Starting down this exciting path!

[Kevyn53]

I've decided to come out as trans at the young age of 66. I've known I was in the wrong type of body since I was 11, but back then I didn't know what was wrong and my family were experts in shame and guilt. By the time society was becoming open about trans people I was in a relationship with a woman I passionately loved and didn't want to lose. The last several years she came to understand where I was mentally and emotionally. I would frequently get questions from her about did I want to vacation somewhere that I could spend a month crossdressed? Hell yeah! We didn't get the chance though.
Well she passed away last month. It's been hard, but I've decided I'm not blowing any more time having the wrong plumbing or hormones.I came out to the VA (my medical team) and a few close friends. I have endocrinology blood tests in July (because the damned covid-19 is slowing things up) and after that, I'll start to come out to more friends and family.
I'm living in a SMALL town (pop. 20) so it's not going to take long for word to get around. I'm not really friends with any of them so I'm not worried about opinions or gossip.
I can't believe how long it takes to change your name and all the other documentation in North Dakota. Basically, it looks like they are saying I can't change anything until I've fully transitioned, surgery and all. That doesn't make sense.

[Katya@]

If you have retired, can you relocate to a more LGBTQ friendly state?

[Kevyn53]

I could, but I've lived here for 12 years and have a really nice house that's paid for, and a Japanese garden that I've been working on for over 20 years. Plus my wife , Sandra, is in the back yard.

[Lana Mae]

Kevyn, I feel for you! I am/was much like you but so naive and with a wife who said said she would absolutely not let me wear women's clothes! That was the start of a 34 year and 5 month marriage! So, she passed away 4 years ago in March! By June, I had bought a pack of panties and it grew from there! I am on hormones now for 15 months! My name change is in progress but held up by the virus also! I am in NC and actually have had very few negative encounters and no violence! Best wishes on going forward! Patience for now! Hugs Lana Mae

[Teresa]

Kevyn,
It's so good to see you back on the forum , I'm really sorry for your recent loss , I'm sure it's especially hard as she was so supportive .

Maybe don't look at the obstacles as a downer but treat them as thinking time , I've been separated now for two years and went full time , I made the decision at my age to live with the balance I've found now , personally I don't feel hormones and sugery will change my everyday life that much , I'm not suggesting what is right or wrong for you . All I know is I'm happy with what I have now after so many years of being unhappy . I now use Terri for my everyday life although I haven't made an official name change but most accept my status without question .

I wish you all the best , please PM me if you want to catch up more .

[Kevyn53]

Theresa, I remember when you were posting about moving out. I'm trying to think about this as goals, not obstacles. This virus has slowed everything down. The VA is going to handle my HRT, therapy, a new wig and voice training. The only hassle about all that is Fargo is 3 hours away, so I have to plan and hopefully gang up appointments.
On the other hand, I came out to friends on Facebook. The local people I know haven't said boo. The people I went to high school with 49 years ago are all gung ho, great to have you move on and be happy with your life!. It's such a relief to have people in your corner backing you up. I have a feeling that the most some of my girl friends most negative comments are going to be, Are you sure you want to wear that?

[Dorit]

Hi there dear! I hope I can encourage you. First, I want to express my sympathy for the loss of your wife. I can tell that you were very attached to her, I am to mine. She is ten years older than I and has dementia, I am slowly loosing her.

I too began my "coming out" at about your age and began living outwardly as female, including medical transition at 70. You can do it, and you seem to me to be ready and determined. You have to be brave, it is not easy, but living in North Dakota you must be already very brave!:)

[JeanTG]

Welcome to this side of the forum! I'm less than 2 months from 62. I've been married to the love of my life for 32 years. Unfortunately she's not accepting so once the COVID-19 confinement is over, we'll like split. It won't be friendly alas, but at least it won't be acrimonious either and we hope to accomplish it without the help of lawyers. Right now everything is on hold due to the pandemic for me as well. However I got lucky, I was on a waiting list to see the endo and on Feb. 27th they had a cancellation and I grabbed it. Which means that this Monday I will have been two months on HRT and already the effects are starting to be noticeable. But more importantly I feel so much better with testosterone out of my body. I am almost thinking testosterone was a toxin or allergen for me. I had horrible digestive problems for almost all my life (basically irritable bowel syndrome). Since two months, zip, nada, nothing. No cramps, everything works normally. My quality of life increased by leaps and bounds. I would never go back to a testosterone-laden life. I also managed to have my ears pierced on March 4th, another eagerly desired milestone that I sneaked in just under the wire before everything shut down.

I'm sorry to hear about your wife, you were one of the lucky ones as far as acceptance goes.

As far as coming out, the only problem areas for me have been my wife, and one of my three kids but he was already having serious issues before. My oldest son (and my youngest child, my daughter who is also trans) have been wonderful, as have all my friends and my church community. As I read another trans woman say "it's usually worse in your head that it turns out in reality". For the most part that has rung true for me. I guess I must have picked great friends.

Good luck and I hope everything goes smoothly. There will be some bumps no doubt and I expect them; when the hit, maybe they're a signal to ease up a bit and absorb the changes that already happened. I agree with Teresa take this pandemic pause for reflection. I've actually enjoyed the downtime (I'm retired but had an active social and volunteer life), I'm living almost a monastic existence which is great for me as I'm a great fan of monasticism; it was on a month-long retreat that I made the decision to transition this past winter. It's a time to absorb the changes happening to me, reflect on them, and prepare myself for the next step. Which was meant to be my first laser facial hair removal session on March 30. You can guess the rest... delayed indefinitely. I'm very insecure about my beard shadow, but had a lightning flash of an idea about what to do until I can start laser: face masks are becoming popular here! So I ordered three cotton reusable ones. I plan to resume going out once I receive them. Apart from worrying about my son (I have no hopes about my wife), I've been quite serene with the confinement, even though I can't dress overtly in front of my wife (except jeans and fairly unisex women's shirts).

It's too bad about name changes in your neck of the woods. I live in Quebec and it is as simple as deciding when you're ready and sending in the application with a sponsor and notarized signatures. But that's on hold too. Because I was born in another province, I have to get my birth record moved to Quebec. I sent in the application for that, got an acknowledgement back that it was received and was being processed, then bang, confinement hit. Otherwise I'm fortunate that Quebec is probably one of the most trans-friendly places in North America.

[Kevyn53]

So it's been 10 days since I came out to you gals. Here's the update. Everybody is so accepting! I came out to my friends and relatives on Facebook. Not one single negative comment. I had one art friend of mine said he was getting me confused with a Kevin that he knew. I had to explain to him, I am that Kevin. Only different. He got it immediately. My brother has anon binary daughter, so he's onboard right away. The people I am truly surprised about are my old friends and acquaintances from high school. I graduated almost 50 years ago and they're all ,"Go for it! Be happy!"

I've sent in my name change announcement to the newspaper. They get it too. On Wednesday It''l come out that I am changing to Kevyn Michelle. Then in a month I can apply to the court to legally change it. Then on to the driver's license bureau!

The VA has a LGBT coordinator in Fargo to help with HRT, voice training, wigs and therapy.mI've been to Grand Forks (the nearest largish town) and only been "ma'amed" and a couple of "let her go first." I've been shopping in the women's section of a couple of stores with no weird stares (that I've seen). It's just feeling comfortable for the first time. When I would "crossdress" I felt worried that I was going to be "made." Don't really give a shit now, and it seems to have changed something. It's like if I don't care, they don't either. At least that's what I'm running with now. And the wait staff that I've encountered (ND isn't locked down as tight as most of the country) have been very nice to me. Nicer than before. That's it!!!

[Teresa]

Kevyn,
My take on that is if you don't look over your shoulder for a reaction you won't get one , a good person is a good person no matter how they dress , my art group have been wonderful .

[Krisi]

I hope things go well for you. Many laws and rules don't seem to make sense to us as individuals, but they must have made sense to someone at one time. We just have to work with them or work around them.

Best of luck.

[Kevyn53]

So I've come out to pretty much everybody that I can think of. Not some of our clients yet, but Sandra and I only connect with them a couple of times a year at most and then generally through email. Absolutely everyone has said they only want me to be happy. I know I've had a few patrons of box stores in the big city look at me sideways, but all in all, it's going ok. This covid crap has slowed up any and all appointments for name change, endocrinology, voice training, any of it. BUT I waited 55 years to get to this point, what's another couple of months? BUT DAMN, I WANT TO GET MOVING!!!!

[Kevyn53]

I have a meeting with the endocrinologist on Monday the 8th. I originally thought it was going to be face to face, and some blood tests. Now I found out, with the Cover crap, it's a phone meeting. Still, it's a meeting with my endocrynologist! I'm going to fargo, where the meeting I thought was going to happen, on the chance that she prescribes hormones right away and I can pick them up at the VA pharmacy. Either way, They also have a P.O. for a new wig at Merle Norman AND I'm going to celebrate it all starting to move forward with my friend Jessica!

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Hey maybe things change. How long ago was that?? I was recently PM'd about posts I made many years ago....14 yrs!!!! :drink: UGH
It was all about the joy of crossdressing.. hopefully everyone is being honest...Jean what say you??

EDIT UPDATE>>>>>MYSTERY SOLVED>... And I think it is a really really good exercise for every single person...

The post in this thread is from April!!!
The post you quoted is from this week!!!

So the story is really well told by simple real life experience... read the old posts... read about the experience of seeking out and starting transition. And then notice whats happening right now , not even 2 months later


=============
As far as OP.
It's a really great time for many of us ... that first week/month etc... Sing it Barb "" Memories...."

What an INCREDIBLE RELEASE of all those feelings and secrets... It's intoxicating... then the move to HRT if it goes that way... I really feel for trans women there is the obvious chemical and physical effects.. but I think there is a powerful placebo effect around knowing that life changing chemical is inside you where it belongs...

My broken record word of caution is simply that after all that, it becomes about execution. It becomes about the quality of your day to day life. And you'll need to be prepared for any and all events that may (Maybe they won't) happen and reduce your quality of life... (loss of friends/clients/SO, $$, libido...). and the realization that "this is it"... this is how I look...this is what I have to do to look this way..etc.. if the roadblock comes pls be ready for it. It's a tricky shift from euphoria to reality...

I'm not Debbie Downer. Im super hopeful and excited for you. Its like a fountain of youth. In fact, I found the HRT initially "de aged" me a bit...I dont know if others had that experience..

As each of your milestones is hit you deserve that feeling. Its incredibly courageous at older ages for so many of us.

But the most courageous thing you'll have to do is put on that wig everyday and think "you go girl" no matter what happens. Doing this made me feel like the star quarterback but to win I had to play tackle... (heheheh. the most GUY analogy I know but I cant resist)

so dont be shy...ask questions... be honest with your feelings as they flow.....

My #1 advice is make sure that wig is comfortable...by comfortable I mean it should sit on your head with little or no adhesive of clips... it should breath enough so that except on super hot days it shouldn't sweat your head...you should be able to wash it...unfortunately that means it has to be a custom wig with state of the art fibers...
and you need to be fitted for it...

In ND that may be short term impossible...but if finance permits I promise you its worth the travel... A 'perfect" natural wig will do more to feminize you than almost anything.

[Dorit]

I'm not Debbie Downer. Im super hopeful and excited for you. Its like a fountain of youth. In fact, I found the HRT initially "de aged" me a bit...I dont know if others had that experience..

As each of your milestones is hit you deserve that feeling. Its incredibly courageous at older ages for so many of us.

But the most courageous thing you'll have to do is put on that wig everyday and think "you go girl" no matter what happens. Doing this made me feel like the star quarterback but to win I had to play tackle... (heheheh. the most GUY analogy I know but I cant resist)

so dont be shy...ask questions... be honest with your feelings as they flow.....

My #1 advice is make sure that wig is comfortable...by comfortable I mean it should sit on your head with little or no adhesive of clips... it should breath enough so that except on super hot days it shouldn't sweat your head...you should be able to wash it...unfortunately that means it has to be a custom wig with state of the art fibers...
and you need to be fitted for it...

In ND that may be short term impossible...but if finance permits I promise you its worth the travel... A 'perfect" natural wig will do more to feminize you than almost anything.

Kaitlyn, your comments are so helpful for our North Dakota girl! I too found HRT and my transition in general as a fountain of youth. I am consistently related to as 20 years younger than my chronological age. This seems to be a common phenomenon among us older girls who transition. While I would not say that starting HRT gave me any special happiness, I today, three years later and after social and medical transition have gender euphoria! I do think, and even there is a study to back this up, that the vast majority of trans women who undergo transition have no regrets. The case of Jean is probably rare but is good to note for anyone considering such a radical, life changing, step.

I have been wearing a wig full time for three years. It becomes like any other piece of clothing to wear in public. Lately I am trying to grow my hair out, there is always hope! What you say is so true, the correct hair style and color can make you beautiful and feminine!

[Teresa]

Kaitlyn,
As usual right on the money . I've always said the wig/hair is the make or break moment , the right one takes you to where you need to be , when people think it's naturall you know you made the right choice .

I'm not on hormones but I still feel the years roll off and had comments as such maybe it's because we are in a better place because we are more comfortable and happy .

[Devi SM]

Kevin, I read your post the first days after you post-it nut my mind was in other things and didn't comment at all.
Today I'm in the 6th day after my orchiectomy, feeling happy and reading the development of your thread was refreshing.
I feel sad for your lost but I see your hands are full of plans and a new life so go for it.
Don't ever think you're old. I love the States and everything g here especially its language but something that bothers me is to counting the years we use the world old. Isn't a negative way of see the life , like seeing the empty half of the glass...
Any ways, you soon will discovery what is said, HRT is like the fountain of youth...have fun and count on me as your friend and pm whenever you need...
Devi

[Kevyn53]

I've been spending a lot of time trying to figure how to deal with my beard. I shave every day, sometimes twice. My beard since I'm 66, is about 1/2 to 2/3 white. last week I went into a location that does laser hair and tattoo removal and had them start on the dark hair of my beard. when I one to shave the next day I could tell some of it is missing. Yeaaaa. The state has done my name change but I'm missing 1 form to get my corrected driver's license. Hopefully I get in time for my DL appointment on Tuesday. If not I'll have to reschedule. With the stupid virus everything like that is appointment only.
My voice training is coming along. I can go for quite a while before my vocal cords get cramped up and the pitch drops. Still working on the rate and resonance parts.

[Kevyn53]

Update!!! I got my driver's license a little over a week ago. I was so excited I had to sit in the car and ry a little while staring at confirmation of my true identity. The next day I contacted the Social Security Administration to get the next step changed. One of the pieces of ID they needed was...... my driver's license! Not just a copy of my license, they wanted the real thing in their hands to scan. So I didn't get to hang onto it for even 24 hours. It went in the mail with the other documents they needed and it should be back in a day or two.

Also I've had a couple of laser hair removal treatments on my beard, and I have to say it's going well. Stings a little, and probably lees than half of my beard is dark anymore, but the part that is has some spots missing! I only see about 1/3 to 1/2 of the hair there anymore. The light hairs I know I'm going to have to have electrolysis.

I'm STILL not on hormones yet. Damn covid crap.

[Kevyn53]

My driver's license is back, the Social Security people have my name and gender changed. I'll have my new SSA card in a week or so. I've had another couple of laser treatments and I'm seeing progress. No news on the hormone front, nut chipping away at the paperwork / legal side of things feels good.

[Devi SM]

Kevin,
I'm glad you're in the right path for happiness but have a question, how is that you got your driver license name and gender mark change? And then go to SSA? I thought it was on the other direction, first SSA then DMV....

[Kevyn53]

Devi, In North Dakota they told me the first thing was to get my name changed. That took a couple of months. The state then said I could get a driver's license so i took my name change, proof of who I used to be, a letter from my therapist saying I'm done, and it happened. The therapy staff at the VA want you to feel as comfortable in your skin as possible, so they give out letters saying you're done transitioning. The SSA wanted my name change paperwork, proof of address, my new license, and Who I used to be. And they had me mail it in because of covid.

I don't know about the order of things in other states, but that's how it went up here.

[Devi SM]

yeah, in California the process starts in the court, They don't ask for any letter at all, just submit the right paperwork and after 6 weeks they give you the court order you go to SSA, then DMV and etc. I'ts interesting that SSA is a federal office so rules should be the same in all states.

My case is sleeping on the court, they are contantly moving forward the they will open, for now, just essentials stuff....:sad:

[Kevyn53]

I've gotten my Driver's License back from SSA. Received my SSA card and my Medicare card, gotten car insurance, bank and cards updated. The only card not current in my Target card. And I'm working on that one.

AND I finally have an appointment to see the Endocrinologist on Aug 13th. Yeaaaaaa!!!!

[Devi SM]

Well very happy for you but Kevyn, I have to confess that I feel a bit envy (lol) of your achievements, I'm just joking.

I was one year on therapy to be able yo see the endocrinologist, then a year on HRT to be approved for electrolysis, now it's been a couple of months my paperwork for name and gender marker be changed was submitted to the court but the judge hasn't seen them yet....

[Patty B.]

I'm very happy for you, especially entering the VA health care system as you are. I restarted my transition almost 3 years ago with the VA and the support has been nothing short of sensational. As far a the distance to the hospital, I understand, I was 1 1/2 hours away and it was a pain at times. Check with your providers and see if you can schedule telehealth visits. They send you an email link to access your appointment, and it's the next best thing to being there. I've found the Ipad works better than a laptop or phone for some unknown reason. Congratulations and best wishes, by the way I'm closing in on 68 and consider myself fortunate that I found the VA supports the LGBT.

[Kevyn53]

Patty B. I do use Telehealth a lot for the therapy end of things with the VA. With covid that's what the entire Fargo Va system is doing unless they actually need to touch you, drawing blood, etc. My endocrinology appt is Aug 13th IN FARGO!!! My speech therapy and mental health appts. are all telehealth.

My one other note is that I joined the Transarmy site on Facebook. If you haven't checked it out, it's pretty normal Facebook, but I volunteered to mentor a young gal in Iowa. She's 23 and still hormonal in a teenager kind of way. She's adead of me on hormones, but I've got 40 years on her with life experience. Also, a friend in town has a grandchild who is coming out MTF and they are visiting this weekend. They want her to meet me, I think to prove to her that she's not alone. So I'm theoretically, mentoring 2 young people and I've just started transiti0oning myself! I'm getting to be a busy girl!

[Kevyn53]

So I've got pretty much all my paperwork in my new life done, EXCEPT my car registration is coming up this month and it turns out In North Dakota you can't just change the name on your registration, you have to "sell it back to yourself." So Kevin has to sell the car to Kevyn for $0 and pay handling fees. It's just fricking weird. I talked to a woman about new glasses and she said when she got her divorce and changed her name back to her maiden name, she had to do the same thing. Government is weird.

[Katya@]

Hi Kevyn. Sorry to hear about your troubles. I called my local DMV (NY State) and thankfully they said I can change the car registration at the same time I will change the driver's license and it didn't sound like it will have to be a sale, just the name update. I have two cars in the family, so need to do for both.

[Kevyn53]

So yesterday I met with my Endocrinologist at the VA. I'd heard some complaints about her but if you ask questions she's very responsive and has a sense of humor and she's thorough. I'm starting on Spiro, and my estradiol patches arrive in the "mail" (thank you Mr. President for scaring the crap out of all of us) because they were out and were supposedly arriving in stock today, so I should see them in the mail probably Tuesday. My Endocrinologist says I have a high T count and that many of her older patients would love to have my levels. Well they can have them, I don't need them any more.
Anyway, I'm happy that my body now gets to try catching up to all my paperwork where my name and gender are changed. Whew!

[Katya@]

I like how we all take different paths towards the same place of happiness. I was on hormones for few months shy of 3 years before I changed my name and the gender marker on my documents, to catch up where my body and my mind already were :).

[Kevyn53]

Katya, I'm having a little dysphoria in the morning and at night before bed, because I got ALL of my identity changed to on paper I'm female. Then before getting dressed I'm looking down and don't come anywhere near looking female, so getting started on hormones has been a relief.

[Kevyn53]

So here's an interesting thought. My mother told me once that I was going to be Kevin (or now Kevyn) whether I was a boy or a girl. Here'sthe thought. I don't get to be offended if somebody dead names me. Should I be offended that I can't be offended?

[Katya@]

No, you don't have to. My new name is a shirt version of my full name, which makes it gender neutral. My close family and friend never called by my full name, or the shirt one in one-on-one conversations. They use more gentle version, which is still male, but I never get bothered by it. My close family and some of the closest friends get a pass and I don't feel like I am making any effort.
I do correct people right away when they use my old full male name.

[Kevyn53]

Katya, the only thing that happens (rarely) is I have been mis-pronouned a bit lately. The funny thing is it's happened when I'm being introduced to new people and then I say I'm trans, and they jump on it like it's a carnival ride that's going to be fun. I get questioned and complimented.

Two other things... Last Thursday I started Spiro and today I started estradiol. Last Thursday I met with my endocrinologist for the first time and we got along really well. And she's looking at my labs and goes, WOW. I ask what's up and she says my testosterone level is 943, and she's got older patients who would kill to have levels this high. Well they can have it. She want's my T level at 55 or under.

[Katya@]

Hi Kevyn,
These days, my total Testosterone varies between 20-50 ng/dL depending on the part of the 5-day cycle of IM Estrodial injection. Before hormones, my T was at 464 ng/dL. From the start, I was following the monotherapy approach, no androgen blockers. It relies on the approach that if you maintain estrogen at sufficient levels (minimum 200 pg/mL), your endocrine system will regulate the production of testosterone way done on its own because in assigned male at birth, E is converted from T. The key is to achieve consistent high E levels. I couldn't achieve it with patches but achieved almost immediately on 5-day injections (my level varies between 200-500pg/mL also depending on when measured in the cycle). It has been stable this way for over a year. Also, after 15 months, I started taking Progesterone which helped to make breast more full. The bottom line, you may look into it. I am not saying it is always possible to achieve low T without anti-androgens but worth trying to avoid exposing yourself to additional side effects. I also read that Bicalutamide has fewer side effects than Spironolactone and may be a safer choice if anti-androgen is needed. Talk to your doctor but do your homework. That's the name of the game in trans healthcare.
Katya

[Renee_B]

Good luck!! :<3:

[Kevyn53]

Katya, thanks for the information. As always we have to be our best advocates, reading and double-checking everything just to make sure. I asked about tarting with just estradiol, but she's one of those nervous about heart problems. My mom had a heart attack in her 60, but she was also a heavy smoker. My only cigarette was when I was 16 51 years ago. I'll check up on Bicalutamide.