Hanging up the heels maybe...

[Lara A]

I was not feeling too great after the New year, and had already had a nasty illness around Xmas that left me 30 lbs lighter. That was OK by me, I could afford to lose something! But, I wasn't putting weight back, and I was not dieting by any stretch. I had a CT scan of my lower abdomen to see if anything was going on, and was horrified to hear they found something on my liver.
Fast forward six weeks, a myriad tests and scans, and it appears I have advanced liver cancer. I'm in the process of getting a final diagnosis since my surgeon oncologist is not too sure that's all that is going on. I do know it has not spread outside the liver, and possibly bile ducts, so treatment options are there, but scant and possibly massively invasive.
The upshot of all this is that I am debating with myself whether to hang up my heels for good or not. Maybe one last fling, or maybe keep it all and hope to be able to come back later if all works out and I am still around for a while. My wife has said she'd love for me to do whatever makes me happy, but frankly, my heart is not in it! It's hard to describe what I am feeling, and I am not even sure myself... I do like to go out when I am dressed, but of course right now that is not possible, so not much is left really. It's all a bit depressing!

Has anyone else found themselves in similar situations?

[Tracii G]

Just put dressing on hold until you know more.
Sorry you are having to go thru this and I wish you all the best .

[char GG]

Sorry to hear about your health issues, Lara.
Dress or don't dress, do what you feel is best for you.
Best wishes to you.

[Karmen]

Sorry to hear about your illness. I wish you all the best.
If your wife knows about your crossdessing, keep the clothes and hope for the best regarding to your health. That's what matters now. She can donate or throw away your clothes later, if the worst happens. No need to do it right now. If you don't feel like dressing, just don't do it, but leave your clothes in the closet to wait for better days.
If she wouldn't know about your crossdressing, you might want to purge your closet when you know for sure what is the prognoses for future regarding to your illness. But before you get final results, I would just wait, if I were you.

[Maid_Marion]

My wife was in a similar situation. She gave away most of her stuff. Just after she passed, a co-worker had a fire and lost everything. She was just the right size for the clothes I gave her.

Marion

[Jenny22]

Lara, the good news, so far, is that the cancer has not spread, so there is a good chance it can be successfully treated. Today's cancer knowledge and treatment has progressed dramatically, so, GOOD LUCK in your treatments. Secondly, do NOT purge. The pink fog never really goes away.

[DianeT]

Hi Lara, never been there. You should probably listen to your wife and do whatever makes you feel good. I hope you keep your spirit up and start treatment soon. Best wishes to you.

[Paulie Birmingham]

Sorry to hear that.

Step 1. Take care of yourself
Step 2. Take care of wife.

All else is irrelevant

[docrobbysherry]

I have cancer. But, at present, it's NOT debilitating. My choice is to live the way I want until I no longer can.:thumbsup:

I agree with your SO. U should do whatever u feel like doing!:)

[Teri Ray]

Lara sorry to hear about your health. Best wishes for a complete recovery. In the mean time you need to follow your heart and do whatever your heart tells you is in your best interest.

[Crissy 107]

Lara, Damn, I feel so bad for you. The good news is that it has not spread so hopefully the treatment is successful, I agree there have been great strides in cancer treatment.
Great you have such a wonderful supportive wife. Dress or not dress just get this treatment behind you right now.

[Helena]

Lara, sorry to hear about your health and wishing you speedy recovery. Treatment is the priority, just put the rest aside till you are ready.

[Jean 103]

I'm so sorry,

I'm with Sherry.

I think it would be good for you to continue on with what makes you happy.

I know went I'm feeling depressed , like I have for the last couple months I don't feel like getting dressed up.

Sounds like you have a supportive wife. I suggest a nice candle light dinner followed by a movie. You both get dressed and have fun.

[Bobbi46]

Lara, this is so sad but you have to be positve, as Crissy said there have been huge advances in cancer treatment try to look at a full and happy future, you have a very supportive wife and that is the main thing.
I wish you all of the very best and am rooting for you.

[Helen_Highwater]

Lara,

As others have rightly said, cancer treatments have come on hugely. It seems you had a fairly early diagnosis and that always works in your favour.

An ex of my daughter was given a year to live at best. His friends all chipped in to give him the holiday of a lifetime. That was 8-10 years ago and he's still going strong, working full time.

So I'd say try to live as normal a life as you can. Don't purge. If hopefully the outcome is good then you'll have something to look forward to during your convalescence.

The ex BTW didn't pay his friends back. That's partly why he's the ex.

[Kay J]

So sorry to hear this about you my prayers will goes out to you!!!

[kimdl93]

Not even remotely within my experience. All you can do is take life a day at a time. Right now, it makes sense that your thoughts are focused on your health and future. Perhaps, once you?ve had time to digest the diagnosis and your medical team has settled on a course of treatment, you?ll find some renewed interests.

[Frannie7]

Lara, I am not in your situation or anything similar, but i do send my best wishes and hope for a recovery.

[Krisi]

Sorry about your health issues and I wish you the best.

I see no reason to give up crossdressing unless you don't feel like it. It's not like you are living full time as a woman and have to keep it up. Do what makes you happy.

[Star01]

I hope that you can find a treatment that works and that you can keep your spirits up during this difficult time.

[GretchenM]

Yes, Lara, I can relate very well. Last year I battled prostate cancer and diabetes at the same time. I know those are not as bad as liver cancer, but as many of us cancer victims say, "Cancer is cancer, no matter what type." It is a disheartening diagnosis and always frightening. People say you should stay positive. They are right, but the fact and the truth is it is not that easy, especially if you start thinking of the possible losses and the like. Most of those things just need to be put on hold an you need to get a firm grip on the fundamental YOU. I can feel your concern and it doesn't necessarily go away after treatment because the recovery seemingly takes for ever. I ended treatment on November 8 and I am still battling the side effects. I can have as many 15 hot flashes a day, my strength is still not what it was but getting better, endurance is low and some of the fatigue is still there. All this sounds discouraging and my intent is not to be discouraging - just truthful. It is still one day at a time and most of those days are richer than they were before going through the grinder.

On the plus side, even though it is still difficult, life is good even with a deadly virus roaming around. Treatment pretty much put an end to my dressing - very rare now due to hormonal changes. Knowing what the hormonal changes would be, at least in general, was very discouraging. But I found that inside me the identity that supported the dressing is still there and a joy in my life. Dressing is not important anymore- being the real me is important. Having cancer taught me that.

Many things I loved are slowly coming back; some will never come back and I don't miss them. During treatment there were days that were just horrible. But in retrospect now I am grateful I went through it all even though it was sometimes terrifying. So, identify the things in your life that are important to your identity; the things that are critical to making you, you. Keep those things going no matter how terrible you feel.

You are a beautiful person with a unique and wonderful identity that helps keep you a gentle person with a special and uncommon perspective on life and what is important. That may change a little bit while aspects of your body may change a lot. Keep your favorite clothes and other things because they can provide you with some badly needed relief and a return to a more fundamental reality that keeps you going when things get tough and they will. At the end they will be there if you need them or you may find they are no longer necessary. Keep your head on straight and don't get into the line of thinking that all this gender stuff is just imaginary. It is not!!!!

It defines an important part of you. You have an understanding wife who wants you to be as happy as you can be under the circumstances. Listen to her; she loves you and feeling loved at this time is more important than anything. It gives you strength. Recognize that some things will necessarily change and may never come back; but other things and most of those are the important things that form the foundation of your self identity will not go away and will continue through it all. A cancer diagnosis is not a death sentence. They are very good at fixing things up these days. It will be rough for awhile but then it will get better although probably different in a lot of ways. But the fundamentals of YOU will remain; the important parts of YOU will remain and if you have faith in those fundamentals they will carry you through.

My heart goes out to you. I know what you are feeling even though I don't know the particulars of what you are feeling. You are where I was a year ago - facing the possibility of dying way too early even though I was 74 and had lived a full life. I had more to live, but during the treatment I just took it one day at a time and kept a tight grip on who I am at the most fundamental level.

The male part and the female part joined into a single identity that supported me and kept me going. Today, I am a different person than I was 18 months ago, a more complete person without the gender fracturing I had before. Am I a man or am I a woman? That question no longer matters. I am ME and I am a better person because of my experience of having battled cancer that ultimately kills 30% of everyone who gets prostate cancer. You grow up in this battle and after you come out, the world is more beautiful and whole than it ever was before. You can do this! It is hard, perhaps the hardest thing you will ever do, but you can do it - one day at a time.

[Stephanie47]

Hope your treatments works out well for you. The liver is the only organ that regenerates itself. It is possible to receive a part of a liver from a live donor. If the cancer has not spread you may be in a fortunate position. I am only an observer to my wife having breast cancer and surviving. It's a tough ride for you and your wife. God watch over you and your wife.

[MsEva]

Oh Honey, take care of yourself first. Everything else will follow. I will keep you in my prayers.

[carhill2mn]

I, too, am sorry that you have cancer. I suggest that you not make any decisions re: your "heels" at this time. Wait and see how you feel each day. It is great that your wife supports you!

[alwayshave]

Lara, I am so sorry to hear of your health issues. I would put off any decisions until you have resolved your health issues.

[Rachel05]

Tough to be going through what you are going through that is for sure, I had two very serious health issues within a very short time frame, I kept all my clothes and I am so glad I did

The thing is, if your wife knows, then you don't have to hide them and if you keep them you have a choice to dress or not, if you get rid, you have no choice and actually mine were just as important to me during my illnesses as they ever were, somedays it was just knowing that they were there that brought a smile to my face and made me feel good inside

Stay strong, keep positive and work though it, I am still here and dressing more than ever

Good luck and best wishes

[skirt_guy]

The doctors are doing great things to beat cancer these days. My wife just finished treatment for an aggressive form of lymphoma and is well on the road to recovery. Along the way she relied on doing some simple things she enjoys to keep her spirits up. I spent a lot of time dressed because that helped me. Bottom line is don’t assume anything and keep doing whatever you can to keep your spirits and motivation up. Good luck!

[Kandi Robbins]

Life has a way for overriding our feelings. God bless you and let's pray you get well. You have an angel for a wife and that makes you a very lucky woman! Cling to that.

[JennniferMcC]

Sorry to hear of your health problems. I suppose there is no wrong answer here. Do what you feel is best. But do take care of yourself first of all. However, if you were a golfer would you throw away your clubs? Or a fisherman your tackle box? Makes as much sense as purging it seems to me. I have noticed I seldom make good, rational decisions when I'm stressed. Best of luck. I promise you'll be in my prayers.
-Jen

[Maria 60]

Lara it's always sad to hear this, I can imagine that your heart isn't into it how can it. Maybe just do whatever your up to doing. We are reaching a age that we have challenges ahead. Hopefully it will work out and try not to leave us in the dark. The good part is your wife sounds very caring and supportive.

[Sallee]

Just good wishes for you and a speedy recover. Like everyone is saying medical miricles and great treatments happen all the time. May one of those come your way. I had cancer and I fully recovered and now get checked every year 10 yrs out now and still living and doing well. So keep up the positive thoughts and prayers. I am sure everyone here is sending positive vibrations your way. Keep doing what makes you happy and keep having a positive outlook

[Marianne S]

I'm very sorry indeed, Lara, to hear of your diagnosis. I'm wondering if the nasty illness you had around Christmas was related to the cancer; but whether it was or not, it may have served a purpose in alerting you to the reality that something was wrong in time to have options for treatment.

I understand you're not in good physical shape right now and can't go out dressed, which you've enjoyed so much in the past. Just the same, I'm not sure what you mean by "hanging up your heels for good." Above all, I hope you're not talking about throwing anything out because you're afraid you'll never be able to enjoy wearing it any more! Please forgive me if I've misunderstood you on that point. But exactly the same thought occurred to me that Jennnifer McC already expressed. (She "beat me to it"; congratulations, Jennnifer!) I couldn't imagine an avid golfer, say, throwing away his favorite clubs just because he knew he'd never hit that screaming drive down the fairway any more. Even if he knew for certain he was about to die, which you don't; not at all! You do have a decent shot at survival. (Why is golf so symbolic of passionate attachment to a pastime? Well, never mind...) You could well be going out dressed again before the springtime of next year--that nice time before it gets too hot here in Arizona.

Why give up dressing? I wonder: could there be an unspoken issue here about mortality? I don't know how you place yourself on the "gender spectrum," but some of our members here of course are far closer to the "feminine side," and it goes without saying that those who are "trans" identify as women, wish to live as women--and when the "Great Call" comes, to die as women, be buried as women, and remembered as women. Yet for many others like myself, and presumably you too, that's not the case. I love dressing and have a "feminine side," yes. But I'm also comfortable with and enjoy my masculine side--as a husband among other things, as you are (though I'm a widower now), as a man and as a father. When my time comes I shall be buried and remembered as a man, not as a woman--though anyone who's loved me is welcome to remember "Marianne."

Again, I apologize if I'm missing the point here. But if you happen to be thinking "Gee, I might be going to die soon; it's time to 'get serious,' put my affairs in order, and decide once and for all which sex I belong to in my Last Will and Testament"--well, you don't have to think that way. There's no reason why you can't continue to enjoy your own feminine side--if you want to, that is--for as long as you live.

I'm happy to hear you have an accepting and supportive wife. I'm sure she's a treasure to you, as my own late wife was to me. Even if "going out" is not practical for you (especially in these days of the CoronaViper), at least you have the freedom to dress openly at home, if it's a comfort to you.

As it happens, I'm going through a health crisis of my own at the moment, with an uncertain outcome. Mine isn't lethal, but it does concern my vision, which is serious. I won't bother you with my problems, except to say that in times of stress, the enjoyment of dressing can be both a comfort and a relief. That's important to you too when you're battling cancer. Stress weakens the immune system we need to fight disease, and in any fight it's crucial to combat depression and keep morale up with activities we enjoy. If dressing does this for you, is enjoyable, and helps to relieve stress, then this is no time to "hang up your heels," right when you need them the most. Quite the reverse!

Nevertheless, it's all up to you to do whatever you feel like doing (or not doing) from one moment to another. Battling cancer is a rollercoaster ride of emotions, often with no relief in sight. I wish you the very best, and I hope you triumph.

[RachelB.]

As a cancer survivor myself I understand the thoughts you are describing. When going through the testing and evaluation phase I felt like purging and jsut giving up on life. After all the tests were complete and a treatment plan prepared I went to the radiation clinic and meet the wonderful staff. They became friends ovet the next few months. I completed my treatments and got to ring the "bell". The staff and other patients were good to pick me up when I was down. I found myself watching the other patients and offering encouragement when I could. I'm two years cancer free and emjoying life as best I can. Strong faith and a lot of new friends got me through. PM me if you need someone to talk about it with or just a shoulder to cry on.

[Lara A]

Lots of great advice and it is heartening to hear of the many success stories around this disease. I am still behind the curve just now since I do not really know what is going on fully, and once I do, and treatment options become apparent, I think I shall feel better. It is just that the average prognosis for what I have is not too great, as I keep reading, but then I realize this prognosis is not mandatory! I have never been a conformist, and I do not plan to begin being one now :) I will be looking at alternative treatments also if what is on offer is not appealing, and we shall see what happens.
As for dressing, I will not be purging. As has been pointed out, I have no reason to really, and if I feel like I want to dress, I can. Right now tho I am ambivalent. That will likely change. My wife and I were planning a girls night out together before this lockdown, so hopefully one day we might manage to do that :)

Thank you all for your support, it mans much! Lara xxx

[Angie G]

Save everything when you get past this you can decide what your going to do. our prayers are with you Lara. :hugs:
Angie

[BiancaEstrella]

Wishing you the best in your fight for improved health! F*** cancer!