Does it make you feel awkward?

[Dannie1]

Question time...

I have a supportive wife. Not involved but understanding... here?s a scenario many would have experienced:

When I watch programmes where ?masculine? men poke fun of women through joking with women?s clothes it makes me uncomfortable when I?m sat watching with my wife...

Main reasons:
First one is obvious - I?m a crossdresser (duh). And enjoy women?s clothes. And my wife obviously knows and is probably thinking the same as we watch.

Second. I?m not particularly masculine and I worry my persona as a male is stereotyped on tv to my wife as what men should be like.

Thirdly I like being feminine. Men poking fun at it offends me. I can take a joke and I obviously get humour and will laugh, and will behave immaturely (male) at times too as I am still very much that as well of course.
But a part of me disagrees with the behaviour towards things that are perceived as feminine therefore ?funny? if a male does it.

So question.

Does anyone else feel this way and how do you handle this situation when it arises?

[Tracii G]

You can't change people which means there are stupid people everywhere so get used to it.
People are free to say what they want and I choose not to listen to them or even acknowledge them.
I don't get offended very easily because it does no good to be that way.

[Robertacd]

I won't post the image again but I have a comic that is a Father, Mother and two children sitting on the couch. Every one is laughing except for the youngest child, who has a frightened look on their face. The caption says "Every time you laugh at the notion of a man wearing woman's clothes. A trans-girl becomes more afraid to come out...". That really hit home for me because I was that youngest child.

[Lana Mae]

I find that kind of humor distasteful so I do not watch it or listen to it! Actually, I am sort of a feminist in how I feel about such things! Women have been trampled on by men for centuries! OK, I am off my soap box now! I find it funny but I was always secure in my masculinity despite some more feminine mannerisms! I did not care for such jokes/humor then and surely do not now! Hugs Lana Mae

[Tracii G]

The reason I don't respond to jerks like that is all they want is attention.
They don't deserve it IMO

[Amelie]

If someone on tv says nasty things, I throw a brick at the TV.

If someone on the street says something nasty I throw a brick at them.

Actually, I don't really care what people say, even if it's directed at me. Just as long as the violence of people stays away from me I'm kinda OK with the words.

Sometimes with a tv show or a comedian,, it's just a joke and nothing to get upset for, well I feel that way.

[docrobbysherry]

In my experience, (ex wife and a number of long time girlfriends), u r making a BIG mistake, Dannie!:doh:

NEVER assume u know what a woman is thinking! If it's important that u know? U must ask her! NOT us!:thumbsup:

[GretchenM]

I rarely find it humorous even though I can see how some would find it humorous. Whether I am masculine or otherwise, poking fun at the things people do because it expresses themselves is not very funny. I do find it funny when the person who is trying to crack a joke about crossdressing gets hit with a well placed and well designed counter punch that makes them look like a fool in front of the others and there is a lot of laughing at them.

[erinna]

The whole corporal Klinger from MASH character and all that comes to mind.

[Tracii G]

Claiming you know how a woman feels or that you are more of a feminist you better rethink your stance.
If you tell a woman either of those things you will more than likely make her mad because you can be neither of those things because you are really a man.

[Kimberly A.]

Dannie, to be honest I have never really thought about it..... I mean, of course I've heard jokes and people poking fun at men for wearing women's clothes, etc. Shucks, I've been the butt of those types of jokes, especially online because outside of being Kimberly, I'm a man who openly wears pantyhose and tights. I have quite a few online friends from chat rooms who all know that I wear hosiery..... They know me very well, will poke fun sometimes but it's an understanding between myself and my friends that it's all in good fun and I don't get offended by it in the least.

However, as a complete crossdresser now who thoroughly enjoys dressing as a woman, I think I would be offended if someone in public made me out to be a man and pointed and laughed..... Well, I would probably be more embarrassed than offended. But I think Tracii hit the nail right on the head when she said that there are stupid, (and I'm adding to Tracii's comment here) and ignorent people out there, so don't let them get to you and ignore them.

[bridget thronton]

I never find humorous anything that diminishes a person based on their gender or ethnicity

[Helen_Highwater]

In the UK at least that sort of humour has largely died out on TV. It's seen far more widely as unacceptable.

However I do know the feeling that Dannie describes. It can feel equally as awkward when a drama or documentary sympathetically portrays the life of one of our community. It's almost like seeing yourself there on screen. It's you but from a different perspective.

[susan54]

It makes me uncomfortable but nothing to do with me being a cross-dresser. It is mocking women and that is wrong. If you want to wear women's clothes just wear them - do not have huge balloon boobs or a fright wig. Drag queens make me uncomfortable for the same reason. Their make up especially is a lurid mockery of women. And they don't amuse me anyway. I seem to suit women's clothes and that has been known to make women uncomfortable - they say I look too good - but no one has explained why (I have asked). I am not claiming I pass - I don't but the clothes look good on me. So the whole clothing/gender thing can cause all sorts of disquiet.

[kimdl93]

Yes, I got uncomfortable even watching fictional representations of transgendered people...those meant at the time to be amusing. I was always afraid that those around me might recognize something in me from the characters on the TV

[char GG]

Comedy mocks everyone. I don?t take it personally and it doesn?t bother me. I often poke fun at myself.

[Angela Marie]

I have a pretty thick skin so someone calling me out would not bother me. Perhaps somewhat embarrassed for a second but i'll get over it. As someone once said "your opinion is none of my business"

[jacques]

Hello Dannie,
I would just switch TV channel and never watch that program again. Simple.
luv J

[Krisi]

In life, you will hear and see things that bother you. It's best to learn to ignore them because you can't stop them.

[Stephanie47]

I never find humorous anything that diminishes a person based on their gender or ethnicity

Totally agree. I rarely watch any sitcoms. Too much of the alleged comedy is not funny at all. It's "forced humor." Recently, there has been more boy on boy and girl on girl scenes in dramas I watch. When it flows easily into character development I find it totally all right because it does reflect real life. Other times it seems contrived and forced for some sort of political agenda. Comedy or drama. sometimes it just does not work.

[Leslie Langford]

Comedy mocks everyone. I don?t take it personally and it doesn?t bother me. I often poke fun at myself.

It is a truism in comedy that it is perfectly O.K. to mock stereotypes of assorted groups (ethnic, racial, religious, political etc.) if the person making the jokes is actually one of them and it is done in a self-deprecatory fashion. That gives the audience the comforting illusion that they are laughing with the jokester, not at them or the group they belong to, and that somehow makes it all acceptable. For example, for a non-Jewish comedian to mock Jews and habits or lifestyle choices typically associated with them would likely NOT be tolerated for that very reason...nor would white comedians mocking black people be tolerated either. Conversely, it is quite acceptable for black persons to use the "N" word in referring to each other, but for white individuals...not so much...EVER.

So yes, comedy can be a real minefield, and a very subjective one at that. Just look at the #metoo movement and the changes it has wrought. "I was just joking" or "I meant no harm" is no longer considered to be a viable defence in cases of alleged sexually inappropriate behavior. If the woman at the receiving end perceives certain actions or words to be sexually harassing or inappropriate, THAT is what they become defined as, notwithstanding any protestations on the part of the perpetrator that they were harmless and only meant in jest.

[AngelaYVR]

It is sad that humour is a moribund quality in modern society. A lot of people prefer to exist in a permanent state of being offended. The ability to laugh at oneself brings unprecedented joy.

[Suranne]

Angela, quite so, however, laughing at oneself is good, but laughing at others because of some perceived weakness, maybe less good.

[ReineD]

Kudos to you for not appreciating the male stereotypes on TV. But is it really because you're a crossdresser?

I'm a GG and I can say that I feel exactly the same way, but in reverse. I dislike seeing female stereotypes on TV too. Examples: Girls' night out where they sit around bashing guys. Or the dumb blonde acts. Or the helpless chick acts. Or the "shop til you drop", empty, superficial personas. Or the girl who is so much into her looks. Or the stereotype that girls are catty and mean toward one another. None of this is real. None of it applies to me, to my female family members, or to the women I have been friends with throughout my life.

You say you're not masculine but what are you comparing yourself to. Stereotypes? Lots of guys in real life aren't into "macho" stuff, just as lots of women aren't into "girly" stuff.

I have three adult sons. One of them is pretty macho, and two of them aren't. They all get along great together, they all have lots of friends, and they all have hearts of gold. They don't make fun of gay people, and if someone they knew was a member of this community, I don't think they'd make fun of him either. They might not have a lot in common with him, but I can't see them laughing themselves silly over it.

Good on you for keeping it real, and if it's worth anything, your wife likely can tell the difference between television stereotypes and reality. :)

[Teresa]

Dannie,
I have been there and suffered that feeling , not knowing whether to laugh or be embarrassed while I'm half watching my wife's reaction .

I know there are differences between UK and US humour but the line between good taste and bad is very much the same .

As Char says we have to be prepared to laugh at ourselves , no one is perfect in this life so we can find humour in most things but the bottom line is we should never insult anyone . To me life without humour would be unbearable at times , to put a smile on someone's face makes my day .

[Krisi]

I feel awkward when my wife and I are watching TV and a show involves a crossdresser, but I say nothing.

[giuseppina]

I'm not a fan of that sort of thing, either. I might ask those around me how they feel about it.

A sense of humour can be very fickle.

[Fran Moore]

I feel awkward when my wife and I are watching TV and a show involves a crossdresser, but I say nothing.


I share in that same awkwardness Krisi, and these days there is so much LGBTQ exposure (not necessarily a bad thing) that it makes it difficult to sit and watch with a spouse who is generally unaccepting (speaking of my own situation). On tv this pops up very unexpectedly and is impossible to predict so that short of changing the channel you just have to kind of take it in silently.:sad: Could this be an opportunity for discussion?......yes, but not a positive one, as in our journey of a thousand miles we have taken only a few small steps, most of them in knee deep sand~

[Crissy 107]

I agree with Krisi and Fran on this, I just sort of cringe a little and let it go. I wish it could lead to some sort of a conversation but I know that is not happening.

[JenniferWhenCD]

When my wife was first aware of my female attire it seemed that every week or so there was a reference on TV to crossdressing, and I would definitely do the sit and cringe. At this point it has been a couple of years and I wear a mix of women's clothing almost every day. I don't cringe anymore as cross dressing is now more or less an accepted part of my being, and it's just not embarrassing any more.

[April Rose]

There is a certain amount of aggression involved in all humor, that's what makes it funny. Sometimes when we are feeling particularly anxious, or fragile , it can seem like a personal attack, even when it's not meant to be. With something like television I think it's best to just roll with it. There's no profit in letting it upset you.

Alternatively, If you feel up for it, you could use it as a teachable moment: if the person watching it with you knows you're in the transgender spectrum, you could ask them if it it makes THEM uncomfortable. Who knows; you might both learn something. Just avoid getting preachy about it. It won't help your case.