do your kids know?

[River GG]

Looking to hear from anyone and everyone on the subject of telling your children. I don't know where I stand on the issue myself. On one hand, I feel like they should know because we have raised them to be accepting and honest and embrace whoever they decide to be... while we hide this secret. On the other hand, since DH is not "out" we would be burdening them with keeping the same secret for us and that seems unfair. For reference, our kids are older teens. I would love to hear your experiences. thanks in advance.

[Jenny Elwood]

Our kids don't. They range between the ages of 7 and 16. Going through puberty is hard enough without knowing your dad likes to run around in dresses... It also doesn't sit quite well with our religion. Once they've grown, we will reassess and probably tell. That is if my wife's biggest nightmare (having a crossdressing husband) hasn't come to an end by then.

[char GG]

Both of our kids are in their 30's and both know. Our daughter doesn't care at all. Our son is handicapped and it is confusing for him. He doesn't like it.

EDIT:

After reading more of the responses, I wish to add that it is a personal choice between you and your husband whether or not you tell them. If you choose not to, he shouldn't leave tell tale items laying around. If you choose to tell, don't expect them to keep a secret.

The choice is between the two of you.

[Elizabeth G]

My kids (all adults) know.

[Jillian Faith]

Two married daughters 32 and 29 neither know and it will probably stay that way.

[Cassiek]

I am on the same page as Jenny. I have two boys 12 and 14. I am divorced which is not going well she is a royal pain in my ass. I do think that to continue her spiteful behavior she told my 14-year-old. He has recently begun discussions with me regarding Gay and transgender issues. If he straight up asked me I will be honest with him I feel that no matter what he loves me all the same

[Fran Moore]

Hi River, and thanks for your question. Our children (adults) do not know, but in a perfect world (without predjudice, discrimination, fear, and social shaming directed at LGBT people) I would see no reason not to tell them, unless mutually agreed that we should not. Since this is not the case, and due to my S.O.'s wishes, they may never know. For me, there is not much of an "upside" to giving them that information as it won't improve their individual lives and certainly could strain the relationship we have with at least one of them who has made it clear that he is anti-trans anything, and that in turn would possibly affect the time we spend with our grandkids, which we cherish.
I believe that as parents, we have to pick and choose what we share with our children, and there are other things that they do not know about us and our relationship. I also believe that there is much that we do not know about our childrens lives as well. Neither did my parents divulge everything to my siblings and I when we were kids, or later as grown adults for that matter. That's not to say that every family has it's secrets, but I would bet that the majority of couples have information that isn't known or shared. Sometimes things are better left unsaid, and each of us has to decide what, if anything that should be. :straightface:

Fran

[Rhonda in dallas]

All 3 of our grown kids know. We do not let our grandkids know as they are still ver young. One of my daughter in laws family has a trans female and the other is a lesbian. So they are all ok

[Krisi]

My kids do not know. Only my wife knows. My kids are grown and live far away.

[Giselle(Oshawa)]

two adult son's 34 and 31 that don't know and i pray they never do, told my wife 10 yrs ago(after 27 yrs of marriage) while we are still married it is in name only

[Stephanie47]

Our kids are 45 and 40 years old. They do not know. My wife and I are in a deep DADT marriage of almost fifty years. Therefore, the subject has never arisen since we do not talk at all about my cross dressing. I do not think they figured anything out on their own. Once my daughter did ask if I shave my legs. No, I explained that I do not have any hair follicles on my calves and thighs. I sort of kidded her that it took her for that length of time to notice. Anyway, my wife opined once that she did not have anyone she could talk to about my cross dressing. My opinion is nobody needs to know as I do not flaunt my cross dressing in any manner. As an aging husband and wife there is always the possibility I will be revealed after my death, if my wife were to die before me. Who would be around to clean out all the women's clothing? That issue does bother me as I would not be around to explain myself.

The questions always arises as to how any reveal would affect the kids' viewpoint of dad and mom. Just in these last few weeks my son figured out one of the deep dark secrets of the family involving his grandmother. The secret was known to only three; mother-in-law, wife and me. My wife explained what happened over sixty years ago. Our kids said it did not matter at all and it did not change their love for their grandmother at all. Additionally, both kids are supportive of gay/lesbian and transgender rights.

I see no value in telling young children and expect them to keep quiet. It is not fair to draw them into a web of secrecy. Society is not as open as you think when it comes to deviations from the norm. Young kids can be brutal with bullying others. My wife is a retired teacher. She has seen the taunting that can be heaped on kids as early as kindergarten.

[Asew]

My kids in elementary school through middle school have all known for about 2 years now. I am pretty much out now (to friends and family, social media, etc) and my wife was the first to know and a few close friends then we told the kids. My wife's biggest concern is the kids being bullied so anything in our town where their schoolmates might see us I dress as a man. Otherwise I dress as non-binary most of the time and even go out with the kids and wife dressed (usually in a more muted manner like a t-shirt and skirt).

I think it is important to let them know if you plan on being out in the long term. Exposing your kids to diversity is never a bad thing. It should make them more tolerating and accepting of both you and a diverse world.

[Laura912]

River, the variable responses here will not provide direction for your own personal situation. If you and DH do not want anyone else to know about your secrete, do not tell anybody else including your children till they are much older and only then with some risk of exposure. Teens need teens with whom they can talk and share private thoughts. If knowing the secrete you share with your SO becomes too much for them, they will talk with other teens/friends/confidants about the issue. For now, strongly consider not telling any one else if you wish to retain your privacy.

[bridget thronton]

My adult kids and their partners know and do not care - better from me than a stranger

[Paulie Birmingham]

My kids are young teenagers. They don't know and shouldn't have to concern themselves with it. They have enough other things to worry about.

They also don't know a bunch of other things we do behind closed doors. ;)

[Bobbi46]

My kids are both 46 and 42 respectively and they did not know but as Bobbi evovlved it became a burden to me and first i came out to all of my friends here first and thought that that would suffice, but after finding my current girlfriend things changed a lot and it soon became a great need to tell. I told my son first and then my daughter, she was over the moon and is very happy for me, however my son was initially very hostile towards me but has settled down a bit. But he has not told his wife or his young kids yet and seeing as I am hoping to vist my extended family next year (by the way they all know too) I have asked my son what the situation will be with me visiting dressed, he has not replied to this! but there is a lot of time till I go and so the interim period may be the healing time needed.
I am a lot happier than I was now knowing I have nothing to hide from my family.

[DTelia]

To each their own, but I wouldn’t share w/my children. They already have plenty on their plate. Why add the stress.

I would potentially consider it, if I saw signs that they were dealing w/similar issues, but I would be very careful and cautious about it.

I do not agree w/CDers who just wish to share for their own selfish purposes.

[JaymeCD]

It has been a long time battle with my wife, she "tolerated" me dressing moderately at home as our daughter was approaching 4 and half to 5. Around that time without being able to say a word she totally cut me off saying I had to stop. Our daughter is almost 6 now and she has prying eyes when it comes to my phone (I have a fem Instagram account I post to). Plus there is one time we went to the mall and I tried on a dress with her and word got out to my wife. How it got out was by her telling her babysitter that my dad likes to wear dresses and another time her babysitter was folding thong panties and she said my daddy wears those.
Back to my point, I wanted her to grow up seeing me dressed so that she would think it was nothing out of the ordinary. At this age point and time, she thinks it's funny. I had a talk with her to let's keep this secret between us. I wanted her to grow up opened minded and I wanted to be the example. Lately she hasn't said anything, but when she is a little older I hope she questions me about it. Outside of all this, my wife does not say a word about me dressing. I'm just the same old "masculine" person I've always been. We'll see what happens in the future.

[Connie D50]

I have two daughters and I told them when I felt they where old enough to understand and I'm glad I did. To be honest I think them being daughters made it easier.

[Phoebe Reece]

My wife and I decided before our children were born that they would grow up knowing about my crossdressing. Our thinking was that if we tried to keep it a secret, sooner or later they would find out. The finding out of such a secret might encourage our children to keep secrets from us. We wanted them to grow up with a feeling that they could trust us and we could trust them. That strategy worked for us. My crossdressing was not a problem for them as they grew up. I refrained from crossdressing when they had friends around and they knew it was something not to be discussed outside our home. Our daughter is now 44 and our son is 40. They are both very honest and moral individuals. My wife and I are very proud of how they turned out.

[JaymeCD]

@Phoebe Reece Wonderful, my dream outcome. I'm glad it worked out for you. I'm hoping to stay close and honest with my daughter and hope they become moral as yours did ��

[CynthiaD]

Yes. They’re grown, approaching middle age.

[Robertacd]

Well my Son was an adult when I came out and is fully accepting.

But I always hid my crossdressing from him when he was growing up. Because I always felt children should be allowed to remain innocent. It's not fair to burden them with keeping family secrets. I don't see a big difference between telling a child not to talk about how daddy dresses at home and telling a child not to talk about how daddy hits mommy when he is angry. I know they are not the same thing but to a child it robs them of their innocence and reinforces in their minds that what you are doing is wrong in exactly the same way.

I think unless you are fully out as TG or in transition, children should be not told or involved until they are old enough to fully understand.

[Shely]

I too have to married daughters and five grandchildren and one great grandson, none know and I also hope to keep it that way.

[_Abby_]

Hi River,

Mine are teenagers and I've not spoken to them about it.

Guess if it came up or they asked, I'd be honest. Otherwise though, I don't feel the need and can't see how it would benefit them.

Good luck.

[Leslie Langford]

There are clearly strong pros and cons for either point of view on this question, and much depends on the individual crossdresser's personal situation, and more particularly - on their relationship with their wife or SO and how she relates to their crossdressing.

But as the saying goes, "You can run, but you can't hide." Even the best kept secrets eventually leak out, and there is something to be said for getting ahead of a potentially awkward or disastrous situation so that you can control the narrative here as opposed to being blind-sided by the discovery. And to Stephanie47's point...death is the great equalizer in all of this. Many of us here are seniors in DADT or similar situations, and have far more years behind us than ahead of us. If we die before our spouses, presumably they can get rid of all the "evidence" and no one will be the wiser. If we are the last to die, it will likely fall to our survivors who will then come upon our secret stash(es) while in the process of settling our estates. Is it really fair to burden them with this unexpected (and potentially very troubling) discovery that will forever tarnish our legacy with the realization that we have been living a lie all our lives, and actually weren't the person they all thought we were?

[Jodie_Lynn]

My only child knew before I told her. My own fault, I taught her to be observant of the world around her, plus she was a snoop!

Once, years ago, she asked me if I was wearing women's jeans ( I was ), and I replied "No, they are my jeans."

When the wife and I separated, I felt that I owed it to our daughter to let her know why. She beat me to the punchline, and accepted me wholly. We are still very close, and when she needs "Dad", I literally 'man up' and am there for her. Other than that, she is fine with my life as Jodie, including the fact that I have a boyfriend.

[Teresa]

River GG,
My kids are now mature adults so they can deal with me living full time . I've been out several times with my daughter to shows and shopping and also take the granddaughter on outings . We usually have xmas day together with the rest of her family . My son knows but he chooses not to see me , they are more guarded about their two young sons , I'll just have to bide my time .

No one has to worry about keeping it a secret because it no longer is one , which feels good .

I do agree younger children and teenagers possibly have enough problems of their own , they are more important and need help and support , that is what parents are all about .

[DTelia]

But as the saying goes, "You can run, but you can't hide."

It really depends. Some secrets can remain a secret. Of course, the more “open and about you are, etc” the more likelihood of someone catching you. But this can be managed, as many here have done.

[kimdl93]

In my case, my adult sons and I have a sort of DADT arrangement. I know they know, because my ex wife went out of her way to inform them, along with a lot of other people. When we are together, I am dad. Other than letting me know in very general ways that they are entirely OK with transgender people, we really don?t discuss it.

[Dutchess]

Yes BUT my children were born knowing I lived an alt lifestyle . I had 6 ids who were 18-0 20 years ago when my wild cd husband entered the pic then later when Kat my TG companion entered it , Kat primarily raised my now 19 yr old .
Again though we all lived an alt lifestyle and both of these people just happened into my life through friends I already had .

Having said all this my 19 yr old has very little patience with her 22 yr old tg roomate , like none . She had very strong feelings for my daughter and my daughter had to make it clear she wasn't going down that road . That she misses our Kat but that life had too many issues for her , that she needs to stay on task with her own life .

So you ever know how its going to turn out .

[Visitor]

I don't have children but read this thread nonetheless to get a sense of what life is like for those of us drawn to this world. I respect the wide range of opinions and how one's relationship with your children's mother is such an important part of this calculation. And that is all over the map from what I read. That touches on the other significant element of this life... the reaction of our loved ones.

With regard to children I find myself wondering about the world they are entering. It seems a much different world that the one I've known. There seems to be much greater acceptance of gender fluidity. I don't know whether that extends to fathers crossdressing, but it seems a healthy thing. Yes, it is very disturbing to some people, so there will be no smooth sailing for folks on this path.

I so appreciate that this place exists so conversations like this can happen. Deep respect to all of you who spend time here and share your thoughts and opinions.

[Genni]

I recently told my two grown daughters (20-something and 30-something years old) and they were fully supportive. The younger one was very surprised. I don't think that the older daughter was much surprised.

[kayegirl]

Both of my kids, if you can call a 41 and 39 year old kids, know. But I promised their Mother that I would not dress in front of them, a promise that I have kept. Likewise my step daughter, 37 year old, also knows but hasn't seen me dressed.

[Lana Mae]

Didn't really get into all of this until after my wife passed away! At that time my daughter lived with us! Once I realized this was who I am, I told my daughter since she lives with me! I later came out to my son! He told me he and his wife suspected! Both of my children said that they just want Dad to be happy! They were both in their thirties at the time! My son said we will deal with it when the time comes as far as the grandchildren! Of course, you and your wife must make this decision! Best wishes Hugs Lana Mae

[banzini]

My kids (7 and 9) both know and have known for years.

[Judy-Somthing]

After 37 years of marriage I told my wife that I liked to cross-dress, she freaked out and we end up arguing a lot for the next year.
Then one day after my wife and I argued my 20 year old daughter asked why we argued so much, I told her that I liked to dress as a woman sometimes!
She said "so, what's the big deal" she then told mom "it's not a big deal" then she told my son who said his kink was bigger than mine.
They did see me dressed a few times at Halloween parties.

[TheHiddenMe]

I have 24 and 27 year old sons.

Have I told them? No.

Do they know? One lives full time with us, the other during when he's not away at graduate school. Dad does his own laundry, and dad wears panties. There is also our walk-in closet with women's clothes and shoes that mom never wears. So who knows if they know.

[JeanTG]

My kids are all adults. One is mtf in transition. The other is gender non-binary. The oldest, seems normal, and is accepting. And there's me... so yes they all know.

There must be something weird in the water where I live...

[FrannGurl]

This is a very good post!

I have two sons and four daughters..... Three of my oldest daughters know all about me and are very supportive in such a way as to give me advice or even give and share makeup with me. I can literally tell them anything that's going on with me. My youngest daughter is 13 and she doesn't know. My older sons know I think, but they don't talk about it or bring it up. I have a great relationship with them all and love them to pieces.

[dominique]

I have 2 daughters, one knows and one doesn't. The youngest one knows and is accepting. Story youngest daughter came home un-expectantly and I was fully dressed. She didn't bat an eyelid at me. Maybe because she's was at the time at university so she knows and sees all aspects of life. But when we're both at home I don't tend to dress when she's in the house.

[Cynthia_0101]

The wife and I had discussed telling our child and it was left up to me to decide if it was something I wanted to do, to be honest, it was not. Back then I had a hard enough time to dress in front of my wife let alone our child.

Then about 5 years ago our child came out as gender fluid. Again the wife and I had a discussion and decided at this point it would be beneficial to tell them so they did not feel so alone. It worked out well and had no adverse reactions. I still don't dress in front of them and don't think I ever will.

[Rogina B]

My now eighteen and a half year old daughter has been everywhere with me since age five.She is a wonderful young adult, fully accepting and embracing the diversity of the world.On her college applications,having a transgender father was mentioned in the "additional information" section. There is no shame in wanting to live life in a way that makes you happy. Living an "out" life was always important to me and I shaped our household to suit. Everybody's needs are different.

[Liz Jones]

The "pink fog"came very late in my life--told the wife and later our two Daughters.We have five Grandchildren, our eldest Daughter has three of them.Her youngest on leaving primery school decided he wanted to wear a dress for his leaving Prom. His Mum bought him a dress &4"heeled sandles (he can RUN in them --me i could just about walk ☺ ) At this point he was not aware i dressed, looking at the situation i debated on "coming out"to give him some support. I came out to him (and his brother &sister( the other children are toddlers) i was concernd about him feeling like he was the only one in the world, i know that feeling only too well.......
His Pom went off with no bother ,othe pupils just eccepted him , perhaps its us " oldies" that are the problm........
Liz

[Jenny22]

RiverGG, the big question for both of you is what do YOU want to get out of telling, not why should THEY know.

[DTelia]

RiverGG, the big question for both of you is what do YOU want to get out of telling, not why should THEY know.

Bingo. And once you tell them, they know. It’s done.

Not a good analogy here maybe, but I’ll share anyway...

We dont give our kids cell phones until their 16. Why? Because once they have a phone/mobile device, they’ll always have it. I want them to enjoy their youth.

Regarding this CD stuff...their world is more complicated today than ours was years ago. I think you may have other opportunities to teach them to how to treat others and overtime they’ll probably better understand who you are than you realize, and they’ll have more respect for you because of it.

God bless

[HollyGreene]

Two sons, 16 and 13.
They don't know and as being a CD is part of my private life, I don't plan to let them know.
I have no plans to come out or transition, so there's no need for them to know.

[April Rose]

I came out to my son when he was 22. He told me he had known since he was 14. He is 32 now and it is still a non issue with him. He has trans and non binary friends.

[Crissy 107]

Nope, they do not know and I see no reason to change that.

[abby054]

Yes, my daughter figured it out. Then she went on a mission to find my stuff. She did. Her curiosity satisfied, she began a DADT relationship on this issue with me. She told my wife of her suspicions and findings. That did not go well at all. It is why I moved Abby?s stuff to a storage unit, where I have dressed in peace for the past 17 years.

[phili]

I called my 30 yr old daughter and told her. She said- Are you gay? Are you divorcing? no- I am wrestling with something difficult to understand, but I am going to methodically work on growing up again. then OK non issue. and told all her friends, and they were quite sympathetic and interested, according to her. Her bf sent me Grayson Perry's book, the Descent of Man.

At first she decline to see me dressed. THen one day I dressed and showed her, and she said- well, you don't really look different.

The substance of our relationship as father and daughter is the primary and priority connection for me. Being genderfluid means I can switch to what works in the moment.With her is it always manlike, but now with much better communication skills!

[Giselle(Oshawa)]

my wife has recently told me our youngest son(still living at home) has figured out i am a crossdresser when he fixed my computer, this disturbs me but if he confronts me i will tell him the truth

[MichaelM]

My children are young (<12) and I don't want them to know either now or in the future.

It's something I do for myself but not something that I want to show the world.

Besides, growing up is hard enough as it is without confusing them.

[alwayshave]

I am estranged from my adult children due to a nasty ex-wife. They don't know. My wife's children live with us and don't know either.

[Michellebej]

I live in a different state than most of my children.

My oldest daughter lives in this state, and has since she was a teen. When I divorced her Mom ( for her adultery, not my crossdressing), I kept her Moms clothes and whatnot in my room and slowly traded it for my stuff. Which means all the kids were used to seeing women's stuff in my room their entire life.

Stephanie has known since she came to live with me at 16. She figured it out on her own. Now at 32, she is married with two children and we have a wonderful relationship. I have lived as a woman full time, with the exceptions of my other children visiting, for just about 20 years. Her kids call me grandma, and that is how I function with her family.

My oldest son has been moving back and forth for years, I'm not even sure how he came to know. I think he just had questions and I answered them honestly. The problem with him is he has a big mouth and for some reason thinks he should tell everyone here in Ohio. However; when I interact with his family it is as a father and Grandfather. It has led to some interesting moments with the Grandchildren when they interact and talk about Grandma and Grandpa. I'm still not sure how that is going to play out. As my Grandson is as devoted to his grandfather, as my grand daughter is to her Grandma. I spend the week with my Grand daughter and the weekend with my grandson. For now it works.

My second oldest son, is I think aware, but is definitely don't ask, don't tell. He lives in California. We are quite close and I take my vacations with him and his family.

My youngest daughter is in denial. Though I have never said a word on the subject. However; she told Steph that she was unfriending her, on fb, because she did not want to see "family pictures with the kids "other grandmother"...oh and by the way...who is that other woman...never mind dont tell me". Pretty much how that conversation went. My son in law's only comment on the subject is that my daughter, who is completely loyal to her mom, does not want to see "my girlfriend" who has taken over as Grandmother from the girls Mom. Though the truth is my oldest daughter hates her Mother for issues unrelating to me, in any way shape or form. It's one of those things that my ex has told me she knows she was wrong, but just can't make herself fix that bridge.

The bottom line with my youngest is that she is devoted to her father, and lives a pretty traditional middle class Christian lifestyle...and it's going to stay that way!!! lol

[Ceera]

When I first came to terms with my own need to express my femininity, including a need to go out in public as a woman, I was 57 years old, and recently widowed. My 18 year old daughter was living with me. I had been repressing my sexuality and femininity for most of my life, trying to live up to my parent?s expectations for me to be a straight male who would marry and give then grandchildren. Between 2012 and 2014, I lost both of my parents, and then my wife. With their passing, I no longer felt obligated to continue living a life that left a large part of my own mind unsatisfied. Well, my daughter had friends in her high school who were gay or lesbian, and even had one friend in her peer group who was openly going through male to female transition. For many young people of her generation, sexual orientation and gender identity are much less cut and dried. So before I ever tried to go out in public as a woman, I came out to my daughter before anyone else. I told her i needed to explore what my own needs really were - that I needed to try being in public as a woman, and try exploring my sexual needs, dating both men and women. She was tremendously supportive from the very start. It has been six years now, and I am now two years into full male to female transition. My daughter remains my best supporter.

[Raychel]

My 3 boys know I dress.
They are 24, 26, and 31

The were all very accepting.
they know I am still their father and love them very much.

They have all seen me dressed, and have never said a word

[adelinapa]

Mines are young, middle school and grade school. So no, they do not know, but i'm leaving bread crumbs. They will, and we live in a diverse enough community that i think it's ok.

That being said, i haven't told them.

Like everything else, it's a process.

[t-girlxsophie]

Sadly my son and I have been estranged for going on 5 years now,with no resolution seemingly in sight.It hurts but I don't dwell on it,At home my twin stepsons have known since shortly after their mother and I met and have been super supportive so I've experience of both sides of the coin

[Vintage4sarah]

I have only one married adult daughter. When my wife and I were working through my CD issues, one of her request was to keep my gender identity a secret from our daughter. I strive to always keep my word and I have not had that talk with my daughter for 20 years now.

The most difficult problem with this is that my daughter has always been "Daddy's Girl" and we are still very close even though she lives overseas now. She is a bright, open minded person and I know in my heart that she would have no issues herself knowing and understanding my transgender side of my personality.

[Ally 2112]

My x wife told my oldest daughter a couple of years ago .I had no clue we were having a conversation one day and she just came out and said i know what you do
I had no idea but had an idea if ya know what i mean .She said it was all good and accepted me and was good with it . Thing was i had no idea who knew her husband sister kids or who ever ? .Found out it was just her and she has as far as i know kept it a secret and never brought it up again

[Danielle_cder]

My kiddos are young (3&5) don?t plan on breaking it too them any time soon! Not sure if I ever will... both my wife and I are on the same page in terms of breaking it too them. Maybe when they are in their teens... my older one is very sharp and intuitive so I?m sure she will probably figure it out or snoop n find. As most know younger children (and a vast majority of adults) have a hard time keeping secrets so... don?t need them to out me.

[kimdl93]

My kids know because my ex told them. For the most part, we leave the subject alone.

[Bobbi46]

Vintage Sarah, my daughter has always been the same to me but despite 2 divorces and a 21 yr gap during which I had no idea where she was, it was a secret. But all of that changed when I realised I was now 24/7 and just about everybody around me knows I dress it became a much needed thing to tell my kids. The one who was most over the moon about it all was my daughter (by the way she is 44 yrs old now). My son not so and as yet has not told his kids or his wife! not the same with my daughtzer who told everybody in the family. All of them have accepted "the new me".
Of course things dont work out as well for some as it has with my family and my extended family. But what it has done is made life so much easier for me when my daughter comes.

[Lux]

A little late to this thread as life has been very busy back at work. Years ago I posted a reply to a similarly asked question when my two kids were very young. I had told the story of going to a SCC Southern Comfort meeting (back when it was in Atlanta) with my now wife. She surprised me with tickets to the meeting and we had an incredible time dressing up and meeting other CD’s. One evening, we were talking to a group of 5 or 6 lovely ladies when this exact topic came up. Someone in the group posed the question to me and I proudly said “I would absolutely tell my young children as I have nothing to hide and not ashamed of who I am”. At which point someone gave me great advice and told me “why burden them with something like this when being a child is tough enough.” She went on to say that you should only tell them if you have to dress as a female at home but if you do it privately, why make things more complicated. Sage advice.

This advice was well taken but fast forward to last year when my ex wife demanded I tell my young teenage children that I am a crossdresser. We don’t really get along now and she was never accepting of my female side. Jealous, she was trying to undermine my relationship with my kids using the “you can’t lie to them and have to be honest” argument. I knew she would tell them if I didn’t so we set up a family meeting with her hopes of trying to embarrass me in front of the kids. I took a breath, 100% owned it and was not ashamed in my explanation. When I was done talking, both kids were stone faced and silent until my son smiled and said “I think it’s cool that you can be both”... as I watched my ex wife die inside...priceless. My daughter similarly accepted me and is ecstatic that she and I can watch YouTube makeup tutorials together now. Life is funny that way.

[Sometimes Steffi]

I have only one married adult daughter. When my wife and I were working through my CD issues, one of her request was to keep my gender identity a secret from our daughter. I strive to always keep my word and I have not had that talk with my daughter for 20 years now.

The most difficult problem with this is that my daughter has always been "Daddy's Girl" and we are still very close even though she lives overseas now. She is a bright, open minded person and I know in my heart that she would have no issues herself knowing and understanding my transgender side of my personality.

Wow, are our wives related? My adult (37 y.o.) daughter does not know for the same reason. I also think that she would be understanding because she has several good friends who are Lesbian. But, I can't tell her without breaking my DADT boundaries.

[Pixiesmate]

All my kids know. The first was my son who found me working in the garage in a short mini skirt (it was summertime, hot, and my garage is detached and in the rear of my house. He was supposed to be delivering a truckload of stuff to another state when he surprised me by walking down the driveway and into the garage. He saw what I was wearing and didn’t say anything at that time. We talked about it after he got home, and both he and his wife (who were living with me at the time) told me that they were fine with it. My 2 stepdaughters discovered my clothing choices when I wore a pair of leggings with a male shirt one Christmas morning. It was discussed at length and they were also fine with it. One of my daughters is a high school biology teacher. She was teaching a class on human sexuality mandated by the state. One of the sections in the class dealt gender identity and cross dressing. She asked if I would send her a picture of me in a dress for her class, and then used it as part of the presentation, including identifying me as her Stepdad. She later told me that the class was exceptionally accepting, including one male student who she thought might present a problem. She had a box that students could put anonymous questions that related to any of the material she presented into so that she could answer any questions without having the student fear ridicule from their peers for asking in class. We all remember high school, be part of the pack or be socially ostracized, so the question box solved that problem. All the questions from 2 different classes were read in both classes to prevent any recognition. One of those notes only said, “Tell your stepdad he’s awesome.” It appears that the younger generation is far more accepting of our clothing choices.

[Leelou]

I love this thread. My daughter knows, but we haven't had "the talk". I came out to her mom years after the marriage ended and we were in a period of reconciling. I wasn't out to my daughter's mom during our 7 year marriage because she had a couple of kids from a previous marriage, we had a brief courtship and I didn't really have a chance to slowly introduce this side of me into the relationship. So I stayed closeted during the marriage.

Fast forward a couple of decades. We try to reconcile and I come out to her. Everything is great. She's accepting. But unfortunately, the reconciliation doesn't last. I let her know that my coming out to her wasn't binding her to secrecy. She shared with my daughter, I find out years after the reconciliation failed, and my daughter still loves me. I figure if she wants to talk to me about it, she will.