Nosy Neighbours........

[AnntoAnn]

Just thought I would put down a few words regarding my lock-down and dressing. This is not rarely a complaint as we are in a fortunate position and others are not.

We live in a cul-de-sac in a village, our house is at the end overlooked by another 5 houses surrounding a circular road. Since the lock-down most of the residents are permanently at home either working or retired. One of our neighbours knows of Ann (long story) and they are great. The remainder of the neighbours are unaware and I would like to keep it so. However one neighbour over the years has become very nosy and takes great pleasure in watching all the goings on in the cul-de-sac. The rest of the neighbours are fantastic. The nosy neighbours have taken upon themselves, to be the lock-down police! Slipping notes in peoples houses, for the slightest (in their opinion) infraction. We have received one explaining that we should not be receiving home deliveries for takeaways..... another one for sitting in our front garden talking to our next door neighbours..... We went for a walk around the village this weekend and on our return the nosy neighbours where at their window giving us dirty looks. Their constant vigil means Ann cannot leave the house without raising the question of who was that visiting? The nosy neighbours have seen Ann come and go before and have asked me and the wife who is that visiting. We have said it was a relative and that seemed to satisfy them, but now of course we cannot have visitors! Ann is confined to the house and rear garden. I am so lucky to have a supportive wife and the space to dress. Others do not have this luxury and are probably frustrated at the lack of opportunity to dress.

We have received another note "Just a reminder that your unnecessary walk today is putting others of this community at risk" my wife wants to go round an shove their note up their AR*?.

[Patience]

With Ann or without, that's intolerable behavior. I certainly wouldn't confront them alone, as they'll just get on your case even more.

If you have a problem, others might too. Maybe you could consult your neighbors to see if they have similar concerns and then confront the nosy neighbors as a group in person or in writing with multiple people signing the same document.

Then, there's the question of what would happen if you just came out to them. It's more than they deserve, I think, but if you foresee no bad consequence, you could just do it. Of course, coming out is a lot like squeezing toothpaste out of a tube - you can't really put it back, so consider your options carefully. I hope things work out.

[Tracii G]

I am so lucky to not have a neighbor like that.
They need to understand they don't have the right to tell you what to do.
Who gave them the authority to run others lives?
I would slip up at night and leave a note saying try minding your own business so I don't have to file a restraining order.
Don't sign it and let them wonder who did it. Never admit to it too and if they ask say what are you crazy why would I do that?
Or you could leave a note by the place they leave their notes saying mind your own business.

[Pumped]

Maybe every time they send you a note of a supposed violation, send them back the rules you local government has posted on what is allowed or not with the related section high lighted.

[Tracy Irving]

I don't know where you live, but the edict from the governor of our state encourages us to go outside and visit parks and get exercise. It says nothing about how to dress, crossdress or under dress.

[Majella St Gerard]

You can only be pushed around if you allow it, ignore the busy bodies, who elected them hall monitor. I'd flip them the bird. As long as you're following the guidelines set by your local government tell them to kindly mind their own business. Sorry I'm blunt like that. What are they the Gestapo?

[JennykBailey]

You could point out that coming to your door is an unnecessary journey, and the you don't want their potentially infected notes either.

[Stephanie47]

Frankly I'd stand at the edge of their driveway and wait for them to come out of their house in order to explain what the "social distancing" rules are. In my state it is encouraged to take walks and keep active while maintaining distance. I would suggest since you live in a cul-de sac that all the neighbors get at the edge of their driveways, sit in lawn chairs, and, talk loudly to each other. I don't live in a cul-de-sac, but, the neighbors sit in lawn chairs at the edge of the driveways and just converse over the width of the street which is 32 feet. That exceeds the recommended distance by 26 feet.

[JenniferMBlack]

Write them a note saying you bringing notes to my house risks both my health as well as yours. It is ridiculous they want to monitor you and are so worried they will come over to the potentially infected area to leave a note or reprimand you for what ever you are doing.

[Teresa]

Ann,
I had a recent thread titled , " Don't give up on people !" through circumstances it was deleted , never should have happened .

The point I made was when I first moved into my new home ( after my separation ) I took advantage of circumstances and told my neighbours that I was TG . The lady on my right and her daughter are really lovely , in fact she's told me she prefers me as Teresa . The couple across the road still do a little " ducking and diving " the husband is getting much better , the couple on my left also didn't really want to know but now I can't get away from them especially the wife . I made the decision that I was going to go full time in my new home town and I've stuck to it . It has paid off as I'm getting known around the estate and other people wave if they see me in my car . It's ironic that the lock down has separated us and yet brought us closer together .

It could also be ironic in your case as the nosy neighbours are trying to stay safe but are just as likely to catch the virus as anyone . I also look at it in this way , sometimes nosy or difficult neighbours use it as a defence because they have something to hide .

I wouldn't normally say this but if your wife is OK with you being out in the RW then maybe just flaunt it a little , they will realise how much it isolates them from everyone , my wife was the same way , the net closed in and isolated her so she decided seeing me was the easy way out .

[DianeT]

You could point out that coming to your door is an unnecessary journey, and the you don't want their potentially infected notes either.
Exactly.

[jacques]

hello Ann,
why not send your neighbour a note reminding them that the virus can be spread by touching letterboxes and reading unnecessary notes that are written with germ-ridden hands?
Spread love not hate, and stay healthy!
luv J

[Judy-Somthing]

They sound like great neighbors! LOL

[NancySue]

Yes, there seems to be one in every neighborhood. Self appointed marshals. She sits on her front porch....watching. Everyone avoids her like the virus. Should you get trapped in a conversation, you?re stuck for some time. And...don?t disagree with her. I
She has really stifled my going out. Being seen would not be good. So, avoidance avoidance is our mode.

[JeanTG]

I would bust them with the authorities for failing to take their own isolation seriously and by endangering your health by leaving notes and being on your property and porch. You have no idea about the sanitary status of the busybodies nor the notes. I wouldn't touch the notes. Or pick them up with tongs, redeposit them on their own porch, then disinfect the tongs.

There's only one word to describe these folks, and it begins with an "A".

[Allison Chaynes]

Great advice here... and I would add that you might look at your local ordinances, codes and laws, and inform them of all the ones they are violating. I have other thoughts on personal revenge but it's best to keep those to myself. I'll just say that the internet is your friend if you have their name and address.

[kimdl93]

I think your nosy neighbor needs to be put in their place.

[giuseppina]

I would be inclined to have a solicitor write a letter threatening legal action in addition to the above suggestions.

Giving the offender(s) a one finger salute may make things worse.

[GaleWarning]

A naughty thought - Appear as Ann. They will assume you have an illegal visitor. When they write the obligatory note, then do as suggested above, including the information that Ann lives with you permanently.

No more hiding. No more insufferable neighbours.
:tongueout to them!

[JenniferR771]

Get a security cam. Show the pictures to your friends and neighbors.

[AndreaCalifCD]

I won't put what I was originally going to put... But you need to nip this in the bud. I suggest spending the money on a having a solicitor write a letter as well. Make sure they have to sign for it so you know they got it. Show you're not messing around.

[Davina2833]

Ann,

Some people has nothing to do and are classless. Just ignore, and go on...

By the way, I just looked @flicker/photos, you are one classy lady...

Davina

[Patience]

There's only one word to describe these folks, and it begins with an "A".I agree. Authoritarian might be putting it mildly, though.

[AnntoAnn]

Wow... what a great response. Thank you all for some great advice. Some details I left out, we live in the UK and we do have CCTV. We have no interest in going to the authorities as they are just petty-mined individuals, with nothing better to do. I feel a bit sorry for them, as they are well ostracised from the rest of the village. The husband some times comes into the pub, but does not stay long. I think most of the antics are lead by his wife.......

We and the rest of the neighbours are on a whats app page and keep in contact with whats going on. Every one has posted the notes they have received and just laugh it off. I do remember our first day in the house all those years ago and it was our first encounter with the Nosy Neighbours. His wife came over to us, as we were moving in an wanted to know how long we would be as the lorry delivering our house contents was in here words "parked too long" I replied "it will take as long as It takes" with that she just upped and left. When my wife asked who was that I just said "trouble" ...... another neighbour came out with hot tea and biscuits for the removal men, me and the wife and have been great friends ever since.

Thanks once again for your thoughts
Ann XX

[Angie G]

I've known people that had to know everything going on. I tend to stay to my own I know very few people in the Neighbors. :hugs:
Angie

[Aunt Kelly]

hello Ann,
why not send your neighbour a note reminding them that the virus can be spread by touching letterboxes and reading unnecessary notes that are written with germ-ridden hands?
Spread love not hate, and stay healthy!
luv J
Touche, Jacques. Beat me to it. I'll spare y'all my rant on infection control procedures, and just say that doing it right requires training, practice and discipline.

If they were my neighbors, I'd be giving them something else to talk about.

[docrobbysherry]

Stop pussyfooting around! U r placating and encouraging them! I don't know the rules in the the UK. But, in the USA, these creatures r:

Entering your private property without permission. (In the US, that includes mail boxes. Which r for US Post Office use only.)
They disturbing your rite to peace and quiet.
Invading your privacy.
And, probably a number of local rules and laws.

At the very least? U need to tell them u don't appreciate their attitude and don't want to be disturbed AGAIN! Write a note and stuff it in their front door.
See how they like it!:devil:

[Krea]

Yes, there seems to be one in every neighborhood. Self appointed marshals. She sits on her front porch....watching. Everyone avoids her like the virus. Should you get trapped in a conversation, you?re stuck for some time. And...don?t disagree with her. I
She has really stifled my going out. Being seen would not be good. So, avoidance avoidance is our mode.

Yes, sadly we have not one, but two of these in our street. One is opposite us and is always gorming in our windows while "pretending" to do gardening.
The other lives next door. She is approx 5' tall, but it is amazing how often her face is poking over our solid fence, which is about 6'9", when i am in our garden. For this reason we call her the chad.

I have recently discussed with my wife about the idea of me going out dressed (more about that in another thread coz i don't wanna go:OT:) and she said she doesn't care what the neighbours think, if they are nasty she will tell them to get lost. :thumbsup:

[Rhonda Darling]

Query: Who died and left them in charge?

I would send them a letter addressed to each by name, with delivery acceptance signature required, stating that this letter constitutes legal notice to each of them that you do not want them entering your property for any reason, or placing non-mailed notes, packages, letters, etc. in or around your mailbox or front door or porch, and that you will consider any such acts in the future to be trespassing on your property. State that you reserve the right to institute legal action against them for any violation.

Put a note on your door stating that “Trespassers Will Be Violated.” (sic)

Good luck.

[JennyMay]

It sounds like you are in the UK, as I am. Villages (I live in a village) can by difficult places because people can think they have the right to be involved in other peoples business where city's can be anonymous places. I think it might help to ask why this person is acting in such an unacceptable way. I think one explanation could be fear, which they are trying to cope with by being controlling. Another could be mental illness. Another could be that they are feeling out of control in other parts of their life and compensating by trying to be controlling of others. Pity them - their life is much smaller than yours.

[MiniRock]

Isn't there a delicious irony in a bunch of cross dressers, so many of whom would love the world to be more tolerant of their own particular "peccadillo", not being able to find it within themselves to be tolerant of what is, let's face it, a harmless busybody? Clearly this old dear has so little meaningful in her life that she has to busy herself in other people's. Maybe she has no children. Personally, I'd probably be super nice to her.

[giuseppina]

Maybe, MiniRock, but I for one do not appreciate others telling me how to live my life when I am doing no harm.

[Manna]

Yahh its happened sometimes because its quarantine time and everyone is getting bored nowadays so this strange things also happened.

[Shirley Anne]

Hi Ann, in my opinion you let this go to far when you answered the question about who your visitor was, they should have been told then to mind their own business.

I would be confronting them face to face and putting a stop to it once and for all.

[abby054]

A wise man told me long ago, ?If you like your privacy, avoid living in a cul-de-sac. Sure, you have no one driving by at three times the speed limit, but you get a host of neighbors, not just one or two. The risk of getting a bad one is too great for me.? That is no longer an option for you, sadly. What to do? Easiest option is to ignore them. It takes a some discipline but it is worth it. Nothing irritates a busybody more than being openly ignored. On the other extreme, I am a cross-grained fellow with a warped sense of humor. I would start mocking them. I would do outrageously silly stuff just to ridicule their reaction. Find out what really gets their goat and practice a humorous version of it. Get the rest of the neighbors to play along. Before you do this, be sure they are not into violence, of course.

[Michelle_G]

Why not give them something to see and have fun with it at the same time? Play some dance music and you and the wife have a 2 person dance party on your front steps. Move the grill and a couple of chairs out front and have a burger and a beer with your wife. If the other neighbors are just as annoyed, get them to join in in their respective front yards. Everyone make a sign saying, " Mind your own business!" might get the point across. Cherry on top, suggest a neighborhood distancing costume party. You and your wife can dress as the opposite gender and Ann would be able to attend. Good Luck

[Patience]

Isn't there a delicious irony in a bunch of cross dressers, so many of whom would love the world to be more tolerant of their own particular "peccadillo", not being able to find it within themselves to be tolerant of what is, let's face it, a harmless busybody? Clearly this old dear has so little meaningful in her life that she has to busy herself in other people's. Maybe she has no children. Personally, I'd probably be super nice to her.That old continental courtesy may work where you are, as you happen to live in a civilized-ish country.

The rest of us, including the OP, might not be so lucky.

[char GG]

Isn't there a delicious irony in a bunch of cross dressers, so many of whom would love the world to be more tolerant of their own particular "peccadillo", not being able to find it within themselves to be tolerant of what is, let's face it, a harmless busybody? Clearly this old dear has so little meaningful in her life that she has to busy herself in other people's. Maybe she has no children. Personally, I'd probably be super nice to her.

I agree with you MiniRock. We have had our share of busy bodies, and they all fall into the category that you have described. They are really a sad bunch but usually mean well.

[kimdl93]

Meh, in my experience people who go so far as to leave accusatory notes / messages, or even to summon the police, have crossed a line of propriety. I do not agree that hoping to be tolerated or, in the absence of tolerance, to simply be left alone is inconsistent with taking exception to the conduct of self-appointed neighborhood vigilantes.

[Teresa]

There are so many versions of the " Nosy neighbour " .

My daughter has one , he doesn't live on her road but his side entrance and garage is . He has several vehicles which partially block the entrance to the road , some are permantly covered in canvas sheeting . He told the neighbour next to his garage to weed their garden and when they didn't he stood a bottle of weed killer on their doorstep . The couple next to my daughter fitted a new garge door , he stuck a message on it when it was finished telling them he didn't like the colour they'd chosen . He's a fairly well built guy so not many argue with him , to me he's a bully , if I was his neighbour there would have been words said !! It's quite funny really because he has seen me a couple of times as Teresa and both times he disappeared very quickly , I'm wondering what his problem is ?

[alwayshave]

How about a sign that says "Good Neighbors Mind Their Own Business, Bad Neighbors Don't".

[looking_good]

Wow. We have a nosy neighbor who has the same symptoms - boundary issues and bullying. What are the odds, eh?

Our fight-or-flight reaction has been reasonably effective - security camera, no trespassing, a log of activity, reporting bad behavior, and a cease-and-desist letter standing ready. It has certainly achieved the objective of deflecting bad behavior away from us. The path not taken is tend-and-befriend. The yin reaction to our yang reaction. Not second guessing our decision, just mindful that we made a choice to change the behavior rather than the individual. Faster and easier, but less effective.

Besides choosing the appearance as male or female, I am also trying to grow and consider reactions beyond fight-or-flight. For me it is two parts of the same journey.