From friendship to dressing and finally serious meaningful love

[Bobbi46]

I must go back a few years to give you a full picture. My ex dumped me just before Christmas 2012, finally leaving in April 2013 going back to the UK, leaving me here at that time friendless and alone. Also unloved for the latter 5 years prior to the split.
Slowly I got on my feet and joined a support group for lonely expats. I got to know the secretary (a woman) of the group and we became friends slowly over the years our friendship grew but between us my dressing was not spoken of (me fearing a loss of a new friend); We began to talk on Skype and one day my friend said "Is that nail polish?". Not being fully "out" right then I was floored for a reply and lamely said "could be" followed by a phone call by me and offering a full explanation about me and why I dressed. I was met with the reply "so what its only clothes, its the person underneath" after that I used to visit G dressed every time.
From just visiting her we then started to go out to restaurants, shopping centres and such like.
Our friendship deepened and my dressing became such a normality, a pure normal way of life. Slowly as our friendship grew it slowly changed from being just platonic to " maybe there is love here" to now where we are deeply in love.
My dressing although not known in the early stages of our friendship once known was not a stumbling block at all.
So after nearly 13 years solid pure love has come into my life no longer will I be alone, left to dress and just have friends It is now dressing with deep love firmly established.
Was this luck? you tell me.

[GretchenM]

Could be, but I doubt it. More likely it is Kismet.

More seriously, it is not luck - it is you. It is the person who has some kind of an aura about them of being honest, kind, caring, and lonely. There are some researchers that think we give off certain pheromones (extremely faint odors) that others can sense but not consciously. And these pheromones trigger reactions that result in a strong attraction to that person. I am not talking about sexual attraction, but a desire to bring comfort to the other person. Pretty hard to prove, but possible - lots of animals do that. Even plants do that.

But perhaps you should first ask your self a question. Does it really matter what caused it? It is a beautiful story and a glorious happening and I could not be more happy for you. I have followed you and your experiences in the small French village you live in. You have dealt with a lot and done very well. That is a sign that you are a good person; people notice that. They sense it. Your smile, your demeanor, your speech and tone of voice. They all contribute to how others see you with just a little contact. It is about time you found yourself in the throws of dizzyheaded love. Congratulations and I wish you all the happiness in the world. Looks like you found a rare one.

[Dutchess]

YAY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thats what I have to say about it . It truly IS the person underneath . Doesn't matter how it happened <3

[Sandi Beech]

That?s really great Bobbi. I am so happy for you. You must be exhilarated. Wonderful story..

Sandi

[Bobbi46]

Yes I have friends, good ones too and some that know but prefer not to see but to have what I have now is almost unbelievable. I spent Christmas with her, as a previous thread of mine explained previously but it really is since Christmas that deep love came into our lives. Right now I am on cloud 9 with happiness

[NancyJ]

So wonderful...reassuring to know that it can happen. Sounds like you deserve her.

[Bobbi46]

Nancy, thank you, this is a wonderful part of my life, to first find someone and then for them to fully embrace unconditionally my dressing and then for deep love to emerge is for me a true blessing.
So many good things have happenned since it feels like Christmas has not passed me by

[AllieSF]

Congratulations. My, you have kept this a secret for a long time here! Enjoy and enjoy more.

Allie

[Crissy 107]

Bobbi, We all strive to be happy and I am so excited that you have found true love. Enjoy the ride, you deserve it!

[docrobbysherry]

U bet your G's it is, Bobbi! I've met quite a few accepting females. But, they won't date T's! :thumbsdn:

Of course, I live in the USA.

Congrats!:drink:

[bridget thronton]

Very happy for you Bobbi

[Helen_Highwater]

Bobbi,

This is such good news. I'm really happy for you.

Your story illustrates that if we're initially known and liked for our personality, to come out and suddenly have that friendship rejected makes no sense. As G says, they're only clothes and she sees you for the person you are and not the gift wrapping. I would still counsel baby steps and make sure she's comfortable with everything you do together.

[BTWimRobin]

Hi Bobbi,

I'm so happy for you! She's absolutely right....it's only clothes. Thanks for sharing.

[alwayshave]

Bobbi, That's wonderful news.

[Suzie Petersen]

Congratulations Bobbi, that is wonderful!
Good for you.
- Suzie

[Lydianne]

Congratulations! I applaud you telling her about yourself early. I think 13 years is a solid sample size. I seriously hope it continues.

However, we spend half our time on this board giving advice about how to start going out, and the other half about trying to improve SO acceptance. So there is an implicit acknowledgement here that it's a fluid situation. We're ecstatic for those for whom non-acceptance evolves into DADT or better, but what about when acceptance goes the other way? Do we need to be equally pragmatic about that? Would that not be at least, fair?

Seeking an accepting partner of dressing... well, I'm not aware of a place where likely-accepting women congregate. You could have done everything correctly, come out, and she could have said "no". Therefore, from that standpoint... :strugglin.


But it doesn't matter. She didn't say no, and you are happy. I hope it continues! :thumbsup:.

- L.

[Krea]

Bobbi, i think it's more than luck. It's the wonderful consequence of you being true to yourself. This has enabled you to meet someone who accepts you for who you really are, and is not merely influenced by how you look.
I wish you much happiness, you really deserve it. :thumbsup:

[Bobbi46]

Thank you all for your lovely replies G and I are both mature enough with what life has thrown at us

But what I must add is that ( I am aware her husband died alongside her in a car accident 18 years ago now) but what she said to me only this last month and this has stuck in my mind ever since and it was this
"There was Tom and now there is you" quite an accolade to hear that said.

So yes happy times for us both

[JuliaGirl]

More seriously, it is not luck - it is you.
This. We bring the love into our lives we deserve. It sometimes takes a while to find, but it's there. And you found it. So lovely.

[Tracii G]

If that is what you truly want I am happy for you.

[Bobbi46]

After so many years of feeling unloved and unwanted for this to happen is wonderful for both of us, something I was resigned to never having, but it has and life is lovely