My thoughts of why I crossdress

[Marcie]

Back in time when my mother was pregnant with me, she thought I was going to be a little girl. The only clothes she purchased for the new baby were little girl clothes. As the story goes, for the first year I was always dressed as a little girl. Now move ahead several years to the time I was roughly 13 or 14 years of age. It was Halloween, I was asked to escort my little female cousin around the neighborhood to collect candies. My mother thought it would be nice to dress me up as a teenage girl. she came up with all the clothes for me including some very sexy underwear. beautiful satin panties with lace trim and a young girls lacy bra. When she had me try these on I became very aroused, much to my mothers observation, she never said anything. I also had black stockings with a garter belt. To top it off I wore a little black dress of my mothers ( she had a small frame so it fit me very nicely) She took considerable time applying my makeup. When she was done I was impressed at my transition into the female world. This was an introduction into what I would attempt in my adult life. In my memory, this was a very moving experience never to be forgotten:)

[Krisi]

My early life was similar but not as extreme. My mother dressed me as a girl for a few months after I was born and she "made" me try on dresses she would sew for her nieces so she could mark the hem, etc.

She really wanted a daughter, not a son. I suspect that's why we had occasional problems when I was growing up, and that may have something to do with why I became a crossdresser. Or maybe not. Who knows and who cares?

[RainbowDash]

I never had anyone try to dress me up in girls' clothes, not even once. And the thought had never really crossed my mind, although for some crazy reason I felt a very strange urge to buy a teardrop lace petticoat and wore it a few times. I believe this kind of petticoat was more for show. It wasn't until I had a dream that I was Princess Peach that I really started getting into crossdressing.
But my thoughts on why I crossdress are simple.... I do have a desire to be a woman, although not full-time. Crossdressing helps me accomplish this.

[ShelbyDawn]

Oh, this kind of thread can go sideways so fast... :)

For me, there was no external force that led me down this path, I can remember as early as five or six wanting to wear dresses and pretty things.
The only'encouragement' I ever got was once when my mom caught me wearing my sisters panties, she replaced all my tighty-whiteys with men's bikini briefs in a variety of colors. Of course, I still stole my sisters panties but nothing was ever said.

We are all different and I can understand how early life instances as you describe can unlock the door, but I believe we are just born this way.
I have even done some past-life regression therapy and each and every time, I have been a happy vibrant woman in my past life, perhaps just a gender hangover? :)

[DTelia]

I can relate to the above story. My mom wanted a daughter too for my sister. But I was very boy (had all the stereotypes, etc), and she was totally cool w/that...as was I.

However, I was aware of the initial wishes that I were a girl....honestly innocent commentary/discussion in the family. My mom would curl my hair like hers w/the rollers and the bandana (my wife laughs at this one). I was teased about the curls and my brother added to it. I would also ask my mom to give me ?eyebrows? like hers, and well...I?m guessing this is where things began.

I always wanted to grow my hair, and was interested in all things girly, but had this innate feeling too keep it all a secret...which I did until before I was married, when I told my girlfriend and fiance? . Up until that time, I hadn?t done more than the curling my hair as a young child

[carhill2mn]

Many of us would loved to have had a mother like yours.

[Paulie Birmingham]

Nature vs nurture. Hmm.

For me personally, I think it's more of a nurture.

[Teresa]

Marcie,
Paulie beat me to it . Being dressed at thirteen and with obvious arousel could well have set you on that road , I'm a little surprsed your mother continued dressing you when it was that obvious .

One size doesn't fit all so for some it might well be nurture before nature . I still feel nature took the fist hand and I was born with a female trait as I had no external influence and no one dressed me up .

[Pumped]

Nobody ever dressed me in girls clothing, I did it on my own. Why? No clue.

I am not certain these stories of mothers dressing their sons in girls clothing makes any difference. We will dress sooner or later, or not.

[Majella St Gerard]

I remember being around 10 or 11 and my sister and step sister put makeup on me to make me look like Liza Minelli, Cabaret was popular at the time.

[MichaelM]

A few potential reasons and I put it down to nurture more than nature. There are some instances growing up which still resonate years later.

That being said, if you are looking to transition then you probably argue nature rather than nurture.

[CrossKimmy]

For some reason, I felt drawn to women?s clothing. It was like a calling from elsewhere. I couldn?t stop it. It wasn?t brought to me in any way.

[nvlady]

When I was little my mother and father dressed me in boy's clothes. Now that I'm older, I enjoy wearing girl's clothes. Figure that out.

[Leslie Mary S]

As I have said before it is the softness of woman's clothse. Also woman vocals alway seemed to have a better range of notes and sounds. Right now I am listening to Brigadoon. "At the Fair" and earlier I listened to "Carol Bernett". For a while I wanted to be a ballarenna and dance on my toes (on points) I even got to a point were I could dance 'on point' 1n my stocking feet. That was way befor I became the 'Hippo in a tutu'. grin

[docrobbysherry]

I'm sorry, Marcie. But, your mom dressing u like a girl didn't turn u into a trans. It may have triggered something that was already inside u, tho.

Many regular men dress up in women's things and it does NOTHING for them!:straightface:
My ex and I went to a big Halloween party dressed as the opposite sex. This was 10 years before I ever thot of trying on women's things. And, it made so little impact on me I forgot about that nite for nearly 20 years!:devil:

[Stephanie47]

I've mentioned several times on this forum that my mother use to tell me I was suppose to be a girl. Her ideal family was mom, dad, son and daughter. My brother is fourteen months older than me. As a real little kid it irked me so badly that one time I cried that she did not love me because I was not a girl. I must have been about four years old. She swore that she would never say that again, and, she never did. She showed it in other ways. I got more than my share of whippings with a belt across the back of my legs. My brother was not immune to this abuse either. It was obvious she favored my brother. When he got a new bike I got his old one. I got his hand-me-downs. And, so on. I do not believe she had an effect on me. I guess it may be argued psychologically on the subconscious level I began trying to meet her expectations. A shrink may get into it. I don't think it is applicable as I was a rough and tumble kid who always got into trouble. Maybe I got into trouble because I wanted her attention. Who knows.

There are many little boys who wore female infant attire and never grew up to be cross dressers. There may be a predisposition towards becoming a cross dresser, but, playing dress up would not be the cause. Perhaps, a mother dressing her son in female attire is a way to rationalize cross dressing behavior?

[DianeT]

I recently asked my mother what girl name they had in mind with my father before I was born (no ultrasound back then so they didn't know the sex in advance). She said none, but they a spare boy name in mind. Boy, was I supposed to be a boy :)

[Elizabeth G]

I'll go with nature on this, at least for me. I had two brothers growing up. No sisters, no close female relatives or friends or anyone else that ever dressed me up. My mother never tried to dress me as a girl nor did anyone else. I just took an interest in it for no easily discernible reason. I don't spend my time trying to figure out why I crossdress I just do it and enjoy myself.

[alwayshave]

Marcie, I had three older sisters, so I know I was dressed in their clothes. As time went on, I dressed in their clothes on my own.

[BTWimRobin]

I grew up in a house with 4 women. Curiosity at the age of 11 or 12 got me started.

[Kay J]

I stop trying to figure it out yes i felt guilty in the beginning but now i just enjoy how i am and proud of it!

[Rayleen]

Marcie, it looks like my first year was also similar. she gave me pictures of me dressed in a dress. She was probably expecting a baby girl.

Life goes on, thanks for your story.

[SheriM]

My mother made it known that I was supposed to be a girl. She did not dress me as a girl, except possibly as an infant. She told everyone that I was supposed to be a girl. I wonder if that has something to do with my dressing desire.

[GretchenM]

The science on the matter of your case is pretty clear now. It is not an either/or matter with nature and nurture. It is both. You may have been born with a predisposition, but that would not have been triggered in the first year of your life. Maybe later in year two, but not year one. Children do not develop a clear sense of gender until about 3 years old except in a few instances where it shows up in the mid to late twos.

However, you make mention of early memories being important. That could be significant in configuring your brain to lean a bit toward the feminine side. Due to brain plasticity, your brain often, even continuously, is reconfiguring itself as a result of experiences that your brain must deal with to remain consistent. The Halloween experiences were much more likely to influence gender expression.

Defining gender preferences is a very complex neurological process involving a great deal of adaptation of your brain to stresses and less significant influences to create a sense of self that fits the data input to the brain. But whatever it creates it also changes as a result of new influences. Reinforcement of a particular configuration enhances that configuration which may explain why escalation of gender behaviors in a particular direction occurs in some, but not all, CDers and trans people.

With regard to this aspect of our lives, we are all different and all unique and an ever changing blend of male and female behaviors consistent with the cultural environment. But the behaviors can also change the cultural environment, so there it is a continuous back and forth exchange of information that drives your brain to produce a behavior that fits a somewhat temporary specific state of being within a more generalized shell of generalized behavior defined by social expectations. Forget about male and female brains - they don't exist. There are only brains that are constantly changing within a personally defined zone of what is considered acceptable personally and socially. That zone is initially created by genetics and then constantly modified by experience.

If you want to find out more, read Gina Ripon's book "Gender and Our Brains" (the heavyweight book) or Daphna Joel's "Gender Mosaic - Beyond the myth of the male and female brain" (the more lightweight book). Both authors are neuroscientists and have been studying gender in the context of brain configuration for at least three decades. Daphna's book is much easier reading. But you might want to read "Neuroscience for Dummies" first to gain a general understanding of neuroscience before tackling Gina's book. It is a very complex subject. I can lead you to some other references that are useful. PM me if you wish.

[Teresa]

Gretchen,
Thanks again for a very infomative reply I will have to check out the books you also mentioned .

If my memory recalls you have an engineering background , do you find you see this more as a science based situation ? It amazes me how our brains that function on chemistry and electricity can develop into such abstract thoughts and behaviour .

I do wonder if a whole community of TGs lived together both male and female eventually their offsping would be naturally be TG ?

[prene]

I am not sure it is crossdress.
For me I am drawn to have a female body and persona.
I feel fine/good/natural when I am out in a female figure no matter what I am wearing.
I am comfortable with who I am.
I wish others were

[DTelia]

The science on the matter of your case is pretty clear now. It is not an either/or matter with nature and nurture. It is both. You may have been born with a predisposition, but that would not have been triggered in the first year of your life. Maybe later in year two, but not year one. Children do not develop a clear sense of gender until about 3 years old except in a few instances where it shows up in the mid to late twos.

However, you make mention of early memories being important. That could be significant in configuring your brain to lean a bit toward the feminine side. Due to brain plasticity, your brain often, even continuously, is reconfiguring itself as a result of experiences that your brain must deal with to remain consistent. The Halloween experiences were much more likely to influence gender expression.

Defining gender preferences is a very complex neurological process involving a great deal of adaptation of your brain to stresses and less significant influences to create a sense of self that fits the data input to the brain. But whatever it creates it also changes as a result of new influences. Reinforcement of a particular configuration enhances that configuration which may explain why escalation of gender behaviors in a particular direction occurs in some, but not all, CDers and trans people.

With regard to this aspect of our lives, we are all different and all unique and an ever changing blend of male and female behaviors consistent with the cultural environment. But the behaviors can also change the cultural environment, so there it is a continuous back and forth exchange of information that drives your brain to produce a behavior that fits a somewhat temporary specific state of being within a more generalized shell of generalized behavior defined by social expectations. Forget about male and female brains - they don't exist. There are only brains that are constantly changing within a personally defined zone of what is considered acceptable personally and socially. That zone is initially created by genetics and then constantly modified by experience.

If you want to find out more, read Gina Ripon's book "Gender and Our Brains" (the heavyweight book) or Daphna Joel's "Gender Mosaic - Beyond the myth of the male and female brain" (the more lightweight book). Both authors are neuroscientists and have been studying gender in the context of brain configuration for at least three decades. Daphna's book is much easier reading. But you might want to read "Neuroscience for Dummies" first to gain a general understanding of neuroscience before tackling Gina's book. It is a very complex subject. I can lead you to some other references that are useful. PM me if you wish.

Solid information Gretchen...I like your perspective and credible response.

I distaste both extremes or sides of this fascinating debate, and seems yours considers both sides, which I appreciate. Thank you for sharing your view and the book recommendations.

I think we need to celebrate the differences in men and women, but agree that the differences in the brain may be overplayed.

[Confucius]

My experience is similar to many others. My mother wanted a girl when she gave birth to my older brother. With her second pregnancy she prayed for a daughter. I was born. When I was only 6 months old she was pregnant for a third time. Was the third time the charm? Yes, when my sister was born it was the happiest day of my mother's life. My sister became my mother's pampered princess. My mother would often repeat the story of our births, and I always ended up as her disappointment. I longed for my mother's love and attention. I was expected to play with my older brother, but he took pleasure in beating the hell out of me daily. Today the left side of my rib cage is deformed from the broken ribs I received from my older brother. I tried to escape the beatings from my older brother the best I could. I always thought that if I was just born a girl all my problems would be solved. By the age of 3 I was playing in my mother's closet and trying on her clothes. I recall telling her that I was just playing "mommie".

As a small child I was not permitted to play with girl's things. I had had enough humiliation so tried to be a boy as best I could. Even though I stopped crossdressing I still fascinated about it. I grew up believing that girls had it better in life. Parents preferred girls because girls were better behaved, better looking, and smarter. I thought all boys secretly wanted to dress like girls. I couldn't image that males had any privileges. For me there was nothing good about being a boy. As I look back I realize that I grew up with three struggles - I struggled with gender dysphoria. I struggled with being an extreme introvert. I struggled with an inferiority complex.

By the time puberty started I was back to crossdressing. It was my deepest, darkest, secret. I was convinced that it was terribly wrong, but I couldn't stop. I now consider myself a survivor. I have done pretty well in life. I am happily married. I've accomplished so much. However the marks from my childhood are always with me. I still crossdress, but I keep it limited. When I crossdress I realize how my brain is hardwired to release a host of feel-good neurotransmitters. Crossdressing releases stress, brings joy, a sense of accomplishment, and my world is made right.

[Tania]

I have dressed for as long as I can remember. I have no idea what sparked this interest, but my mother was/is an attractive woman. She was a majorette back in the day, and always exercised when a leotard and tights were in vogue, which may explain a few things. Our house was short on closet space, so mom?s overflow clothing ended up in the closet in my room. So, opportunity presented itself at a young age. Dad remodeled the house when I was about 10-12, and the opportunities were a bit harder to come by after that.

[Marianne S]

I lean strongly toward Nature myself. Which is not to deny that "nurture" can play a role too, but I believe Nature predominates.

What's the evidence? First, there are plenty of people like me, whether we're "T" or not, who started dressing from a quite spontaneous urge, without being encouraged in any way. That sounds like our inner Nature at work.

Second, lots of people have experienced a continuing compulsion to dress in spite of being outright discouraged, ridiculed, or being given to believe that it was "wrong" or "shameful." Clearly their Nature has been riding roughshod over their "nurture"!

Third, yes, there are others who were encouraged or even "forced" to dress in childhood, and may attribute their continuing compulsion to these aspects of their "nurture." But hold it for a moment. There's a missing, fourth piece to this little foursquare diagram (if you can visualize it that way).

Specifically, it's not just what we learn, or are told, that forms our understanding, beliefs, and opinions. It's often what we never learn that's just as influential. Incidentally it's the way our appallingly biased so-called "news" media distort people's opinions. They don't necessarily tell us outright lies, not most of the time. Remember the oath we swear when giving evidence in a courtroom: "to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth." The media often tell us only half the truth, not the whole truth. They leave out the "other side of the picture," which we never learn about, and might have formed a quite opposite opinion if we had.

It's that fourth piece that's missing on a specialized site like this one. What about all the other people who were encouraged, or even "forced," to crossdress at some time in childhood, whether on one occasion or persistently? These people may have dismissed it as "just a bit of fun." Or they may have felt embarrassed or humiliated by it, hated the experience, and resolved never to let it happen again! Either way, it never influenced them to became crossdressers; sometimes the reverse; so they're not here to give evidence on a site like this! They're not here to say "Phooey! They dressed me up as a girl, but so what? I never kept dressing up as a girl!" They're "out there" anyway; and their nurture never did overcome their (very ordinary) Nature.

In summary, for those inclined to attribute their crossdressing to some childhood incident or influence from outside themselves, I'd say possibly yes, it may have been a factor that helped to shape us. But it would never have done so if crossdressing had not been in our Nature in the first place!

There's something I like about this too. Namely, that if anyone felt that the compulsion to crossdress, or to "be the other sex," has somehow spoiled their life because of what their parents or someone else inflicted on them, that's not a contented state of mind to be in. Not if it's ruined by futile and corrosive blame and hatred about "what 'they' did to me"--which may be totally false with regard to the real causes. To realize on the other hand that "this is just Me, this is my Nature, this is the way I was born to be"--that's a liberating truth that leads to healthy and happy self acceptance.

[BrendaPDX]

I have wanted to dress from my earliest memories. It came in waves sometimes years apart. I was never dressed by my family, if anything I was nudged always nudged towards masculine.

[DTelia]

I think most would agree that there’s a mix of nature and nurture. I think there are clear examples of when it seems that nature is the primary driver of behavior or feelings...but even in those cases most people really do not have vivid memories or those memories are not nearly as accurate as they think.

Those moments that may have influenced me are vague, but they are there...some stronger than others. And the fear of my feelings being known since I was a young young child validate my views/suspicions.

I used to manipulate or try to get girlfriends to do my hair or make up, but I had to be so sly about it, so they wouldn’t suspect. I could probably write story after story about this, and sadly, almost none came to fruition, because I was so scared...I still remember going to sleep w/a hat on my head so that my mom wouldn’t see my braids (as if the hat wouldn’t have been a give away!).

Anyway...I think it’s a combo most cases.

[Alice Torn]

I learned that my dad , rest him, did not want sons, after the y had my sister. He had three sons after her, and he kind of resented me. I think this does have a lot to do with my dressing.

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Confucious, That must have been a living hell, being beaten so savagely by your brother. I can relate some, as i was the baby of the family. My sister was first born, and spoiled rotten. My dad did not want boys, but got my older twin brother, then four yrs later me. My brothers beat me up as ababy a lot, and ridiculed my all my life. I wet the bed till almost 20, and was ridiculed terribly by them. I am almost 66 noow, and they still ridicule me at times. I was bullied and picked on in schools and some early jobs, also, I have always been a Highly Sensitive, too. I snuck into my sisters, and mom's things about 13yo. Felt so fun, but so guilty too. Stopped dressing until much later on in life. Never had a steady girlfriend, was scared of girls, but envied them. Being a boy, then man was so depressing and non fun, and i loathed myself as a male, felt very inferior to girls and women. I have worked hard to value myself as a male, even though it still is such a downer, being an old low income, considered a no count loser man. I did date some in my 30s and 40s, but was never very confident and had low income, in spite of always working super hard, going the extra mile. The Alpha males always got the girls and women. I have religious values, too, and dressing has been a big conflict in me, hence the name, Alice TORN. Torn apart as a bit tall man who fantasizes about being the woman with a man, when all dolled up. I have met four admirers over the years,but stopped short of penetration sex, for health reasons and morals. I purged 99% of allmy lady things a few yrs back, but have 8 dresses now. I do not dress up near as often now, but have thousands of pics and a number of videos of Alice, that get me aroused some. I am trying to be more accepting of my maleness, as i get older,. and i have made some progress accepting being a man. I am too tired or lazy to dress much. But when i do, its for several hours, and lots of photos and videos. I stopped going out in public a few years ago. It is a lifetime pull.

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Gretchen, I have heard a lot about how the female brains gave a wider corpus collosum, that joins right and left spheres of their brains. Men have a narrower one. It is one reason women can do multi-tasking better than men. Of course,women have more estrogen too, and men, more T.

[christine55]

Mine was negative. I was often derided as young boy and it. Seemed to me that being a girl would be better

[Marcella59]

My early desire to CD started with it being eroctic. Now that I am older, I do it to feel feminine.

[Star01]

Nature. The first time I remember dressing was at 12 years old when I found a couple boxes of my late step mother's clothes in the attic. I have no idea why.

[SaraLin]

I vote for nature over nurture.

I had only a few times where it was OK for me to dress up (halloween once, overnight at grandparents', one cub scouts play). Other than that, I was always made aware of the "wrongness" of it. So nurture was definitely on the be-a-boy side.

I asked, and my mother didn't have a wish for a girl baby when I was born. She was happy with whoever came along. I realize now that at least PART of the problems I had with my father was that I wasn't the chip-off-the-block all-male boy he wanted to follow in his footsteps. He thought I was too much of a sissy (and yes, my sister has reported that he actually said that). So - no nurture toward femininity from family.

My mom wasn't a beautiful or sexy woman, so I wasn't admiring her 'frillies'. If she wasn't in a frumpy house dress, she was in frumpy slacks. Fashion was a foreign word in our home.

My two brothers, who grew up in the same household are happy with their male-ness.

But I've always been drawn to the feminine. Why? Because it's who I am, I guess.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Marcie :hugs:, I have been in this program for 73 years , It is just who I am and it is just what I DO.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>Orchid ..0:daydreaming:0..