The time has come put up or shut up

[DeniseNJ]

I've been cross-dressing my whole life. Some may know I'm going through a divorce my wife says because I want to become a woman. I went to counseling like three times dressed as Denise and now my HRT prescriptions are at the pharmacy. Estradiol /testosterone blockers. I am so scared because I know my whole life will be turned upside down so I think I'm going to give it a couple months and see how I feel. And I can always decide to stop. This is a stressful decision and I'm only attracted to women but I hear your attractions could change while on estrogen. Wish me luck

[AllieSF]

Allie

Been there done that! You need to go at your own pace and see how it all works out for you. Since your are currently going through a divorce too, your emotions, feelings and mind will be all over tha place, all that combined with everyday stuff and issues. Keep in close touch with your doctor and your therapist because you may need some extra and special assistance during these trying moments.

Congratulations on starting HRT. I marked the day as PDay, the day I put my first estradiol patch on my butt! It also happened to be my birthday. Now I can never forget that date. Good luck and try to enjpoy the hormonal ride.

Hugs,

Allie

[JeanTG]

Denise I'm right in the middle of the maelstrom myself at the moment. Wife wants a divorce, etc. etc. The atmosphere at home is terrible. And we're stuck like this because of the lock-down. And I might be getting screwed over financially as well. Oh well as long as I have enough to put a roof over my head, food on my table and gas in my car. The only positive I can say at the moment is that the HRT is helping me feel WAY better physically. And to an extent mentally but being told you're despicable, having her walk out of a room where she was sitting just because I walk in to make myself a sandwich for lunch, and the occasional histrionics and "I don't want to drag up the past", whereupon she does just exactly that... it's starting to take a mental toll. I've moved a bed into my study, and sleep there. I'm essentially living like a monk; fortunately I've lived in a monastery before so I can adapt to that. Except in a monastery there's no hostility when you leave your cell.

As for same/opposite sex attractions, I can't say for sure over the long haul, but after 2 months with already noticeable physical effects, my orientation remains firmly towards women. I must be crazy, reducing my dating pool from like 50% of the population to the approximately 0.00000001% of women attracted to trans women. However, at this point in my life, friendships, not relationships (other that as parent to my kids) is what I am looking for.

Good luck to you, take it one step at a time and try to find some zen from time to time.

I agree with Allie on the therapist. I use Zoom these days for our sessions.

[DeniseNJ]

Well I just picked up the scripts and I took my first two about 20 minutes ago. After I did I marked the calendar :: Denise's Birthday May 4th, 2020. Yeah I went through verbal abuse for years. And like the submissive I am I took it and after she called me every name in the book I go out and pick her up something to eat. I've been living on my own for the past 10 months.for a while I was having my nails done every day long painted fingernails and pedicures. As of late I just wasn't feeling it. Hopefully I get back in that feminine mood. A girl I knew from my past text me last night and said Denise are you okay. Just hearing those words was like OMG I kind of told her I thought I was trans, but she said she needed time to take it all in. I guess let the journey begin. I'm just hoping the estradiol calms me down a bit.

[Lana Mae]

Hi, Denise! You acknowledge that you are a crossdresser your whole life! The soon to be ex-wife says you want to become a woman! The question is what do you say you want to be? Does your counselor think you want to be a woman? HRT by itself does not make you a woman! Get in touch with yourself and see where you want to go with this! Do not be scared about the HRT, sit back and enjoy it! Give it at least 3 months then go from there! You will probably still only be attracted to women with the HRT! I wish you luck and strength and enjoyment! Be strong and be you-whatever that may be! Hugs Lana Mae

[Teresa]

Lana,
Very wise words , deciding what you really want to be and the fact HRT (hormones) don't make you a woman . Also good advice about the waiting time , I now appreciate how time helps find a balance .

Denise ,
I've now lived alone for just over two years , sometimes I do have to give myself a kick up the rear end to make an effort , I've never let the shaving go , I accept the daily routine is my lot to endure or enjoy whichever way you choose to see it , but nails do get a hammering and I've let them slip a little but then that's really like many GGs living their life everyday .

The question of wanting or achieveing to be a woman is answered now by saying I'm Teresa , the World now knows that , whatever the people in it see me as I'm OK , comfortable and happy with it .

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Hi Denise... Lana is right. Teresa is right... great advice coming from real experience...

Make sure as you assess your situation and that you are focused on all the right reasons.
those "right reasons" are what will give you strength and resolve if your short term experience is not feeling good to you.
It is not a right reason to be reactive to your wife or what anybody else says.
It is not a right reason to get back into the manicure pedicure mood again.

Im not saying its not fun and can be a feminine feeling, im saying that cant be a reason.. craving that feeling is not being a woman. Dont let anybody tell you different.

Somtimes its hard I found the most constructive thing for me in therapy was identifying and noticing my thought patterns. Its hard to get to your own inner true feelings and your trusted inner voice
Im not convinced by your words that we are hearing from that voice.

I am NOT saying what you are gender wise.. Im saying make sure its you doing the talking

You are a good person and you have every right to feel how you want to feel, and do what you want to do.
I can tell you are thinking this through.
I think its a good thing to be cautious.
What I hope you are doing is really relying on your own feelings and not letting outside influences push you in any direction..
Maybe Im wrong but I feel alot of outside influence.

Personally I think its all there for you.
Don't change anything you are doing.
I think you do understand yourself pretty well but you are letting too many people into your decision, and letting too many irrelevant data points into your decision.

I think that there is lots swirling around you right now and its causing you alot of stress and that is a really big deal for many of us that go thru this and it an easy to forget that the whole point is just to be ok and experience your gender authentically

Its going to be a really cool thing if you continue to do HRT.
In my experience there is a real effect and there is a placebo effect. Its the placebo effect of "just knowing that its right" that can be so helpful.

Its like you know its right and you never ever ever think again of it being any other way. Its a comfort. or it goes the other way, and the experience of less sex drive and painful erections, unexpected powerful emotions, no breast growth (admit girls we ALL WANTED THAT!!!) becomes a burden..or you feel like your experience is different that others.. maybe you get more sex drive or no emotions..and once again you "just know" its not right for you.. Do you think what im saying is something that is encouraging or discouraging??

there are also other things you can do... what is your job situation?? do you have time for yourself every day?? do you have days off?? have you considered basically waking up, living and being a woman all day every day or 100 percent of the time that you can??
Will this impact your job situation?? will this impact your income...its not fair but it happens alot to us.. even in 2020 we are not always treated great in the workplace.

cuz that's what it really is... every day... its just your normal gender... its routine... you go to the market, the movies, the 7-11...whatever you do every day, do it as your self.... wear your wig all day...see what its like to shave twice a day and look at your appearance all day...
Doing that would be huge for you ...

Keep posting...let us know what you think.. people are here to support and yes we are just rando's on the internet but im sure you can tell that lots of us are here to support you.

[JeanTG]

Yeah I went through verbal abuse for years. And like the submissive I am I took it and after she called me every name in the book I go out and pick her up something to eat.


Sounds like me. I'm the first up in the morning as I'm a morning girl, and I still make her tea every morning, even after calling me despicable the night before.

I can understand Lana Mae and Teresa saying to make sure you're transitioning for the right reasons, i.e. for *yourself*. Before I came out to my wife that I wanted to transition, she sent me an angry e-mail urging me to put my "big girl pants" on, and transition. Fortunately the notion of transitioning didn't come from her e-mail, I had been considering it for a few years beforehand and working with a therapist as well for a full two years. But previously, I thought if I did, I had too much to lose including my wife. But then when it became clear that she would leave anyway, I figured "what have I got to lose now?" and decided to transition; I fully intend to make the best of my minimum one-year "real-life experience". If it shows that transition is wrong for me (again with the help of a therapist), I won't; but right now I'm confident it's the right decision.

I have found that HRT has taken the edge and sense of urgency off. Yes there are strong effects, both placebo and physical but gone is the urge to doll up every day; most days I'm content in a pair of jeans, no makeup, no wig (bonnet instead due to my baldness), and an ordinary woman's shirt. Within a few weeks of HRT my virility was gone, both desire and ability. Which is good as it was a distraction. Now I find confinement an excellent time to really really assess if I'm doing this for the "right" reasons, i.e. an innate sense that I am a woman. With the help of a therapist of course (thank God for the Internet and Zoom). And also an excellent time to assess and integrate the impact of HRT. I agree with Theresa the HRT doesn't make you a woman. But it sure as heck made me feel 1000x better. Regardless of what happens in the future, two things seem certain: HRT stays, either as a physical aid to transition, or as simply a quality-of-life enhancing medication. And the second: my wife has burned her bridges with me now. It would take a miracle for me to agree to stay. I've taken a lot of abuse and now, no more.

[DeniseNJ]

Kaitlyn, all I got to say is that was intense. Reading your post is like looking at a glass of water. Some might say it's half full and some might say it's half empty.. I'm out of work for a reason that's kind of strange . yes I'm collecting a pension from the federal government , about 1600 a month and in two weeks I could have signed up for social security but I didn't yet. My job is still pay me administrative leave so I've been getting a full paycheck for the past 9 weeks. And Jean, I feel you. Yeah I also have to wear wig at all times when presenting as female due to my lack of.. My wife calls me Sunday and asked me if I could fix the riding mower.she went in to tallgrass and stalled the blades while the motor kept running and it burnt the belt up. Yeah she's living in the house that I paid for and it's worth 250,000as a matter fact I got to pay the taxes of $1865 today I've been paying her car insurance trash pick up internet service homeowners insurance and property taxes for the past 10 months. Our home is.sitting on two and a half acres. She don't want to sell the house she wants to keep it give me $53,000. And she won't hit the rest of my 401k orca weigh after my pension. I really didn't want to see her today but she came home while I was there working on the mower and said that she's going to go see her lawyer today. I didn't tell her I started HRT she don't need to know that.after I fixed the mower I cut the back yard and I weed whacked everything for her. Talk about being submissive yeah I am, actually did it cuz I've been so bored lately. I read all comments and appreciate all opinions. One thing I'm afraid of I like to drag race cars, I'd be horrified taking off my helmet and the wig came with it in front of other people. I know it sounds stupid but thoughts like that run through my mind..

[Lana Mae]

Denise, I know about the wig getting knocked off thing! I tried at first to use a crossbody bag but kept getting embarassed when I kept knocking my wig cockeyed! LOL hugs Lana Mae

[Anne K]

Hang in there, Denise. Give the HRT a chance to work it's magic. For me, HRT completely eliminated my libido and I like it! No longer does that Testosterone driven devil reside in my head. I'm at peace and never think about sex. I do enjoy a handsome man or attractive woman, but it's like appreciating a nice piece of art. Having a bit of a problem with my wife, but we're working through it. I think I'm SO fortunate to have such an excepting partner. BTW, she is a mental health therapist.....

[Teresa]

Denise ,
Don't want to get in too deep with the legalities but surely your wife is on a sticky wicket with demanding to stay in the current home when you've done most of the financial side of it .

I don't find the wig a problem , in fact it feels odd without it now , it is a monofilament so it's very breathable and so light to wear , I hate the thought and sight without it .

I had a funny incident when trying on a fitted top , the SA was with me in the cubicle to give me a hand , as I was pulling it back over my head she was gently pulling while I held my arms up , I felt the wig coming off inside the top but could do nothing about it . She then looked at me and smiled and then retrieved the wig from inside the top , I gently placed it back on saying , " Now you know what the guy looks like !" She just hugged me and told me it wasn't a problem .

[JeanTG]

Anne K, I agree, it almost seems as if testosterone is a toxin for me. My libido crashed in about 2 weeks of starting HRT and it's pretty much non-existent now. A taste of a freedom I never know could exist.

[Sarah Doepner]

Denise,

I've maintained a journal for several years where I've recorded both my thoughts and daily activities. Just over 20 months ago I started hormones and it's obvious from that journal that I've calmed down a lot. I can't claim it is because of the hormones directly or because I made the decision to finally move off of square one where I had been spinning and spinning and spinning for a very long time. What I do know is I've had several legitimate opportunities to stop this course of action knowing both positive and negative consequences of that choice. I would have the data and the information I needed to make my choices. You deserve the chance to collect that data for yourself and get out of the spin cycle. Try to relax and let things happen to your mind and body as the hormones begin to have their effect. Let your life center on you making decisions that make sense to you and or your future happiness. In a few months the Doctor will ask you if you want to continue and you can decide then if you feel better or worse. It's not the only path for you to follow and may or may not be the best, but it's an opportunity to learn and grow comfortable as you give this path a real chance.

Take a breath, understand you have time and the commitment you've made isn't a life sentence. Take care of yourself because you have earned that.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Denise

Nothing you are saying is "sounding stupid". Thanks for reading and thinking about my post. and you are smart to keep planning and have a good and realistic view of where you are

Im rooting for you. the issues you bring up are real.

In fact, what I believe is that those are the "real" issues. So many times we are focused on feelings and how we are treated, who supports us and who doesnt? do I pass or not??

those are all real things but they are actually in our control if we are confident and assured of who we are..

the rubber meets the road tho with $$ and health and the day to day grind of wrestling with our past and wrestling with the time and energy spent with the mirror and everything many of us do to satisfy the outward facing part of trying to live as a woman..

[Devi SM]

I think that everybody's opinion has completed a pretty good advise for Denise and now you don't feel alone
Many here had been where you're now buy not exactly so nothings is black and white.
Two things I want to comment: first,we all agree that libido goes off or almost completely off as a side effect of spiro or the t-blocker you're talking but that's not completely true. The libido men feel is shutt off but not the enjoyment or sexual pleasure.
Let me explain myself, men are mostly testosterone, that mo es their world and I love saying that they don't use the upper head or brain but just the little head down there, so when the testosterone is block now we have no sexual drive, that's no correct, the drive is different because we can still experiencing pleasure with sex in different ways, the problem is bigger if we don't get what I women is the sexual drive main component, I would say the testosterone for women, progesterone.
Progesterone, no deep talking is the female hormone related with pregnancy and everything related to including the sexual desire.
I, like many of you, got my libido killed completely during g two years on HRT ut in theast 3 or 4 months taking progesterone, several things had been added and one is the sexual desire but not I the male's way. If wasn't for that how women would enjoy sex? They enjoy it but more emotionally than physically as men do.
Second, please don't project your fears to the future as todo e things, you said at the beginning of this thread
"I'm going through a divorce" but later you said your wife told you she's going to se a lawyer, so no divorce yet.
You said " I am so scared because I know my whole life will be turned upside down so I think I'm going to give it a couple months and see how I feel", exactly at week 8 so 2 months on HRT I got in panicking and quit from HRT but pretty soon I realize I can't, I can't go back, since then I have no regrets at all, may be the only is to have known earlier what I know now. Not everything will necessarily upside down and if it is it will probably be for good.
Mho.

Devi

[Robertacd]

I hear your attractions could change while on estrogen.

This is not true.

[AllieSF]

Yes, ir is Roberta, for some. What happens is that once one gives themselves the freedom to explore this transgender side of them, they also, sometimes, give themselves the freedom to explore their attraction for the same sex, not gender. They also may want to explore the further reaches of BDSM is some way. This is mental and not hormonal. I know a lot just like that and now it does not surprise me anymore when someone talks about it. I used to believe just like you.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Allie is right. Sexuality can be repressed and confusing for a transwoman living as a man.

It may not be technically that your sexuality changes but it evolves with reality. its nothing to fear or worry about its just becoming authentic

[DeniseNJ]

I hav'nt seen these pics in years.
2012 Las Vegas, Glamour Boutique, I had a make over. I went back to Planet Hollywood Casino like this. It was my first time out fully dressed other Than Halloween. I felt so good as a woman that evening. Then my wife calls and says, I'm hungry I want to go to PF Changs, where you at. I said playing slots. I then said can I come like this. She said NO! go up to the room and take that crap off. I was sad, I felt like woman more than ever before. Thanks for all the input , I joined a YOGA group on ZOOM and I know 2 girls in there. I put on my black leggings and a fem sleeveless top. It felt good being there like one of the girls:o

I was 50 lbs heavier then..

[Teresa]

Denise,
How I hate that tone of voice , " Go and take that crap off !" It begs the question would you ever say that to your wife /partner ? Not accepting is pure cruelty at times , you don't exist as a woman in my eyes only a man .

Sexuality and gender really is a tangled web at times , I had to explain it to my neighbours only today , presenting as a woman does not mean you're gay but for a TS it's more shades of grey than black and white . Twice today I've been asked why I'm not attrcted to men , maybe I should look at that from a different angle as on both occcasions it was asked by men, so could the attrction be the other way round ?

[Devi SM]

This is not true.

Roberta, What is your source to answer so enfatice? How long have you been on hrt?
If you're right, I'm crazy, my hrt treatment is fake, my therapist, transgender as well, knows nothing, or what?

[Aprilrain]

I'm only attracted to women but I hear your attractions could change while on estrogen.

Do you want your "attractions" to change?

Before I transitioned I only ever dated women. I wasn't into guys in the sense that I saw guys that I was attracted to like I do now. The first guy I was really attracted to was a roommate in my late twenties.
I have, however, always imagine myself as a female with a guy when fantasizing about sex. One I decided to transition I gave myself permission to be attracted to to real men. I never look at women in a sexual way anymore. Since I transitioned 9 years ago I've dated three guys the last of which I married.

I was married to a woman before I started to transition, it was a total ****ing disaster! I can not for the life of understand what I saw in her. we have 2 kids together so Have to interact with her occasionally but its always a good reminder of why I could never be with woman again.

[Teresa]

April,
No matter how good or bad the relationship with wives I still consider I'm one of the lucky ones having kids , hard as it was I would never trade a single day for not having them , the bonus is now I have grandchildren . I may not be as close to them now but watching them grow still feels good .

The number of same sex famillies is growing and they derive as much pleasure . I'm glad you found your Mr. right eventually .

[DeniseNJ]

I'm not sure if I want my attraction to change I've always been attracted to pretty women my whole life. When I look at a guy I don't get all tingly and weak in the knees. Although I didn't have sex with many girls over the years we always became friends first . I kind of felt a failure as a man. I was with my wife for over 30 ,many were toxic I've been the submissive one my whole life, and if I stay the course on HRT I'm just wondering what my future will bring. I'm so used to pleasing and doing for others like a caregiver.

[DMichele]

Denise,

I can relate to some of your experiences, such as being submissive, and the cause of our divorce. In hindsight the divorce enabled me to re-group and move on. I kept things simple and gradually with time I was in a better place.

Lots of good advice has been shared, move forward cautiously and slowly. And I hope your life will improve with each passing day. Best wishes!

[Aprilrain]

I'm not sure if I want my attraction to change I've always been attracted to pretty women my whole life. When I look at a guy I don't get all tingly and weak in the knees. Although I didn't have sex with many girls over the years we always became friends first . I kind of felt a failure as a man. I was with my wife for over 30 ,many were toxic I've been the submissive one my whole life, and if I stay the course on HRT I'm just wondering what my future will bring. I'm so used to pleasing and doing for others like a caregiver.

I've heard this same sort of thing from many trans women over the years. I was in a similar situation when I started transition.
Estradiol shouldn't affect your fundamental attraction but starting transition can be life altering in ways you can not now fathom.
In my experience most seem to maintain their attraction to women, and or branch out and embrace bisexuality.
I know for me and I'm sure for others too, it became WAY easier to be with a man once they started paying attention to me as a female!
Most of the trans women I've met end up alone or with another trans woman, very few stay with their wife and most have wives when they start transition, I did.
Whoever you find to be with one things for sure you are very early days and have much to look forward to and be excited about.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Good point Michele...my divorce was unwelcome to me... but after it happened everything changed. possibilities emerged and I felt in the end I had no choice in what to do.

Also a good point April. I think many of us end up with other transpeople. the operative word being "many" not all. There is a real benefit to have your gender fully understood and accepted and maybe most importantly internalized by your partner... finding a guy who is in love with you because you're a woman and not because you are a TG woman is not easy. And even tho its totally possible, until you've experienced the look of surprise when you disclose your past to a man, you cant understand how terrible that can feel. So the hurdle to find him is pretty high. And in the L community you are faced with a small but loud group that viciously rejects you and depending on where you are that's a pretty tight knit community... Everybody knows everybody and so even with support it can be a real burr in your side.

All that being said. Worrying about future sexuality is a natural thing to ponder, but its not really a productive line because in the end you just dont know, and maybe you are going to have to accept that what you want sexually as a woman may be tricky no matter what happens...

Im not saying this is true for everybody, but its true enough to be very aware of it and it matters simply because if you go into this you want to be prepared mentally for everybody to be against you and lots of huge ups and downs... Prepare for worst, expect and hope for best. in the end nothing matters compared to being able to express your true gender authentically... everything else is just what gets paid back for better or worse...

Nothing will change Denise if you like being less aggressive in relationships. You will still be the caregiver side ..it would be nice if you find another care giver to share this wonderful quality .

"getting weak in the knees over a gorgeous guy" is a stereotypical belief that you have and doesnt really reflect reality for most women. Yes swooning is a thing, the younger the more swoon, but sexuality is complicated, and female sexuality can be very responsive... in other words, getting attention can feel welcomed and create that "feeling"... its not even close to being all about the looks... if a nice guy chats me up or otherwise shows interest it can feel very much like I really like him even tho I paid no attention to him... see what im saying????

you just dont know!!!! I feel strongly that I want you to succeed and so I hope my longish posts are helpful... Im sure others have different experience and im glad they are sharing openly.

Bottom line
Stay in the loop... is this on your mind 24/7?? Or is it something hanging around your thoughts... maybe its helpful to walk away from it for a bit? or if you are in a 24/7 loop you are well served to share and share which is super helpful to release stress....

[Teresa]

Kaitlyn,
As usual so well rounded off , many thanks for that .

One question maybe from a personal angle because I was married for so long but does it take time to shake off the stereotype of what's expected of a man ? By that I mean dicovering what really makes you tick , in a recent conversation with a couple the husband again brought up the question of being gay . My reply was my gender is my problem not my sexuality . Afterwards I felt my reply was what he probably wanted to hear and not the whole truth , my sexuality is beginning to worry me . As you say we may think we know our preferences but sometime we run out of options .

[AllieSF]

Theresa,

I have to ask what do you mean by saying that your sexuality is not a problem.? I always think that once I accepted myself, regardless what others thought, I have no problems about gender nor sexuality. How could that be a problem for you based on where you are in life? Being gay or bi-sexual should not be a problem for anyone. It may cause issues with others, but those are their problem not ours.

[Teresa]

Allie,
The point I was making to the couple was being born TG means my gender isn't as well defined but my sexuality wasn't affected , I've always known this . My wife often accused me of being homophobic but it's not a case of that I just don't relate to men in a sexual way , I'm not so concerned with it creating an issue with others but I know it would create one with me . I asked the question to Kaitlyn as I feel something is changing in me , I'm not on hormones so I wonder if my T levels are finally dropping off it may be creating a shift and some confusion in me . I've never had my levels checked so I'm just making that assumption , I've also noticed my bust has grown slightly and my nipples are far more sensitive .

[Krisi]

I have known a few people in my life whose "attractions changed". Not because of being transgender and not because of hormone therapy. They just "up and changed" at some point. A friend of mine's wife left him for a woman after twenty years of marriage and two children. A lady I worked with was a lesbian with a female "partner" yet she had been married to a man and had some children.

Society tells us to find someone of the opposite sex to love, but sometimes this doesn't work out or we just happen to fall in love with someone of our same sex.

[Teresa]

Krisi,
Society without question applies that pressure but that pressure also comes from within it's a natural instinct for survival of the human race .

Allie ,
I thought more about your comment after and also about the theme of the original thread , maybe we should take care not to confuse love with sexual needs or desires . I feel I could only love a woman , possibly instinctively and not a man , on that basis sex with a woman would be natural and with a man unnatural , this is obvioulsy my personal feeling .

This now leads us into a grey area with a transwoman , I had this conversation with my TS friend , luckily she wasn't offended . She still admits she would prefer a relationship with a woman , then tongue in cheek she said , " For goodness sake go and get your bits cut off and we'd have a great time ! " Next time I'll restrict her to one glass of wine but we do have a great platonic relationship !

[Jeri Ann]

In Denise's original post she says, "I hear that your attractions could change while on estrogen."

This is not true. Genetic women, who's bodies naturally produce estrogen, are not all attracted to men.Testosterone, naturally produced in the bodies of genetic men, does not cause them to be attracted to women.


This now leads us into a grey area with a trans woman , I had this conversation with my TS friend , luckily she wasn't offended . She still admits she would prefer a relationship with a woman , then tongue in cheek she said , " For goodness sake go and get your bits cut off and we'd have a great time ! " Next time I'll restrict her to one glass of wine but we do have a great platonic relationship !

I do not understand this comment about "grey area" and it seems to be an odd statement to make in the Transsexual Section.

Trans women identify as women. Some women are attracted to men, some to women and some can go either way. Sexual attraction has nothing to do with gender identification. There is no grey area with trans women any more than there is with genetic women.

It does seem "grey" to me when someone identifies as female but needs to keep their male genitalia.


I have known a few people in my life whose "attractions changed". Not because of being transgender and not because of hormone therapy. They just "up and changed" at some point. A friend of mine's wife left him for a woman after twenty years of marriage and two children. A lady I worked with was a lesbian with a female "partner" yet she had been married to a man and had some children.

Society tells us to find someone of the opposite sex to love, but sometimes this doesn't work out or we just happen to fall in love with someone of our same sex.

This is it!

It is all about being attracted to a person regardless of sex (gender). Sometimes attractions seem to change when the influence of societal norms is overcome. When a transwomen ceases trying to be a male, and begins to live authentically, it may involve a natural attraction to the opposite sex or it may not. You can be free to love whoever you want when you realize that societal norms do not have to apply to you unless you want them too.

[Robin-in-TX]

I
It does seem "grey" to me when someone identifies as female but needs to keep their male genitalia.

Jeri, I don't understand that either. Except of course, there can be health issues or cost issues but otherwise, I don't know why you would want to keep them. To each her own.

Robin

[Nicole Erin]

I think ultimately you will be fine. I also don't imagine your life will change as much as you think.
Even if it does, things will likely be for the better.

[AllieSF]

"It does seem "grey" to me when someone identifies as female but needs to keep their male genitalia."

Jeri Ann, your comment surprises me. It is bordering on, you are not a true woman unless you ...." You know we all go as far as we can or want, and that does not take away any level to our transness. I still have my bits and have pre-existing complications down there that I am not sure I want to deal with. Am I a gray area? We have always said on this site that being a woman has nothing to do with the body, unless we individually think that it is. If we believe that we are a woman, than we are and no one can take that away from us. In essence nobody really needs to understand it. I believe that most want to go the full route, but some do not and that is their choice. Who are we to judge or question?

Allie

[Jeri Ann]

You are entirely correct Allie. I am not judging others. Each person chooses their own path. They greyness is my failure to understand. That’s why I said that “it was grey to me.” It doesn?t reflect any intolerance. There is no either or and gender is not black or white.

I personally know people who look, live and identity as female, even legally changing name and gender but intend to keep their penis so as to have sex with women and refer to themselves as lesbian. Again, I personally don?t understand it. Just expressing my feelings, not judging.

I also have one very good friend who, like you, has issues that prevent any surgery. She can?t even do HRT. None of that prevented her from transitioning several years ago, even in her law practice.

I thought my post was clear about gender and sexuality. Both are as individual as fingerprints.

[Sarah Doepner]

I spent several years from the time first puberty hit until I finally got laid contemplating my sexuality, primarily being attracted to girls but damn near anything (cars, loud music, sitting still in class or church) during that time in life could get me excited. My view of my confused gender was subsumed by that sexuality and for quite a while seemed to be the only viable explanation for why I was attracted to the feminine. I was wrong, but working with inadequate information. As I change my hormones and presentation to the world now the sexuality has been on my mind once again. But being 70 years old, it's a lot more theory now than it was when I was young. I don't swoon over an attractive guy or gal, but anyone who pays attention to me in an honest and respectful manner has an inside track to a much better relationship.

My advice to anyone doing this is to love yourself first. Build that self-confidence around your mind and heart and be ready to open your life to new perspectives and experiences, not just new clothes and a name. The imagery trafficked about transition are cocoon opening to reveal a butterfly or a flower opening to the sun. We need to key on the "Opening" part of that and maybe find things locked away that now have access to fresh air. We may find that we are still exactly the same inside, but knowing that allows us to move on. Expecting our sexuality be the bridge to understanding our gender is a bad and very limited choice of perspective.

[AllieSF]

"My advice to anyone doing this is to love yourself first. Build that self-confidence around your mind and heart and be ready to open your life to new perspectives and experiences, not just new clothes and a name."

So well stated Sarah! Thank you and that is exactly how I feel.

Allie

[Teresa]

Maybe I should attempt to explain my comment about the " grey area " . I was explaining my preferences to my TS friend forgetting she had transitioned and is now female , unintentionally I was differentiating her from GGs , luckily she wasn't offended but I still apologised for my error .

I will add I don't have a problem with my male parts , not because I want to remain male , I look at it simply as something we need to pee out of and occasionally sexual satisfaction . Otherwise they are out of sight and out of mind . I will ask the question does it really matter what anatomy we have to perform those basic functions ? I have several reasons ( not excuses ) why I know SRS isn't going to happen now , the important thing is I am comfortable and content with living my life at present , if I still choose to make that decision it will be mine alone and not from external pressures .

Sarah,
I feel the problem some people have is they expect their assigned or reassigned gender to resolve their sexuality .

[Rhonda Jean]

Sometimes attractions seem to change when the influence of societal norms is overcome.

Well said.