Scribbles

[Helen_Highwater]

When I first started spending entire weeks out and about enfemme I found I lost track of what I'd done on previous days. So, I started keeping a diary solely for my femme time.

Even when doing a bit of home alone dressing I'd add a few brief words to my journal.

Having two others, the SO and daughter, here full time due to the pandemic has somewhat curtailed my dressing. That said, and I won't go into the details, I do get opportunities to spend a little time in a skirt as well as under dressing in tights and knickers most days.

The thing is, I've found myself committing more thoughts to my journal even though I've less to write about. It's become a way of having I guess a little "me" time. The femme me can exist on the pages if not in real life. What small amounts of time I get to put on a skirt get written about in detail way beyond what I'd never even consider scribbling about before.

In fact another unforecasted effect of the virus is I'm running out of pages in my notebook. I have something to replace it with albeit not so femme, the current one is glossy and pink, but it'll serve it's purpose.

[GretchenM]

Helen, I think journaling is a great exercise. It gives the opportunity to organize your thoughts and your emotions. And it is wonderful record you can turn to in the future to remind you of "back when" and the kind of changes that have occurred over months or years. When restricted from your traditional mode of expression it gives you an outlet for expression. Maybe not the same effect, but an outlet nevertheless that can help you see yourself and who you are more clearly. Dates and times are important for each entry. It is more important that you put down the information than what kind of notebook you use. If it is private then be careful where you store it. It is a lot easier to hide than a favorite dress.

[BrendaPDX]

Hi Helen, That sounds like fun, I think I will try it too.

[susan54]

I have been keeping a journal since the early 1990s. I have a day log that tells of my shopping trips (as man and dressed) and lists what I have bought and when, also listing encounters and remarks. I also have details of all my dresses, skirts and tops saying where and when they were bought, with full cost and what I paid It then lists where and when I have worn it in public and with what, then when I photographed it, with the name of the image files involved. Everything is on a computer and password protected. I write in it most days.

[Tracii G]

If you don't want people to know about your dressing why on earth keep a journal?
My second ex suggested I keep a journal for some reason but I didn't trust her motives.

[CrossKimmy]

Writing has been my escape as well. When I go long periods of little or no dressing, I?ll write in my fiction diary.

[Stephanie47]

I also have details of all my dresses, skirts and tops saying where and when they were bought, with full cost .

I do the same as you to some intent. I keep word documents of purchases. On one I keep a record of the dresses I have purchased. It annotates the maker/label, size, style and color of the dress. I started the document when I found I had purchased the same dress twice. It is a really cute black floral knee length dress. I also keep a word document of other feminine garments. Many of my purchases have been made on ebay or on-line sites of retailers. Usually ebay and the retailers display the garment purchased with the completed invoice. I print those invoices out and put them into envelopes for safe keeping. The print outs are of dresses; lingerie, shoes, undergarments, etc. It may seem like I've gone overboard. In the profession I was in for over thirty years there was a lot of record keeping. I guess once I started, it just continued. Sometimes records are of value. I keep a calendar of the appointment my wife and I have, as well as her daily jobs (now retired) and maintain them in a file folder. It's an easy reference to see exactly when a doctor visit was made.

I think your idea of keeping some sort of journal for your femme outings and thoughts is a good way to keep your head in the game.

[docrobbysherry]

Maybe it's time u started scribbling Helen adventure stories, like Sherry's?:D

Sadly, you'll have to do without the photos.:sad:

[Helen_Highwater]

It gives the opportunity to organize your thoughts and your emotions. And it is wonderful record you can turn to in the future to remind you of "back when" and the kind of changes that have occurred over months or years.

Gretchen,

Absolutely, I have a few diaries hidden away that I come across from time to time and flicking through the pages is a walk down memory lane. One thing I've picked up on is how over time the anxiety felt in those moments say before getting out of the car have ceased to be there anymore. Having a record of those firsts, trip to a cinema or restaurant say, and the emotions felt, nerves to euphoria, do give an insight into just what a journey we're on.

In some way it's a little sad in as much as that excitement dies away in proportion to the growth in confidence. That said being as many would no doubt attest to, to be able to step out and have that sense of freedom is something any one here should experience at least once in their lifetime.

As for the current situation, being able to write things down is also I feel in part a way of sharing. Not quite Harvey the rabbit but perhaps akin to a pen pal. Harvey sends his best wishes BTW.

[Teresa]

Helen,
It does make sense if it eases the tension , might I suggest you buy a thicker notebook next time as the lockdown could go on for a while .

When I first came out I was in a desparate situation , my counsellor suggested I keep a diary to check my progress , I kept it up for six months but it made such depressing reading I threw it on the woodburner , at least it kept me warm for an hour or so !

I think your positve thinking is great .
I'm not using the lockdown as an excuse , I still put my makeup and wig on everyday even if I'm just going to mow the lawn , I'm getting to know so many neighbours now as many are taking their exercise by walking around the estate .

[kimdl93]

Journaling seems like a good idea, especially when working with a professional. It can provide insights into thought processes and problem areas. In my case, journaling revealed an obsessive-compulsive streak that was a significant contributor to various life issues (and arguably remains so to this day).

[susan54]

If you don't want people to know about your dressing why on earth keep a journal?
My second ex suggested I keep a journal for some reason but I didn't trust her motives.

I don't understand this comment. The journal is for me. No one else is ever going to see it. I live on my own and even when I have visitors no one goes near this computer. If a visitor needs access to a computer there is another one they can use.

[Lana Mae]

I kept a journal at the beginning of my journey 5 years ago!
I kept a journal when I had my transformation!
I keep a journal daily of my journey for my counselor and I to discuss!
I find them helpful and keep the memories organized if I want to look at them for any reason!
Hugs Lana Mae

[BarbDriscoll]

Wish I had done that. All I have is my (very fallible) memory.

[Helena]

I think it is a great thing to do and wish I was disciplined enough to do so especially as I forget so much, from the minute details to whole major events. Remember going for first time to a group meeting but can't remember first shop I went in.

Susan that is an impressive level of detail, tend to gravitate to spreadsheets for such record keeping.

[Helen_Highwater]

Helena,

Even in these unusual times I don't always make a daily entry. Looking back before the lockdown started there could be a week go by before I added a few lines. I've also taken to using my own shorthand. GHD, Ground Hog Day means I did the usual things. PF means I dressed Partially Femme, skirt and tights, PFT, added a femme top.

It's surprising what you do write, if I get a few hours to myself, normality will return, I often note just how wearing something makes me feel, how an item of clothing alters my mood. You find out a little about yourself you've perhaps not noticed before.

For anyone starting on their journey I'd recommend it as a valuable way of tracking your development and getting to understand your emotions.

[Helena]

There are a lot of GHD s at the moment. Maureen keeps a journal related to her academic research, helps her a lot.

My articles here to a small extent serve similar purpose though I need to write them up sooner. I have a list of ones to write, often with just keywords as aide memoire, however I was looking over the list a few days ago and for some I still couldn't remember.

Our walking club used to produce a newsletter and that was good discipline for me writing up the walks, climbs and experiences.

[alwayshave]

Helen, you could always keep a journal on your computer and encrypt it. That way no new book required and only you can access it. I take notes all day long, so I'm not so likely to write down anything at home, but if it works for you, that's great.

[Helen_Highwater]

Jamie,

I hear what you're saying but for me there's something more intimate and personal about putting pen to paper. One thing I do like is when I spend time enfemme away from home I often carry the journal with me. I know in one of my old books there's an entry written while I took my first lengthy train journey. I've scribbled while enjoying a drink and a cake in a department store cafe. Notes of the moment, observations of little interactions experienced while mixing with the muggles. Perhaps in the great scheme of things nothing momentous but of significance in that presence and a shame to be lost in the mists of time.

One other great advantage of paper, you don't have to wait for it to boot up. It's there, whenever, wherever, ready and at your service. It's the dam pen that lets you down!

[April Rose]

Finding my journals while scouring the house for my hoped for but non existent marijuana stash is how, at 14, my son found out about my cross dressing.

[JennniferMcC]

I keep a journal (diary) to record my thoughts, emotions, little triumphs, major setbacks. Since my dressing is extremely limited these days it gives me a wonderful and much needed outlet. It's about all I have. I've kept several journals over the years. Tragically, Ive purged them all at various times. I've vowed never NEVER to do that again. The only worry is that if I ever drop dead there are some folks in my life who will have one heck of a suprise. Oh well. I guess I won't care then.😊

[CrossKimmy]

Jennifer, you should consider encrypting them on a computer or website. I do mine all on Penzu.