Good Move or Not ?

[Renee Demarea]

Hello, Girls what are the odds on what I did ? My GF of 4 yrs about 7 months ago moved out of
Master Bed room and into one of the spare bedrooms its just the two of us that live in the house.
But left all her clothes in the Master and comes in all the time to get them. But her room is closed
doors and started to lock at night . She does not approve of my crossdressing and feels that im cheating on her , and when drinking she will start to call me transgender and other ...... Anyway I had enough of suprise visits and moved most of her chothes to her room when she was out .. Have to wait and see if she backs off or out ? Time tells all Tails Im not a cheater. Thoughts are welcome.

[Ericka_d]

Depending on what your living situation is. Rent or own, and who's names are on what legal documents. If you own or its your name only on any legal documents. Kick her out, or move out if its only her name.

[Renee Demarea]

Yes I own my house , she is a house guest at this point , she doesnt forgive or forget . I would like to start over but that is not likely .......?

[Sandi Beech]

Hmm , that is an unusual situation, but I would think that if you moved her stuff while she was out, she might be PO?d. So hopefully it will not go badly.

Sandi

[docrobbysherry]

My college GF and I stayed "in touch" for 30+ years. Thru her marriage and divorce and then mine. I began dressing in my 50's. At first she was supportive.

But, after awhile she got sick of hearing about Sherry! She was jealous. We haven't spoken in 5+ years!:sad:

[Leslie Langford]

So, your alleged "GF" is an abusive, controlling, secretive drunk and you presumably aren't having sex with her anymore either since she has moved out of the previously shared bedroom...

What's in it for you at this point from what remains of your relationship with her? Does she have some sort of incriminating evidence of past "crimes" (misdeeds?) on your part (including the crossdressing) that she is holding over your head and is now blackmailing you with?

[Renee Demarea]

There is not much for me to loose at this point, she doesnt pay rent, and has stopped doing some of the shared house responsibilities with ,pets ,yardwork , pool duties etc. she tried to hold my crossdressing overmy head to tell my Son , but my Son and I have no secrets and unconditional love for each other to her suprise. Maybe a few Co workers or Bar friends could be the only thing she could tell. But she will tell any future woman in the future for sure , she still thinks its the first thing you would tell some one new ?????

[Ericka_d]

Did she sign a renter's agreement? If she did not. I personally would take a day off from work, change the locks, and throw her stuff out on the lawn. Also file a restraining order against her.

Unless you live in a super small town like mayberry. How is she going to know who your dating? Let alone have access to these woman who you are seeing.

[susanmichelle]

I?m not sure where you live but in Indiana and in Kentucky both in order to get her out legally you will have to take her to court and file for eviction. Unless you can get her to leave in her own. It may be brought up by her in court that you crossdress or whatever she may call it. Just grin and bear it the best you can. I would suggest you check with your local laws concerning getting someone out of your residence in reference to the eviction process. I don?t think you can actually throw her stuff out and change the locks. Check it out just to be safe.

[Stephanie47]

I read some of your prior postings. At age 66+ you do not need to take crap off anyone, especially if it is your domicile. It sounds like she feels she is entitled to be there for some unknown reason. Tine to boot her out. Don't let her hold you hostage with threats to tell all. She'll never leave.

[Crissy 107]

Let her know she cannot blackmail you with the threat of telling your son or others. I say give her the Gong immediately.

[Megan b]

I kinda think if you want her to leave, just be Renee most of the time around house. She will either get use to it or probably decide on her on its time move out. Either way could be good for you. Just my thoughts on this not so good situation.

[monalisa]

Why not sit down and discuss it. Explain what you want, what troubles her and decide if you should be living in the same house.

[Cheryl T]

If you don't feel she will come around to accept you why do you accept her attitude and let her live in the house?
If it's not going to work then move on.

[alwayshave]

Did she sign a renter's agreement? If she did not. I personally would take a day off from work, change the locks, and throw her stuff out on the lawn. Also file a restraining order against her.

Do not do that. Tenancy is not just created by signing a lease, it is created by living in an apartment or house. Ask her to leave and ask her to pay a fair rental value until she leaves. If she won't leave, start eviction proceedings.

[kimdl93]

When drinking she calls you names. She sleeps in another bedroom, accuses you of cheating and disapproves of your cross dressing. I can only ask why you consider her anything other than a houseguest at this point and why don?t you invite her to leave?

[Micki_Finn]

Um, why are y’all still together?

[crystaltvco]

There are some good points of advice.

IMHO, time for you to split with her. This calling you names might, hopefully not, lead to her getting more abusive. She may out you. She may hit you.

Better to be alone and happy than together and miserable.

And when you do toss her out, expert her to out you anyway.

Good luck and keep us informed? In case, should we have folks close by, that can be called in to help.

HUGS!!

[Jenny22]

Kimdl93 virtually said what I was going to say. Also note that if she ever said 'if you do anything, then I will tell everyone you are a CD' or similar. That's blackmail, and you can use that to hang over her head ... tell anyone, and you'll be arrested, so to speak.

[Krisi]

It's obviously time to end the relationship and the living arrangement.

[Aunt Kelly]

Um, why are y’all still together?

What Micki said. I mean, really. Stop being a doormat. You don't deserve to be abused and taken advantage of just because you are a crossdresser. Let go of that guilt, already.

[Rachelakld]

I know in New Zealand, if she says to a judge that she's in a relationship with you for 2 years, half the house would become hers unless you have witnesses to say otherwise.
So on that basis, I would show her the door before the 2 year mark if she didn't sign an exclusion waver (yes, my wife signed one before we got to the 2 year point).

[Angela Marie]

Wow Rachel. In NZ just two years of living together gives you property rights? That is really harsh. As for renters,
several years ago I was convinced to rent the upstairs of my family house to a relative's "friends". My wife strongly advised against it. But I didn't listen and of course she was right. I contacted a lawyer about evictions and found that in NY it isn't as easy as telling someone to leave and changing the locks. The best bet is to hire an attorney who specializes in this area and follow their advice.

[Helen_Highwater]

Renee,

I suppose the base line question is are you in love with her a visa versa. If the answer to either is no then time to draw a line and get your house back. It's obvious she's not going to suddenly come around and accept your dressing, you sleep separately because of your dressing so to me that signals the end of the relationship.

Tell her the relationship is over and can she please as soon as possible find herself somewhere else to live. As others have said it may be prudent to seek legal advice just to make sure she can't file for some form of part ownership beforehand. If that's a possibility then take appropriate steps.

[Renee Demarea]

Thanks for all your thoughts, A update is that she came home that night and was in disbelief got PO , and then continued to pull about 10 ft of hanging clothes and threw them in the middle of the room. We fought back and forth till 700 am , got up around 10 and she left with her daughter. Return about 5 hrs latter we spent the rest of the weekend cleaning out boxes closets and wall hangings . She cannot find a place to go with all this stuff and two cats also. She has began to rethink the arrangement we have and maybe more forgiving moving forward ? Time will tell, the line is drawn in the sand. give it a few weeks ttul Renee

[Dutchess]

We fought back and forth till 700 am , got up around 10 and she left with her daughter. Return about 5 hrs latter we spent the rest of the weekend cleaning out boxes closets and wall hangings

Lawd , next time that happens I would call the police ( before she calls them on YOU ) , I am too old at 57 to fight all night long . Ridiculous .

.
She cannot find a place to go with all this stuff and two cats also. She has began to rethink the arrangement we have and maybe more forgiving moving forward ?

I bet . I cannot handle drama like that . Life is too short .

[giuseppina]

Hello Renee Demarea

We only have your side of the story, but based on what you've posted, I'd say it's time to engage a solicitor for eviction proceedings. I see her behavior going downhill.

[Pumped]

Thanks for all your thoughts, A update is that she came home that night and was in disbelief got PO , and then continued to pull about 10 ft of hanging clothes and threw them in the middle of the room. We fought back and forth till 700 am , got up around 10 and she left with her daughter. Return about 5 hrs latter we spent the rest of the weekend cleaning out boxes closets and wall hangings . She cannot find a place to go with all this stuff and two cats also. She has began to rethink the arrangement we have and maybe more forgiving moving forward ? Time will tell, the line is drawn in the sand. give it a few weeks ttul Renee

So she is reconsidering because it is too much work to find another place to live and move out? Seems like a good reason to maintain a relationship to me to me! If she doesn't move out, start charging her rent! I bet she will find a place to live then. She is just using you, free rent!!

[suzanne]

Kick her to the curb. There is no upside to sharing your home with her. If your son knows about the crossdressing and doesn't mind, neither will the rest of the world.

[Renee Demarea]

Thanks for all your thoughts, A update is that she came home that night and was in disbelief got PO , and then continued to pull about 10 ft of hanging clothes and threw them in the middle of the room. We fought back and forth till 700 am , got up around 10 and she left with her daughter. Return about 5 hrs latter we spent the rest of the weekend cleaning out boxes closets and wall hangings . She cannot find a place to go with all this stuff and two cats also. She has began to rethink the arrangement we have and maybe more forgiving moving forward ? Time will tell, the line is drawn in the sand. give it a few weeks ttul Renee

[Tracii G]

Give her time to give it some thought.
Getting pissed and boxing up stuff to move out isn't thinking clearly so time to mull it over in her head is a good thing.

[Stephanie47]

Watch out she does not change the locks when you're out of your own home! The sex would have to be really good for me to put up with stuff like that.

[Helen_Highwater]

Perhaps she's begun to realise which side the bread is buttered on and to appreciate she's been taking you for granted.

[Leslie Langford]

Thanks for all your thoughts, A update is that she came home that night and was in disbelief got PO , and then continued to pull about 10 ft of hanging clothes and threw them in the middle of the room. We fought back and forth till 700 am , got up around 10 and she left with her daughter. Return about 5 hrs latter we spent the rest of the weekend cleaning out boxes closets and wall hangings . She cannot find a place to go with all this stuff and two cats also. She has began to rethink the arrangement we have and maybe more forgiving moving forward ? Time will tell, the line is drawn in the sand. give it a few weeks ttul Renee

Was alcohol involved in triggering this altercation? In your original post, you indicated that her behavior is often influenced by that. Is this really the way you want to live the rest of your life...having an unstable drunk dictate how you get to enjoy your life, with all the "perks" of this relationship/living arrangement going to her and none to you? I repeat..."What's in it for you?"

Personally, if I were in your position, I would follow the advice of sex and relationship columnist Dan Savage, whose "go to" advice in cases like this is "DTMFA"...as in "Dump The (censored...rhymes with Mother Trucker) Already".

[Jenny22]

A Few WEEKS is too damn long!!!! Give her ONE week and no more! She can do plenty of mulling and thinking in that amount of time. If she continues to stay by agreement, she pays Rent and helps to do things in and around the house..put it in writing and get her signature of agreement. If her daughter is an adult, let her go there!

[Aunt Kelly]

Trust me, life life is too short to spend it on toxic relationships. My advice is to cut your losses and end this one as soon as possible.

[Tracii G]

She is using you is what it sounds like to me.
You don't have to live that way and be talked to like that.
I would tell her to leave and take her stuff with her.If she refused tell her if she wants to stay she has to stop drinking and pay rent. Make the rent what others in the area pay don't go light on her.
Write up a legal rental agreement and if she doesn't agree tell her to go.

It does sound toxic to me.
I wouldn't put up with her.
I was married twice to women like that and it will never happen again.

[kimdl93]

And what is the upside to this relationship? I am asking that question quite seriously.

[Kelly DeWinter]

Renee;
Part of me wants to say you are in a toxic relationship and the other part of me has to say that by not being upfront before starting a relationship, you set yourself up for future problems because most GG's over the age of 40ish may not be as informed on what CD/TG means other than the preconceived notions of being gay . If the relationship is salvageable, a gender therapist and conversation between the two of you is important. You moved on fairly quickly after your spouse passed away. These things of tossing clothes around, drinking, being verbally abusive, locking you out of rooms in your own house are all signs of a toxic relationship between the two of you.

You may want to consider helping her find a place to live , paying for rent for a few months until she is on her feet with work. In the meantime if you really want to try to work things out, consider dating for 6 to 12 months while separated. It'll give the two of you time to see if you both can overcome the CD/TG issue and have a less volatile relationship.

Kelly

[donnalee]

I say this in the kindest, most loving way possible.
GET HER THE HELL OUT OF YOUR HOME AND OUT OF YOUR LIFE!!!!!
Do what you need to do to protect yourself, but GET HER THE HELL OUT OF THERE!!!!!

[michellecd9999]

Not sure where you live but this is an abusive relationship. I have worked with Domestic Violence Prevention. But in most countries you can?t just kick her out. Check with local authorities or DV organizations or attorney and learn what you must do legally to get her out. In the USA you might be able to get a restraining order to limit contact until she moves.