Relationship with your wife or girlfriend

[crobeson96]

I've just watched some lovely videos on youtube by a crossdresser who spoke of coming out to her wife. She reports that the wife was understanding and accepting which sounds wonderful. What she didn't share was how her relationship with her wife informs or enhances her dressing. She did share that they go out together shopping and have a great time together.
My question to the forum is how do you feel your experience crossdressing is better because of your significant other?

[Linda E. Woodworth]

Welcome to the Mine Field!

It's great that the video you referenced had a happy ending. However; it isn't always that easy or simple.

There have been numerous threads on here covering just that topic.

Do a search and see how they turned out. You'll have answers all over the spectrum and everything in between.

Good Luck

[Tracy Irving]

Every so often she will buy me something. My recent gifts have been panties, a top and a nightgown. She used to get a kick out of snapping my bra strap. Lots of little things to say I love you.

[jacques]

hello Crobeson,
my wife accepts my dressing and trusts me not to embarrass her in public. I dress at home and often under-dress when I go out. My wife will occasionally comment on an outfit if she thinks it does not suit me - but generally lets me do as I please. The only limits are the ones I impose on myself.
luv J

[bridget thronton]

Not having to dress in secret is big stress reliever and ensures I am stil! trusted - shopping together and dining out dressed are bonuses. An occasional compliment on an outfit is nice too.

[NancySue]

Better? Absolutely! In the early years, her help, talks, advice, demonstrations, comments, suggestions, etc. were so valuable. We both share a good sense of humor. She hates underwires...I love them. She hates hosiery...I love and wear hose. Our only frustration is going out. We live in a small, gossipy, nosey town. Being outed would be a social and economical disaster. I often dress underneath. We?ve gone out to nearby malls, restaurants and movies, but are not totally at ease. Yes, I realize how fortunate I am and treasure her.

[Asew]

I feel like I cannot say it is better or worse because of my wife. She has limits I would not have without her. But her tolerance / acceptance is so great.

[Dressing up]

My marriage ended 7 years ago. I have had 2 GF since then. The first lasted 2 years the second lasted 2 1/2 years. Both were very accepting of my dressing, my only limits were self imposed, I did not dress in front of either of their kids. I am not very out either, just a few close friends.
Anyway, my dressing certainly matured with their help. The first GF taught me a lot about skin care and eyeliner. I still do my eyes with the techniques she showed me. We did not go out much since she had 4 kids at home and I had 3 at home back then. She also got me into pajamas rather than nighties. Much better in the cold winter.
The second was great at critiquing how to blend in. Not that I can really pass, but I do like to look like the other women in the venue we might go to. She also got me into higher end makeup like MAC, there is a reason it costs more than the drug store makeup. We often went out to restaurants, live music, movies. I really enjoyed that and it has made me much confident in incorporating a more feminine attire in general going forward. Unfortunately, both those relationships had significant problems unrelated to CD. Overall, I am better off by myself for at least a while, but I do miss having a GG to guide me. I would love to find a GG friend that would let me be me, they do have a significant head start in the "getting pretty" journey.

[kimdl93]

My cross dressing was a major contributing factor in the end of a sixteen year long marriage.

[Cheryl T]

I count myself as one of the lucky ones.
When I came out to my wife there were many talks, lots of tears and weeks of unknowns. She eventually joined the forum in the women's area and from that and our messages here she learned a lot about this and about me. We found a support group and began going to meetings and met so many wonderful people who helped both of us. They helped me blossom and her to understand.
She is fully accepting and we go out together everywhere.
She provides critiques on clothing choices, hair styles and everything else. As a matter of fact since we are staying home yesterday was one of those days. I think I changed wigs 7 times and don't remember how many outfits. We talked about the looks and her advice, as always, was helpful and welcome.
It's actually brought us much closer as now I share ALL of me with her where before this part was hidden from her and I would take time from her to dress. Time that I could have spent with her which is how it should be and now is.

[wendy]

My wife has been very supportive, and for that I am always very grateful towards her and her open mindedness.

Before coming out to her, I had to dress in secret. It sucked because I could not dress to relax, I dressed because I wanted to but every little noise would make me paranoid that she was coming home. I was afraid of being caught, so I dressed bare minimum just in case I had to make a quick change.

Being in the open, I can take my dressing to the next level. I don't have to hide Wendy's clothes, I don't have to fear about Wendy's clothes being found when I am not home. I can now hone my make up skills, and dress to relax, and make a whole day of it. I would say my experience has been very positive and supportive since coming out. If she is not at home, I don't have to be paranoid about little noises worrying about being caught.

[Gillian Gigs]

I have a very good relationship with an accepting wife. We have agreed upon boundaries that I can comfortably live within. Having said that, I must say that I did go through pendulum swings in the early days which didn't help me. Now that I have found my equilibrium things are very good for the both of us. I don't go out outwardly dressed, wear make up, wig, or attempt to look like a woman. I do under dress always, wear skirts and hosiery a lot around the house. We have bought clothing together and she has helped on many occasions in my purchases.

One thing I have learned is to not look better in something than she would. Women fret over every little thing. I have nicer looking legs than her, and it can bug her sometimes. It can annoy her that heels don't bother me and way they can bother her feet, so she never wears heels. So, now you can see why it may be easier to steer clear of somethings, in my case make up, jewelry, and wigs. If compromise keeps the peace, then keep the peace.

[Jennifer Slater]

My cross dressing was a major contributing factor in the end of a sixteen year long marriage.

I am very sorry to read this

[Michelle Crossfire]

I have mentioned a few times on here. My wife is supportive and somewhat participatory. She is my fashion advisor and consultant. She compliments me when I put a nice outfit together. We talk about it from time to time, have even gone out with others. She still wants her husband most of the time, which is the only real "boundary" that exists other than she won't go out with me local. Her input is invaluable. I think it makes our relationship better as there is no secrecy. She seems to understand why I do it. I am a lucky one, no doubt.

[Lea]

My wife was supportive for 15 years. Then all of a sudden she does not want to see it.
All other factors remained the same so I do not know why the change.

[JocelynJames]

I feel that, even though minuscule, I can relate more when I feel I?m a few( or more ) pounds over my desired weight. Or my makeup sucks, or my hair is not just right, or I can?t choose an out fit, or just have the unexplainable blues. You see, it?s only part time for me, and it?s been a lifetime for her. It seems women are so harsh on themselves because they think the world is always judging. ( it is isn?t it). I do tend to have a bit of natural fashion sense at times and she asks my my opinions of clothes online often. I go with my gut and decide on a dime. She?s tried helping with a skin routine and she understands that although to most it may seem I?m checking other women out, it?s really there clothes...or their mannerisms or shape.

[BTWimRobin]

While my wife is accepting and supportive, although I'm beginning to have my doubts, she is certainly not encouraging nor does she contribute to my cause. Needless to say my crossdressing is the elephant in the room and I walk on eggshells about it around her.

[RADER]

My wife was very under standing, but we had some rules.
No dressing out of the house, as to embarrass her. I am very well known in the area.
I could even wear a bra around the house, under dress was OK.
She has passed away some 7 years ago, but I still honer her wishes.
I dress all the time when I am at home.
Rader

[Kiwi Primrose]

I didn't need to come out to my wife. She has been beside me since we met at school. She helped me find underwear when I said I hated male jockeys and boxers. I helped her by modelling when she was dressmaking.
Nothing has changed in over 60 years of marriage.

[Cacique82]

Nothing has changed in over 60 years of marriage.

That?s fantastic, congrats!!

Married nearly 11 years only coming out three years ago, she has been very supportive. When I told her it was something I have to do because it feels right I knew that was a huge thing for her to take. She fully accepted and even downplayed it ?wear what you want?- I think she already kinda knew. I couldn?t believe what I was hearing. It?s been wonderful. Surprisingly we haven?t been shopping together, this is still something I would like to do.

[Teri Ray]

My wife and I traveled the crossdresser typical path of, I have this secret desire and I believe I can keep it hid, to she may suspect, to she finds out, to we talk, DADT for several years with no discussing "IT" to having the real "BIG TALK" which was very hard and emotional to land where we are now which is having my desire to dress very much more out in the open between is, my cloths in the house.

My wife and I shop together we discuss fashion and share ideas about what we like. My wife buys me panties and bras if she thinks she has found a great find and will take me to look at other Teri finds. I consider myself very lucky and I take nothing for granted in our relationship.

[alwayshave]

My wife has known about my dressing since before we moved in together. She has been supportive and has bought me clothes and jewelry. Over the years she has borrowed some of my things. She goes shopping with me and goes out when I'm dressed.

[DianeT]

I came out to my wife a few months ago after a lifetime in the closet.
The fact that my wife knows may require me to adjust my CDing to what she's comfortable with. This may translate in stopping wearing specific items. She's not asking for anything like that because she loves me and doesn't want to frustrate me or make me unhappy, but it doesn't sound fair that she should be the only one adjusting to a situation that is of my own making, and finding a comfort zone that is compatible with my needs seems to be the only way to make the best of this new situation and possibly find happiness again together.

[BillieAnneJean]

EVERYTHING in my life is better because of my SO. She is my favorite person in the whole world.

But I prefer to separate CDing from couple time. I really enjoy being with her and I would rather be able to hold her hand when in public. It would be too weird for me to do that dressed. I enjoy the traditional couple relationship. We are really close.

She has gone out with me a few times. There has never been a problem. But then I am dressed as a woman and when I see her I want to hug her and hold her hand and miss that.

Kept separate has worked for us.

[Sometimes Steffi]

My question to the forum is how do you feel your experience crossdressing is better because of your significant other?

My wife knows that I CD, and she doesn't like it at. She doesn't want to see me dressed, see pictures of me dressed or see Steffi's clothes. As you can expect, we don't shop together for Steffi.

But that's almost the best part; I can shop and pick out clothes that I like, not what she likes or what she would like on me.

She also moved herself into the spare bedroom about 8 years ago. Since I sleep alone, I often wear a bra and forms to bed. It's wonderful waking up with breasts.

[JeanTG]

DADT: Divide Assets, Divorce Trans.

[Micki_Finn]

She also got me into higher end makeup like MAC, there is a reason it costs more than the drug store makeup.

Halleloo Sister! I?ve been preaching the Gospel of Prestige Brand around these parts forever.

How beneficial a GG is to dressing depends entirely on the GG. A lot of GGs really don?t honestly know that much about fashion or makeup or hair or etiquette or any of those things we consider ?girly?. Others may have some knowledge but are uncomfortable teaching someone else, or really only know enough to get themselves by. Don?t expect every woman to be a font of knowledge of all things womanly.

[Maria in heels]

My dressing is better because of my wife as she has allowed me to dress all these years. She has known, tried to buy things for me over the years, and never complains about when Maria has a new pair of shoes or dress in the closet. She finally found a place and pushed me out the door, I went to sponsored parties monthly, and she even came with me this past December, and met some of the girls and couples that attend! She definitely enhances but I am so much more girly girl than her, and she calls me her wife now!

[Lux]

As I’ve said many times before, my wife is amazingly supportive. But it isn’t always easy and as an example, there are times when I over-shop and get fixated on a new look and spend a lot of money trying to create my version of that look. Or another sensitive area is where I actually put all my girly stuff. I can put my woman’s wardrobe in our walk in closet, which is great. I can also put my make up in our master bathroom too. But she has repeatedly said that she doesn’t mind that I buy new things but would like me to donate something I’m not wearing to make room for the new stuff. Very reasonable requests that I sometimes honestly struggle with.

But the best thing about my wife is when we go out, how proud she is to be with me. She is so affectionate in public and will always introduce me as her “wife” to new people that we meet out. In return, she appreciates my feminine side and always says that I’m the best listener of all the men she’s ever known. I am so proud of our relationship.

[kimdl93]

In reading of all your encouraging, understanding, supportive and participative SOs, all I can conclude is that the failing is on me...that if I?d been better in any number of ways, perhaps she might have been more supportive in return. Kinda sucks, but I guess I dealt my own cards.

[mbmeen12]

My question to the forum is how do you feel your experience crossdressing is better because of your significant other?

She has purchased clothing for me. We have gone out together on walks. Depending on my outfits, quality time together....

[CynthiaD]

My wife is tolerant but not completely accepting. I still get the occasional comment, never snide or sarcastic, but slightly critical. Afterward she tries to be especially nice, though. I?m not complaining. I?ll take whatever I can get.

[Pumped]

My wife has been very accepting, to the point of every so often telling me we need a dress up day. She still isn't real fired up about "the boobs" but has gotten comfortable with me wearing them. Last night I walked out of the bedroom in a black long sleeve bodycon dress. Short and tight. Her first comment was "cute!", with a big smile.

[Natalie5004]

My wife has been very accepting, to the point of every so often telling me we need a dress up day. She still isn't real fired up about "the boobs" but has gotten comfortable with me wearing them. Last night I walked out of the bedroom in a black long sleeve bodycon dress. Short and tight. Her first comment was "cute!", with a big smile.
I wish I could say that. Baby steps..... We are in DADT stage. I am not pushing anything with her. She knows how I feel and she is still very uncomfortable about the idea of me dressing. This virus thing and her working from home is giving me the pink fog in my dreams.

[Pumped]

I don't know if it will make any difference in your case, but I told my wife i would rather have her involved than dress when she is not around. It seemed to make a big difference to her, plus when I buy something new I try to model it for her and I ask her for her opinion.

She knows you dress, perhaps ask for a time when you can. Communication goes a long way.

[Linda E. Woodworth]

My wife swings from tolerant to accepting.

I know more about makeup than she does so I don't get any help from that end.

She'll rarely buy Linda anything, in fact I can't remember the last time she did. It was months ago and a bottle of nail polish, I think.

I am very conscious of going overboard while she's around. This was a huge complaint she had several years ago, right after I retired. I was dressing in some form every day and she finally exploded.

I've been very hesitant around her ever since.

Although I've told her repeatedly to let me know if I'm dressing too much, she replies that she doesn't know the limit until it's reached and/or exceeded. That ain't a lot of help for me!

Bottom line, I take what I can get and am thankful for that.

[Sometimes Steffi]

I think that I would like to make a bored (not board) game like Chutes and Ladders (TM) to demonstrate the progression and regression of SO's acceptance.

Roll the dice. Get a "3". Oh, oh. Your MIL saw you dressed while shopping in Ross.

I just slid down the chute. That means she doesn't want to see me dressed anymore.

[Linda E. Woodworth]

Steffi I LOVE IT!!!

That's as good as reason as any for why my wife's feelings towards my dressing oscillates back and forth.

What name would you want to give it?

[Sometimes Steffi]

IDK. How about:

Now you see me; now you don't

As the Gurl Turns

[JeanTG]

My wife claims only 1 in 6 women accept their trans partners. And she was emphatic to point out that SHE is not one of them. So we're heading to separation once this coronavirus nonsense ends.

[Meg West]

My DW of almost fifty years travels from tolerating to accepting of my Cding. Even though she doesn't purchase anything for me she'll tell me when she sees sales I may like. She has one big rule, that is I don't leave the house while in fem attire.

[Vickie_CDTV]

My wife claims only 1 in 6 women accept their trans partners. And she was emphatic to point out that SHE is not one of them. So we're heading to separation once this coronavirus nonsense ends.

1 in 6 is probably high.

[Lindsay_T]

Not having to dress in secret is big stress reliever and ensures I am stil! trusted - shopping together and dining out dressed are bonuses. An occasional compliment on an outfit is nice too.

wow.... you have my dream relationship.... congrats

[Karine]

The main enhancement since I told her I'm a crossdresser is that I am more relax and our relationship is better.
From a more practical point of view:
- she learns me how to shape my eyebrows and buy eyebrows pencil for each of us when she buy one from herself
- she gives me advice even if sometimes we don't agree (she always saying that my lipstick color is to discreet, she says I have great lips :o). She sometimes ask me my opinion on fashion if she is about to buy some new stuff.
- she show me great on line store for making good deals and always warns me if there are offers for one of my favorite brand. I do the same for her and sometimes buys a present for her on this websites if I saw something I know she would like.
- I can borrow some of her stuff (jewelry, makeup, perfume) and she can takes some of fine (generally if she likes one my stuff I offer it to her since she will use it far more than me,if I need it when I crossdress I borrow it)
- once I told her I like jonc bracelet but it is difficult to find some at my size and so she bought me one as present.

It's, in a way, a win-win situation :GD:

[Lea]

I posted earlier that after decades of support my wife became non supportive.
The other day she was making me a special breakfast. She told me she noticed that I was down and thought it was because we are coming close to our daughters birthday. She passed away and her birthday and date of death are difficult. I told her it was because of not being able to dress anymore in front of her. We had a talk and she told me she does not have a problem with my dressing, She did say that I may have been mis-understanding what she was saying as I sometimes become sensitive about the crossdressing issue.
So last Wednesday I completely shaved, attached my forms, did my nails, makeup and dressed and have been dressing since. She told me that she does not care if I dress until the beaches open back up. I told her I am up for that.
Today I am breaking in my new long line bra and Rago girdle. Tonight I will be taking off my finger nail polish and applying false fingernails. In for the duration.

[cdkateinboston]

My significant other has been hugely supportive which has helped me better understand my desire for crossdressing. She painted my nails last week and was supportive when I bought my first panties in front of her. I dress because I like that feminine side of me, but with her I am understanding it doesn't have to come all out at once. I'm happy with painted nails and wearing lavender pajamas because in that moment I don't have to hide that I feel cute wearing those things and only those things. She's honestly been an amazing part of my journey and self discovery

[Teresa]

Crobeson,
Being TG finally ended my marriage after 45 years so the sitaution is 100% better because we are separated .