevant in practical terms, this was never a matter of having "first dibs" on clothing. That would be true if there were only one skirt, and the two of them were reduced to fighting over who would get it--like angry women playing tug-of-war over a bargain item in some "doorbuster" sale. But that was never the case. As you said yourself, the common sense solution was for Susan to buy her own skirt, while her wife was equally free to do the same. So where's the "conflict"?


Maybe the Mrs. did not even hear Susan ask if Susan should buy it for herself. How forceful was Susan's initial statement and how often do Susan and the Mrs. discuss who should get what when there is a conflict.

This in my view in the real, central point. In that respect it can be unfortunate at times when discussion on a thread wanders away from the original issue. I don't see that there was any necessity for "conflict"--not over who should get the skirt, anyway. If Susan had bought it, her wife could have done the same for herself, so Susan was never "depriving" her of anything.

The problem, as you said, was how forceful was Susan's initial statement? Did the Mrs. "really hear" what Susan was saying? Let's replay what Susan told us:


I test the water with "that's nice, I should buy it for me?" (Sometimes she agrees, other times not).

Well, with all due respect to Susan, that's not exactly a "forceful" statement, is it? A "forceful" statement would have been "Wow, I just LOVE that skirt, I'm gonna BUY it!" None of this "testing the water" stuff, "asking for approval"--or for "permission"!

I didn't go asking for "permission" from my wife when I bought a new CAR! I knew what I wanted, and just went out and bought it! I drove it home, parked it on the patio, and when she saw it the next morning she did a doubletake and said "Wow, did you buy a new car?" Mind you, I do concede, as I said at the beginning, that the circumstances of a marriage can be very different. In many marriages, financial conditions are such that any major purchase deserves to be discussed and agreed between the partners. We were lucky enough not to have such tight constraints. As it happened, my wife was due for a new car as well--both of our cars were old--and she bought hers the very next month! So I wasn't "depriving" her of anything by buying mine. Incidentally I still have the car, after 25 years! and still love it.

So what's a $17.99 skirt between friends? Buying it would not have deprived Susan's wife of anything, any more than my buying a new car deprived my wife of her own. To that extent, those posters were right who criticized Susan for "asking permission." We should never have to "ask permission" of people to do something that does not affect them. We are all individuals, and we're all free to "do our own thing" while other people do theirs, no matter how different we may be. If they try to stop us from doing something that doesn't affect them in any material way, then maybe they're being controlling--some people are "power-hungry"--and need their butts kicked out of our business! (I'm not saying Susan's wife is like this, but some people are. It's just a question to be examined, that's all.)

Conversely, some people are ridden with useless guilt and fear, and submit needlessly to the mere petty whims of others. Making such a tentative statement as "that's nice, I should buy it for me?" is an open invitation to anyone to impose their will on ours, without respect for what we want!

Who knows what Susan's wife was thinking when all she said was "I'm going to buy it for myself"? Maybe that's all she was thinking, and didn't take much notice at all of Susan's wish to buy it for herself. More likely, in my opinion, it was more complex than that. I gather the Mrs. has reservations about Susan's crossdressing. So when Susan pipes up about wanting a particular skirt--but in a wishy-washy fashion, begging for "approval"--the Mrs. knows that she can dismiss Susan's wishes simply by ignoring them as if they didn't exist, and hope the whole issue will go away. Besides, who knows whether she's afraid that Susan will look better in that skirt than she does herself, if she's overweight and Susan isn't?

All kinds of factors could be subtly playing a part. But the Mrs. isn't here to discuss this with, and Susan is. So all this is about advice to Susan, not to the Mrs. And the irony is that the best advice to Susan, in my view, was the very advice she criticized: namely, to "grow a pair." That doesn't mean to be "aggressive" or "hostile" toward her beloved spouse. It only means to be assertive, to state plainly what Susan wants, and to go out and get it.

That places the other person on the "back foot," because then if they criticize us for doing something harmless, they're the ones being "aggressive" or "controlling," and we have every right to "guilt trip" them about their behavior. If they keep pushing it, that is. But they probably won't, if all we do is "assert ourselves."

[Kitty Sue]

No offense, but really, no matter what I wear it almost always looks more flattering on a genetic girl/woman. If your wife loses the weight it will likely look better on her than it would on one of us. No matter what lol we are just a man in a skirt. :)

Add to that the fact you wife lets you dress, says she deserves the skirt.

I am wearing leggings at the moment and as much as I love them they look weigh better on my wife than they do on me. It's crushingly sad, but so true. :)

Just return home and find something similar.

[MiniRock]

Why are some of you so afraid to speak up and say something to your spouse?

Have you ever had one?

[Leslie Mary S]

MiniRock, I guess I was lucky. It was after my first SO passed away and my second wife and I split that I really became active.Before that I didn't even have a closset or even a drewer for my stuff.