Torment through the post

[Helen_Highwater]

With clockwork regularity my SO gets an A5 sized catalogue that's predominantly women's clothing. She hasn't bought anything from it in years but it keeps falling through the letter box.

So there it is, full of attractive stylish dresses, skirts, tops and shoes, all laid out in glossy full colour, every item beyond my grasp. Now to add to it, there's a sale on! It's torture I tell you!

I can't order from it, questions would be asked in the house if parcels addressed to me started turning up. Even if they deliver to a local convenience store I'd start getting my own copy of the catalogue and invoices though the post.

So I guess I'll just have to put up with a quick browse and content myself that it's better and more satisfying to buy in store.

[alwayshave]

Helen, Can you not get a post office box for delivery?

[GretchenM]

You are quite right Helen. Once you order something you are on their mailing list and any other kind of advertising list and it is forever. You can opt out of email advertising, but eventually it starts up again. You are a customer to the end of time.

Jamie has a good suggestion, except most of these companies won't ship to PO boxes because they use UPS or Fedex. But maybe on your side of the big pond it is done differently. I assume you have already checked out alternatives because of your comment about having a drop off at a local convenience store or UPS store. I try to intercept all mailings to me, but it doesn't work and questions are asked by my marginally accepting wife. But if she didn't know it would be a disaster.

[Sandi Beech]

Hey Helen, I order a lot of things online and ship to a UPS store. Most web sites have the ability to let you use a separate shipping address from the billing address. I have only once gotten something sent to my home - the billing address. That was a card with a discount code for bare necessities.com. I was kind of annoyed, but lucky for me I snagged it. Clothing catalogs would be explainable especially if they also sell men?s clothing. You would not want to get anything with wigs or breast forms in the mail as that would be hard to explain.

Sandi

[Meghan4now]

Another vote for the UPS store, but in the UK, it might be DHL. You won't get invoices if you use a gift card credit card. Very untraceable and you can pay cash for the card at a local store. Also, if she is already getting the catalog, use her name and address for "billing" and UPS for Shipping. The invoice will be with the shipment, not separate. Same old catalog will still show up. None the wiser.

[Crissy 107]

Helen, If I remember correctly you are in a DADT situation with your wife so I would think that she knows something and even if she does not care to know she knows to some extent about this part of you. I am in a DADT and my wife does not care to talk about this but if a catalog from VS comes in with my name she knows and begrudgingly accepts it. I think it would be totally different for me if I was fully in the closet without her knowing anything, then all heck would break loose.

[Asew]

My wife ordered something from a random mail catalog and for a while we were getting a ton of these catalogs. At first I looked through them, but seeing the quality of the stuff she ordered they are no more than pretty pictures since I am too cautious to buy anything from these catalogs.

[Teresa]

Helen,
Been there and suffered the torment , it's a shame but most of those catalogues have mostly dried up and I do miss them . Mind you my Email intray is overflowing , I have so many online temptations , don't they know when I spent all my pocket money for the month !!

[Kay J]

I too am i a dadt situation but if i order anything i use my wife name and credit card then i tell her i order something in her name and give her the cash to pay for it if we get mailing and she see it she just leaves it on the table then i will take care of it.

[Robertacd]

They don't have PO boxes you can have your packages delivered to over there?

[Helen_Highwater]

Just to clarify, I'm in the closet although I've said in the past that my SO might have an inkling but I'm certain she doesn't know anything about to what extent I dress.

I have looked at the web site for this company, Kaleidoscope (https://www.kaleidoscope.co.uk/)BTW, and yes they do deliver to local drop points but not the first order which sorts of makes things awkward if not down right dangerous to say the least.

Tempting though the pretty pictures are, given my outings over recent years and my comfort in using female changing rooms to try things on, I've make a pledge of sorts only to buy in all but exceptional circumstances when out shopping in the RW. There are things, I recently bought some padded knickers off Amazon, that are difficult to find from the shops or if you can are ridiculously expensive so online buying in those circumstances I allow myself.

So I guess I'll just have to wait patiently for the postman to deliver the next catalogue and torment myself some more. I'll take one for the community.

[Tracii G]

Must be awful to be that afraid.

[Stephanie47]

When our daughter was in college she was an authorized user on my credit card. After she charged something at Victoria Secret its catalogues started appearing in the mailbox with my name on them. It was not an issue because it was known our daughter bought whatever it was. My wife thought it was great because free panty offers were hitting the mailbox. My wife would buy whatever my daughter was wearing and give them to her when she was home.

This subject comes up all the time on this forum. My wife never walks down to the central mailbox for our street. So, it's no big deal for me to receive packages. If you know your sizes and Amazon carries it you can usually select to have the package sent to a secure lock box. In my area these lock boxes are all over. I routinely buy gift cards at my local grocery/variety store which are great for ordering anything. Several local stores (Macy's and JC Penny) offer "ship to store" delivery options with the ability to annotate an additional person to pick up the parcel. One can order under a wife's name with a male name as an authorized pickup person.

Basically, if there is a will, there is a way.

PS: Thanks for the link. I did peruse the UK offerings.

[docrobbysherry]

I bought butt pads from China for $4, Helen. :thumbsup:

U sound miserable. Maybe it's time to have the "talk" with spoucy?:brolleyes:

[Meghan4now]

After reading the responses, I would say that if you really want it, you'll figure out how to do it. Otherwise you just need to let it go. Why torture yourself?

[candice.aihara]

I'm surprised there are still clothing merchants who advertise via the post. Regardless, there are merchants who offer discrete packing or accept post office / secure lock box addresses. I think you'll come up with a solution.

[Vikky]

Hi Helen
I am in a DADT and try and buy my needs when my SO is away for a few days, so deliveries can arrive when she not around as she was last week visiting the grandchildren. She knows about my needs but avoids any discussion and more less ignores it.

Not heard of Kaleidoscope before, but I have just taken a look and they are a bit beyond my budget. I was buying from Damart for a while but got the evils from ?her indoors? when their catalogue arrived in the post. But they are a good price, especially on sale. Their parcels are clearly labelled as from them which is a bit unfortunate. It was embarrassing when all our post ended up next door but the catalogue (addressed to male me) didn?t cause any issue. In the end I cancelled the catalogue and they have stopped sending my anything (about 8 months now).

I have regularly bought from Amazon and it comes in a bland package. Bought this pencil skirt last week. Have also bought from M&S and Waitrose and collected from the store, never been an issue.

I hope you find an acceptable arrangement.

Vikky
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[Helen_Highwater]

Please everyone, don't feel sorry for me. The post was made with more than a bit of tongue in cheek. I get by just fine. I've got a big stash to call upon and I get to dress almost every day. It may be as little as ninety minutes or it might be 5 hours.

There's loads of retailers I can and have called upon who'll deliver to drop points. In truth I've no real desire to buy more. I don't want to be buying stuff I put on once and for it not to see the light of day for years. As many will know, I take a weeks holiday once in a while and as it stands it's a nightmare deciding what to leave behind and then I still take more than I get to wear.

As for afraid, more cautiously prudent is how I'd put it.

[Sandi Beech]

Hi again Helen. Regarding your nightmare about what to take and what to leave behind, I can very much relate. That is why I only have about 12 outfits I can wear. I usually only get to dress up for one nights outing on a week long business trip. Even when I only bring a couple of outfits with me, my suitcase weighs a whopping 39 lbs as of my last trip - silicone weighs a lot - haha. Anyhow good luck with your shopping.

Sandi

[Sharon budd]

Helen, totally get your sense of tongue in cheek unfairness, coming from a fellow Brit. To counter this I am the frequent recipient of e-mailed catalogues from Marisota, which give me a great deal of satisfaction when they arrive with a thump in my in-box. BTW my mam's catalogues back in the day were sheer heaven for my younger self.

[Helen_Highwater]

Sharon,

My SO used to get Marisota catalogues as well but they seem to have stopped. BTW for those in the UK who've not encountered Marisota the stock footwear up to size EU43 in wider fittings.

I bought some male trousers from Next a while ago online and I used to get their catalogue which was always a good browse.

And yes I remember the Littlewoods catalogue from my youth as well.

[Vicky_Scot]

That's a shame Helen.

I just got a parcel the other day with 3 new tops. Unpacked them and modelled them for the wife and told her "keep your eyes off, they are mine"....lol

Maybe one day Helen that might be you, fingers crosses. x

[kimdl93]

Ah yes....catalogues. I remember furtively perusing the women?s sections of Montgomery Wards, Sears and Roebuck, and JC Penneys...back in the day. Of course, I am so old that when I was young all we had was wood burning cats.
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[Marianne S]

Helen, isn't this a two-part problem whose parts need separate solutions? One part is about hiding your delivery address from the company; the other part is about hiding your billing address from them.

If I understand this correctly, Kaleidoscope won't deliver to a P.O. box, or not for the first order anyway. (Why only the first order? Seems to me a ploy on their part to collect the buyer's true address for their database.) But when you say they won't deliver to a "drop point," what does the term "drop point" cover? Does it include an "accommodation address" at a local convenience store, for instance? It seems to me the company would have trouble detecting that such an address was being used. Isn't that a possibility for delivery?

As for the billing address, Meghan4now came up with a good suggestion: pay with an anonymous gift or credit card that can't be traced to your home. Or won't the company accept a postal order for payment through the mail? There's no way they can trace that to your home, when you've "laundered" your payment through the good old GPO, or whatever they're calling it these days. ("Royal Mail"? "Post Office Limited," is it?) Let the "GPOstman" (as John Lennon called him "In His Own Write") take care of your problems!

There's a lot to be said for the Postal Service, including in matters of money. I recently had difficulty trying to pay a guy in Canada for a product I bought from him on eBay. He couldn't accept credit cards, PayPal, "foreign" checks (that's "cheques" to you), or any of that. I tried Western Union, but for some obscure reason he couldn't redeem the cash at his end, and I had to get my money back from WU. I finally resorted to a money order from the good old USPS (United States Postal Service), and that solved the problem. There were issues of currency exchange too--I'm in Phoenix, as you can see--but I got that sorted with the guy, so three cheers for the Postal Service! They get bashed often enough; they do deserve some credit. Mike, my mailman, is a good guy and knows me well.

If Kaleidoscope demands a billing address of some kind, just make one up! I do it all the time! I amaze myself how many "fake identities" I've got on the Web above all. "Marianne" is actually authentic insofar as it is the name I've called myself for so many decades. But long before there was ever an Internet I've had magazine subscriptions in names like "Francis N. Stein" (got it?), and "A. B. Cust"--a character in Christie's ABC Murders. I could tell instantly what was "junk mail" by the names it was addressed to. What fun it is to masquerade! As long as it's not done to defraud anyone of course, or anything rotten like that. Fake addresses are a little different, but you can always supply a nonexistent address. Or better still, why not use a neighbor's name and address? If "Mrs. Jean Simpson" of 19, Station Road receives a Kaleidoscope catalog, she'll never ask why, and anyway if their clothes are so great there's no harm in hooking the company up with a potential new customer, which could turn out to the benefit of both!

If all else fails, and none of these suggestions "work" for you, my advice is to find a friend! There must be support groups for crossdressers in your area, stacked with potential friends, any of whom might be willing to let you use her address for delivery of the clothes you crave. "When there's a Will there's a way"--as the solicitor said as he watched two witnesses signing the document he'd just drawn up... Good luck to you, Helen!

[Devi SM]

More than focus on mail or catalog sales and purchases, I keep thinking on the title of this thread. Torment, that's a big word. How is the supposed oppressors of the woman for centuries had reached this point on tormenting themselves from who's supposed to love them?
Ok, that's a topic open to a big duscussion because many guys can't go out with friends, or football games etc. without fearing a drama at home when back. That would be understandable because women could feel be left over but when the identity itself of one of the spouses must be hide to the point that this person feels tormented?

Something is wrong in your relationships guys because I see so much pain, crying, depression and fear here from several guys. This falls on dishonesty, from my view point, why don't start being honest? Are you excusing yourself for being just yourself?

Mho.

Devi

[tmonsivais]

Helen,

I am not sure if this has be been recommend but why not buy your wife something for her as a gift, surprise and then this would explain why you would be getting a catalog since you bought it using your information. Later you can just order and mail it to the convenience store and the catalog would be easily explained because of her gift.

[GaleWarning]

I may be wrong, Helen, but I get the sense that you do not need any help or advice (or criticism!).
When I read your OP I get the feeling that you were amused by your predicament, and wished to share it with others who have a sense of humour.
But in these PC days, fewer and fewer people find life in all its weird and wonderfulness, amusing.
I'm with you, sister. I get it. And it is amusing, this thread. Even if my sense of humour is warped, I don't believe I am alone
:hugs:

[Devi SM]

Now I write to other people commenting here. I remember when I wanted to go free and have sex with men but people told me here I was a cheater.
Is it not cheating look the ways to lie wife with tricks to obtain dresses? So, I understand, because I was a crossdresser, that you need to satisfy your needs as crossdressers and for some is not a big deal to hide it because is a non matter and no often situation but to reach the point of suffering, hide from and lie to the supposed more loved person in the world?

I don't understand....

Devi

[GaleWarning]

Devi, perhaps it is precisely because Helen does not want to lie to her wife, that she will not order stuff from the catalogue.

[Desiree2bababe]

All the women catalogs come to the house in my name, no secret as to who is ordering......

[Helen_Highwater]

but to reach the point of suffering, hide from and lie to the supposed more loved person in the world?

I don't understand....

Devi

Devi,

My post it seems has been misinterpreted possible down in part to the British sense of humour which at times can be very self depreciating. I'm not suffering in the least. Although I can't dress as often or as freely as would be ideal, I know from reading here that my position is far more satisfactory than for many. As I write this I'm sat dressed, forms and wig on, in a black dress and heels. Home alone for 4 hours plus and content with what I have. Through out any given week I'll have time to me most days.

Yes it would be nice to simply order anything I wanted but I can't see the point of having loads of dresses and skirts that get tried on, put in a wardrobe never to see the light of day for possibly years. As my dressing has progressed, as I've grown in confidence such that I can happily use female changing rooms while out enfemme, I'd much rather only buy things I can try on first.

So no-one should feel sorry for me. I have equilibrium in my life. I learned a long time ago it's only too easy to wish your life away aching for things that won't happen. A (wo)man should know their limitations and then live accordingly.