I just told my wife I am a Cross Dresser

[Kitty Sue]

I was txting with my wife online and I said I have something to tell you when you come home. She asked if I could tell her now. I said I can however, you will find it shocking. She said okay.

So I told her I was a cross dresser. She said "Well that is a bit shocking, but ok. I'm not mad."

She then asked me would I go to clubs dressed up. Is it something I miss doing. I said yes to both.

Followed with "So where do you want to go from here? Are you telling me in hopes of getting back into it?" I said "Sometimes yes. Not around our children. Not around children in general."

"Do you want to do this permanently." To which I said no just every now and again.

She said "if you feel like it is something I need to do for me, then we can talk about to carry it out."

She said loves me and does not want me to suppress who I am for her.

I said I am neither gay nor transsexual and that I like being a man.

She went on to say the thinks I am an exceptional father and husband. I said the same about her being a mother and wife. etc etc.


Generally speaking she wants to be supportive although does not really understand CDing. Where this will go I don't know. I said to her you can expect to go through a whole range of emotions dealing with this. I said I am okay with you telling whomever you feel you need to speak to.

So we will see how this goes. I feel good having told her. She said she was happy that I felt I could talk to her.

Phew. I believe telling her was the right to do and am glad I did.

[Teri Ray]

Sounds like a good start but you should consider having a open and honest face to face discussion with your wife. Not easy but it can be helpful. Hoping for a good outcome for both of you.

[Kitty Sue]

Sounds like a good start but you should consider having a open and honest face to face discussion with your wife. Not easy but it can be helpful. Hoping for a good outcome for both of you.

I absolutely will have an open face to face when she returns. She would not have it any other way. She will have all kinds of questions I am sure. Her vacation is over on Thursday.

[alwayshave]

Kitty, I hope that long term this continues to go well for both of you.

[Victoria1]

It's a bold move. I'm happy that it seems to be working out for you. Good luck.

[Kitty Sue]

Kitty, I hope that long term this continues to go well for both of you.

I hope so too. We shall see as time goes by. I know she means well, but I know she also really likes her manly men. She has known me as a former soldier and merchant mariner. So interesting times ahead I think.


It's a bold move. I'm happy that it seems to be working out for you. Good luck.

Thanks. I hope this well go okay. We shall see.

[kimdl93]

As I recall from your earlier post, she was aware that you had cross dressed in the past and that you had enjoyed the experience, correct?

Nonetheless, It is good to hear that she is open to being supportive of you. You have laid the groundwork for mutually fulfilling arrangement. Best wishes to you both.

[Allyssa66]

i wish my girlfriend was as understanding...

[Jenny22]

Kitty, you said, "Generally speaking she wants to be supportive although does not really understand CDing." It's time for both of you to see a gender therapist. She needs to become more informed and more comfortable with it.

[Rachel05]

Tough conversation to have but I like your way of you telling your wife as opposed to my way which was to have my wife tell me I was a cross dresser when she found me out, that didn’t end well

I hope your honesty gives you both a good solution to work with, it will be good to know how you progress

[Kitty Sue]

As I recall from your earlier post, she was aware that you had cross dressed in the past and that you had enjoyed the experience, correct?

Nonetheless, It is good to hear that she is open to being supportive of you. You have laid the groundwork for mutually fulfilling arrangement. Best wishes to you both.

I told her before we married I had cross dressed once with some fellow army buddies. So probably not the same as what I told her today.


i wish my girlfriend was as understanding...

It's difficult and I have not a clue what the future holds. Sometime in the future she may have a different view. We will see.


Kitty, you said, "Generally speaking she wants to be supportive although does not really understand CDing." It's time for both of you to see a gender therapist. She needs to become more informed and more comfortable with it.

Sounds like a great idea really.


Tough conversation to have but I like your way of you telling your wife as opposed to my way which was to have my wife tell me I was a cross dresser when she found me out, that didn?t end well

I hope your honesty gives you both a good solution to work with, it will be good to know how you progress

Thankyou. If she had caught me, things would have been explosive and she, rightly, would have been really upset.

[DianaPrince]

Such great news! So happy for both of you.

[docrobbysherry]

U left out the bi part, Kitty Sue.:thumbsup:

I hope that doesn't become an issue down the line!:straightface:

[Kitty Sue]

Such great news! So happy for both of you.

Thank you. Be interesting to see what the future holds.

U left out the bi part, Kitty Sue.:thumbsup:

I hope that doesn't become an issue down the line!:straightface:

You are correct. I think I need to tell her that face to face. She had enough concerns over be being a cross dresser. She was asking if it meant I still wanted to be with her or not. Or whether I was gay or a transsexual. I had to explain to her I only want to be with her, and that I am a man. I like being a man. I don't want to transition to become a woman full time. I thought that was enough. When see her face to face I can explain the rest.

[Crissy 107]

If you really only want to be with her I am not sure you should get into talking about being bi. That could lead her to think you do not want to be with just her. It could be TMI at this point.

[Dressing up]

Kitty,

There are plenty of threads here, as you probably know, that advise against coming on too strong when a SO shows a receptive response. I would let your wife process the whole situation on her own timeline before you explore too much freedom. Sounds like you have someone who really loves you, make sure to let her know how important she is to you.

Best of luck
DU

[HelpMe,Rhonda]

Hey, a great response for the most part. Congrats!

[Vickie_CDTV]

Take it VERY slow. An SOs support can turn on a dime. Not that it will, but it can, as others can attest. Sometimes an SO will initially claim support, because she feels a deep need to support her husband, even if she is really sickened inside by it. Again, not necessarily your case, but it happens.

[Kitty Sue]

If you really only want to be with her I am not sure you should get into talking about being bi. That could lead her to think you do not want to be with just her. It could be TMI at this point.

Interistingly she brought up last night to me whether I considered myself bi, straight or gay. I said I consider myself most likely bi. With a preference for women but guys are not far behind. I said in saying that I am definitely not gay, and I would say definitely not straight looking at past.
She said "if you ever want to sleep with a man would you tell me."
I said "yes. In that case I would also tell you if I was going to cheat with a woman. All being bi does is open up more possibilities."
She said, "but a man can give you something I can't."
I said "so can a different woman."
I went on to say "if you cheated on me it could with a man who is funnier, stronger, richer, a different race etc." I said "If I was going to cheat, "it would not because I am bi necessarily."
I said "I love you, I don't want to be with anybody else."


Kitty,

There are plenty of threads here, as you probably know, that advise against coming on too strong when a SO shows a receptive response. I would let your wife process the whole situation on her own timeline before you explore too much freedom. Sounds like you have someone who really loves you, make sure to let her know how important she is to you.

Best of luck
DU
I think you are right. She really does love me. She bit off a lot with me. T

Hey, a great response for the most part. Congrats!

I thought so too.


Take it VERY slow. An SOs support can turn on a dime. Not that it will, but it can, as others can attest. Sometimes an SO will initially claim support, because she feels a deep need to support her husband, even if she is really sickened inside by it. Again, not necessarily your case, but it happens.

I absolutely agree with you. I have seen enough threads here to realize that could happen. I told her this is not something that will be easy to accept. I said you may go through a whole range of emotions and at the end of it you may not be able to live with it. She said would be willing to dress around her. I said not right now. I said I think slow is good.


Thank you everybody for your support.

[Crissy 107]

Kitty Sue, Looking at your post, #19, you may be stepping into a minefield, tread carefully.

[Kitty Sue]

Kitty Sue, Looking at your post, #19, you may be stepping into a minefield, tread carefully.

I know you are right. When she brought it up last night I almost said no. I thought about it and decided I am tired of covering up who I am. She deserves the information she asked for IMO. I have no control over her. If she ends our marriage over this that I her choice. In saying that she would do so out of fear not because I have cheated on her.

[Mickitv]

Sounds like a great start Hope and pray it works out for you

[Maid_Marion]

At this point I suggest you keep talking, as a way to regain her trust.

Marion

[BTWimRobin]

Congratulations! It's really wonderful your wife is accepting and supportive. Just take it slow and give her time to digest the news.

[JuliaGirl]

So lucky, Kitty. Congrats on the courage and the support. I expect I will take my secret life as Julia to my grave (making sure to leave behind a note with my hidden stash of clothing to explain).

[Linda Leigh]

Communication and honesty are the keys! Go slow and give her time to process this. I hope all this works out for the 2 of you.

[BrendaPDX]

Congratulations! I am very happy for you:)

[Kitty Sue]

Sounds like a great start Hope and pray it works out for you

Thanks. Taking it slowly and will see what happens.


At this point I suggest you keep talking, as a way to regain her trust.

Marion

Absolutely true. I totally agree.


Congratulations! It's really wonderful your wife is accepting and supportive. Just take it slow and give her time to digest the news.

I will indeed take it slowly and thanks.


So lucky, Kitty. Congrats on the courage and the support. I expect I will take my secret life as Julia to my grave (making sure to leave behind a note with my hidden stash of clothing to explain).

I hear you. It is not always possible for us to come to out to those we love. I have been fortunate in the 3 serious relationships I have had in life that all(if this one continues) have been accepting of my cross dressing.


Communication and honesty are the keys! Go slow and give her time to process this. I hope all this works out for the 2 of you.
Thanks. I hope it works out also. I agree that communication and honesty will be vital. Will indeed go slowly.


Congratulations! I am very happy for you:)
Thanks.


I was trying to look at cross dressing from the point of view of a non cross dresser today.

I was thinking this morning that if my wife said she wanted to cross dress in men's clothes what would I think? I would say sure go for it. However, I would not find it particularly attractive or a turn on. If she said to me, let's go out and I will wear a men's business suit, a fake beard and I am going to stop shaving my legs and arm pits, I would say ok. I would support her, but I would not be rushing home to jump into bed with her when she is wearing men's briefs or boxer shorts. I would not find her fetish or hobby overly attractive. Which is interesting as I am bi.

If she decided to wear my loose fitting jeans all day, every day and my baggy sweat shirts all day, every day what I would think? The truth is after a while I would ask her to put on women's clothes every now and then. Not all the time, but sometimes. I like looking at the curves and lines of ladies. I love it when they are all dressed up.

Looking back out of my 3 serious relationships my wife is the straightest woman of the 3. The other two were bi or bi curious, and found cross dressing somewhat attractive, one woman in particular.

I am going to try and keep this in mind when CDing. I am not sure that I will cross dress around my wife. I don't know if that would be fair on her. I know wants to be supportive, but I think I may keep it from her as much as possible unless she specifically asks to seem dressed. I had some good years, some great years dressing how I wanted, when I wanted. I need to keep that in mind. Obviously I will still dress up, but I will likely do so when my wife and children are away and school. Being retired military I get quite a lot of free time.

[luuv2dress]

I'm sure you feel so much better. I told my wife in a similar way and had a similar reaction. so far its been good just make sure you keep to any boundaries you both may set.

[Sandi Beech]

Hi Kitty Sue , it sounds as if it went pretty well , but she probably needs additional assurance that you are not really turning into someone she did not marry. You might want to take her out to a nice dinner or something, and not even bring up the topic unless she does first. You would not want dressing to consume too much of your talking time if you know what I mean. Then it becomes all about you - something I would avoid.

Good luck. I hope it works out well for both of you.

Sandi