So confused

[NicoleRenee]

Hello ladies...

My wife found out that I dressed about 3 years ago. She has become accepting of it because It was only once a week or so and was usually not for very long. I have been out a handful of times and have really enjoyed it. I have dressed for about 40 years off and on and hid it for most of that time. Recently we sat down and talked about Nicole. I told her that lately I have had the feelings that I want to present as Nicole a lot more. Not necessarily full time but a lot more...or at least I don't think I want full time. About 20 years ago I had looked into what it takes for gender reassignment because I felt strongly about it and wasn't married. I am the same way now but just crossdressing full time. My wife is handling it pretty good but I know it isn't doing well for her. I am confused as to why I want full time. I need some help trying to figure this out. I know I need to see someone about it but I thought I would run it past you all. HELP!

[kimdl93]

My suggestion is that you may be biting off rather larger chunks than necessary. A lot more isn?t as you said, full time. And full time cross dressing ain?t gender reassignment.

Running it past us is a nice gesture, but does not help you nor your wife. Please get to a therapist with some competency in gender matters. You have a lot of sorting out to do.

[Jean 103]

How much do you dress now, like per week?

What is the longest you're gone doing girl mode?

Being full time is high maintenance, I know.

You don't have to have surgery to live full time.

You could live as I do, l live openly as a TG person. I work in guy mode and live in girl mode basically. Or you could say I live openly as a crossdresser.

Everyone is different, you just need to find your balance.

[Helen_Highwater]

As Jean says going full time can be hard work. I know it's me, the broken record having said this often but having spent a week 24/7 enfemme on many occasions I can tell you it's harder than you may think.

You may also need to define to your SO what it is you want if you know yourself. Would casual dressing around the house, a dress or skirt and top, perhaps forms and wig meet your needs with the occasional sortie out fully enfemme added in? If so then that's something you can work towards but knowing where the limit is for your SO.

Where you are is a very long way from transition. Living full time is something you need to experience before even contemplating such a move. Many here who are full time morphed into it over time and in some cases while living alone.

I understand the desire for more but as ever follow the basic rules, baby steps.

[Krisi]

Dressing "full time" would mean presenting as a female at work and social situations. It means presenting as female all the time except when you are sleeping or bathing. How are you going to handle the work situation? How about relatives other than your wife? How are you going to handle beard growth during the day? And honestly, do you really pass as a female when dressed? Are you believable? What about your voice.

As for your wife, she married a man, not a woman. It's really hard for a woman to accept that her husband is now her wife. And it's embarrassing for her as well.

I think you need to give this some very serious thought. Can you pull it off and what is most important to you in life. Not just today, but for the rest of your life.

[Ressie]

I am confused as to why I want full time.

Finding out why is what's needed. A lot more info about your history and your deep down feelings should help clear things up. Seek a qualified therapist that will ask the right questions and be honest with your answers. But look at both sides of possible decisions because some therapists will just say you need to transition.

[Teresa]

Nicole,
The basic answer is we evolve , some are possibly searching for their true identity .

I've found dressing full time hasn't presented many of the problems often feared , I appreciate that's possibly more thnan most wives /partners can accept but when given the chance it is perfectly workable . You also don't need to be on hormones or consider SRS if you don't feel you have that need and there's nothing wrong with that .

As you say it might be a good idea to seek professional help just see the picture more clearly , I'm sure your wife may also appreciate that .

We really need to lose the idea that we are doing something wrong , it's a part of us .

[Aunt Kelly]

If you want help in sorting this out, engage a qualified therapist. Period.
Don't get me wrong. You've received lots of helpful advice here already, but us telling you about our experiences is not going to help you to truly understand yourself. You owe that, to yourself and your partner.

[Wendy me]

Get a therapist/shrink sooner or later it’s going to happen you go talk explore things after a while you go as your gem slef then you go with your wife then she goes by her self

Then you go as your fem slef with your wife takes a lot of time

1/3 rd of the people are your wife coming to grips with this while 2/3rds of the people are like we agree with going forward with this your wife’s 1/3rd is over powered

Talking to a independent person is better than a divorce lawyer

[Jenny22]

Why are you now thinking these things? As Teresa said, it's evolving just as a seed will grow into a plant. Therapy? YOU BET!!

[docrobbysherry]

An experienced, transgender versed, therapist is what u need, Nicole.:thumbsup:

Any advice u get here will be worth what u paid for it!:heehee:

[rian]

As time goes by the progress of crossdressing is developed ,,,so you are not satisfied only to dress in secret ,,,the urge is building up in you to show your feminine side gain control of your life ,,,admirably to the point where you do not want to be a man anymore ,,,Yet you are announcing to every body that the girl in you wants to gain control and win the side .....So if you want to let the girl wins you have to prepare the road for her by trying to gain your wife in the circle ....Go for it ,,,it is the only way to be Nicole