"That's too tight on you!"

[Bea_]

My wife has helped me choose much of my wardrobe and a lot of my items are her hand-me-downs. She is often complimentary on my choices but there are quite a few things that I think fit me just right and she considers to be too tight. Is anyone else getting more negative comments about fit than style from an SO?

By the way, I take her judgment into consideration but will tell her when I like something in spite of her tastes. But, then I try to accommodate her tastes most of the time.

[Heisthebride]

It may be as easy as a difference of tastes. But she may be thinking critically about how it might be seen in public. Is it age appropriate? How would other women see your outfit if you were shopping while wearing it?

I know my wife thinks I dress a little bit too formally and thinks I need more casual looks. So I have actually taken her advice there and I do enjoy wearing some more casual looks. Dressing casual I am more likely to sit outside on the deck when wearing something casual.

She also tells me that no one wears stockings and garter belts either but I like them. Also, if no one wears them, there would be no business sense in making or selling them. So I think there is some give and take to both yours and her input.

[Paulie Birmingham]

Eh, my wife says some of my mens clothes are too tight

[Ericka_d]

There could be many reasons why. She said some thing is too tight. Ranging from it really is, not age appropriate, jealously, it dosn't flatter you etc. Woman do that to eachother on a daily basis. Welcome to woman hood.

A few weeks ago. When I saw my hairdresser. First time since I have came out to her. She literally give me the look. From head to toe. That all woman do. Shes never given me that look. When I was presenting as a man. She also asked about my recent pedicure. Which I didn't think she would have noticed.

So they do notice every thing, and its just natural for woman to do it.

[AngelaYVR]

Sometimes we do not see things right away. I have had clothes that I just loved and then when I wore them more recently I was much less enthused, noting that they did not suit me as well as initially thought. We shall assume your wife has your best interests at heart. Although I would ask: too tight for what?

[kimdl93]

If your wife says a garment is too tight, it is probably too tight.

[Helen_Highwater]

Bea,

If a lot of your things are hand me downs then there's a real possibility that they are ill fitting and after all, your SO is more expert in female clothing having worn it all her life.

I can remember back in my early days when I first started and wore my SO's cast offs. While I could get them on in truth they were a little on the snug side.

[Bea_]

Thanks for the replies. The truth is that it's just a matter of a difference of tastes. I tend to see women in tighter clothes that show less than perfect figures and appreciate the boldness of their owning what they've got. My wife would always choose things that tended to hide the flaws. So, when I pick for myself, I definitely don't go for items that totally camouflage my physique. I was just wondering if there was anything more universal in my experience.

Helen
The hand-me-downs are actually some of the things that get more of her approval. They tend to be less fitted and more comfort driven.

I've recently picked out a couple of jumpers that are fitted, but suit my taste just fine. Her first reaction was to break out laughing. I wasn't phased and she seems to be ok with my asserting my taste a little. We seem to be adapting well overall.

[Natalie5004]

I wish my wife would see me dressed. It would be perfect. I would take her criticism in stride. She could tell me anything, just see me.

She is on me to cut my hair. I have fine hair and long fine hair does not look good on a man, her man. I told her today I will get it all cut off.

I checked and all barbers in CA are closed down again. Fate!

[Micki_Finn]

There’s a difference between bold and tacky. Skintight is usually NOT The best way to show off your body to its best advantage. If it’s going to be tight, it needs to be tight in the right places.

Also, if it’s so tight that the seams are pulling, it’s too tight period, regardless of taste.

[Bea_]

Micki,
I do agree that there is a 'too tight' point, but i don't consider things that feel comfortably snug to fit into that realm. As far as seeing women out in more fitted outfits, despite certain flaws, I prefer that to the common sight of women in loose t shirts and jeans that don't show the figure to any advantage at all. I tend to be generous in my judgment of other people's choices and give props for boldness, even if that boldness doesn't always meet my personal taste.

[Robertacd]

My wife and I share taste in clothes (and share clothes) but we also have our own styles and have things the other will not wear. But I believe we both value each others opinion and we manage to not hurt each others feelings when we say that doesn't work on you.

[Bea_]

Roberta,
you brought out a point I hadn't really considered. My wife has asked my opinion about the things she wears and I have stated many times, even before I started dressing a decade ago, "That's not something I'd choose for you but if it makes you feel confident, go for it". I've never dictated or even tried to influence her taste, other than telling her some of my favorite things. But, she's pretty much always dressed to please herself and I've appreciated and admired that about her. She also has always had a style that gets complimented by other women on a regular basis.

My taste is fairly eclectic and wouldn't be appreciated by many, including here on the forum. But, I've learned to dress for me and my wife seems to be coming to a point of appreciating that fact. We'll see...



I wish my wife would see me dressed. It would be perfect. I would take her criticism in stride. She could tell me anything, just see me.

She is on me to cut my hair. I have fine hair and long fine hair does not look good on a man, her man. I told her today I will get it all cut off.

I checked and all barbers in CA are closed down again. Fate!

I can understand your viewpoint, but I can tell you that, while it would seem better, it wouldn't be perfect. Criticism is not an easy thing and having endured some very negative things in getting to the point we are at, I can assure it that it can be brutal.

The one thing that I tend to emphasize to her when she says something negative is that "That's fine, but I still like it" about whatever she might take issue with. She seems to respect that I express myself in a respectful but assertive way. I actually feel and see myself as more "manly" by not being totally submissive when it comes to expressing my tastes. I try to maintain total respect for her opinion, but also respect my own. But still, creating a new norm, where you spend a fair amount of your time sitting around the house in a dress, is definitely a challenge.

I was fortunate in that I started growing out my hair before the dressing urge ever came about. It was basically a rebellious throwback to my teens and twenties, back in the seventies and was more of a rocker/biker style. We had been through a recent crisis in our relationship and I didn't give her a choice. She actually liked it when I started wearing my pony tail down to my shoulder blades. I think we were both surprised by her response, but hey.

My hair is baby fine and pretty much white at this time and doesn't look good except in a pony tail or a bun. But, I tend to feel like, in a regular man's haircut, I would pretty much disappear into the crowd and I like not being invisible.

[Angela Marie]

Well I love my leggings and wear them often. I'm not sure I would call my clothes tight; but they are form fitting. My profile picture shows a common outfit. When I wear dresses the same thing. My wife is obviously familiar with my tastes and sometimes she has mentioned the some potential outfits may be a bit over the top. When she tells me that I listen.

[alwayshave]

Bea, the only negative comment I got from my wife was that a little back dress was too short for me to wear. She has mentioned fit, but I found it constructive, not negative.

[Kay J]

Heisthebride tell your wife most all crossdressers do wear nylon stocking and there is a market for them more so for us! We love them and always will!

[Teresa]

Bea,
Sometime it's hard to decide whether an item is a nice snug fit or it's just too darn small . I'm open minded about shrugs for that reason , I become too aware of something that fits neatly on a woman just doesn't suit a male frame . Of course we have the other scenario where the well known phrase is , " Oh my goodness have I really put that much weight on !! "

I had an interesting experience recently when I went shopping with a GG friend . She persuaded me to buy a shift style dress , I feel it fits me like a sack and she thought it was really feminine , then she proceeded to pick out items from my wardrobe to prove the point , I have to say it was a learning curve and I had to admit she was right . ( If anyone says that's a nice sack you're wearing I'll put their lights out !! Only joking ! )

One question it does pose , do we tend to wear tight items because we never experienced it in male mode ? Of course we know when a dress is too small when you struggle to pull the zip up and find it's impossible to pull it down .

[Krisi]

If my wife tells me that something is too tight on me, it probably is too tight.

She is the only person I have to look at my clothes and she has years of experience as a woman, knowing how to dress (and how not to dress).

[Bea_]

Bea,
Sometime it's hard to decide whether an item is a nice snug fit or it's just too darn small . I'm open minded about shrugs for that reason , I become too aware of something that fits neatly on a woman just doesn't suit a male frame . Of course we have the other scenario where the well known phrase is , " Oh my goodness have I really put that much weight on !! "

I had an interesting experience recently when I went shopping with a GG friend . She persuaded me to buy a shift style dress , I feel it fits me like a sack and she thought it was really feminine , then she proceeded to pick out items from my wardrobe to prove the point , I have to say it was a learning curve and I had to admit she was right . ( If anyone says that's a nice sack you're wearing I'll put their lights out !! Only joking ! )

One question it does pose , do we tend to wear tight items because we never experienced it in male mode ? Of course we know when a dress is too small when you struggle to pull the zip up and find it's impossible to pull it down .

I was a small guy in my 20's and tended to wear fitted clothes with my shirts tucked in. To this day, I tend to wear my relatively fitted shirts tucked in even though I'm not nearly as small as back in the 70's. Any weight that I've gained has been in my belly so I have a certain distinct shape. That's my reality. But, preferring more fitted clothes isn't just in girl mode for me. I've seen more than a few women who have a bit more belly than ideal who still get away with fitted items.

I did go through a phase where I'd pick oversized tshirts (in male mode) in order to camouflage the gut, but looking back at photos, that look just made me look more dumpy. So, I'm trying to work on the physique and, since I only dress at home, choosing things that feel/look right to me while still trying to be considerate of her taste. I prefer the compliments she often gives for the outfits she does like to the less flattering input for the things she doesn't like, so I wear the more fitted stuff judiciously.

[suzanne]

"Thats too tight on you" isn't a negative type criticism. It sounds more like "That would fit better if it was a size larger". Your wife was trying to help you. Its all good, IMHO.

[NancySue]

Long ago, I opened that door and asked her to feel free to comment on what I?m wearing She will, knowing I won?t get my feelings hurt. I love pencil skirts and a couple have been too tight. She was right, but it was an observation not a criticism. I have to mention, we have a good sense of humor. She?s told me several times, she can?t understand how or why I love to wear underwires and hose. I just smile.

[Cheryl T]

If my wife tells me something is too tight, too short, too whatever then she's probably right.
I sometimes select items that I find attractive, but that don't look attractive on me. She once asked why I took so many pictures. I told her that it's easy to look in the mirror and say Wow I love how this looks, or OMG I look great in this. A picture makes me look at the image as someone else would, more objectively, not subjectively. I can critique myself more easily and truthfully. Now I do that more to the image in the mirror and she does it for me in person.
That doesn't happen very often anymore. I've developed my style and now I receive more compliments than criticisms.

[Krisi]

Yes, pictures and videos let you see yourself as others see you. I take a lot of pictures and a few videos.

[ambigendrous]

I checked and all barbers in CA are closed down again. Fate!

My son just got his hair cut yesterday at Jerry's Barber Shop in Campbell, Ca...

[Stephanie47]

My wife many times will comment on clothing worn by women when we are out. She also makes comments about the women on newscasts/weather forecasts. She feels the clothing is too tight if the material is pulled over the figure. That is different than form fitting clothing. Her issue is whether or not the woman has the assets in the right proportion to wear something. My wife is overweight and does not like it. It's a negative for her. So any woman accentuating folds of fat really is a turn off for her. I'd have to agree. Of course, there are women who intentionally want to show off their rolls of fat because there are men who appreciate that figure. Go for it!

Anyway, if it is stretching the fabric out of shape, it is too tight. Me? I am not obsessed with an hourglass figure. I usually clock in at 42-38-40. I prefer to wear dresses that do not accentuate the waist; empire waists, sheaths, wraps.

If your wife says it's too tight, it probably is too tight. One thing I have learned when looking in a mirror is the eye sees what the mind wants to see. Try taking a picture wearing the garment. That may show you it is too tight.

[Bea_]

I got up this morning and decided to put on one of my newer purchases that she'd said was too tight when I first modeled it for her. I walked into the room where she was and she looked up and said "I like it". It's the same outfit that she kinda scowled at the first time. She could just be being nice this morning, but I truly think that this particular style is totally new for me and she's having to adjust her expectations.

The jumper I'm wearing is definitely form fitting. But, I think her judgment of it looking too tight is much more from the fact that it's an outfit that you'd typically expect to see a waist and the projections of hips and breasts. I'm definitely straight from my armpits to my thighs. I wouldn't mind having a smaller man's waist, and I do have a little bit of AA action with the high beams constantly shining.

Her reaction with the newer clothes was actually pretty much the same she had the first time she saw me in a dress. Now, she'll regularly compliment the dresses she likes.

And to those who suggested taking photos, I'm hoping to get some taken soon. It's been a busy week.

[Di]

I remember when first being with Sherlyn she would be hurt if Idid not like something new she bought.
Well I was not going to be saying oh that looks nice if I did not mean it. Whats the point really?
I explained I love you and have your best interest at heart and would want honesty back if I bought something that for some reason did me no justice. So maybe that is the case here too and just giving you my experience.
In my opinion you would want someone to be honest and not a cheerleader .

[Bea_]

I remember when first being with Sherlyn she would be hurt if Idid not like something new she bought.
Well I was not going to be saying oh that looks nice if I did not mean it. Whats the point really?
I explained I love you and have your best interest at heart and would want honesty back if I bought something that for some reason did me no justice. So maybe that is the case here too and just giving you my experience.
In my opinion you would want someone to be honest and not a cheerleader .

I actually feel my wife is the same as you in that respect. She has been very diplomatic for the most part and I appreciate that fact. My post was not a complaint as much as an observation. We disagree about the fit. I'm OK with that. I think the outfit is cute. I wish she saw it as cute. She doesn't. But, she's still supportive and I appreciate her.

[Di]

I actually feel my wife is the same as you in that respect. She has been very diplomatic for the most part and I appreciate that fact. My post was not a complaint as much as an observation. We disagree about the fit. I'm OK with that. I think the outfit is cute. I wish she saw it as cute. She doesn't. But, she's still supportive and I appreciate her.
Hi Bea , I know you appreciate her I can tell :)
You saying I wish she saw it as cute and that reminds me of when we would have the same disagreements on stuff.....not often that we did but just me being honest it happened occasionally.
Sounds like you both are on the same page and how cool is that.:)

[SidneytheScorpio]

Interesting topic.

When you say too tight, are we talking about pants or tops? I personally like tight pants. I love yoga pants and tight jeans. Tops not super tight, but form fitting with some slack.

[Jenny22]

Girls, if you are so fortunate to have a wife or SO that is into your dressing, and comments on what you are wearing, LISTEN TO HER, positive or negative.

[Bea_]

Interesting topic.

When you say too tight, are we talking about pants or tops? I personally like tight pants. I love yoga pants and tight jeans. Tops not super tight, but form fitting with some slack.

The latest is a strapless romper/jumper. It's fitted around the waist with a little room to fill up top. I don't wear forms so my natural AA's have to do. The legs are full and lots of room in the hips. I think she was mostly put off that it was something one would expect to see on a more feminine form. My physique shows my age and my lack of activity and the pudge could have been the deciding factor. It wasn't so tight as just fitted on a much less than perfect body .

I wore it most of the morning today and one thing that came to mind is that i modeled it on the day I bought it with a pair of bikinis which I'm guessing left an unflattering extra line. I wore a pair of stretchy briefs today that smoothed the front considerably and it looked much better, even to me. She knows I like it and actually "said" she liked it this morning. But, now I can't help but think she's being generous with the compliment. Maybe she's just adjusted to it somewhat. I appreciate it anyway and very much appreciate her support.

I wear leggings and skinnies on a fairly regular basis (around the house) and she compliments my legs almost as regularly.

- - - Updated - - -


Girls, if you are so fortunate to have a wife or SO that is into your dressing, and comments on what you are wearing, LISTEN TO HER, positive or negative.

I agree that we should listen, but if I hadn't been somewhat assertive in my own taste early on, she would "not be into" my dressing now. I show her opinions respect and then give her mine. I will still try to balance her comfort and opinions against my own and we do OK. I actually get quite a bit more positive feedback than negative, but that wasn't always the case.

[SidneytheScorpio]

In that case, I'd listen to her opinion. If you are going out solo then be free and comfortable to wear what you want and what makes you feel good, but I personally rely on the opinion of others to help me see with an unbiased eye.

[NicoleRenee]

With my SO, she has given me a lot of hand me downs that surprisingly fit because we are at least 60lbs different. But she likes to wear more lose fitting clothes so that helps. She has also bought me things in the past and we have shopped together, me in manmode though. She has told me when things were to tight, only because it were the wrong size or how it lines up with my body. What my SO does that I usually disagree on with her is that I have things that are to short. Short skirts or dresses. I don't have many and haven't worn them because she thinks so. She would never wear things like that. She is more of a modest person, never anything to revealing, short or low cut. I understand your circumstances though.

[mbmeen12]

If you have the figure flaunt it...Listen to your wife too because what Ive read she is all in...

Luckey gurl!

[Teresa]

Di,
Very useful comment about honest opinion and cheerleading .

I've recently been shopping on different occasions with a GG friend and a TS friend . I tend to buy totally different items between them , the GG friend suggests looser items and my TG friend more figure hugging . My TS friend and I are totally honest with each other , if something doesn't fit or the style isn't right we say so , at the same time we have a great time and have the SAs in fits of laughter .

Saying that I'm fairly critical of myself , I know what I like and I know what suits me but at times I lack confidence in bright colours , that's when I find it's useful to have a second opinion .

[Bea_]

I finally had an opportunity to take photos of the "offending" outfits yesterday. After seeing the photos, I can honestly say that I understand her reason for not liking them. But, tightness isn't the true reason. I could go up a size or two and I'm convinced her opinion wouldn't change. The fact is that the fitted outfits show the complete lack of any hourglass. If a woman with reasonable curves wore the outfits with the same snugness, maybe some women would consider them to be tight, but most men might actually appreciate the look.

After looking at the photos, I am still inclined to wear them on occasion, hopefully with some loss of weight. Since I only dress at home, she's the only one that will have to endure me in less than flattering outfits. Even if she sees the flaws in my "physique" (she doesn't like me to call it my "figure") she's been very generous in her love and acceptance. Tight or less flattering outfits are not the dealbreakers in the relationship. There are boundaries which leave me feeling constricted and there are open places that leave her feeling vulnerable. We've been working through it for a decade now have both been respectful and considerate for the most part. I don't see that changing.

My wife tended for years to try and hide the changes in her figure by wearing oversized clothes. I praised her when she'd wear things that showed her waist and over time she actually started buying things that accentuated rather than hid her curves. What she'd have said was too tight for herself, for years, are now totally acceptable in her own mind.

NOTE: And for those who might suggest breast forms or hip pads, I am not interested and those would definitely be dealbreakers. I definitely wouldn't give up the progress we've made for something I don't want.

[Bobbi46]

The only advers comment i got was from my girlfriend who kindly told me that she thought my boobs were too big!

[Bea_]

The only advers comment i got was from my girlfriend who kindly told me that she thought my boobs were too big!

My wife doesn't care for me to wear camisoles or bras because they actually do seem to make my natural (although small) manboobs look too much like 'breasts' to her. Forms are not an option. But, at least with forms you can adjust as needed.

[Maid_Marion]

I finally had an opportunity to take photos of the "offending" outfits yesterday. After seeing the photos, I can honestly say that I understand her reason for not liking them. But, tightness isn't the true reason. I could go up a size or two and I'm convinced her opinion wouldn't change. The fact is that the fitted outfits show the complete lack of any hourglass. If a woman with reasonable curves wore the outfits with the same snugness, maybe some women would consider them to be tight, but most men might actually appreciate the look.


There are style tips that can help compensate for the lack of an hourglass figure. Light colored denim jeans with whiskering or horizontal lines will make your bottom look wider. Black jeans have the opposite effect.

People are more friendly if you can pull off that hourglass look.

Marion

[Sometimes Steffi]

Since my wife and I are DADT, my wife has never seen my wardrobe, nevermind seen me dressed.

Probably the best thing to be said about DADT. I get to buy and wear clothes that I like, not what someone else likes on me. When I go out, my wife doesn't see me dressed. I never get the comment, "You're going out dressed like that?"

If I'm dressing at a friends house, she might give me some some subtle style suggestions. I'll usually go to her house with a Plan B. Sometimes I switch to Plan B if my dress is too low cut and my chest hair shows.

[Bea_]

There are style tips that can help compensate for the lack of an hourglass figure. Light colored denim jeans with whiskering or horizontal lines will make your bottom look wider. Black jeans have the opposite effect.

People are more friendly if you can pull off that hourglass look.

Marion

I appreciate the tip, but I'm thinking that the only people who might be fooled with my figure are very near-sighted people who've left their glasses at home. That's ok with me since I don't try to look like a woman and don't get out of the house. If I were to ever get out, it would definitely be with something that I felt gave the very best impression that I could muster. But, if I truly worry more about other people's opinion, I'd probably just go out in drab.

[rian]

My wife comments are taken very seriously ...she encourage my choices ..and I listen to her opinion .

[Robertacd]

for those who might suggest breast forms or hip pads, I am not interested

Well if you don't want to put in the effort, then don't complain when people say that looks awful on you.

You can't have it both ways honey...

[*ROXY*]

My wife encourages more fitted dresses and tops as they are often more slimming than loose fitted ones. Her only constructive comments usually suggest I wear a slip under the thinner dresses I own.

[Bea_]

Well if you don't want to put in the effort, then don't complain when people say that looks awful on you.

You can't have it both ways honey...

Actually, forms and padding would have a negative effect on my wife's acceptance. I get a slightly negative vibe when I wear anything that emphasizes my small but natural boobage. So, forms would not go over well. She might come to a point of "acceptance", but still feel the need to distance herself from it. I like the intimacy that we have, even when I'm in a dress. I don't care to push for something that isn't a big motivator for me.

I'd much rather she didn't like a particular outfit because of the fit than not like my overall style because I pushed farther than she wanted. We're both good without the padding.

[suzanne]

That's how it is with my wife. Although she seldom comments on what I'm wearing, I do pay attention when she says something and try to wear things she has said she likes. She prefers skirts to dresses, and longer skirts over short ones. My tastes are less conservative than hers but I often try to give her something nice to look at.

[Sandi Beech]

Well, I can't ask my wife if these shorts are too tight because A: They are, and B: She would have a fit if she saw me in them. These are so tight I have to lie down to put them on, haha. I know I am crazy. Too funny though.

Sandi