Shopping: Need some courage and advice

[Al1986]

Dying to go to Victoria Secret

Going guy mode, I?m 6?3 so I?ll be noticed for sure

So when approached by a sales rep do I say it?s ok I got this?

Or say

Hi I?m shopping for myself and I?m just looking to see what I like

Thank you ❤️

[Micki_Finn]

What exactly do you think the employees are going to say? ?Oh my god it?s a MAN! GET OUT GET OUT???? Nope. They?re going to say ?welcome?. And maybe ?can I help you find anything?? And if you do buy something, they might ask ?cash or charge??. Surely you can answer those questions without our help. No one is going to ask your motivations or why you?re there. All you need to say is ?I?m just looking, thanks?.

[Vicky_Scot]

Play nice Micki. x

[Helen_Highwater]

Micki is of course correct. It is however one of those things easier said than done as we're ingrained with that sense of fear about being outted to the world and their dog. You need to make your mind up that it is something you can do, stay as calm as possible and try to treat it as a shopping trip to the DIY store. You're buying clothes, not naughty knickers.

[Robertacd]

Listen to Mickii set your fears aside, be upfront and honest with the store staff.

TRY EVERYTHING ON IN THE STORE!

You will have an overall better experience and leave with better fitting lingerie than if you just grabbed what you think would fit you.

[Jenny22]

95% of my fem items, including lingerie and makeup, I purchased in guy mode. I never had a problem. Go out and enjoy your shopping!

[Asew]

We can tell you how most of the fear is in your head and how no one really cares. Even if someone has an issue, they won't care about it the next day but you might be replaying it in your head. This fear in your head is probably going to make you look shy and out of place. You can do your research ahead of time, such as measure yourself so you know what size you wear. Look up what they have available so you know what thinks you want to check out. Listen to all the people here tell you it's ok to have the courage. You will do ok and the reward will so be worth it.

Like my mom used to say "practice makes perfect."

[Rhonda Jean]

I've been at this a LONG time, and even with decades of experience I still run into situations depending on the SA, the phase of the moon, or I don't know what. I've kind of aged out of VS, but in general... "Just looking" always works. If it happens that everything comes together and you feel emboldened, ask to try something on. Have some idea of your size before you go. You can't try on panties anyway. Some places you can try on over your panties, but usually not. Before you go, measure around your chest right where your bra strap would be. From my experience, this is your band size (regardless of the fitting info you find online). With forms, our cup size can be whatever we want. You can pretty much tell by looking if it's close to what you need. Even if you're going to wear a bra without forms you can pretty well tell. We're usually not very picky about comfort since we're probably not wearing a bra all day every day.

I guess VS is kind of a right of passage. I remember when that label meant something to me. If it means something to you, better get it while you can. When I got a little more picky about bras and was no longer drawn to the label, I found that their stuff wasn't the best, at least for me. It's great marketing! During the height of VS I loved seeing that VS tag in my drawer. There was a psychological draw that made wearing that VS bra or pantie just a little extra. Worked for them for a long time.

Enjoy!

[Cheryl T]

If you are confident then just tell them it's for you and ask for help, perhaps with sizing or style.
Not sure that at 6'3" they will have much for you unless you are thin. They don't usually have much in larger sizes.

Just remember ... your money is just as green as everyone else's. A Customer is a Customer and if you are treated poorly by a sales associate don't be afraid to complain to management.

[RainbowDash]

As someone who is an avid shopper at Victoria's Secret, I can tell you exactly what you need to do.
Get straight to the point with the very first sales person you meet, who is going to ask if you need assistance. Trust me, they do not give a **** if you're a man or woman, although they may automatically assume you're there to shop for your wife or girlfriend. Don't bullshit them around and waste their time, just tell them straight out that you are shopping for yourself. They will not care, they are used to this kind of thing in today's world and will be more than willing to help. Be on your best manners too and behave like a perfect gentleman. Remember that you are a man in a woman's lingerie shop, and while the employees will accept you, there are a few women who might feel uncomfortable around you. Not everyone is open to the idea of men wearing women's clothes.
As for shopping, if you know for sure you're going to do a lot of shopping at Victoria's Secret, sign up for the credit card. Now if you're not a fan of credit cards that is fine. But this card is most definitely worth it if you intend to buy a lot and frequent their stores. They give away points like crazy, and it only takes 250 points for a $15 reward card, 1 point for every $1 spent. Oh and all bras (except clearance) are triple points, so you'll be racking up the points fast. BEWARE!!! This might make you spend a little more than you want to. I know because that's what happened to me, and I found myself having to curb back on my spending.
Have fun!

[JenniferMBlack]

I don't normally ask for assistance at Victoria Secrets but when I have I have always been honest it was for me. Never been an issue, aside from finding the correct size in a style I wanted. But that would have been the same for a female in the same size.

[VeronicaMoonlit]

What exactly do you think the employees are going to say? ?Oh my god it?s a MAN! GET OUT GET OUT????

I'm just having a moment about someone angsting about shopping at Victoria's secret in 2020! VS is used to guys buying stuff, especially at Christmas and before Valentines Day. Though I figure like most SA's they can spot guy-mode transfolk pretty quick.


Play nice Micki. x

We need more of Micki's common sense.



TRY EVERYTHING ON IN THE STORE!

You will have an overall better experience and leave with better fitting lingerie than if you just grabbed what you think would fit you.

The OP would have better luck in a plus-size or tall-size lingerie retailer, than VS, being 6'3" a lot of what's in the store won't fit.

[Robertacd]

You're probably right Veronica, VS is not all that. Frankly I find VS bras overpriced and under performing.

It's all marketing hype.

[Maid_Marion]

I love VS because they have XS sizes that frequently go on sale. And they let you stack up to three coupons. But, they most notably don't have much for larger girls, so a credit card may not be worth the hassle if nothing fits.

Also, VS is aimed at mature women with fully developed breasts, while PINK is aimed at the younger crowd. PINK is where you will find the A cup bras in the store. But PINK's panties are more flirty than those in VS.
VS constantly has panty sales. And free panties if you sign up for the credit card.

[kimdl93]

Going in dressed in guy mode will not rattle any cages whatsoever. not at 6 foot three. And it won?t phase them if you go in girl mode, as I have done, and at just shy of the same height.

But as noted by others, VS is not going to have the array of sizes and styles you will find at other stores. VS targets a particular niche and that is fine.

[BTWimRobin]

I've found if I just own it and say that I'm shopping for myself, I have a good experience. The way I look at it is I'm not the first guy to buy things and I won't be the last.

[DanielleDubois]

Slightly off topic, but I just read VS is being sold and shutting down at least 50 stores, so if you want to shop there probably a good time to do it before they are gone for good.

[TheHiddenMe]

You might be surprised at their reaction if you tell the truth.

My first foray into dressing was three years ago. First step was getting my nails done, as a guy. A bit apprehensive, but told the tech my plans (makeover, try on clothes). Her eyes lit up, she had a big smile, and supported my plans. The next day Julie at Sephora and Falon at Nordstrom were beyond wonderful.

I have a current thread in the photos section about how wonderful the SAs at a store here in Melbourne are so fabulous to me (one called me her favourite customer).

I've never had a bad experience with an SA. OTOH, I've had TONS of wonderful experiences.

Only one way to find out if the same will be true for you. Overcome the fear, walk in, and tell them what you are looking for.

[docrobbysherry]

Al, u don't have to say the things r for u. Say they're for someone about your size but much shorter!:thumbsup:

And, I NEVER try things on in the store!:doh:
They're all returnable anyway!:heehee:

[Nadia Wren]

I'd say first seek out a 'friendly' boutique in your area. They will be more fitting with sizes, acceptance, and overall comfort of purchase. Then you'll have more confidence in accenting your step to VS with what you have learned from the more 'friendly' boutique. In this day and age, VS is not necessarily the first place to go.

[Robertacd]

LOL Wren "In this day and age, VS is not necessarily the first place to go."

In general VS is the last place I would go

[Rachel05]

I remember my first time shopping for female clothes, I desperately wanted to buy some really nice feminine lingerie, I felt ridiculously self conscious but I did it and guess what, no one cares and now many years on I don’t even think about it, shopping is shopping

Just before Christmas I saw a nice pair of ankle boots in my size, took them to the SA, she checked them through, told me these are nice boots and we chatted nicely

I’m not far off your age and once you’ve made that first purchase, you’ll wonder why you were worried, just be yourself

[Petra_Briar]

I once had an SA say to me"are you shopping for your wife, girlfriend or yourself?"...and I was in drab

Enjoy browsing, and hopefully you find something cute for your self!

[Erin_T]

Don?t stress about as you see it?s very common. Also it?s just as enjoyable as you are imagining! I prefer Pink store myself but sizes are more difficult there.

[Crissy 107]

I'd say first seek out a 'friendly' boutique in your area. They will be more fitting with sizes, acceptance, and overall comfort of purchase. Then you'll have more confidence in accenting your step to VS with what you have learned from the more 'friendly' boutique. In this day and age, VS is not necessarily the first place to go.

This is a very good way to start and if you are lucky to have one not too far away you will not regret going there. Small lingerie shops are few and far between but being a most likely locally owned boutique they will be happy to have you stop by.

[NancyJ]

As Danielle mentioned, L Brands has sold VS and the founder and longtime CEO has stepped down. The store has been losing market share for some time as most women turn to comfort over sexy and VS has not kept up, continues to cater to the teeny bopper set. I agree with those who have encouraged you to just be honest, yet I understand that often our fear in doing so is representative of our own shame and expectation of being rejected or embarrassed.

Personally, I would favor a Soma store over a VS, and there are countless stories on these pages and other CD sites about CDs getting bra fittings at Soma stores. Soma is more likely to have sizes to fit your larger frame. Also, their stores are often smaller, so may be less intimidating for your first couple forays. Got close to store opening on a weekday. Have fun and if you take the SAs time, buy some things. Remember, you will not be the first guy they have sold panties to for himself. Probably about five percent of all guys wear panties (at least). Nancy

[Victoria1]

This was difficult for me as well when I first began buying my own lingerie. Initially I would use the guise that they were for my wife. We are about the same size so that worked just fine. As time went on I began to care less and less if they knew that I was buying for myself. The SA at Dillards recognized me from previous visits and would say things like, "As I recall you prefer this style or that style, etc". I assumed that this meant she knew that I was buying for myself. Over time I've become much more confident and just tell the SA what I am looking for and what size. I'm still pretty uncomfortable buying bras for myself and have yet to be fitted. It will be the next big step for me. As many on this forum have stated, the SAs really don't care. If you're concerned about running into someone that you know you might try the local outlet mall. They are popular with many tourists and a bit less so with local people. At least that's my experience. Good luck.

[Star01]

Trivia fact about VS. It was started in 1977 by a man who was frustrated trying to find good lingerie while shopping for his wife. Consequently, the original concept of the store was to provide a place where men are welcomed. I'm a shy shopper but after reading that in a search on the companies history I'm ready for a trip to VS. 😁

[wendy]

For me, it really depends on the store. If I go in person, I avoid stores that have SA. Places like Walmart, Target are perfect because no SA will approach you and you can browse at your leisure. Sears and JC Penney are good too, again no SA to ask if you need assistance.

I'll admit I go thru a roller coaster, there are times when I feel confident and I don't care who sees me - for instance, I was browsing the make up area of a local store, and the SA asked what I was looking for. I told her a concealer, and she helped me find it, no questions asked; on the other hand there are times when I feel so self conscious that I think that everyone is judging me. Truth be known, I've witnessed other guys shopping with no female companion, and no one really bats an eye. Sometimes we are our own worst enemy.

[Star01]

PS, we have a local chain of adult gift stores most of which are stand alone buildings or in strip malls. All of our VS are in Malls where I might be recognized so I opt for the adult gift stores over stores like VS. Any other shoppers you encounter in those types of stores aren't going to give you a second look. I find that to be easier for me as a shy CD shopper than the Malls.

[Michelle_G]

We are usually our own worst enemy. You are probably not the first male they have seen shopping for themselves. They are doing their job and tending to customers.$$$

[Gaz]

I'll echo what others have said - saying you're shopping for yourself will mean you'll walk out of there with better fitting stuff. I'll also echo what others have said in that VS isn't what they used to be. A decade (or so) ago, their stuff was fantastic - now I find it (personally) an overpriced Fredericks of Hollywood.

Personally though, I 100% know where you're coming from, and while I can RATIONALLY say that you should tell them you're shopping for yourself, I've never had the courage to do that myself in there. The closest I've gotten was talking to my local Soma boutique via online chat asking about coming in for a bra fitting, which they had absolutely zero problem with me doing, but did suggest that for my own comfort and potentially the comfort of other shoppers, I come in during a quiet time, like Sunday morning. (Still haven't done it, tho!)

[Glenda58]

Just go in and tell them it's for you and they may take you back to a fitting room so you get the right size for you. They did for me.

[MaryAnn1963]

I do understand the anxiety you are facing...I get very nervous buying what little I have purchased lately. I try not to engage the clerks too much, but at some of the thrift stores the little old ladies that volunteer there get chatty. I bought two pair of pumps last week at a church run thrift store.in guy mode... the lady looked at me, back at the shoes, then at me again...and said "do these fit okay?" I said that they indeed do and that brand/style are the most comfortable heels I've ever worn. She just gave me a big smile and rang me up & said enjoy. I had to take a few deep breaths once I made it back to my car.

[LadyInRed]

i totally get where you're coming from, but it gets easier, just remember they are there to sell stuff, so go in there head held high and get what you want :)

[emma30]

When i go shopping i always think the staff are there to sell and thats it!
Your doing them a favor by buying something. Go for it!

[Jemima Stephens]

If the shop staff are a little off I tell them that I am shopping for my Husband as he is transitioning....that normally puts them on the back foot!!

(BTW Tesco have a good sale on at the moment, got a lovely floaty dress in black with pink flowers on reduced from ?25 to ?10 that i am wearing at home now...)

[crissy7]

Find out what size you are before you go.When someone wants to help tell them,they don't care.good luck.

[Leslie Langford]

What exactly do you think the employees are going to say? ?Oh my god it?s a MAN! GET OUT GET OUT???? Nope. They?re going to say ?welcome?. And maybe ?can I help you find anything?? And if you do buy something, they might ask ?cash or charge??. Surely you can answer those questions without our help. No one is going to ask your motivations or why you?re there. All you need to say is ?I?m just looking, thanks?.

I think the OP was asking if she could expect to encounter any "attitude" from SA's in those stores.

Given the tone of many of your posts here, I would guess that exhibiting "attitude" is a concept that you are very familiar with.

[jacques]

hi,
you don't have to say anything. If approached with an offer of help you can politely say "no thank you"
Just remember that the shop wants you to spend money - you are doing a good deed by boosting their profits!
luv J