Mudville

[DonnaT]

A couple of weeks ago I told my wife about the coming TG Pride weekend in Richmond, and she'd ask every so often whether I had made reservations at the hotel yet, and I'd answer "Not yet."

Last night, during our walk, she asked again, and I told her that I had decided to go. She then asked if I was going to take that Friday off, and I answered "Yes."

She asked why, and I told her that the event started with a party at the hotel at 5PM and then a dinner at the club at 8:30 followed by a pool tournament.

Now, what did I say that got her mad?

She wouldn't tell me what was wrong, and last night, as I snuggled up to her, she told me not to. She then said we'd have a major talk and I'd have to make a decision.

Sounds like an ultimatum is coming, and as y'all know, I can't separate myself from Donna.

Doesn't sound like there will be any joy in Mudville tonight.

[TGMarla]

Ouch.

[Toni Shelton]

Did you ask her to go?
If you did would she go?
This don't sound good, Girl...
And We cant lose Donna, You are too good a friend for that.
Hang in there and Keep us posted.... Please

[Tina Dixon]

Oh just wonderfull, just hate it when they need to talk!

[DonnaT]

Did you ask her to go?


She's been before but even though she kind of enjoyed part of it, she has indicated she was uncomfortable. The last time she did not go. So, no, I didn't ask her to go. It's a three day event, and some of the outings I know for sure she wouldn't be able to handle. Going into a dark club is one thing but going shopping or bowling is something she can't handle.

[sharifemme]

Donna...

I hope the pride weekend wasn't on your anniversary or her birthday but even that would be better than some things I could think of. I will be thinking about you, girl, and prayers are going out for you too.

Sharifemme




A couple of weeks ago I told my wife about the coming TG Pride weekend in Richmond, and she'd ask every so often whether I had made reservations at the hotel yet, and I'd answer "Not yet."

Last night, during our walk, she asked again, and I told her that I had decided to go. She then asked if I was going to take that Friday off, and I answered "Yes."

She asked why, and I told her that the event started with a party at the hotel at 5PM and then a dinner at the club at 8:30 followed by a pool tournament.

Now, what did I say that got her mad?

She wouldn't tell me what was wrong, and last night, as I snuggled up to her, she told me not to. She then said we'd have a major talk and I'd have to make a decision.

Sounds like an ultimatum is coming, and as y'all know, I can't separate myself from Donna.

Doesn't sound like there will be any joy in Mudville tonight.

[pattied]

I can't offer anything new that hasn't already been asked or pointed out. Still I do want to offer my sympathies.

No, Donna, I don't think you said anything wrong.

I wish you the best of luck in resolving your crisis. My life, as I know it, would likely end should my wife give me the 'ultimatum'.

My prayers and thoughts are with you!

Lizz

[Charlene Marie]

Hi Donna. Perhaps she's upset about you taking a day off. Or maybe it hasn't completely sunk in why you need to have your "Other Side" time. Or, maybe she has difficulity explaining to someone els, why you are gone for the weekend. Or, no heck who knows. Who can read a woman?

[Wendy me]

Donna you just reached that spot that every one hits like a rock ... and it is not pretty ... you all know what i am talking abought here ... and cding or anything is not the only issue ... the spot ?? oh yar .... no right answers ... no matter what you say it's wrong .... like her "are you going on friday??" ...
you"yes i am thay are haveing......." not the right answer.... or if you said
"no i think i will go over saturday in the moring " you would hear " I thought thay were haveing a party friday you wanted to go to it right??"

buy her flowers give her a huge kiss and hug tell her you love her and hang in there .....

[Billijo49504]

Maybe, instead of going to the pride thing, maybe a romantic weekend for the 2 of you, is needed. Just a thought.Good luck...BJ

[Wenda]

yikes. Even though we all have femme names, most of us cant think like women. You obviously stepped on a land mine. We are not likely to be much help to you understanding what it was. Could be a residual of an unresolved issue from years ago, could be something unrelated that you have done or not done recently, and this just confirms your: selfishness, forgetfullness, self-centered personality, your abusive personality, whatver. Not to make light of these feelings on the part of SOs, but, unless they spell it out, I have learned, at great expense, that we are unlikely to figure it out simply from the clues they drop.
If you are committeed to this relationship, I would cancel the reservation at the rally and focus on what is important.
If your SO is consistently intolerant and you are considering a split, go to the rally, have a good time, pay later.
Been there, done that. Dont recommend the journey.

[Huntress]

Donna,
Sittin' here with a humongous cat in my lap (who is probably a dog in a cat costume). Who thinks I invented catfood, and body rubs. We connect cross species, and yet...
Your wife says: "we need to have a major talk". I am nonplussed. Your relevent postings that I've seen, seem to always favor family over DonnaT.
Your wife needs to get a grip. For you to love her to the point of heart wrenching, soul searching agony. All over your girl-play weekend? Pffff! Sherlock ponders. Something must be afoot. Unless you're doing this on an anniversary weekend, nudge-nudge.
Great good fortune, on the communication. I hope everything turns out well.

Huntress

[Veronica E. Scott]

And thay said the weather in Mudville would be rain all weekend!!
Hope your situation works out to your favor,dont have enything to offer except my support hope your wife can resolve things with her attitude towards your other self.Good luck we will be thinking about you and have a great weekend.

[uknowhoo]

:hugs: Hey there Donna, sorry to here of your joyless evening. :o Ultimatums suck.

You always offer such insighful responses to others here in need, I hope we can be of help and support to you. As I read your post, and the subsequent reponses, I was reminded of another Donna's thread from a coupla months ago which you may find interesting: http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=21404
I'm not suggesting you not go to Richmond, but it may be a matter of taking a step back and evaluating your priorities. I don't expect you'll really be able to do that until you hear what your wife has to say about her feelings.

It didn't sound to me like you said anything "wrong," but maybe taking a day off work for this purpose seemed to her like you were taking this hobby of yours a little too far. I've seen numerous posts from generally-accepting GGs whose main gripe was we too often keep pushing the envelope.

It's always tricky business trying to figure out our spouses' thinking.

Anyway, good luck to both of you, and please let us know how it goes.

Hugs,

Tammi

p.s. reminding her that it was her idea for you to get your ears pirced probably wouldn't be a wise move.:o






:hugs:

[DonnaT]

Thanks everyone.

Seems she was upset because I was taking a day off to go. Don't know why she couldn't tell me that during the walk or why she needed to wait a day.

Note that I usually ask her to go with, and she's gone. But the last time she indicated that she wasn't comfortable going anymore, so I knew she wouldn't want to. Sometimes she'll do things she's not comfortable with just because I ask. So, no I didn't ask and she told me tonight that that wasn't the reason she was upset.

So things are cool again.

Oh, and I know she'd rather I didn't go at all. She'd rather none of this occurred. But she also wants me to be happy, as long as I don't go overboard nor do it around Northern Virginia. I've been out once in 94, twice in 95 and twice this year. So, she's not going to ask me not to go unless she thinks I'm taking things too far, or it interferes with our time together.

[uknowhoo]

Cool. Thanks for the good news Donna. ;)

[Julie Avery]

Congratulations on working your way through that in a level-headed way, Donna. The feeling I get when I hear "we need to have a major talk" takes me right back to school days, being called to the assistant principal's office.....

[sherri]

Just a thought - maybe instead of saying you had decided to go, you could have said, "I'd like to go to this thing. Is that okay with you? I'd love for you to go too, but only if you think you'd have fun. No pressure."

And perhaps you could go into work Friday morning, then hit the road after lunch? And maybe come back a half-day early to take her out to dinner to discuss your weekend?

BTW, my ex and I rarely did things like trips or outings separately (maybe we should have?!?), but on those rare occasions when we did, we kind of had a standing deal that the we "owed" the other either his/her turn or special time together.

[Amanduhrob]

The funny things GG's get upset over.....

She's not mad you're going away for three days, and running around dressed as a girl, but is upset you decided to take a day off? I'll never understand women:cheeky:

[Billijo49504]

Fantastic!!! The sun is now shining in Mudville.:cool:

[sherri]

She's not mad you're going away for three days, and running around dressed as a girl, but is upset you decided to take a day off?

I know what you mean, but, reading between the lines, this situation might not be so hard to understand. Perhaps there is some residual resentment there and taking a day off work is the irksome little thing that delivers up an "issue" that allows her to vent. Or it could be that in her mind the dressing is relegated to hobby status and should never intefere with the serious business of life; when she sees evidence that she construes as irresponsible, she frets that the situation is getting out of hand.

I'm not passing judgement on either of them - just thinking out loud about what could be going on in her head.