Have you treated your crossdressing as an addction?

[Chloe_S]

I feel like my crossdressing is an addiction, not so different than smoking or beer. Has anyone else felt that way and tried to treat the addiction? If so, what did you do and what were the results?

[Micki_Finn]

It’s unfortunate that you see your dressing as an addiction. But if it’s really something that causes a lot of negative in your life, do what you need to do. You might have trouble finding proper counseling and support. I think most therapists wouldn’t look at it as, or treat it as, an addiction. If you do, you may be looking at nasty “conversion therapy” type stuff. You might be able to find help through sex addiction treatment if it has that sort of component to it for you? I would strongly suggest seeing a counselor or therapist. They can help sort out what this actually is for you so you can get appropriate treatment.

I know that this is something you’ve struggled with for a long time and I hope you can find some sort of peace.

[Paulie Birmingham]

For me personally, crossdressing is something I do. Not something I am. I am more or less a miad who doesn't wear dresses . CDING is more of a fetish thing than a desire to transform or pretend to be something I am not.

If cding interfered with my family, work etc, than I would treat it as an addiction and stop it. But for now my wife is supportive so not trying to stop it.

My wife doesn't have to put on makeup, heels, pantyhose, etc to be or feel like a woman. Most CDs here dress up more than most women I know. Nothing wrong with that but it is a choice.

[Chloe_S]

Ya it?s causing a lot of issues with my wife.

? Addiction is a brain disorder characterized by compulsive engagement in rewarding stimuli despite adverse consequences?


The potential loss of my marriage and family...yet I still wish to do it. Love to do it! Yet cant stop even though the negatives out weigh the good.

Sad thing is I?m finally coming to terms with it and accepting it...yet my wife is becoming more and more adverse to it.

[Jenny22]

As she is becoming more adverse to your CDing, does she know how much it means to you and why?

[Chloe_S]

Yes she does.

[GaleWarning]

Perhaps it might help if you and your wife were to view your crossdressing as a hobby, rather than an addiction, Chloe.
Hobbies also have the power to ruin romantic relationships - think golf, sailing, model trains etc.
Also, hobbies are expensive!!!!

One good thing about changing your perception of the problem is that you will probably save a lot of money on NOT having to see a therapist.
I can't think of anyone I know who had an obsessive, compulsive hobby such as those listed above, who sought the help of a therapist.

The downside is that I know couples whose marriages all crashed as a result of these hobbies.
Mine, in part, because my ex- failed to understand that the Sunday afternoons I spent on the water were essential in helping me cope with the week-long stress of teaching.

[Aunt Kelly]

Never. I figured out early on that I was LESS happy when I denied myself, and unlike drugs and alcohol, i was happier, no matter how much i "indulged".
The comparison remains as specious as ever.

[sometimes_miss]

Crossdressing is not known to respond to treatments for addiction. Nor is it treatable as OCD. Call it whatever you want, however, if you think it will help somehow, as most are reluctant to accept any suggestion that it is related to any gender identity disorders, as most people appear to be resistant to accepting that they or their mate isn't the gender that they want them to be.
Homophobia runs very deep in many, or perhaps most, cultures, and once gender standards are accepted in a person's mind, it's often impossible to change what is acceptable to them.

[FairyCrossdresser]

More properly it might be thought of as a compulsion (addiction refers really to the effects of substances whereas the term compulsion is used for mental urges).

I am similar in that my crossdressing is urge driven; fortunately, I do not have the same relationship complications as yourself and because of the way it was treated (unsuccessfully) in my formative years, I have been able to grow into it more organically.

There are no easy decisions here though and if you can?t find some sort of compromise, you may have to make some difficult decisions.

[Robertacd]

I guess at times I did. Like back when I was "just a crossdresser" I would get obsessed with one type of clothing or another. I would binge buy anything and everything that fit my current obsession...

Over time this is the realization I came to. In my mind I know these are the clothes I should be wearing. Since I was not wearing those clothes, I have this need that I am desperately trying to fill with these obsessions...

Being honest with myself, coming out as TG, and beginning my journey to transition is what cured the addiction and the obsessive buying, binging, hiding, shame, and guilt. Don't get me wrong I still love to shop, but now I only buy things that I will actually wear out in public.

[Teresa]

Chloe,
It can become an addiction or obsession if you can't find a balance , simply because you keep posing the question , " What If !" Your brain could be searching for answers which remain unanswered if you are in a DADT or deeply closeted situation . For some dressing behind closed doors works , for others it unlocks a deeper need , personally I felt I was trapped in solitary confinement , so many questions and no way of finding the right answers . That really is the point to look for outside help with professional couselling because otherwise it can be a downward spiral into a dark place for some .

I appreciate your concerns over the family it's only natural and shows a responsible attitude , BUT you do have needs which remain hidden which will never go away . At some point you do have to consider yourself , I reached the point in my mid forties where I ceased to function , I struggled to keep my business running . Please consider doing something positive before you reach that point because it takes some strength to pull yourself out of it also by then you may have become more of a burden on the family when it should be the other way round .

[Krisi]

I have not.

[Kim Summers]

Certainly never seen it as an addiction. Its simply just part of who I am and have no choice in the matter.

I have sadly seen family members die from addiction and can say my crossdressing is nothing like that. X x x

[GretchenM]

Although an addiction to crossdressing is arguably possible, one must look at the source of the need to crossdress rather than looking at the act itself. It is usually a part of personality and identity. Of course, if dressing has a strong sexual element that can produce an addiction, however it is not an addiction to dressing but an addiction to the endorphins that stimulating the sexual aspect that is the addiction. Dressing is just a means to trigger the addictive activity - to get your fix of sexual excitement.

I can't really suggest what you should do Chloe because I don't know all the circumstances or the nature of the interaction between you and your wife. That is what therapists do and I am not a therapist. But if the interactions between you and your wife are as toxic as they appear to be then, for goodness sake, agree as a couple to go to a therapist, preferably a couples or family therapist, to work out your differences. It can make a huge difference in your life.

When I went to a gender therapist, my wife went to another one so she could understand what was happening with her husband. It helped, but I am still under DADT restrictions 8 years later AND that is OK because now we understand the FEELINGS we each have that form the foundation of not only our love but our more objective aspects in each of our lives. We have now been married 51 years and are quite happy, but we each have boundaries we observe and those boundaries are not imposed but rather negotiated and agreed to. I can still be the partially female-like person that crossdresses and my wife understands gender expression is a need of my IDENTITY and is not some hobby or compulsion or addiction. It is who I am and she respects that, but I also respect her views and desires. It works really well. But both sides must bend a little to create agreeable boundaries between our individual selves and our married selves. As Robert Frost said in a poem, "Good fences make good neighbors." Boundaries are really important in relationships.

[Gillian Gigs]

Is it possible to get some agreed to boundaries that are acceptable with you and your wife. Would you be content wearing just panties, panties and cami's, stockings,or pantyhose under your trousers? Would having an occasional day to yourself to get dressed help? Teresa talked about balance, can you find a way to get some balance and self controls into your life to give you some of what you desire.
I can't say whether CD'ing is an addiction, compulsion, deep rooted desire, or what, but there are ways to have something, and not have it rule your life. The question is, can you find a happy middle ground!

[NancySue]

Good question. For me, it?s more a compulsive behavior pattern that?s wired in. In theory, one can quit an addiction i.e AA, but I cannot quit. In the early years, I tried, but the stress and anxiety told me this was more than an addiction. I happily threw in the towel long ago. Yes, I am fortunate to have a very supportive wife. Her support didn?t happen over night. Many hours were spent talking, listening, reading, etc. To this day, I still don?t understand it, so we accept it and move on. You only go around once.

[Cheryl T]

I have never treated it as an addiction and never thought of it as such.
This has never been any different to me than being right handed. I had no choice in either. Yes, I could change and become left handed and I could change and not crossdress, but why would I deny myself and who I am?

I most certainly understand your situation. My wife at first, and for many years, was not accepting. I stole time from US to explore Me and that was not the thing to do. Eventually I told her that We had a problem that needed resolution. I told her all my feelings and that explained that this is not what I do but part of my being. I can't suppress part of myself and be happy. If we couldn't resolve this together then I would have to do it apart from her. She was willing to learn and explore this for US. If it became too much for her then that would be the end. Fortunately for us she came to understand this part of me and fully accept it. Since that point we are happier and closer than we ever were.
It was a chance I needed to take to be happy.

Maybe that's a step you aren't willing to take. You alone can decide what you must do for your happiness.

[Jean 103]

This is a question I felt I had to answer a few years ago.

I found that NO, it is not just something I do, it is something I am.

It is why I came out and live as I do.

[Angie G]

I don't think of it as a addiction but as a lovely past time. I'm happy to do. :hugs:
Angie

[Sidney]

Quite a few years ago when I first came out to my wife it didnt go well. We were have some other problems in out relationship and loved each other and started counseling together and on an individual based. The counseling is still ongoing but more like once a month thing. The sessions we had "didnt cure me", they didnt get my wife to say " Sidney, go put on a nice outfit and go out tonight". What our counselors did do is help me accept who I am and get rid of the guilt I was feeling. What counseling did for my wife was help her to understand me and my feelings and what I am is what I'm going to be. And she also understands that I am the same person she married 30 years ago. It didnt make her fall in love with my dressing but it made her understand me and she now sees the positive effects in has on me and our relationship. Right now my wife and I are having coffee on our patio. I am wearing panties, bra, camisole, light pink t with a floral pattern, very tight fitting Jean's and black flats with no socks. I also wear no makeup or wig. We live in a very nice upscale apartment community. Our patio in facing a large grass and wooded area. Several neighbors have walked by and stopped to chat. Our patio is seperated from walkway by a three foot high hedge. Our neighbors dont mind the way I'm dresses nor does my wife. So in my opinion counseling does work IF both parties love each other. I and my wife are happy.

[oh to be rachel]

There are times the pink fog is so intense that, yes, I regard it as an addiction.

[Asew]

It can feel like an addiction, but I have to side with sometimes_miss and other posters saying it can be fixed like an addiction. To kick it you are trading off your happiness for the contentment of others. I wish you the best.

[KarenSusan]

I feel like my crossdressing is an addiction, not so different than smoking or beer. Has anyone else felt that way and tried to treat the addiction? If so, what did you do and what were the results?

Absolutely I feel it's an addiction, Chloe. Trouble is I haven't told anyone about it because I am too ashamed this affliction.

[Georgina]

No I don't see it as an addiction. I see it as a broadening of my life and I am totally comfortable in dresses or skirts.

[ReineD]

Whatever you want to call it: addiction, compulsion, habit, need, hobby, etc, the fact remains that it all has to do with brain chemistry and how you have wired your brains.

When any of us engage in pleasurable or rewarding behavior, our brains release the neurotransmitter dopamine, which acts as a chemical messenger between neurons and causes these neurons to form connections. Dopamine has many functions including effects in behavior and cognition, attention, motivation and reward, mood, sleep, and learning, but it is primarily associated with pleasure and reward.

Dopamine is released when the brain is expecting a reward. When you come to associate a certain activity with pleasure, mere anticipation is enough to raise dopamine levels. It’s a cycle of motivation, reward, and reinforcement. Read more about how it works here, and how the absence of the reward can cause you to want it (whatever it is) even more.

https://www.healthline.com/health/dopamine-effects

So basically, the more you crossdress and experience pleasure from it (especially sexual pleasure when you first started out), the more you will want to crossdress.

Eventually for many of you the sexual aspect abates, but it has definitely become a fundamental part of what you want to do. Some people want to call this a gender identity, either because they have no better explanation or because they feel it is more socially acceptable to explain it that way, or through a lot of reinforcement from communities such as this one. I’m reluctant to call it that, since I think it is entirely self-taught by the choices you have made - unless of course you are intersex (your chromosomes are something different than the standard 46xy for males, or 46xx for females), or you are one of the very few people who know from a tender age that they are in the wrong body. It’s easy as an adult to go back and redefine an original interest based on physical feel-good activities as a different gender ID.

Anyway, whatever you want to call it: addiction, compulsion, habit, need, hobby, it really doesn’t bother anyone. The reality is that after all these years, it has become something that is nearly impossible to eradicate. This causes no issues for most of you who are in relationships with the GGs (or GMs) who are OK with it. But it is definitely a problem for those of you in relationships with people who cannot live with it.

So for those of you who are experiencing issues, a therapist can help you achieve self-acceptance and balance if you want to stay in a relationship with someone who isn't keen on it. But, your partner would also have to learn to be flexible.

[Chloe_S]

Whatever you want to call it: addiction, compulsion, habit, need, hobby, etc, the fact remains that it all has to do with brain chemistry and how you have wired your brains.

When any of us engage in pleasurable or rewarding behavior, our brains release the neurotransmitter dopamine, which acts as a chemical messenger between neurons and causes these neurons to form connections. Dopamine has many functions including effects in behavior and cognition, attention, motivation and reward, mood, sleep, and learning, but it is primarily associated with pleasure and reward.

Dopamine is released when the brain is expecting a reward. When you come to associate a certain activity with pleasure, mere anticipation is enough to raise dopamine levels. It’s a cycle of motivation, reward, and reinforcement. Read more about how it works here, and how the absence of the reward can cause you to want it (whatever it is) even more.

https://www.healthline.com/health/dopamine-effects

So basically, the more you crossdress and experience pleasure from it (especially sexual pleasure when you first started out), the more you will want to crossdress.

Eventually for many of you the sexual aspect abates, but it has definitely become a fundamental part of what you want to do. Some people want to call this a gender identity, either because they have no better explanation or because they feel it is more socially acceptable to explain it that way, or through a lot of reinforcement from communities such as this one. I’m reluctant to call it that, since I think it is entirely self-taught by the choices you have made - unless of course you are intersex (your chromosomes are something different than the standard 46xy for males, or 46xx for females), or you are one of the very few people who know from a tender age that they are in the wrong body. It’s easy as an adult to go back and redefine an original interest based on physical feel-good activities as a different gender ID.

Anyway, whatever you want to call it: addiction, compulsion, habit, need, hobby, it really doesn’t bother anyone. The reality is that after all these years, it has become something that is nearly impossible to eradicate. This causes no issues for most of you who are in relationships with the GGs (or GMs) who are OK with it. But it is definitely a problem for those of you in relationships with people who cannot live with it.

So for those of you who are experiencing issues, a therapist can help you achieve self-acceptance and balance if you want to stay in a relationship with someone who isn't keen on it. But, your partner would also have to learn to be flexible.

I dont think I rewired my brain based on pleasure induced dopamine. When I first started I barely did it at all and couldnt stop. It was almost immediate. I really enjoy lots of things, yet I can stop doing them and never felt so compelled to do them as I do to dress as a woman. Also, it is hurting someone. It?s hurting my beloved wife.

[SaraLin]

Whatever you want to call it: addiction, compulsion, habit, need, hobby, etc, the fact remains that it all has to do with brain chemistry and how you have wired your brains.



With all due respect, I think you're being a bit too absolutist here.

I, for one, didn't start dressing for the thrill. I did it because I knew I was supposed to be a girl and wanted to look like one - as best I could.

Of course I am (to quote you) "one of the very few people who know from a tender age that they are in the wrong body" so maybe I don't count?
My "tender age" started as early as 4 or maybe five. Even back then, I knew that GAWD had screwed up and that I was supposed to be a girl.
Oddly enough - nobody agreed with my opinion, and I quickly learned to keep it to myself.



This is my second attempt to post this. The first one just disappeared on me and I don't know what happened. If both show up, I apologize.

[Kimberly A.]

Chloe, I do kind of see my CD'ing as an addiction, but not an unhealthy one. Like so many others, I feel like it's who I'm supposed to be.

I have been home since Saturday night, I was only able to get out dressed on Sunday. Why? Well, because I got a bad cut on my hand a couple of weeks ago, it got very badly swollen and infected to the point where I had to go to the ER..... So, the reason I haven't been dressing for the past few days is because I've had my hand bandaged up, (by the way, my hand is doing much better) and I was a afraid that I would get makeup on the bandage.

Anyway, it has been VERY rough for me to not be able to dress up and go out; I actually crave my feminine side and I MISS Kimberly! LOL So yeah, I suppose you could say I have a bit of an addiction to crossdressing.

[Dutchess]

I knew Reine 's post was going to set some on fire but I agree 100% . Being an SO and being able to see this with NO fog at all .
I have tread this cd/tg world so long and so close and I get it . When they ( both my SO's included here ) so mired down in this , they can no longer see things how they really are
You better believe there are plenty here who get it also but will never EVER admit to it .
@ Chloe : yes , what you are describing there is exactly what she is explaining to you .

[Bea_]

Reine and Dutchess,

I totally get the dopamine theory in the formation of habits, but it doesn't answer the question as to why men would find pleasure in wearing certain clothes. (The sexual association falls very short in my personal experience,) And it doesn't explain why ALL men do or don't get that pleasure and want to return to it. And it doesn't explain why certain clothes are off limit to men and not to women (While the reverse is not true for the most part).

I've seen the responses to the 'women's jeans are cut for women and are not men's clothes' but you also have to look at the fact that you're only 100 years past the time when you could be jailed for wearing ANY pants in certain US jurisdictions. We're only fifty years from a time where, even though it was legal, it was socially unacceptable for a woman to wear pants in many settings. If women were denied or discouraged from the choice to wear pants, would you say that dopamine would be the reason for you wanting to wear them?

I think a reasonable theory would be that once a person has seen that a certain option is viable, there is a certain reluctance to yield to pressures that say that that viable option should not be acceptable. There is nothing about a dress that lacks viability as clothing for a man other than social norms and collective tastes. Once he's seen that viability, it is very hard not to chafe at the drama involved in choosing to wear that dress.

Since I am not in the group that wants to be or appear to be a woman. I cannot speak to those motivations, so I'll leave that to others.

[Teresa]

Reine,
I feel there is a contradiction in your reply , in your first paragraph you say it's how we chose to be wired in fact some don't have a say in the matter . We have therefore every right in those circumstances to call it gender dysphoria leading to a gender identity problem . It's an explanation we use after seeking therapy , it's not an excuse for something some us can take or leave . To really come to terms with it is life changing , we know our famillies are going to possibly suffer and yet there is no stopping the force that drives us . I'm very surprised you make derogatory remarks about aspects of the forum when it really does help with the needs of some people . I have never had my chromosones checked so I can't say what they are let alone someone else suggesting what they could or should be .

Many of the words of explanation are only used because some can't find that balance which many years ago you talked about . Lack of understanding and lack of acceptance are still the big problems most of us face , so we adopt these words hoping they might appease ones close to us but often they fall short of what we really need to be accepted as .

[Bea_]

Reine and Dutchess,

Another couple of questions come to mind...

I would guess that women get some pleasure and positive feedback from the clothes/style choices that they choose, even if a current style makes choices from the men's side of the aisle (work boots, Converse Basketball shoes, boyfriend shirts/jeans, etc...). Many items that were "men's/boy's" when I was young are either girl's or unisex styles now. Shorts that I could wear freely as a man in the 70's are "women's" shorts now because men have moved to knee length shorts almost universally. One certain daytime TV personality has made it clear that men "should never wear shorts that above their knees". I can only imagine the outcry if a male TV host said anything similar to women.Would your dopamine explanation fit this reality?

Men, in general have not objected to women adapting/adopting these styles but the reverse is not true. Even though you both have been fairly generous to the forum in your diplomacy, your opinion is that, men who would adapt in the direction of women's apparel are subject to addiction, but women who adapt men's styles are just expressing a freedom to choose. The net you cast is very broad and, in my opinion, does not nearly encompass any forgone truth in this particular case. If women faced the rejection and very real prospect of losing relationships, children, etc. over the same choices, would you be as quick to make such an easy and definitive explanation for yourselves?

[docrobbysherry]

Yes, Chloe, sort of. Maybe more like a compulsion? When I found cd.com about 12 years ago, I become obsessed with dressing! When I wasn't doing it, I was thinking about it! It interfered with my work and I couldn't function properly.:doh:

So, how did I "cure" this obsession? I decided to give in to it! NOT how u'd treat an addiction! Whenever, I thot of dressing? I did it! Under dressing. In my car or a storage room at work during the day. As soon as I got home from work. Or, in the middle of the nite if thots of it were keeping me awake.:eek:

Finally, after 3 months of this? I lost all desire to dress! Of course, it returned 3 months later. But, with the understanding that I can and will dress whenever I need/want to? Thot's of it no longer consume me like before. That was 12 years ago. Since then dressing 2 to 4 times a month seems to satisfy my CD urges!:battingeyelashes:

[Helen_Highwater]

Sad thing is I?m finally coming to terms with it and accepting it...yet my wife is becoming more and more adverse to it.

Chloe,

My gut reaction to reading this was your SO fears the future. It appears to me that she has visions of you going full time, transitioning, of her losing the person she married.

Never say never but if you're certain in your own mind that either of the above isn't on the cards then perhaps your task is to communicate that to her. To reassure her that the relationship isn't in danger and that male you will always be there. The trick will be in creating a balance.

Your initial question did make me stop and think about my own behavior but came to the conclusion that I'm neither addicted or obsessed by dressing. I'm not addicted because I can stop, sometimes events dictate that and I don't have urges to dress at any cost. My life gets adjusted to such time as I can return and upon that return I become the person that i am. Obsessed, again I feel I'm in control. I don't have to have new items all the time, I don't cut out other parts of my life to accommodate extra dressing time.

My first articles of female clothing were worn many years before puberty, long before sex reared it's ugly head and while I did go through the thrill phase that as with many others died away as maturity took over and I got to better understand myself.

As you to come to terms with yourself there will be an element of pink fog, a desire to do more, go further. You will with time come to terms with that and a more stable approach.

[Paulie Birmingham]

I agree with a lot of what reine and duchess write and i do think it applies to me.

if my xx wife and most of my xx family, friends and acquaintances do not have a need to wear pantyhose, heels, bras, etc. to be a woman or feel like a woman, it's hard for me as an xy to say i have a need to perform the act of wearing pantyhose, heels, etc. It's not genetic nor is it mandatory for a woman to be a woman or feel like a woman. Nor is it even universally done by women. I am sure some women do enjoy dressing more than others and they probably do so for many reasons some of which may be related to dopamine and some related to attracting guys or because it is necessary/customary for the circumstances and I am sure for other reasons as well.

I enjoy it for sexual reasons probably related to dopamine, but I would drop cding in a heart beat if it would cause problems with my wife, family, work or something else. I call it more of a hobby than anything more. there may have been a time when it was more of an addiction, but now that i do it when i want, it's just for fun. my wife doesn't understand my desire to wear heels and pantyhose and some other things she knows I wear.

My wife wears pantyhose a couple of times a year when I keep asking. But she is very feminie without it the other 360 days a week. I am sure if she had a medical condition and she couldn't wear heels anymore she would not feel any less a woman.

Hard to say that an act that an xx does not find a need to do is needed by an xy. ask an xx if she needs to wear a dress and pantyhose and the answer will probably be no (except were the circumstances make a dress customary, eg, wedding, etc) . It is a choice.

And as a choice for me, it is controllable

[kimdl93]

I have wrangled with this variant of the nature/nurture question for a very very long time. I can certainly acknowledge the possibility that cross dressing has at times offered some sort of reward/pleasure and in turn that reward took the form of a chemical boost. Lots of life experiences can do similar things - such as running for some people. I used to run, but the promise of an endorphin rush has been entirely canceled out by the pain in my joints.

I am left with the question of why the attraction to womens wear, why the affinity? In my own case, buried in the murk of memory there was something going on that provoked the attraction/affinity. I really do not recall what it was that I did to cause my older siblings to label me as a house boy...whatever that meant. My very young understanding was that I was behaving too much like a girl, though not exactly sure how. I only know that by the time I was six, I had learned certain defensive behaviors to avoid being whatever it was that had led to these vaguely recalled admonitions.

As Reine well knows, there is more to addiction that pleasurable habit. I like coffee...habitually...but that doesn’t make my daily coffee habit an addiction... or more specifically...a pathology. Addiction is ultimately defined by behavior that has damaging consequences on health, self-esteem, interpersonal relationships, potential legal problems, taking dangerous risks and suffering economic consequences. In other words, if pursuit of the pleasurable experience results in harm, then one is sliding into the realm of addiction. The high has become so appealing that the risks and consequences are ignored.

In my own life, clearly I can point to losses that I would fairly attribute to sexual addiction, and it seems likely that my cross dressing had deleterious impacts on my self esteem, intimate relationships, and even on rarer occasions induced risk taking behaviors and poor economic decision making. And I have had episodes where I sought to deny myself the pleasurable experience successfully for periods of months and even years. But once an addict...

Where this all falls short is in treatment. Addicts can and do rise above their habits. Maybe they always carry a hunger for another cigarette or drink, another orgasm or a big win at the casino, but somehow many addicts are successfully treated. I’m sure there are cross dressers who succeed in abstaining, but the standard line of therapy is to accept yourself and balance the desires to dress with the competing needs and preference of the partner. No other addiction is treated in that manner.

You’re all familiar with the pronouncement that cross-dressing is not a pathology. Something termed Transvestic disorder, according to DSM-5. As per Psychology Today, “A person with a history of transvestic disorder is considered to be in remission when their desire to cross-dress has not caused them distress or impaired their daily life in at least five years.”

If the difference between cross dressing and transvestic disorder is the presence or absence of distress or daily life impairments, then on the distress alone, I must have this disorder. And if I merrily go through life cross dressing without accompanying distress, then I do not have a disorder.

Frankly, I struggle to make much sense of this. So, the behavior doesn’t require treatment but the distress does. My translation of this would be that if I manage to be substantially indifferent to interpersonal, social or economic consequences of my behavior, then its not a problem. Having qualms about the consequences, makes it pathological.

It seems that by this standard, a healthy cross dresser must be a sociopath.

[Taylor186]

You?re all familiar with the pronouncement that cross-dressing is not a pathology. Something termed Transvestic disorder, according to DSM-5. As per Psychology Today, ?A person with a history of transvestic disorder is considered to be in remission when their desire to cross-dress has not caused them distress or impaired their daily life in at least five years.?

I've read something like this too but the difficulty I have with it is that it implies that you are disordered,or not, based on the person you marry. I have no distress or impairment because my wife is accepting/tolerant, therefore I have no disorder. Chloe's wife seems completely intolerant and Chloe has distress, therefore she has a disorder. The logic that a disordered diagnosis results from who you marry makes no sense to me.

As for addiction, you can drink without being an alcoholic, you can have sex without having a sex addiction and you can gamble without having a gambling addiction, etc., etc. I believe it follows that you can crossdress without it being an addiction. It might be an addiction if certain circumstances are present, but it is certainly not a given.

While I agree it is all about brain chemistry and how we are wired I think that a psychiatrist/psychologist would say it is important to call it what it is: addiction or compulsion or habit or need or hobby or whatever, in order to determine an effective treatment plan, assuming treatment is even needed.

[Bea_]

I've read something like this too but the difficulty I have with it is that it implies that you are disordered,or not, based on the person you marry. I have no distress or impairment because my wife is accepting/tolerant, therefore I have no disorder. Chloe's wife seems completely intolerant and Chloe has distress, therefore she has a disorder. The logic that a disordered diagnosis results from who you marry makes no sense to me.


Well said.


Could the adverse case not be made that maybe the SO is addicted to an image of what her partner should look like and be suffering from withdrawal when that addiction is not fed?

[Christina89]

no. never thought of it as an addiction. it is who i am. yes i have purged and tried to stop, but that was when i was younger and thought that i was a freak, until i found this site.

[Taylor186]

Could the adverse case not be made that maybe the SO is addicted to an image of what her partner should look like and be suffering from withdrawal when that addiction is not fed?

The short answer is no. That is not how addiction/withdrawal mechanisms work. But more broadly, this seems like just another way to assign to blame the SO/wife for having problems with our crossdressing. I've seen this idea, and variations of it, posited here many times in the past and I find it truly cringe worthy. The SO/wife is almost never the root issue when it comes to our crossdressing.

[Confucius]

I can understand why some people may regard crossdressing as an addiction, especially its association with dopamine. It does carry some of the traits of addiction. Personally I ask myself, do I control my crossdressing or does it control me? Despite all the urges that come along with crossdressing there is no doubt that I control it.

Contrary to an addiction, crossdressing seems to be innate and immutable. Still, I control the times I decide to crossdress and the extent of my crossdressing. It seems more correct to consider crossdressing, and all forms of transgenderism, as related to how our brains are hardwired. When I feminize myself it causes and automatic and involuntary secondary sensory response releasing a host of feel-good neurotransmitters. For most of us the response from the initial crossdressing event was more of a confirmation, than a slow process. To me all of this suggests that this is just the way my brain was hardwired from an early age

[praderas]

I also do not consider it an addiction. I think it is more a hobby that in my case, I have recently start accepting. For a long time I thought something was wrong with me, and guilt was a strong feeling after I did it.

[Bea_]

The short answer is no. That is not how addiction/withdrawal mechanisms work. But more broadly, this seems like just another way to assign to blame the SO/wife for having problems with our crossdressing. I've seen this idea, and variations of it, posited here many times in the past and I find it truly cringe worthy. The SO/wife is almost never the root issue when it comes to our crossdressing.

I guess I should have been more careful to make clear that my question was meant to be somewhat satirical of the idea that crossdressing, in and of itself, is addictive. My comment was the adverse of yours saying that an addiction being dependent on another's acceptance/rejection and meant to show the whole supposition as being less than agreeable. The person with the moral high-ground would always be able to hang the accusation of addiction over the one who is deemed "morally" inferior.

[Sometimes Steffi]

Ya it's causing a lot of issues with my wife.

The potential loss of my marriage and family...yet I still wish to do it. Love to do it! Yet can't stop even though the negatives outweigh the good.

Sad thing is I'm finally coming to terms with it and accepting it...yet my wife is becoming more and more adverse to it.


I don't know if this will help you, but it helped me. My wife blew a gasket when she discovered that my crossdressing "came back". In truth, it had never gone away. I had just gotten better at hiding it, so it appeared to have gone away.

Eventually, I had to face facts. I had to decide how important crossdressing was to me in comparison to my marriage. In particular, I thought that my wife would make the ultimate threat. "It's either me (and the marriage) or the crossdressing. You have to pick one or the other, and we'll go from there".

I thought about this for quite a long time. Could I totally quit crossdressing, do a complete purge and commit to never restarting? To save my marriage?

Fortunately, my wife never brought up the ultimate challenge. I'm still not sure what I would have done. All I can say is that my wife might not have gotten the answer she had been hoping for.

We've both seen therapists, and we've reached an uneasy truce, basically DADT. We've agreed on boundaries. Basically, I won't dress while she's around, I won't tell my daughter or let her find out, and I get to go out twice a month. I still shop online, and in person, even though doing so was not allowed or prohibited by the boundary agreement.

It's been 10 years and the truce remains in place. But, like the Koreas, the war could resume at any time.

And for what it's worth, if I was presented with the ultimate threat today, my wife would definitely be surprised by my response.

PM me if you want.

[Lacey New]

ReineD ,
I have had the same theory about my cross dressing that you articulated so very well. Yes, I thought of my cross dressing as an addiction. At first, panties gave me a thrill but then I wanted more, panties and a bra, then more lingerie then more outerwear. At its peak, I wanted badly to go to a transformation studio and do the hair, make-up and all the feminine accessories. So, yes, I found cross dressing very addictive and still do but now to a much lesser degree. Perhaps that is a factor of age and the dopamine factory is working at a slower rate these days.

[Pixie_94]

Yeah, some of the many times I used to look for a cure or remedy against it, years ago.

[SidneytheScorpio]

Yes, Chloe, sort of. Maybe more like a compulsion? When I found cd.com about 12 years ago, I become obsessed with dressing! When I wasn't doing it, I was thinking about it! It interfered with my work and I couldn't function properly.:doh:

So, how did I "cure" this obsession? I decided to give in to it! NOT how u'd treat an addiction! Whenever, I thot of dressing? I did it! Under dressing. In my car or a storage room at work during the day. As soon as I got home from work. Or, in the middle of the nite if thots of it were keeping me awake.:eek:

Finally, after 3 months of this? I lost all desire to dress! Of course, it returned 3 months later. But, with the understanding that I can and will dress whenever I need/want to? Thot's of it no longer consume me like before. That was 12 years ago. Since then dressing 2 to 4 times a month seems to satisfy my CD urges!:battingeyelashes:

I'd have to agree here. I've experienced this myself almost identically. Although I've only been CDing for about 3 months. The obsession was very powerful at first. Couldn't sleep etc... Although it didn't impact my work, life and I'll never come out of the closet with my SO. I just don't foresee a time when it will consume me enough to want to do it anymore than I do now. Some will disagree with that.

The addiction part to me would be if you were missing work, maxing out credit cards for shopping and buying copious amounts of CD products. But, if this really is truly a is if who you are, like having a sexual orientation, I would not consider this an addiction. Keep in mind, I'm not sure I qualify to give any advice. I've clearly got my own issues. LoL. Good luck to you!

[Bobbi46]

It never crossed my mind as an addiction just a normal way of life to me now

[Terri_Cross]

According to the Therapist I'm seeing right now, my Crossdressing falls in line with the clinical definition of 'Compulsion.' After discussing the subject on more than one occasion, and with me trying with everything I could possibly think of to say it's an addiction, and I just need "treatment to cure myself", I finally came to the realization, with her help, that this is not some sort of disease. Like it or not, this is me. Teal bra and panty (at the moment) and all. Now, all I have to do is accept it.

Since my therapy/counseling sessions are covering a whole bevy of different topics, and some of them being so tightly intertwined with the others, I don't see a resolution to my issues coming any time soon. So, in answer to the original question, I thought it might be an addiction. Unfortunately, that's not to be.

[Sometimes Steffi]

I went to several different therapists over 3 or 4 years. The best thing I learned was to accept myself. Once I did that, it took the pressure off.

The feeling that I was broken, perverted or any of the other names we might be called or we might accept being called is gone.

[suzy1]

No, its a pleasure, the icing on the cake of life.

[Sandi Beech]

Chloe,

It's an interesting thread, and I have tried to think about how to respond with some difficulty. You see, it is WAY more than a hobby for me so that would not apply. The question is, at what point does a compulsion become more like an addiction. I do not propose to have the answers, but I can say that it is controlling me more so than the other way around. I may be borderline "addicted".

I go through some curious phases where I do riskier and riskier activities, until I get caught in some fashion. Then I go into sort of a depressive state where I am able to suppress my desires to dress for a while. Eventually the cycle begins again. Lately I have entered the risky phase again, and I can not seem to stop. This morning while my wife was still asleep I got fully dressed with makeup , wig and all, and went to a Target to purchase some makeup remover. I got it all off before she woke up, but talk about risky. I was wearing very tight short black shorts and a very thin white form fitting top with my forms on. One car in the parking lot tooted the horn a few time I suspect to get me to turn, haha.

Anyhow. for me it is somewhat of an addiction, but no pill is going to cure my head. So what to do. I go right up to the edge of getting caught but do not really want to get caught. I think there is something going on with the adrenaline rush which seems to be part of the addiction for lack of a better term. The struggle goes on.

Best wishes

Sandi

[Aunt Kelly]

"...something going on with the adrenaline rush..."

Absolutely, but that rush, and the need to pursue it, is something quite apart from what drives the gender non-conforming behavior. I believe that it is a mistake (albeit and easy one to make) to conflate the two. The evidence is plain in the many, many stories here, stories which fall into two broad categories; those that tell about cross-dressing and seeking thrills by risking discovery, and those that tell about how that thrill is not there now, or never was, while the need to dress remained.

[kimdl93]

Sandi, it is that risk taking behavior that concerns me. Putting your relationship or your safety at risk for the sake of a form of gratification...either one...is where compulsion migrates to addiction. Of course you do not want to get caught, but if your behavior puts you into a situation where that is increasingly likely, then want has nothing to do with it.

I know you are not in a relationship that is supportive of your behavior. I guarantee that however you are caught, regardless of the circumstances, the results will be worse than if you found a way to discuss it before something forces the issue again.

[Paulie Birmingham]

Two of my favorite shoes are hoarders and 600 lb life. In each show they deal with people who have compulsions and or addictions that seek help. Some successful overcome their compulsions and or addictions and some do not. Granted hoarding and or over eating is harmful to oneself and often others while cding is generally not (well it can be harmful to.famiky and work), but the stories and responses do sound similar.

Im not taking about where you fit in the feminist scale or gender issues, but The physical act of putting on a dress, heels, pantyhose etc is really not that different than eating. It just generally isn't harmful. You don't need to wear a dress next to be a woman.

[rian]

crossdressing is not just an addiction but healing process to our spirit ....its our hope and dreams of being a real woman .....love it

[Stephanie Julianna]

I have never thought of it as an addiction. It is an outward expression of my inner femininity. It is simply who I am. I'm addicted to old cars but my dressing is simply an important part of the whole that has always been me.

[Jane G]

It is certainly not an addiction. It is just who we are. There may be bits that we can tweak. But on the whole best to just get on with life and make the most of everything that comes with it.

[Darla]

Addiction = something that interferes or disrupts what would be parts of your life that you find valuable.

So at the beginning I felt the compulsion to dress, along with a lack of self acceptance, which led to dishonesty with my partner and myself. That was what could be coined an addiction.

Flipping it on its head, accepting it as a valuable part of who I am (through some therapy and self-forgiveness) means that I can see it as part of me that makes me amazing.

So - at one point, yes. Now - no!

[Sallee]

So Bea why do you cross dress if you don't want to appear as a woman. Is it fetish or fascination. Or just a pleasure that you indulge in occasionally Kind of like having a cigar. I am just curious. For me I find pleasure in it. I enjoy sitting down and doing the transformation and then going out to see how I did. Perhaps for me it is a fetish, I am not sure I know what a fetish is. I have no desire to transition and being dressed all the time would take all the fun out of at least for me. I have accepted that part of me but would still like to know the why answer.

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Sherry Thats a very good. A compulsion at the beginning and then it became more of a desire. To use a bad comparison. When I was younger I enjoyed rock climbing immensely even left a few jobs because they interfered with my climbing. Then I realized I needed to make a living and there were other things in life and better ways to achieve the adrenaline rush, now I think CDing helps with that needed adrenaline rush and not near as dangerous. I try to go for a more well rounded life with some of this and some of that.