Still Drifting in a sea of pink.

[Wendy818]

So my whole life has been a endless in and out ?no pun intended? of the hidden woman wanting to come out. At one point I was ready to cross the line and go full time. The ex and children stopped that I couldn?t put my kid thru the drama that could would have followed.

[kimdl93]

It is commendable, mature and responsible to suppress your own desires or put off your own needs in the interests of others. Use the opportunity to consider what you really need (as oppose to what you want) and how you might meet your own needs while continuing to meet the needs of those who depend upon you.

[Mermaiden]

I?ve always felt kids have to come first.

[Helen_Highwater]

Wendy,

If Transitioning isn't an option what paths do you see as being open to you? It would help if we knew what form your dressing takes at the moment. If not currently in a relationship are you free to dress as and when you please or are family or other restrictions in place?

[Sandi Beech]

I can relate. It is certainly difficult for some of us at times. I sympathize greatly.

Sandi

[JuliaGirl]

I sympathize as well. I remain closeted because I think I have enough girl time when the opportunities arise, and yet am able to maintain the things I need stable in my life.

[Wendy818]

Well as time passed I was able to ?Forget? Biggest lie of my life lol I decided curb my love of wanting to be woman to dad. As time passed even more life throws a curve ball. I end up relocating for employment to a different state . I lost my wife and children at that point in time. ?She did not want to move?. Personally I believe it was her chance to bail without out facing me. I was lost ,devastated, and lonely. I found a special someone who knows nothing of the feelings I have. So I still have to hide. I know I need to be truthful and honest with this. She deserves it! Just letting someone down because you feel like you have hidden something from them the whole time.

- - - Updated - - -

So it can continue? If I get caught I guess the worst is freedom of starting all over

[Aunt Kelly]

Wendy,
You will almost certainly get caught, eventually. The longer that takes, the more hurtful the deception will be. Same goes for just coming out with it. It will always be more hurtful the longer you carry on the deception. IMO, if your "special someone" doesn't deserve to know about this part of you, then maybe she's not that special. Or maybe... you're not. Stop being ashamed of who you are.

[April Rose]

What ever you do, Wendy, if you decide to marry this woman, tell her before you do.