Bye bye

[Helen_Highwater]

No, not me, my diary.

I keep a "Helen" diary. I started years ago when I first started going out in public in earnest during my femme week away. Things got to be a bit of a blur and I found myself forgetting what I did and on what day. Hence keep a journal.

Well it's carried on, at the start of this year I began a new book, pink cover of course and normally it would be sufficient to last the year. However things ain't normal and during lockdown I've found myself writing more on a daily basis.

While I've not been entirely without opportunities to slip on a skirt and top I haven't had the opportunity to dress more fully and for longer, 4 or 5 hours.

So my little book has become my confidante, my uncomplaining friend but such is the volume of words I've committed to the page it's now full.

So tonight will be the last entry. I'm going to write just what a comfort and help those pages have provided. Helped me keep a perspective upon life in these troubled times and realise that I need to acknowledge just how fortunate I am to have those little opportunities to express my fame side.

Next, Amazon prime for a replacement. So yes ok, I'm fickle, best friend one minute, back of the cupboard the next.

[Crissy 107]

Helen, When I just saw this I thought, No not Helen. Glad to see you are still here.

[GretchenM]

Like Crissy, I thought "Oh NO! Helen is a fixture here. It can't be." And it isn't.

Being so diligent at keeping a diary is a great thing. Thinking your thoughts in the context of current events in your life is one thing. Writing them down is quite another. It is a wonderful resource to review so you can see patterns of events and the associated behavior you had. Reading a diary is a window into the finer points of your life. Great idea. I gave up on mine, but I think I will return to it. You have convinced me to return. Thanks, Helen, always a reliable voice of reason.

[Bobbi46]

I began to think "oh no we ar'e losing another dear friend"! but alas not so, good! diaries are good things and so many pzople theses days do not have them any more, the same with me, I wish I had now, because my journey into full time en femme would have made wonderful reading for the future, sadly it has not but present times have changed how some of see life

[Stephanie47]

I also thought, "Oh, cap! Another one gone!" Keeping a journal is a good idea. There are many times my wife asks me if I remember when this or that. It takes awhile to drag a memory to the surface. A diary would help. Also, if you ever get arrested for something you did not do you can answer, "Well, on Sunday, June 28, 2020 I was reading messages on crossdressers.com, officer!"

[Sandi Beech]

Helen, haha you made us all look any way.

I kind of wish I had a diary to keep track of when I went where and the people I met; however, it would not be something I would want my wife to find. I mostly just record videos and pictures of people on my phone in the hidden folder. Fortunately my wife is not very technical. I would get in some hot water if she saw them. Well it really does not matter for now as my dressing is completely shut down for the foreseeable future.

Sandi

[Helen_Highwater]

I thought the header would catch a few!

I've written about keeping a diary before but I think it's worth reinforcing that if you're starting out, perhaps like I did starting to appear in public, keeping a note of not only what you did but also more importantly how you felt is a valuable thing to do.

Recently I looked back at a couple of my earliest diaries and it was fascinating to read about just how traumatic it felt to sometimes just get out of the car. How seeing someone 100's of yards away would paralyses me with such nervousness that it was all I could do to stay put and not drive off. Writing these things down gives you perspective when viewed against just how good I subsequently felt when I did step out and walk away from my steel safety cell.

Now all these years later in the midst of lockdown I find myself writing about such things as how pleasing I find it to see the reinforcing of the toes of my tights being perfectly symmetrical on both feet or how I was able to spend time sat in the living room in a skirt and top (those toes on display) enjoying a simple breakfast of warmed croissants with honey. These things can take on a significance just as great as those early adventures, it's just the context that makes the difference.

So yes, to all you newbies beginning your journeys, take it from me, record your steps and more importantly your feelings and emotions. They're the CD'ing equivalent of those favorite childhood toys.

[Judy-Somthing]

I always wanted to keep a diary and some people recommended using code words.
But at least for me dealing like most of us with the shame of cross-dressing we're not proud of some of the things we do, like a man wearing a Girdle I feel I don't need to put that in writing!
But I do love Girdles! LOL!

[Helen_Highwater]

Hooray, my new diaries have arrived. I ordered 2, one a pink cover and one green. The pink one will see the rest of this year out all being well and then 2021 will be green.

Judy,

Perhaps committing your thoughts and feeling to the page might help you come to terms with any internal conflict you're experiencing.

I've found it very useful as it makes me examine my motives and desires in relation to my dressing and helped me get to a place where I realised dressing is part of who I am and not to be ashamed of myself.

As for being in the closet, that's more about the potential adverse fallout of coming out than how I feel inside. Life is a balance after all.