I've done it now !?

[Anne Charlotte]

After weeks of soul-searching and courage plucking, I finally told one of the girls in work about my dressing.

And the reaction was amazing.........now I have somewhere to go, someone to talk to over it all, and best of all, her sister-in-law is a beautician who's agreed to give me a make-over and advice on colours and styling......and who also has 4 other CD clients !!

Only....how do I tell my wife ?

[Julie]

Anne Charlotte, congratulations on this breakthrough after as you say 'weeks of soul searching', I hope things progress positively for you. As for telling your wife I don't know, it'll be more soul searching but it'll only you who'll know when the time is right.

Well done anyway.

Julie J

[Sweet Susan]

Wow! That took some courage, and you got great results, too. The big test is coming, how that turns out depends on how you handle and how open minded your wife is. Good luck.

[Jennifer Ivy]

Perhaps she already knows? I think most wives know a lot more (and ignore even more than that) than we tend to give them credit for.

[Anditv]

A lot SO's problems with it initially is the deception of not telling them, you might want to bear that in mind before you start telling lots of people as she might find it very hurtful.

[Lily_gg]

That's exactly what I was going to say Anditv!

Imagine if you don't tell her for, say, another three months, during which time your friendship and level of confiding in your workmate continues to build - finding out that you chose to tell another woman first rather than her could cut very deeply, she may even leap to the conclusion that you're having an affair...

So, tell her soon, just take it slowly, and GOOD LUCK!!! *hugs*

[Sharon]

Wow -- my late wife is the only one I've ever shared this with. I very hesitantly told her when I first realized that she was the one I hoped to spend my life with. I knew I could never completely stop dressing(I had tried many times, tossing out many clothes each time) and that she needed to know what she was getting into. I broke the news slowly, ready to back off as soon as she showed any sort of disgust but, God bless her, she made great effort to be supportive, even helping me dress on "special" weekends or holidays. She never understood why I needed to do this, nor do I to be honest, and would have preferred if I remained a man at all times. When not dressed, I am not fem at all, my interests being stereotypical male, working out in the yard, watching way too much sports on television, etc. I can't imagine sharing this part of my life with anyone else at this point, unless I'm lucky enough to find another woman I feel so strongly about. Or another TV if I were to meet one I felt comfortable with.

[Bonnie-OR]

Ann Caharlotte
You are really lucky to have someone like that to talk to, and make sure to post some pics. after the makeover. I have to agree with all our sisters on telling your wife. There are just too many stories on these sights about wives feeling betrayed when it goes for too long without telling. Plus as was pointed out, telling anothe woman before the wife could lead to other problems. Good luck, Huggs, Bonnie

[~Tammy~]

I also agree whole heartedly with the other girls.
When I read your post I thought it was wonderful that you've found someone to share this part of yourself with but then I read the last line and nearly choked on my coffee.
The fact that you haven't told your wife yet indicates you may feel she will react negatively. But if you continue to confide in others she will almost certainly feel betrayed with you not trusting her.
Imagine if this was the other way around. If for example she was pregnant and she confided in a male friend and you were the last to know, how would you feel?
It's great that you have someone to talk to about dressing up but the longer you leave it before you tell your wife, the harder it will get and the worse the reaction will be when you do eventually tell her.
Personally I wouldn't go for a makeover until you have told your wife, gg's have a way of finding out these things and if she finds out before you tell her it could lead to a very sticky situation.

[Anne Charlotte]

My wife knows about my dressing, but doesn't want to be involved more than she really needs to (and particularly doesn't want to see me dressed) even though I told her all about me even before we were married. She has even bought me clothes, but cannot make the final step to seeing or being with me when I'm en femme.

Before I met her, I had friends who knew, and were both helpful and supportive, but since I've been married, I haven't seen them as my wife feels threatened by my past relationships (tho my friends were of both sexes).

My confession to my colleague has really been borne of frustration as I'm not able to express myself fully, though I do understand my wife's point of view and try really hard to find the common ground and compromise between us.

I do sometimes feels a little betrayed since she knew who I was before we were married, but now seems having difficulty coping with it. For 5 years I didn't dress, and even threw my stuff away, but you all know how it is, you can never really be rid of it.......

I sense more heartache on the way, despite the little miracle of last week......

[~Tammy~]

Hmm, I can see how this must be difficult for both of you but like you say she knew about this side of you before you married so must be able to accept it in some way.
I know everyone's opinion is different but I think she really needs to accept this is a part of who you are and it's not going to go away. It's really kind of like a permanent hobby in some respects. I would have thought it would be better for both of you if you could have somewhere to go to fulfil your desires for dressing without doing it in her face which she cant cope with, rather than having pent up frustrations of not doing it at all, which would probably cause tension between the both of you.
Alot of people have hobbies that they do without there S/O by there side and this is really the same kind of thing.
The main problem I can see her is that it involes other women which she may not be happy with.
A few things to think about.
Does she go out anywhere with friends, without you?
Does she have any male friends?
If so, what harm is there for you to have female friends to share your hobby with?

[windycissy]

You're playing with fire, kiddo. I personally think one of the reasons some of us dress up and go out is the rush we get from the risk of being caught at it, but you're raising the game to a whole new level. I agree with all the other comments about how it could shatter your wife's trust in you. So, if you are going to share your secret with another woman, tell your wife now. If you are afraid you'll lose her over it, then bag the makeover. That's my advice. Ask Windy (http://snurl.com/askwindy)