Opinion on meeting men?

[Karli]

I've been curious about men but also terrified. I live in a very conservative area. I cant dress fully out in public as it would never be accepted from society. But i'm not wanting to be in an unsafe situation and people say to be in public and not somewhere no one knows where you are. So I wanted to ask, has anyone ever met a man out who knew you were dressed but everything was hidden (underdressing) as sort of a first way to step out in public (so that not everyone around you in public knew you were CD) and maybe get a feel for a person? Not sure if anyone has done this or what people think as steps.

[Sandi Beech]

Hi Karli,

Actually meeting anyone with the current Covid situation is a bit risky/unsafe to a degree, but with that being said, I also live in the conservative south and have been to I think 9 lgbt bars/clubs in 5 states just in the southeast. Going out dressed in the south is not a problem. The cities of 100,000 and up have lgbt bars you can go to - at least before Covid. If under dressed no one can see that and only you would be aware of that fact. I would not think that would even be a factor when meeting anyone. I have met a LOT of men and women while dressed so it is actually a lot easier than you may be aware. It is only difficult to get the nerve to do it fully or partially dressed, but much easier with each outing.

Sandi

[Brandi17]

That is kinda up to the person as obviously not everyone who cds is attracked to Men. Now if your bi or gay and feel attracted to someone then I would say why not. As long as you keep safety in mind and meet in a public place somewhere with witnesses or maybe even cameras. And don't give out your address to anyone until you know you can trust them.

I have never met a guy for a date in either boy or girl mode yet, so I don't have much experience in this yet for you unfortunately.

[docrobbysherry]

Karli, I think this is how it generally works:

Men attracted to trans women would prefer u look as womanly as possible. :battingeyelashes:
Underdressing won't do it!

Men attracted to men probably wouldn't care about your underdressing. They only want to get u out of your clothes ASAP!:D

But, I don't think any of that is important at this point for u.
What IS important is why u want to meet men and where do u think can u do that safely?:straightface:

[Micki_Finn]

First off, I assume you identify as CD, and not Trans. This already complicated matters immensely, as there’s issues of verbiage. If you tell members of the LGBTQ community that you’re a “crossdresser”, they’ll likely assume that you dress as a sexual fetish. Straight men will likely have a broader concept of crossdresser, but they probably will have no interest in you in “guy mode” or underdressed. Also, a lot of straight guys have an idea of “trans” people being on hormones or having top surgery.

SO: if you’re interested in meeting a gay man, there’s a good chance that he won’t want to see you dressed, because he likes men. If you’re meeting a straight man, there’s a good chance he won’t want to see you NOT dressed because he likes women.
There are pansexual people out there, but it’s a limited dating pool.

Secondly, “ as sort of a first way to step out in public ” NO NO NO! If you’ve never been out in public dressed, the ABSOLUTE LAST thing you want to do is put the extra pressure of a date on top of everything else. You HAVE to be able to be comfortable out in public before you can even THINK about dating. Going out underdressed May help you build up your confidence, but honestly it doesn’t do a whole lot to prepare you for going out in public fully dressed.

Now if the idea is to get a male friend who knows about your dressing to act as an escort while you’re dressed, this could be fruitful. And honestly it sounds like this is what you need more than a date right now: a friend.

[Shelly Preston]

Karli

Have you considered using a webcam first where he can see you as a woman and you can see him.

This will give you the opportunity to get to know each other a little better before you actually meet in person (post covid-19)

I would suggest this to anyone as its better to proceed with caution.


"Places to go Places to meet" has guidelines for anyone considering meeting up

[Jean 103]

Have you ever been with a man?

I would forget about the public thing.It doesn't sound like you are anywhere ready.

You should look for a CD that is BI. Develop an online relationship before meeting.

There are lots of married men that will use you for sex if that's what you are looking for.

[Marianne S]

Hi Karli,

Although I have no experience at all of this kind of relationship, I have to agree with everything Micki said, all of which made perfect sense to me. The word "escort" in particular had occurred to me even before I read her post. I think what you're looking for is a fantasy.

What on earth would be the point of having a man escort you out in public while you're only "underdressed"? What could you possibly gain from this in the way of confidence to venture out dressed on your own, since nobody around you would know you were underdressed in the first place?

Just as relevant, what could be his motive for doing so? What kind of "relationship" could this be? No straight man would want to do this. A gay man possibly; but is that what you want, a gay relationship? A number of CDs have romantic fantasies about attention from a man, sexual or not. But a man interested in you as a CD will want to see you dressed, not just "underdressed." And you can't play out your own role in such a fantasy if you're not dressed yourself.

The fantasy this makes me think of is that of "secret lovers," and of what's called "duping delight." The thrill of being out among people who have no idea that "we're a couple," especially if we're doing something very naughty we can't afford to let them know about. Like that old song: "Me and Mrs. Jones... we've got a thing going,,," But I can't see that working for you. You're looking to be escorted by a "Mr. Jones" who doesn't exist.

Yes, I'd just go looking for "friends" instead to support you.

[Teresa]

Karli,
I'm not sure what you're asking here , I'm going to agree with Marianne if it's all to do with fantasy .

Otherwise I could read it as you going out with a man just for protection or an escort to deal with any problems if they discover you are underdressed . The only way I see that happening is with a good accepting male friend but I honestly don't see the point .

To me underdressing was a stepping stone to actually coming out , like taking a drive or your first walk . I had some fun times revealing that I was underdressed with the public , that helped with finally dressing full time , I was building my confidence up gradually . The other point is forget about where you live , society on the whole is pretty good at accepting , OK we all know of no go areas , I can think of places I wouldn't visit in drab let alone as Teresa .

[Krisi]

If you're a gay man who wants to meet other gay men, you might get better advice on a "gay" website.

I think meeting up with any stranger for sex is pretty risky, especially with the Covid virus going around, but of course, that's your choice to make.

[Paulie Birmingham]

First of all, do what you want but be safe.

But when my wife and I had our talks, this was her biggest fear. There are lots men who dress looking for men on dating sites. And many more erotic stories on line about men who dress seeking other men.

If it's just fantasy, you should probably just read the erotic literature on line. Send me pm and I will give you site. It has all sorts of erotic literature

[GretchenM]

Karli, your question seems to be a bit confusing as to exactly what you are asking. But, I think Micki and Maryanne provided answers that are right on and very good. Perhaps you are looking for a friend with whom you can share this side of you with in a comfortable way. Many of us do need that kind of friendly support and it is not easy to find, especially in an area where such people are very closeted because of the local attitudes of the muggles regarding gender shifting and variance and its expression (usually dressing or underdressing) that follows this behavior type and its needs. Join a support group for transgender and other gender variant people and you may make a new friend with whom you can share this with in an active way. Even in quite conservative communities there usually is some kind of group, even though it may be hard to find in some places. But as we have become significantly more "acceptable" in most places, such groups form more easily.

BUT, in the pandemic such groups may not currently be active. Meeting new people right now is not the best choice from a health standpoint. Do you really want to risk your life just to connect with someone that you can interact with in ways that satisfy your current needs? Personally, I don't think it is worth it. I suspect in 6 months or so we will have vaccines available that will allow us to return to more normal activities, but it will always be risky for quite some time even after the vaccines arrive but before we know how effective they are. Vaccines are rarely 100% effective. But they reduce the chances of contracting the disease a lot. Even a flu vaccine that is 55% effective is better than nothing at all.

[Jacqueline Vivaldi]

I am going to read between the lines a bit, because you did not make your situation or intentions clear. I am assuming that you seldom privately fully dress and make yourself up as a female. Furthermore, you probably have never ventured outside the house en femme. Hence, my advice is first, slow down and get things in good order. If your female side is telling you that you as a female would like to have some relationship with a man, that is wonderful and I fully understand. To do this successfully on a pleasant male-female basis you first need to be fully dressed as a female and feel unusually comfortable while dressed as a female. You need to learn all of the techniques required to make yourself look like an attractive female. When you reach this stage, the public will not notice you, unless you are very attractive, and it is unlikely that a friend will recognize you even if they see you. Then go out into the public quite a bit until you look forward in doing so every time with delight and joy. If your feelings for being female grow during this time, as I would expect, then consider opening up to an intimate male-female relationship. Be careful and meet in public places until you are comfortable, but enjoy one of the most exciting experiences that you will ever have.

[char GG]

Hi Karli,

In looking back over your posts, it seems you have asked the same question in the past. Which probably means you haven't acted on any of the previous comments.

Lots of advise can be given, however, just make sure to stay safe.

[Robertacd]

Honestly I don't understand what this has to do with crossdressing. Your sexual preference is not determined by the clothes you wear.

This also serves to amplify the myth that the main reason crossdressers dress like women is to attract men. But you will find that the vast majority of people who inentify as MtoF CD are straight men, and will seemingly go out of their way to tell you so. Check out the "Are we LGBTQ" thread for instance.

Then there's people like me who inentify as MtoF Transgender and are on the path to transition, yet I am not atracted to men in any way.

[bobbi]

Meeting a man who was safe and who I could at first be friends with has always been a dream of mine. Someone to talk to and progress to more would be nice. Maybe someone you know could introduce you to someone. I know how it feels to want something so out of reach. Good luck and stay safe.

[Helen_Highwater]

Both Micki,#5 and Jacqueline #13 make very valid points.

So sorry for being blunt but reading the replies it has to be said that the general consensus is your idea is a non starter.

It seems to me that as Jacqueline says, you need to make your mind up as to what form your proposed relationship with a man will take and far more importantly sorting out your presentation.

Sorry again for saying this but being under dressed such that no-one can tell means the man you're looking for must have X-ray vision in order to be aware of that fact. It doesn't add up.

Perhaps the thing you need to do is clarify just what form your sexuality takes. Straight, Bi, Gay; only once that is decided can you find ways to progress. As others have said, the vast majority of Gay men are drawn to Gay men. There are some who have CD'ing partners but stealth under dressing isn't going to draw much attention. There are straight men who enjoy the social company of CD'ers but again unless they know you CD their boat won't float.

If you do decide to go out UD then beforehand go in drab and check the venue out. Know what the place and the clientele are like. Above all else staying safe is the most important thing and walking into a bar and giving off the wrong signals to the wrong guy can get very ugly very quick.

[Jacqueline Vivaldi]

The points that Robertacd made are absolutely correct. It is also my experience that the majority of crossdressers on this site only want to present as female and have no interests to either be closer to a male or want to be intimate with one. The true situation is that all of the people on the planet fall on different locations on the rainbow. At one end are the rigid heterosexual people. As one moves across the rainbow one finds very occasional crossdressers, further on are those who really feel female and want to look their best and feel good about passing in public, then further on there are crossdressers who feel that being female comes with feelings for enjoying all the benefits of a woman including intimate relationships with men. Then there are the crossdressers who surgically make the transition to become a woman.

I feel that we are too bound in our thinking about attaching labels to people. All of us are good and different people at different stages of our development; and that is ,in my mind, just the way it should be. Just enjoy being where we are, until we want to change and move on.

[Ressie]

has anyone ever met a man out who knew you were dressed but everything was hidden (underdressing) as sort of a first way to step out in public (so that not everyone around you in public knew you were CD) and maybe get a feel for a person?

I haven't, but there's someone I've been chatting with (on another site) (that has seen my en fem photos) that wouldn't mind meeting in public as two guys - to get to know each other before doing anything more.


Karli

Have you considered using a webcam first where he can see you as a woman and you can see him.

This will give you the opportunity to get to know each other a little better before you actually meet in person (post covid-19)

I would suggest this to anyone as its better to proceed with caution.


"Places to go Places to meet" has guidelines for anyone considering meeting up

Camming C2C on a chat site is the way I got started with cybersex with men and other CDs mostly. Did that for years before ever meeting anyone in person. It's actually a good way to learn the (gay or kink) lingo and discover what one really wants sexually. Lots of married or lonely guys looking for something on the side etc. It's very much physical distancing which is safe right?

Later on I started going out dressed but not with the intention of dating anyone. But that's another story...

[Stephanie47]

Hi Karli,In looking back over your posts, it seems you have asked the same question in the past. Which probably means you haven't acted on any of the previous comments. Lots of advise can be given, however, just make sure to stay safe.

I did the same thing as char yesterday. I thought about making a comment, but I had other things to do. If you have not acted on either an impulse or a plan I have to make a conjecture this may be an unfulfilled fantasy. Many times acting out a fantasy is a let down. Perhaps the idea of having a relationship with a man as you present as a woman is your way of trying to deny you're actually interested in interacting with a man as a man??? I'm sure a great percentage of cross dressing men have fantasies or dreams of interacting with a man in bed. And, the same on the flip side or there would not be so much porn of that nature on the internet.

[Jenny22]

Lots of good points and advice, Karli. If you have a man in mind, you've chatted and possibly shared photos and are now ready to meet in public for the first time, being underdressed is fine, even letting him know that you are. When you feel that you have developed a reasonably good feminine presentation, then meet with him at a public place away from your home area. Just be safe!

[Charlotte Haynes]

I have done what you have described. A man from another site, who lived locally, and dressed a little himself asked me if we could meet for a chat. He was a bit low. I'd never met him but agreed to go for a walk with him. He suggested that we both underdress. There had been no flirting or anything prior to that. Anyway, I complied. I met him, he wasn't very chatty at all. He flashed me his panties, and that was genuinely the first indication I got that he wanted more than a chat. I am quite naive in situations like this. Anyway, it gave me ideas. A week later he contacted me again and I got brave and invited him to mine. I got fully dressed, he seemed very impressed, and we ended up having sex. This wasn't on the cards just a week before, but that walk with him and us being underdressed was a stepping stone to the rest.

[MonicaPVD]

If you haven't built up the courage to go out dressed in public, you can meet guys online who are interested in CDs and arrange to meet at a private location. My advice, as someone with plenty of experience in this area, is that you work on building up your confidence to the point where you can go out dressed before you venture into the wild world of encounters. There are a lot of variables in that world and your fantasy can quickly turn to crap in real time.

[mbmeen12]

[QUOTE]has anyone ever met a man out who knew you were dressed but everything was hidden (underdressing)?
No but had a boyfriend/admirer...and only met when dressed.

[Stacy Darling]

+whoa, I'm a Drag queen babe, and I don['t want to slow things down in that area, but be very slow with you thinking babe!

Be careful xxStace

[candygurl59]

I have and do date men. I have personally found it an incredible but also a totally emasculating experience. I now date men exclusively and love being in a relationship with them.

[JennasPanties]

I am very much in to women, but love meeting a new acquaintance and undress together. Find it to be so sexy. Love sneaking peaks of each other as we stroll around in public.

[phili]

A couple of things I have learned..
1. When we have no experience and are really restricted and frustrated we fixate on simple ideas that seem like they will relieve the stress- this is the experience of fetishistic dressing, or seeking a quick fetishistic sex experience. I spent years in this state. It is satisfying, briefly, but we do not progress- we soon enough need our fix again. Sexual encounters like this are exceptionally high risk, for STDs, primarily, to the point of being foolhardy. They also create a pool of people who we do not want to see again. That is a weight that is not pleasant, and burdens the enjoyment of the sexual pleasure, if it was pleasing. Observing porn films will help you see the various kinds of experiences that random sex partners will want to have with you.
2. Once you start thinking about how to find a nice man, who also wants to have sex with you in a way that fulfills your desires and his, and doesn't create a hidden complicated, and dangerous sidetrack, you are moving back into real life. The rules are the same for everyone- knowing who you are, expressing that openly, platonic dating, finding sufficiently shared values with prospects, understanding that sex creates all sorts of bonds and expectations and dreams, and managing that well, which usually means serial monogamy. You can build the life you actually want, which is a normal life in which we have friends and activities, and sexuality is enjoyed in a context that doesn't leave damaging tracks in our lives.
3. The real person attached to M or F genitals is a huge reality that enters the picture in sex. If we are really not interested in them, but in our own experience of ourselves, I found that really enjoying the fantasy as realistically as I could was much better than messing around with real people in situations that were not part of my real life. It allowed me to have repeat experiences safely, to see how much and how often, to pretend all sorts of things, and that allows me to grow emotionally in a normal way. Girls masturbate too- as a sensible alternative to getting involved with the wrong people.

[Marianne S]

I have and do date men. I have personally found it an incredible but also a totally emasculating experience. I now date men exclusively and love being in a relationship with them.

I hope you don't mind, but I found this an intriguing statement. Chiefly because it looked to me like a contradiction in terms between positive and negative.

Obviously finding it an "incredible" experience sounds wonderful. At the same time, "totally emasculating," particularly after the word "but," sounds like a drawback, an awful experience to most genetic males.

I may be wrong, but I have a suspicion that latter part was being expressed the wrong way round, negatively rather than positively, Perhaps what it really means was that this was a "totally feminizing" experience: that it felt "deliciously girly" to arouse a man's sex drive, surrender to it, and enjoy satisfying him. Whatever floats anyone's boat.

It's not neessarily what everyone who crossdresses is looking for, but it's certainly true for some. The question is whether anyone "likes" men as friends, as emotional or romantic partners, and all those other things that go to make up a satisfying relationship. I'm happy to hear that relationships with men work for you in that holistic fashion. I just think anyone who considers dating men, like Karli, should ask themselves what aspects of dating men appeal to them. Is it a liking for men as companions, with shared interests and values? Is it friendship as crossdressers, "twin spirits"? Is it emotional, "romantic" interest in being treated as a woman, or being "taken care of" by a man? Is it sexual? These aspects can be separate and independent and not necessarily the same.

[ReineD]

3. The real person attached to M or F genitals is a huge reality that enters the picture in sex. If we are really not interested in them, but in our own experience of ourselves, I found that really enjoying the fantasy as realistically as I could was much better than messing around with real people in situations that were not part of my real life.

Not only that, but members who contemplate seeing men because they make them feel more "feminine" need to consider the guy's feelings.

I'll reverse the situation to illustrate my point. If there was a very male-looking transman who was interested in me I might return the interest if there was mental, emotional and/or physical chemistry between us. But, I would feel devastated if I felt that his interest in me was nothing more than a desire to "feel more masculine". I would feel reduced to a commodity or an object. I would not feel valued for the unique human being that I am. There is nothing worse.

[DanniBell]

From the time I was 12, I responded to attention from boys or men, and that was absolutely the thing that kept me dressing and going out. As a teenager, I not only interacted with boys, I went on two separate dates with a guy as Andi, before realizing it couldn't go any further and cutting off all contact with him. Each time he'd meet me at my girlfriend's house and drop me off outside her house. The third time we went out it all hit me how crazy I was being, and also how unfair it was to him. My entire It was the first time I ever felt guilty about how I interacted with guys. If I talked to some guy at an outdoor party it was one thing, but interacting with one guy as Andi meant I had to juggle all of these things I'd made up and also make excuses for too many things. Thinking back, it's frankly amazing I was never exposed and beaten to death. I only went out with that guy because my girlfriend had encouraged me to do it, but she wasn't me, and the risks weren't the same for her.

My first sexual relationship was with a much, much older man who didn't know I wasn't what I appeared to be the first couple of times he saw me (while he was working on his car in his garage in the middle of the night). The fact that he kind of pushed me into a relationship even after he did discover it, and the fact that he was very masculine and very straight, and was attracted by my femininity (and, you know, my youth) completely changed the way I thought about sexuality. The relationship was obviously not HEALTHY, but it taught me a lot about a lot of things.

The older I've gotten, the more careful I've been to be limited in my interactions. I still respond to attention, and don't think I'd exist as Danni without it, but it's easier for me to walk away or walk past it than when I was younger. I've had several casual sexual relationships with men, almost all of whom were either married or had serious girlfriends, but I've also had some frightening experiences over the years, and as much as I love attention, I truly don't love the risk, and I can totally see how some men would lose it if they think they're being fooled or played with.

- D

[Rogina B]

"Dirty little secret" is an apt description most often....

[MarinaTwelve200]

To ME "meeting men" that is Just "too close" or "too suggestive" of Homosexuality (no offense intended towards GAY people) I think most of us true CDs might have had a bit of a struggle with that in in the confusing early years, either "wondering" about our selves or having others speculate about us. IMHO, a "healthy" CD knows that Cross dressing has NOTHING to do with sexuality. We do it for different reasons than many Gay people as we do not identify with the opposite sex. otherwise we WOULD classify ourselves as Gay or Transsexual, and NOT simply be "Crossdressers"

It is very important to "Clear thinking" to have strict definitions to the words we use as we THINK in WORDS. Ambiguous words lead to ambiguous thinking.

[Ressie]

So a true and healthy CD is always heterosexual? No shades of gray like being bisexual or bicurious? A homosexual CD isn't a true CD?

If we're gonna be clear about it let's use set theory. Set 1 is men that wear women's clothes. Set 2 is men that are heterosexual. Set 3 is men that are homosexual, bisexual or pansexual.

Set 1 and Set 2 can intersect. Set 1 and 3 can intersect. Set 2 and 3 can't intersect in this set description.

[Charlotte Haynes]

Am I not a healthy CD if I think my crossdressing has something to do with my sexuality, or sexual behaviour?

[DanniBell]

Am I not a healthy CD if I think my crossdressing has something to do with my sexuality, or sexual behaviour?

For me, it's always been tied into my sexuality. From the first time I realized I could pass as an attractive girl when I was about twelve trying on my sister's blue and white one-piece bathing suit, one of the main things that kept me dressing and pushing my female identity further and further was how men (and teenage boys when I was younger) responded to me when I was dressed.

This is why I have trouble relating to a lot of crossdressers, I think. Obviously I have some gender-related issues, and a very strong feminine self, but I've never considered myself transsexual, and despite having had men offer to help me with the costs of transitioning, I'm comfortable with who I am now.

But I am still definitely a crossdresser.

-D

[MonicaPVD]

One thing that I have learned from this group is that the spectrum of sexuality exhibited by crossdressers is very broad. Another thing I have learned is that heterosexual crossdressers who are in a committed relationship are terrified of anything that even remotely smells like homosexual behavior because they have been telling their loved ones (and themselves) that turning men on by looking hot is not part of the deal. That's cool. I get it. To each her own.

[Marianne S]

One thing that I have learned from this group is that the spectrum of sexuality exhibited by crossdressers is very broad.

Including, of course, a large number of straight males without the slightest proclivity toward homosexual behavior.


Another thing I have learned is that heterosexual crossdressers who are in a committed relationship are terrified of anything that even remotely smells like homosexual behavior because they have been telling their loved ones (and themselves) that turning men on by looking hot is not part of the deal.

"and themselves"??? I see no cause to insinuate that these folks are necessarily lying.

For that matter, here's another objectionable accusation that somebody posted elsewhere:


...a substantial portion of [crossdressers] refuse to acknowledge that there's something more going on. Homophobia and/or transphobia positively drips from some of those posts asserting something like "...I am 100% straight male. I just like to wear a garter belt and stockings now and then."

There is nothing remotely "homophobic" or "transphobic" about a simple statement like that. This accusation is positively paranoid: imagining "homophobia" and "transphobia" without a shred of evidence.

These issues are related. The point, rather, is that the ignorant public (which includes many wives and girlfriends) are prone to equate crossdressing automatically with homosexuality--or in the second case, with transsexuality. Straight male crossdressers need to counter these misconceptions by making it clear where they belong on that spectrum. So it doesn't surprise me if some straight male crossdressers do indeed avoid iike the plague any hint of homosexual behavior, for fear of arousing baseless suspicions that might sabotage their primary relationship.

[Crissy 107]

Marianne, Very good points made on that post. While we as a group are all over the place with our sexuality there are many plain vanilla straight members mixed in. The big question from wives, at least some of them, is the are you gay or bi? My wife comes from a very blue collar family that is at least a little homophobic, ok I am trying to be nice here, and I know that question is still in the back of her head.

Just to clarify, I am in no way saying all blue collar families are homophobic.

[Marianne S]

Thanks, Crissy! Yes, you're right. Nobody is denying that homophobia exists, and its existence is something that straight male crossdressers have to contend with. If they're anxious to distance themselves from suspicions of homosexuality, that doesn't make them "homophobic" themselves.

Incidentally I've noticed from several stories I've heard--and this is not about crossdressing--that a number of women are quick to jump to the conclusion that if a man doesn't seem as eager for sex as he "ought" to be--or fails to "perform"--then "he must be gay!" This is ridiculous, as if there were not many other explanations. There can be emotional problems in the relationship that discourage intimacy. The man may be tired, stressed, or in poor health. "Erectile dysfunction" is common, especially in middle age. Some men have a low sex drive anyway. Others lack self confidence, with a notorious impact on you-know-what. And yes, the guy could be having an affair, though there are other reasons for objecting to that! But overall, it seems some women are so quick to jump to the "gay" explanation that I can't be surprised if some men are nervous enough to avoid being suspected of it, even when they don't crossdress!

Another point occurred to me. Namely, many people want to distinguish themselves, whether as individuals or as groups, from others who are different from themselves in some way. This need not imply any hostility toward those who are different. People just don't want to be "lumped in" with the rest, that's all, and want to be understood for who they are themselves. It's a natural human urge.

Suppose for instance a medical topic were being discussed, and I said "I am not a doctor, but..."--then proceeded to elaborate on what I knew--or what I thought I knew!--about the topic. Nobody would imagine I said that because I "hated doctors" and that's why I didn't want anyone to think I was a doctor. There are other reasons for identifying ourselves and our position.

People's need to distinguish themselves is especially apparent in that lengthy and ever-growing alphabetical sea serpent that in some versions reads "LBGTQICAPGNGFNBAK..." and all the rest of it. So many people are saying "Yes, well, I'm not quite like those others, regardless of whatever we have in common. So I need a separate category for people like myself":


"I'm not 'straight,' but I'm not 'gay' either. I'm Bisexual."

"I'm not 'transsexual.' I'm halfway in between. We're not the same."

"I'm not 'transsexual' either. Now that I've transitioned, I'm just a Woman."

"Unlike those others, I don't know where I stand, genderwise. Call me Questioning instead."

"Unlike those others, I refuse even to recognize the concept of gender!"

"Part of me is masculine, and part feminine, like many others. But my culture is not theirs, and in my culture we call the same thing by a different name: "Two-Spirit."

And so on, and so on. Somebody even coined a word we never needed before: "cisgender," to label the people they're not like!

At least that "somebody" knew their Latin! "Cis" is a prefix we seldom see, except in terms like "Cisalpine Gaul." But all this goes to demonstrate that natural human urge to assume an "identity," to distinguish oneself from others who are "different" in some way. Like Jim Croce singing that fine old song "I've Got a Name."

This is all very well, and I don't see anyone criticizing them for that. The only thing that bugs me is that straight male crossdressers seem to be singled out by some people as an exception, challenged or "picked on" simply for asserting their identity and clarifying their nature, the same as everybody else is doing. That doesn't seem fair to me.

[MonicaPVD]

We, of the right-handed, AMAB cis- heterosexual contingent of men who absolutely swear that we wear panty hose and g-strings with the sole intention of expressing the diversity of our aesthetic sensitivities, disagree with your comments, Miss Monica.

[faltenrock]

Hi Karli,

I've been goimng out in public dressed for many years, my style and appearance has improved a lot (I think).
If you really want to meet men, it won't be very difficult to do so.

I've seen pretty ugly crossdressers who manage to have guys with them.
I'm not gay myself and not interested in men, except for interesting conversations.

However, the truth is, there are unbelievable many men out there who like 'transwomen' and corssdressers. It seems rather easy to find men for sex if you want that. It would have been easy for me to meet guys and even to live a 24/7 life as a woman if that would be what I want.

My agenda is to enjoy my time as Doreen out in this world on a regular basis, that's enough for me.
I very much appreciate to chat with women who are accepting.

My suggestion for you is to think about what you really want.
You need to be prepared for a large part of the truth in this CD - men constellation, those men who are highly interested in a CD are usually only interested in sex. I believe, for them, the picture of a CD in mostly a fetish. You might find yourself being objectified.

[Kim Summers]

This is my opinion. I have never really accepted that if you dress then that makes you attracted to men and I think that it
can be used as an excuse to express your gay or bi feelings that you already have even when not dressed. x

[MonicaPVD]

Hi Karli,

You need to be prepared for a large part of the truth in this CD - men constellation, those men who are highly interested in a CD are usually only interested in sex. I believe, for them, the picture of a CD in mostly a fetish. You might find yourself being objectified.

Preach! This is true. Every man I have ever met who is into CDs either sees us as a fetish or is an unfulfilled CD himself. Every single one.