Is that???

[Helen_Highwater]

So I was looking at the Boy Vs Girl mode section the other day and it never ceases to amaze me just how different members look when comparing boy against girl.

That made me think of just how many posts there are from those hovering on the brink of going out concerned about being recognised when out as their femme self. Does looking at that section give any comfort for the first timer or are the demon voices still so strong that they overwhelm and still leave folks frightened that fingers will be pointed as they?re instantly recognised by even the most casual acquaintance?

I?ve written before about being at a social group, it was towards the end of the evening and I glanced at the changing room as two males appeared and I was instantly left thinking where the hell did those two come from. It took a couple of moments before I realised I?d been sitting chatting to both of them but as their femme personas, now changed to head off home.

I also wondered if a group of strangers were allowed to view one of us in femme mode, then to have us disappear, revert to male mode and to then be part of an identification parade with eleven other males, would we be picked out with any consistency?

I?ve come to the conclusion over time that even if we have only modest makeup skills and a half decent wig, we are sufficiently altered to make us difficult to spot, especially if in a busy place, by those who know us only in our male mode.

Trouble is, I don?t know if I?ve the courage to test out my theory. Any volunteers?

[Sandi Beech]

Hey there Helen. I used to frequent a bar en femme when I was traveling for work. One night the bar was basically empty and I ended up talking tech shop with a guy next to me for a good while. One day I went to the same bar in male mode and he came over and said hi. Then says - I thought that was you. He picked me out, but had to think about it at least a little and we had been face to face for a long time when I was dressed up. So I think you are right about being difficult to recognize at least at a distance.

Sandi

[kimdl93]

I recently retired. This week, I learned that some of my former work associates were circulating pictures of me en femme to others in the organization. A few people contacted me to let me know this was going on. Each reacted with some skepticism that the person in the pictures was me.

[Rhonda Jean]

I recently retired. This week, I learned that some of my former work associates were circulating pictures of me en femme to others in the organization. A few people contacted me to let me know this was going on. Each reacted with some skepticism that the person in the pictures was me.

More than one point made in this post, Kim.

[Cheryl T]

I had the same thing happen when I first joined my old support group.
Sitting in the meeting room I watched a few men come in and head to the dressing room. Some time later they reappeared and were then introduced to me since I was new. Of course they were introduced by their femme names and I'll be darned if I could relate who was who other than by height. Later seeing them back in male mode it was still a challenge to put two and two together.
A nice wig, an application of makeup and a change of clothes and it's difficult for most to see someone they know under all that.

[Tracii G]

Figured that out years ago at my group too.
I learned when I first went out people weren't looking much past the clothes so when they saw womens clothes they assumed the person wearing them was a woman.
I was shoe shopping one day and my daughter and her husband were walking up the same aisle so I just kept on trying the pair of shoes on and they walked right past me.
I put the shoes back and walked up the next aisle her husband was walking right towards me 4 feet away I just kept walking and never looked back.
That was 2008 and neither my daughter or son in law have ever mentioned seeing me in girl mode.
They are the accepting type with gay and trans friends so they would have said something I assure you.
So my take is if you are dressed with make up and a wig and are dressed to blend even your best friend wouldn't recognize you.
My ex wife said when she saw a pic of me I don't see a guy at all and it doesn't look like you just another woman.

So from my experience if you are worried about people you know seeing you don't be because they aren't looking for you wearing womens clothes so if they do see a glimpse of you the clothes will automatically trigger well that can't be (insert your name here) because its a woman.

[Teresa]

Helen,
I could never do the boy Vs girl mode on the forum , very few people know me in male mode , I much prefer it that way .

The first shock I had some twenty years ago was when I'd made a reasonable job of my makeup and slipped a wig on the man had disappeared , if I felt like that then to other people they might well struggle to recognise me .

I'm in that odd situation at the moment , half my painting group who have known me for some years now know me in both modes the other half have only met me as Terri but it hasn't proved to be a problem only one lady wondered why I wore a wig and didn't use my own hair , she soon understood why it would never work . No one has ever told me which they prefer or suggested I should go back to male mode , I take that fact as a sign they are comfortable with me , I'm not sure exactly what I expected but I do consider myself very lucky to have so many supportive friends .

[Robertacd]

So far I have ran into two people I know "in the wild" and both of them recognized me.

Not to mention the staff at breweries, restaurants, bars, etc that I went to in male mode before coming out recognize me from before when I go there en-femme.

The real solution here is to just be prepared to own it, then you don't have to worry about it.

[Teresa]

Roberta,
Were you alone or with your wife ?

A while ago I related a story of meeting not one but two GGs who I had photographed their weddings , the first one now runs a tyre company and I needed a new tyre , I really had to spell it out to her before the penny dropped and then within a few minutes I met the second one at my Art Centre again I had to spell it out to her before she made the connection . More recently a lady who I knew years ago in our local Chamber Of Trade group joined the art group , she didn't connect until I reminded her who my brother in law was , as she knew him well .

[Robertacd]

Roberta,
Were you alone or with your wife ?

One time with my wife and one without...

Maybe if you wear a long wig of a totally different hair color than your male hair you would have a greater chance of slipping by someone you know. But I don't wear a wig, the only thing different I do is part my hair on the side.

[Micki_Finn]

It depends on the individual. I’ve met several people in both modes that didn’t recognize me from the other. I’ve also seen girls that are very clockable.

It also depends on the observer. Some people will be better at picking that sort of thing out than others.

[Maria 60]

A few Halloweens ago I went to a party dressed to what I thought I pretty much looked like my male self. A few weeks later a family member was describing to me what a great party it was and that I should have attended, I told him I was there and when I described what I was wearing he didn't believe me. He called and asked my wife if we were there and how I was dressed. I thought I didnt look that different I guess I was wrong.

[Suzi Q]

Helen,

I recently started a thread " How easy are you to recognize when dressing" that got 88 replies. I have been within five feet of a longtime former employee and his wife who all know me, face to face and they didn't recognize me. I've walked past other employees at car shows and they haven't shone any signs of knowing who I am. If you are not with someone they would associate you with (spouse or friend), or in a highly recognizable vehicle, or in a location they associate you with, your transformation will fool most people.

Roberta basically isn't transforming her appearance with makeup, wig, etc.. If I only parted my hair in a different way I would expect to be recognized.

Suzi Q

[Fran out]

I'm new to this site and I must say I've been encouraged by your comments. Although I've been crossdressing on and off for 60 years I've only dressed in fem from the neck down in the closet. Lately I've become very interested in dressing completely and am in a unique situation. I'm by myself for the next month or so (my wife, who has no idea I CD, nor would she approve). She does not like to travel anymore and would rather stay home with the grandkids. I'd love to go out and fully present as Fran. I'm terrified but you ladies comments have given me more courage. I have purchased several wigs on line.... one I like the other not!
The real challenge is make up. I had no idea all that is involved ( and still don't) and the skill necessary to make a good presentation. Other than some u-Tube videos and as you can see from my location I'm not in a city ( Denver is the closet @ 80 miles away) Not sure how to master that skill other than practice.
The comments here have been very encouraging.

[Sarah Doepner]

I've had it happen when people who only know one version of me, either male or female, have seen me presenting opposite of how they had come to know me. But both of those have been with or without a wig that's very different from my natural hair color. Now that I'm wearing my own hair more often when I'm out en femme I think it's more likely I'd be recognized.

[vplshowoff]

Where is the Boy Vs Girl mode section?

[Micki_Finn]

Fran, really the ONLY way to master makeup is to practice practice practice. Youtube tutorials are actually a really good resource. But just watching won’t make you an expert.

My advice is to practice your makeup on a day when you DONT plan to go out. If you have plans, then you’re just adding extra pressure to yourself to “get it right”. Set aside a day when you can spend several hours sitting in front of a mirror doing your makeup, wiping it all off, then starting all over again. If you feel like you’re absolutely lost and have no idea where to even start, drop me a line. I’ve written extensive “basic makeup” guides for girls here in emails in the past and I’d be happy to dig one out and copy paste it for you. Keep in mind there are about as many techniques and styles out there as there are people putting in makeup, if someone tells you how to do something, try it their way, then feel free to tweak it and make it work for your specific features.

[Sallee]

DEnver has I have been told, a great Make up studio, I am sure others here can chime in and give more details. I lived there 35 yrs ago and it had a pretty good cross dressing group and an active bunch of folks. Get out have fun YOLO

[Micki_Finn]

I've had it happen when people who only know one version of me, either male or female, have seen me presenting opposite of how they had come to know me. But both of those have been with or without a wig that's very different from my natural hair color. Now that I'm wearing my own hair more often when I'm out en femme I think it's more likely I'd be recognized.

I think a lot of people don’t appreciate how transformative a wig can be. It can alter your face shape, complexion and coloring, etc. It really does make a HUGE difference.

[Stephanie47]

Where is the Boy Vs Girl mode section?

It's in the Picture and Video Gallery as a sticky at the top of the heading.

[kayegirl]

Helen, I'm not sure about volunteering, but I have been in three situations when dressed where I have been very close to friends or acquaintances. First time I was going to the chemists attached to my local surgery and a neighbour couple walked by within a few feet, no reaction. Second time in a nearby town again just a few feet away, some long time friends, no recognition. Most recently same town in the supermarket and I came face to face with an old acquaintance, if he did recognise me he didn't say even when we sat together at a club meeting some days later.
I think that you are right about the wig. My natural hair is cut shortish, and is brown in colour, whilst my wig is not quite shoulder length and silver grey in colour.

[abby054]

Long ago, I found that merely removing my glasses makes me unrecognizable to more than half of my friends and family.

It astonished me how little it takes to become unrecognizable. I have walked right by several close friends in various venues while en femme and they never gave any hint of recognition. On several occasions each.

I go often to garage sales and have seen several people who know me but I remained unrecognized. I have even gone to a garage sale en femme, bought something, and then returned in drab with my truck to haul it away. No one gave any hint at all that they recognized me. A garage sale is a twofold challenge: look different enough that no one recognizes me and dress enough like the GGs my age that no one reads me, perhaps leading to recognition. Never had a problem.

I do wonder, though: Would my car give me away when en femme?

[Kimberly A.]

Well, Helen..... As for me and as I'm sure everyone has figured out, I've overcome my demons about going out dressed. I mean, it is just SO fun and exhilarating for me that I HATE having to put Kimberly away for two weeks straight.

As a line in one of my favorite songs says: "I'm entitled to overcome"..... I think we all are. LOL

[Andrea Renea]

A wig does makes a big difference in our
appearance.

I also wear some non prescription glasses
I've bought from Amazon.

I think that makes me look more feminine and
less recognizable.

[Victoria_Winters]

A wig does makes a big difference in our
appearance.

I also wear some non prescription glasses
I've bought from Amazon.

I think that makes me look more feminine and
less recognizable.

I?m actually the opposite of you. I wear glasses normally in my day to day life but while dress I don?t wear any. I think I?m way cuter without glasses and if you ever saw anyone that always wears glasses without them then they look completely differently! Like they are missing a part of their face.

[Diane Smith]

The one time I ran into an acquaintance while out and about, she recognized me instantly and called out my male name from across the room. So although I think my transformations are pretty thorough, I don't have any confidence that I will always be anonymous. Most people will glance and look past you, but not necessarily all.

- Diane

[Devi SM]

I can tell by my own experience in the days of crossdresser.
I went to a place just for crossdressers and men for date us. There was a changing room where we can make up and dress and when leaving do the opposite.
I came early and later other guys dressing when I was ready.
After all the fun, earlier than the rest, I went to change to leave but come back in male mode and the guys and girls I had been chatting couldn't believe it was me.
In those days my make up was very exaggerated and ways a wig.
Today, I'm trans, full time, my make up is more sober and have my own long hair, it would be hard don't recognize me because the only difference would be the no make up.
In those days, my wife always told me I would be recognize anyways, of course her opinion is subjective, she see the same guys but dressed.
Today some people that hasn't seen me in the last 3 years, wouldn't recognize me.

Devi

[AngelaYVR]

I go to my favourite cafe in both presentations. They eventually figured it out but it is a face to face business. The guy at the fishmonger that I have been going to for the last ten years also knows, partly from familiarity and partly because I only buy mackerel!

[Helen_Highwater]

Thanks for all the replies.

As some have said, there's always a particular person or you'll be in a regularly frequented place and you'll be recognised. At the same time as several of you have commented, we shouldn't underestimate the effect upon our appearance a wig can have, especially when coupled to half decent makeup and say a corset to add that all important shaping.

The boy Vs girl section is for me such a strong indicator that we shouldn't underestimate our own abilities when it come to transforming ourselves and perhaps we need to separate being read from being recognised. It seems quite possible for someone to see the CD'er without realising who that person is.

[Teresa]

Helen,
It reminded me of a thread a while ago where our likeness was compared with celebs , I can't remember what the website was but I had a couple very interesting comparison . This begs the question " Being Read " as a male or female ?

I've drawn a couple of self portraits as we have a project coming up attempting to do a self portrait , one of my attempts looks like Patricia Hodge according to some of my group .

[Devi SM]

Talking about looking as a celebrity, someone told me look like Jennifer...what do you think? Of course I don't have her beauty but some similarities...talking about femenine faces...

[Robertacd]

On this subject, Saturday I was at the mall sitting in the food court eating lunch. I glanced up and saw an old friend who works at the mall trying to figure out if that was me sitting there.

I just ingored them as I thought they would come over. But next time I looked they were gone.

So I am guessing that they couldn't be one hundred percent sure so they didn't say anything. I was with a girlfriend not my wife, so maybe that threw them off.

Eventually I will have to come out to them as the Makerspace I volunteer at has just moved to the same mall.

[Devi SM]

I was with a girlfriend not my wife, so maybe that threw them off..

This add an interesting element to this thread. My wife always feared that being together some friend we could meet would recognize me for her, so never happened except one day we meet a friend we hadn't seen in around 3 years. It was impossible to evade him so I hold my wife arm in sign of be quiet and don't delate me just to see the friend reaction. The guy greet us and ask who I was, wife answered I was my sister, after a while he gave me a compliment and talento say hi to me on his behalf.
In the last three years I stop cutting my hair and start HRT....after that we laugh a lot with wife because she was very nervous but then relax and enjoy the moment.
We could explain to that guy it was me but it would be a long conversation and nobody had the time for that in that moment and we probably won't see him again soon.

Devi

[Teresa]

Helen,
I was caught out with this situation as much as anyone , sometimes when I photographed a wedding I never got to meet the bride if the parents booked me for the photographs . After the event when the couple collected their preview pictures I could hardly recognise the bride on occasions , her hair would be different her makeup wouldn't be as heavy if she was wearing it at all and usually she would be wearing jeans and not a white flowing dress , if a man can do the same thing it's hardly surprising we can pass unrecognised .

[Eemz]

I meet people who knew me before all the time and very few make the connection, even if they already heard the news. I think it's all about context and expectation.

Helen said:
> perhaps we need to separate being read from being recognised.
> It seems quite possible for someone to see the CD'er without realising who that person is.

You're so right.

I think I told the story here before, but I met my old next door neighbor outside the church in the old neighborhood and I decided it was time to say hello. She was great about it, but said she saw me coming over and thought - "Oh, who is this, she obviously knows me, she's coming over. She could be one of the <family name> but not <my sister> so maybe a cousin or something."

So even with all that context she still went with female cousin, maybe.

[Krea]

Helen, you are so right. I look at the Boy vs Girl page and i am always so impressed by the transformations. Most of the members there should have no fear about being recognised en-femme by someone who knows them.