My wife won't understand.

[Jayne]

Dear all
Thanks for reading my postings.
This may well be the last, if my wife finds any reference on the PC we will be finished.
Last night I trimmedsome hair before going to bed and she found traces in the bathroom.
She asked what I had cut, I said I had shaved my legs (I had not but she did not know).
She hit the roof, angry and upset.
We talked and I showed her my legs were not shaved.
She can not come to terms with me as a crossdresser.
She will grudgingly accept I get pleasure out of undies and says I have fantisies about this.
She refuses to term me a crossdresser as she feels this means I want to be a woman.
I tried to explain but failed at every turn.
She will not read about it or talk to any one on the net.
I have had to write tis to get it off my chest.
Good bye all.

[Helen MC]

Jayne, I can see you having to make "The Choice" and a single life but one where you can be yourself may well lie ahead. You don't mention children and it will be a lot easier if you don't have any as they make a divorce far more difficult whatever its reason. In any event my thoughts are with you. I was married and got divorced, not for reasons related to my being a CD, but it is still a very traumatic time.

I have to say that this is an illustration of the wisdom of the majority opinion on the thread about telling your partner before marriage, rather than letting her find out afterwards.

[Sweet Susan]

This is sad news, Jayne. Hope everything works out for you. Keep your morale up.

[sparks]

Gawd I'm sorry! My SO gets a little POed when I've attempted shaving! Men are supposed to be hairy and As GypsyKaren might say thump our chests!
Luved that one GK! Anyway I've been there and purged! Saved my marriage but that is where it still hangs!
Tough choices ahead! All the best and try to stay in touch. The forum is the only place I've come across that holds sympathy, understanding and a wealth of experience! A tremendous family!

God's speed!

[Seven]

With all the love in my heart, Please if i may say, Say to your sweet wife, Here is the password to Cross dressers, and if ever you want to go on the net, with me, not here, once I am at work or shoping, let her make her mind up, if she wishes to come and see. She is most welcome, even write down the thred so she may find it, and we all will be truthful to her. Ask her to see the thred on (Do we tell before, we wedd,) all say yes, be only truthful to her. Let her look if she wants, dont push it, give it time.
Lots of good GG , here to chat with your wife by webb site or by e mail one to one.
I hope all is happy for you both in your life, and if I can ever help you or my wife can help (Jean) please let your wife PM or e mail OK

God Bless XXXXXXXXXX Seven

Graham and Jean

[crusadergirl]

I hope everything works out for u and your wife. Good luck my friend

[Sarah Rabbit]

Don't throw it in. The girls here are a great bunch. If I was put in the position I would still stay with this site. It gives me the answers I require. I would even sneak if I had to. To give up such a great resource is a waste.

Hugs, Sarah R.:bunny:

[Kathycd]

Hi Jayne:

I can relate to your delimma. Though with a different turn. I am still very descrete with my dressing as I have remained for several years. My bride of 20 years is a wonderful person and I love her deeply. I don't think a divorce would ensue for me, though the dialog around the home would certainly suffer. I destest the "quiet" if that makes sense, and after 20 years I have gotten to know her pretty darn well. My dressing would not be tolerated or even considered to be a passing thing, in this home. Heven forbid any help along those lines. I sooo envy the girls here that do have the blessing of their SO's or at least tolerate it so some degree. I would absolutely die to have her help with make up and other things.

So it is to stay descrete for me, and paddle along in this boat, as you, just a different oar is being used.

Good luck to you and your SO. I do so hope things work out for you two. God bless and keep.

kathy

[Melora]

Melora in many ways feels what Kathycd just said. Melora feels sympathy.

[kellypm]

question?

Why did you say you had shaved your legs when you had not? did you want her to get angry and upset??

clearly shaving your legs is not something she is comfortable with if you want her to accept you remember the boundries they are there for both your sakes.

[sharifemme]

Jayne...

Leaving the forum won't solve anything. Why don't you just take a little time off. Maybe things will get better.

Having a wife or SO can be trying when you are transgendered. Sometimes they are OK with it and sometimes not. Sometimes the same person will exhibit both sets of feelings at once or one after the other. Your wife seems to be locked into the "gender should equal your sex" scenario and might never be interested in knowing the total good person that you are. I am praying that I am wrong and that sometime soon, your wife will weigh her love for you against the thought of possibly losing you and decide to get to know all of you. God Bless you and keep faith.

Sharifemme




Dear all
Thanks for reading my postings.
This may well be the last, if my wife finds any reference on the PC we will be finished.
Last night I trimmedsome hair before going to bed and she found traces in the bathroom.
She asked what I had cut, I said I had shaved my legs (I had not but she did not know).
She hit the roof, angry and upset.
We talked and I showed her my legs were not shaved.
She can not come to terms with me as a crossdresser.
She will grudgingly accept I get pleasure out of undies and says I have fantisies about this.
She refuses to term me a crossdresser as she feels this means I want to be a woman.
I tried to explain but failed at every turn.
She will not read about it or talk to any one on the net.
I have had to write tis to get it off my chest.
Good bye all.

[Rikkicn]

This is the kind of post I just dread reading and yet we have so many of them.
When I read this I felt really sad for both of you.
I felt sad for Jayne because she has felt the need to step further back into the closet and distance herself from part of her own being. Separation from our true selves can result in loss of passion, creativity, enthusiasm, desire and playfulness.
Jayne's wife will never get to know her husband or Jayne is any deep and intimate way.
I felt sad for Jayne's wife because she's made big decisions without any real knowledge. She's not interested in knowing more. She has accepted our cultures beliefs around gender and sexuality without giving her husband the benefit of the doubt. Her future has changed and she's worried and concerned and probably scared too.
I'm questioning Jayne's wife's ability to accept Jayne in any way. She has much to understand about life in general and hers in particular and she doesn't seem to be the kind of person that will spend time in self study, therapy etc. If she can't do this then how will she change.
Jayne, my advice to you is to lead the life you want and need to live. Your responsibility is to your self fore most. "To thine own self by true" is what this means. I would suggest therapy with someone that is good with gender issues. The point of the therapy is to talk with someone that can help you understand and get in touch with what you want in your life and read, read read!
We're with you sister!
Rikki

[Jayne]

KellypmGG

Thanks for the comments.
I agree I should not have said I had shaved my legs but I needed to talk aboutmy cravings.
It was a way to make her talk.
It worked.
We are not about to split up, sorry if this was the impression.
I only have to go deeper into the closet so to speak.
If I want to dress I must do so in private and she does not want to know.
I can live with this.

[Seven]

Our love and heart is with you Sister,

XXXXXXXXX Seven