One week until I go out for the first time!

[CharlotteCD]

I'm so excited I can hardly contain myself!

I came out to a friend about a year ago, and I'll be going over to her place next week and having a girls night. She's going to do my makeup, and go through all of my clothing with me, choosing the outfit that looks most passable, and then starting slow with some time in her garden.

If I feel confident enough, I'll then go for a walk around her area and maybe even to an actual shop, if only for the confidence boost.

Honestly I feel so amazing right now. My wife found my stash around 9 months ago and after telling her that yes, it was mine, it's about escapism, no I'm not gay or bi, I just enjoyed wearing the clothes and being femme, the topic has never been brought up since.

I purged through guilt, but the desire came back stronger than ever in the past two months. I've bought forms, shapewear, a few outfits and will hopefully introduce Charlotte to the world in a week.

So lucky to have my trans-ally friend - she's so welcoming of the drag and cd scene, and I didn't ever see myself sharing this side of me with another person.

Now I just need to pray that somehow I actually look passable!

[Sometimes Steffi]

You go girl! You look quite passable already. And really go for it. It's an unbelievable thrill.

My first time out was when I went to the local Renaissance Festival alone and rented a wench costume I walked around all day among thousands of people. Most people didn't even look twice. But a few groups of GGs made me right away. One GG gave me a big smile and a thumbs up. Incredible confidence boost.

[GaleWarning]

How does your wife feel about it?

[Kay J]

I see you are young and starting down a journey that someday you will have to deal with your wife with! I hope you will have a time of your life and you do have a very special friend!

[GretchenM]

I wish you the very best of luck with your first outing and the subsequent ones. And it is good to have a friend to go with you and show you the ropes and share the experience.

But keep in mind that your wife may not approve and if it is done in secret that could well come back to bite you in the butt really hard at some point in the future. It is best to assume that your wife knows more than you think she knows. But she also needs to understand that this behavior rarely goes away. It changes but often in the more intense direction. Declines as a result of purging and other actions are followed by periods of calm and then, wham, you are in the thick of it again. It is more likely than not the way you are fundamentally configured with regard to your brain generating behaviors that are perhaps based on some really complex neurology. This is very likely a life-long pattern. It is a need that must be fulfilled. It can be regulated and managed but it cannot be eliminated. It is who you are and you simply cannot be someone you are not.

[CharlotteCD]

Thanks for the comments, and yes, it will need to be navigated with my wife at some point.

I'm not lying to her as we have a DADT when it comes to my crossdressing. She was amazingly accepting when she found out and told me I didn't have to thrown the clothes away if I didn't want to, and that was the last thing she said to me on the matter.

For sure I'll only ever go out in what I consider to be an extremely safe location - away from anybody who knows me, or may know her, and absolutely not within my own neighbourhood. It's one thing for her to know, but I am sure she'd have a completely different outlook if her friends or family knew.

For her to have (innocently) found my stash once, the question will forever be in her mind as to if I have started again, so I don't even make much of an effort to hide things any more - if that burning question is too much, she would leave no stone unturned.

I am frequently away from the house for night stays in another area, so even if this does become something I need to do regularly, I will be able to manage that.

[kimdl93]

On one hand, I am glad you are going to have an opportunity to venture out with an ally. On the other hand, I feel a great concern that this is happening without your wife being involved. Among my concerns is that you have planned this with a GG friend, which by itself could set off issues with your wife.

[stefjones13]

Good luck I am so jealous. It would be a dream of mine to find a GG to help me As it is I have to navigate it alone. My wife couldn?t accept my cd side. She only wanted a REAL man

[Jenny22]

You said,"She was amazingly accepting when she found out and told me I didn't have to thrown the clothes away if I didn't want to, and that was the last thing she said to me on the matter." So, why do you have to now hide your stash? Let her see it in your closet! maybe she will again be amazingly accepting and you can 'have the talk'. Stop seeing your GG friend. If your wife finds out, your marriage will likely be kaput!

[TheHiddenMe]

I disagree with the other posters about your GG friend. If you are in a DADT arrangement, you are complying.

Plus, are we saying that men cannot have platonic female friends?

My wife has told me "lie to me". So I do. Sometimes I go out with her knowledge, more often not. I have a GG friend that my wife knows nothing about. She couldn't even conceive that a GG would be interested in being friends with me. There is nothing romantic between us, but she gives me the emotional support my wife isn't capable of.

We don't owe our partners complete disclosure. If you have a GG friend who gives you support, IMO you'd be foolish to end the friendship.

[Natalie5004]

Yes in a DADT relationship. You could tell her that I have "Some Things" in these drawers. You probably don't want to look in there.

Also I am very jealous. I am looking for a GG friend now. Do not know how to find one. There is a LBGQT storefront in town. If ever this virus thing ends, I will go in and speak with them and ask for help.
My wife knows about my "hobby" we call it. She will not participate with me.

Your avatar shows a pretty young woman. If that is you without software help, do not worry. You will ace the pass test.

[BrendaPDX]

Hi Charlotte, Congratulations, most of us only wish we had a GG friend to help us. I am also DADT but have never had the opportunity for a "girls" day out. And "yes" if you look as good as your avatar you will pass with out question. Have fun, take some pictures and share them with us! Brenda

[Krisi]

How does your wife feel about you having a "GG friend"? Most women would not be happy with their husband having a female friend and going to her place for whatever reason.

This is something that could put more strain on your marriage than your dressing. I suggest you reconsider this if you want to keep your marriage intact. Really.

[Davina Katherine]

Regarding being "pass-able", it's often been discussed that many GG's are not "pass-able" by the standards we sent for ourselves.
Being "blend-able" is a more reasonable goal.
So don't wear that micro-mini skirt and 6 inch heels and pink bunny fur crop top!!!

Good Luck!!

[Stephanie47]

I had a GG friend until she and her family moved due to a job transfer. There was nothing more than coffee chats. She had come to our house. My wife knew her and her children. Some commonality as she has an autistic daughter. There is an autistic niece in my wife's family. My wife and I are in an DADT marriage. How would a wife respond if she found out her husband had a cd-ing GG friend? Interesting question to ask in another section of this forum.

[Micki_Finn]

I’m glad you’re getting a chance to go out, but going over to another woman’s house to do it might be a bridge too far with your wife. Something that should be discussed BEFORE hand.

[Robertacd]

Too many of us waste far too much time and opportunities worrying about "passing".

Stop trying to fool everyone and just enjoy yourself.

I go out dressed daily and I know I am not fooling anyone. I pass as a. Transwomen at best, and can't even remember the last time I was misgendered out in public.

[candykowal]

Oh gosh Charolette, I sure know that exciting feeling of getting out and presenting your feminine side.
It is always a happy time for me also.
Since your Genie is out of the bottle and there is NOTHING you can do to go back to square one, I think a lot of the members here are rightfully concerned about your future and marriage.
In all cases I have seen thru my life as a TG person, if a wife isn't on board and knows about her husband presenting in public as a women, their union usually ended in divorce.
The only circumstances that doesn't apply is if the wife is totally dependent due to illness or children needing a father.
We are happy for you in that your fulfilling your desires as long as you realize the potential consequences....sure hope all the best for you!

[CharlotteCD]

I've taken the comments on board and will instead stay in this time and I won't take my friend up on the offer. It won't hurt for me to wait this out, and when covid finishes and I am away with work I can revisit my desire to go out.

Happy for a moderator to lock this thread :)

[char GG]

Closed per OP's request