Are you at peace?

[Di]

I had a cder tell me after health issues they decided they had to for their own sanity and health accept themselves and find peace within themselves.
We read a lot of angst here and thank goodness some uplifting stories. We are sad and happy for each other....it is a wonderful thing.
So talk to me
Are you at peace with your crossdressing?
What ways can you work on that?
If you are at peace tell us about how you got there.

[Liz Jones]

Think i can sum up things in two words --I wish......

[SaraLin]

So talk to me
Are you at peace with your crossdressing?
What ways can you work on that?
If you are at peace tell us about how you got there.

VERY interesting question. Here's my immediate (and therefore probably the most honest) response...

I guess I'd have to say that yes, I am at peace with it.
BUT - that isn't the same as saying I'm content with it.

I tend to use analogies to explain things, so here goes:
A while back I was chatting with a friend who has some major physical disabilities and I commented that it must be tough going through life with those challenges. He just chuckled and said that it's all he's ever known, so he doesn't miss "normal".

Wow!
I know he'd love to be cured, but he's completely OK (at peace) with where he is.

After years of struggling, I've finally accepted the reality of my existence. I have merged the warring parts of my psyche into a rather "curious" blend of masculine and feminine traits. I dress in the clothing of both genders - feminine (within 'da rulez) in the privacy of my home, and outwardly masculine to the rest of the world.
It's not ideal. It's not what my first pick would be. But since the universe isn't going to rearrange itself so that I can wake up as a GG, it'll have to do.
I'll never be "pretty in pink", but I have a loving wife, a good home, good health, and financial stability.

I can live with that.

[Princess29]

nope, still not at peace with it. I enjoy it when I do it but all the stuff associated with getting to do it usually puts me off. Stood down from work since April with no end in sight and have basically almost not dressed up at all in that time

[Crissy 107]

SaraLin, Really Good post!
Yes I am at peace with my CD’ing, it took a long time and much angst, denial and feeling ashamed. These are things that are negatives and we need positives in our lives so about 7 years ago I decided I had to accept it and let my wife know. Years of trying to suppress it did not work. Once I let my wife in on it I felt a big relief and absolutely much more happier. I think happiness can be such an elusive goal for me and others.

[Victoria1]

I am perfectly ok with who I am and my crossdressing. I'm not ashamed of it, I enjoy it. It's a fundamental part of who I am, the same as my height or my hair color. I'm comfortable in my own skin.

[alwayshave]

I have been at peace with my crossdressing for a while as that is who I am. I do wish I had more chances to dress. But, with adult children in my home 24/7 it is difficult.

[phili]

I am at peace - fully now. I went from feeling hollow and having a terrible secret- yet feeling it was ok and trying to find someone, anyone, who would accept and understand, to building an ever more complex life that didn't include it outside my secret sessions, to retiring and seeing the end of life coming, and thinking, it is now or never, and telling my wife, expecting acceptance. I didn't get acceptance, so then a new and heightened struggle to understand whether my feelings were legitimate, and how to integrate as a person so I wasn't hollow.

Took 5 years to find peace, and the most helpful things have been:
1. A lot of writing to work out that gender is an arbitrary, but useful construct with way too much strict enforcement.
2. Realizing I had 5 separate sound reasons to like crossdressing, which disentangled sexuality and cleared my head
3. Going out and finding acceptance from others validated my basic position.
4. Feeling very subtle body feelings that underlie my emotional and psychological gender, and which I ascribe to a particular mix of biology that just is what it is.
5. Realizing that since I love my wife I am going to make some compromises, but I can do that so it is manageable and constructive.
6. As each confusion or strain disappeared, I became more and more peaceful. I now know exactly who I am, roughly why, and what I am going to do from here on out, and not regret it on my deathbed!

[Paulie Birmingham]

I am at peace. There are no issues with wife and all is well

[GretchenM]

Another great question, Di. You are on a roll. And wonderful responses SaraLin and Crissy.

As for the crossdressing, for me it is just something that goes with the territory of my identity. My identity is roughly an equal dose of male-like and female-like gender traits and characteristics. I am a gender blender for the most part and only rarely express as female and then for only a few hours. But my identity is there all the time.

Until 2012 when I realized I had to reconcile things or something very bad and permanent was going to happen, I hated the strong female-like aspects to my identity. That resulted from having that identity denied when I was about 8 years old when I told my parents I wanted to be a girl (that was about 1953 - the term "transgender" wasn't even invented until 1969). So, on one side I became the boy I was expected to be even though that was not really my nature. I fought the girl in me for the next 60 years until that fight nearly killed me. In retrospect she kept me half way sane and tolerable as she provided a kinder, gentler aspect to me than the masculinity I experienced in men in my formative years. What was that? Mean and dictatorial. That still shined through often and I hated that as much as I hated the girl that made me do unacceptable things. In a word, I hated who I was.

In 2012 I went to therapy and to group and became acquainted with the transgender world and its vast diversity. I considered transitioning but realized that was not who I was in terms of my gender. So now I associate with a non-binary identity that spans much of the entire gender spectrum - jack of all trades, master of none.

Is it ideal? Is anything ideal? No it is not, but the female-like aspects and male-like aspects form a coalition or collaboration to face the world and deal with the vast world of social interaction we humans have created. There are still difficulties such as a wife who is not really on board and living in a society that likes to think it is accepting when it is, in general, only tolerant. But if tolerance is all that is given, that is fine. The alternative (intolerance) was the nature of the world I spent most of my 75 years living with - not fun. Am I at Peace? Yes. Am I living the life that I always dreamed of? Not even close; but that is biology. It is good.

In conclusion, it is not about crossdressing. It is about IDENTITY. Crossdressing, for me, is just an aspect of the identity. Do I need it? More or less sometimes, but my identity is 24/7. If I didn't have the identity I have I can see no compelling reason why I would engage in crossdressing. I understand my identity, a great deal about where it came from, and, now, how to live with it.

[Teri Ray]

I believe I am finally at peace with my desire to crossdress. I will say it took me a long time to quit the self loathing but now that I am open to my wife with this desire, life seems much better. I no longer have to hide, keep secrets, or find sneaky ways to get to wear female attire from my wife.

[kimdl93]

Not at peace. I am often quite conflicted. Although I live alone and have the option to dress as I wish on a day to day basis, I find some benefit in going out and mingling with everyday people as I experience life presenting as a woman.

I like Gretchen’s gender concept of being a jack of all trades, master of none. It seems I will inevitably have my feet planted in both worlds, and never be perfectly fitted to on or the other.

[Natalie5004]

In my head not really. I am in need of expressing myself to my wife. She won't have it. I have great friends she is afraid I will tell them.

I want to go out for lunch, go shopping, go out for drinks. All with a bunch of my girl friends. I have not told a soul. I have, as most of you might know grown my hair to my shoulders, colored out most of the great with streaks of dark. medium and blond highlights, pierced my ears, working on my eyebrows. I am sure they are thinking something is up but so far no real questions.

So, how do I help myself when I want to be a woman part time but have nobody to share it with other than people on the other side of the computer screen? At least I can dress for 8 hours 2 to 3 times a week or all day when I am away at my other home. But still not quite happy about it.

[DMichele]

I am more at peace with my gender identity today then at any time in the past, and I am thankful for that. I strive to continue to expand my female-like thinking and presentation, which seem to increase my peacefulness - albeit in baby steps.

[Cheryl T]

Yes, I am fully at peace with this.
After decades of denial, guilt and shame I finally realized that this isn't some "habit" or obsession, it's who I am.

How I came to this point? I stopped hating myself for it and began to love who I am.

[Di]

Everyone,
Thank you for your frank answers. Much appreciated.
Keep them coming

[NancySue]

Yes, I?m totally at peace with my dressing. My wife?s acceptance has a lot, if not all, of my dressing. It?s just a part of me. I dress daily and love it.

[Tania]

Like so many, until my late 40?s, pretty much struggled with it. I finally came to grips this is not going away. A sign of middle age maturity, I suppose. I know it is different for each individual, and I feel empathy for those who will never fully accept this side of there personna.

Once I accepted that fact, it became a little easier. Now at 57, there are days once in a while, but all in all, accept and enjoy this side of my personality. Just as a reference, my wife has known for 33 of our 35 year marriage. She has always accepted/tolerated this side of me, but has embraced it more in recent years.

[Giselle(Oshawa)]

even though my wife is tolerant i am not and probably never will
be at peace with being a crossdresser.
i lack the courage to be totally honest with both my wife and myself

[Visitor]

Thanks for the question and the responses. It isn't often that we talk so honestly about who we are and how we navigate life. I appreciate so many of you have gone through this while maintaining a pretty normal life... marriage, children, career. Despite living a life that at times appeared normal in reality I was carrying the residue of sexual trauma from infancy and childhood and life was a hell realm. Crossdressing behavior appears to be one of the products of those experiences. I didn't remember the traumas until much later in life but I did not forget crossdressing. It was eternally a source of great sexual excitement and even greater shame. I was arrested at age 19 for breaking into homes to steal lingerie. I've spent much of my life trying to understand and come to terms with my behaviors which were clearly aberrant. Years of therapy, a graduate degree in psychology, years of spiritual practice and in 12 Step rooms have helped me come to self-acceptance and self-compassion. It has been a long journey.

I live alone and after about 20 years of having done no crossdressing, I'm allowing myself to experience those feelings without shame. I'm watching videos about transgender topics, and of boys who've transitioned. I came to this website to read about how others are relating to these feelings and behaviors. I'm not quite certain what these behaviors represent for me right now but I don't believe it has anything to do with passing or transitioning. I certainly feel comfort when I'm wearing a brassiere but I don't feel like growing out my hair or putting on eye makeup, or wearing a dress. Of course, the question asked is "am I at peace?" I'd say yes. Suppressing these feelings really has never served me. Allowing these feelings to be present without shaming myself feels like a step into the fullness of who I am. It doesn't really matter how I came to be this person. The important question is whether I am willing to BE this person. Fortunately for me, I don't feel a need to present this person in public or to any particular person. Two friends know about my exploration and are very supportive, one man, one woman. Whether they will experience more than what I share in conversation is not clear. I guess the best way to put it is I'm at peace, but I know this is an unfolding process. I don't know what it means or where it leads. I'm fine with that.

[Pumped]

I am at peace with my dressing, I got there a few years ago. I decided I wasn't hurting anyone, including myself. Many worse things I could be doing. CD'ers talk about guilt, I never had any. I never felt any guilt, I only wished my wife would be accepting so I could stop trying to hide it all, and that has happened. I dress as I please at home.

[Shirley Rose]

I'm not at peace yet I think it is an attainable goal. I am a work in progress now exploring pushing my boundries building a wardrobe searching for my best look. I am happy these things are happening but being at peace is a distant light at the end of the tunnel. I am confident I will get there.

[Lana Mae]

OK, I am TS not a CD anymore, but I started all this as one!
I determined I needed to step out of the closet and took a car ride dressed as much as I could! No wig and no make up! Exhilarating! I knew that I needed a wig and some level of make up/skills! I saved my money and booked a transformation, make up lesson and shopping for a wig! After all of that, my self acceptance and confidence were through the ceiling!
I started really observing cis-women! They are not all hourglass shaped with hips wider than their shoulders! There are 3 ladies just here in my town who have hips narrower than their shoulders! I am older(69) and older women and men start to look alike! LOL No, it is true! I found a number that actually look similar to me! More
self acceptance!
I am on HRT and that definately contributes to my peace! Self acceptance is the place to start!!! If you can get out, that helps the confidence oh so much! I live in North Carolina and am accepted almost everywhere I go! I do not know if as female or trans but that is not important, the acceptance is what is important!
Just some thoughts on the thread!Hugs Lana Mae

[Bobbi46]

I am now but for many years I fought within myself about whether this was for real, was it just a phase, what makes me like this? and loads of other thoughts. My work and mariages (2) forced my desires underground with only brief spells. It was only after I seperated and divorced my 2nd wife that at last I found freedom and peace.Plus having aDr friend i was able to probe the whys and wherefores of being like I am. Having after many years found the answers I was looking for, I found peace, explored what and how I wanted to be and finally embarking on a happy life of 24/7 dressing.
And now? I am at peace for the very first time in me entire life.

[Rachel05]

My answer to that is a definite yes I am very much at peace with my crossdressing and life fells good around it, that makes it sound really easy and it has been anything but

When I started I was 8yo, so I have been dressing now for over 50years and I can't quite put my finger on the exact point at which I accepted me, it took many years of the angst and all the negative feelings that I had about myself for being different, but along the way, I found a way to accept me and now me and my dressing are as one and we are very happy together

Teenage years were probably the worst, being around my friends when I was wearing panties or bra and panties was really tough and being different was hard to understand, but it is part of who I am and once I realised that and I wanted it to be part of me, I began to ease my way to acceptance

It feels amazing to be sat here now dressed as I want to be dressed and hopefully showing someone who reads this that there is a way through, but we are all different and I so wish that I had been able to come here when I was 8yo and through my teens, I guess one of the worst things is thinking that you are the only one who is different

I am definitely at peace, no regrets other than I wish I has been a bit easier on myself earlier in life, would I want to stop? definitely not, do I want to be "cured"?? absolutely not, this is me

[Teresa]

Di,
I'm finally at peace now I accept being TG and going full time .

[Star01]

Over the past few years I have come to accept that I am a crossdresser and always will be. I came to that realization before I started therapy which has taken away any reservations I had regarding self acceptance. In spite of my self acceptance I am not content with my circumstances as they apply to being able to shop or dress openly. I believe that self acceptance and contentment are two separate things. Self acceptance is not dependent on contentment but the two can be connected.

Self acceptance depends on me and I can have that no matter what others think or do. Contentment can be affected or even dictated by others like in the case of a crossdresser who cannot dress due to their wife's strict DADT demands. That is my situation and it puts me in the position of having to shop secretly, hide things and sneak a few hours of dressing when I can. I have accepted myself as a crossdresser but am very frustrated and discontented by my restrictive situation. My therapist asked me what it would take for me to be happy and content. My answer was the freedom to shop and dress would come first but I can't guarantee where or if it would stop.

Things stopping me from exploring my gender and attaining contentment are my wife, adult kids, extended family and neighbors. This is where I get philosophical about the balance between my feelings and everyone else's. That balance between my own happiness and how it affects others. When all is said and done a drive en femme or a walk down the street in a dress isn't addressing my bigger issue. For me it really comes down to opening up to my wife and hoping she loves me enough to stay or continuing to live in discontent due to my own fears. I have come to that fork in the road that will make it manifest how bad my dysphoria is. Even if she reacts favorably I would have to make that difficult decision knowing that she might not. If I blow up fifty years of marriage and lose family, friends and reputation in the community is that worth being able to dress as a woman? So far I have not been able to take that leap of faith and I cannot achieve contentment without doing that.

For many of us this dilemma keeps us in a never ending loop of discontentment.

[Allisa]

If I answer the question from the meaning of "crossdresser", yes I am at peace with being one. Of course I would like to appear more "womanly" but that's just my vanity and a lot of commercialism aimed at woman that has unfortunately found it's way into my consciousness. I think that if you read the last line of my signature it will give you an idea of who I am so the wearing of clothing designated for the opposite of my birth gender comes very natural to me. Yes there were decades of shame and guilt and hiding, you know the same old,same old. Fortunately? I never married or had children(not kids, only goats have kids)so that aspect of my CDing I cannot relate to or comment on as to how that would have affected my acceptance and coming to terms of my CDing. All I can say is that I am happier, more open and relaxed with my TGism, I know that is off point here but I think it had to be said to explain how I achieved my "peace" with my CDing as a natural extension of who I am. I hope I answered your question to some sort of satisfaction.

[docrobbysherry]

Altho it took years of help from cd.comers to accept Sherry and to have Sherry accepted by the trans world? (Still an ongoing process). :brolleyes:

Now, Sherry's world is busy, exciting, glamorous and filled with fun, younger, active and creative folks! Ok, some of it is imaginary. But, almost all the people in it r real!:hugs:
And, all of this while I'm still not out of the closet with some family and ALL of Robert's friends!:heehee:

Thank everyone here!:love:

[Robertacd]

Yes, but it was not until I accepted myself as TG did I find real peace.

[Bea_]

I am fairly well at peace with crossdressing. I am less at peace with certain other aspects of my life.

[HollyGreene]

I know some CDs have deep feelings of guilt and shame, but I don't think I've really been in that position. I had the fear of being found out, but that's only because it was something that was not accepted by society - not because I felt that I shouldn't be doing it.
I am not only at peace with my being a CD, but I am glad that I am one. I have feelings that I know non-CDs will never experience; feelings that enrich my life beyond the "norm" that society expects of a man.

[HelpMe,Rhonda]

I somehow got to being at peace with it early on even before the internet came around to show us how much more common it is than we may have thought.

[Raychel]

Over the years, when I was younger there was a huge struggle in my mind
there were purges and hiding all the time.
Life was very stressful and busy

After many years of marriage I told my wife.
And the world did start to get to be more at peace for me.

Our marriage was very tough over the years.
There was a lots of times that we did not get along very well.
After I came out to her and she accepted me. It did help or situation for a while
but did not solve the underlying conditions of the marriage.

Eventually we ended up separating
Now I am free to dress whenever I wish

So yes I am at peace with my dressing.
But has been a very long road, Overall happiness had to be achieved first.
And being in an unstable marriage sure did not help at all

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Di :hugs:, I have a very workable DA/DT with my:love:Wife, she knows about everything,

But just don't want to see me while I am dressed, >Orchid .oO:daydreaming:Oo.

[Tammy P.]

I would say yes I am at peace with my dressing, but I would probably only be trying to fool myself.
I am pretty much guilt free with the dressing but not so much with subjecting my wife to it.
My wife seems to be OK with me dressing and tells me so when I express some doubt about her acceptance.

Why don't I accept this at face value and believe her. Maybe that is where my lingering doubt comes in. We are both pleasers for each other and would do pretty much anything for the others happiness. So there is the crux of my guilt, is she really OK with this or only OK because it makes me happy.

If only I could believe .. unfortunately ... over thinking may just be my middle name.

[Sometimes Steffi]

Actually, I'm quite at peace with myself. There was a time in my life when i would have given anything (well, almost anything) for it to just go away. Now, I consider it a special gift.

In the movie "Tootsie". there is a line at the end where Michael (aka Tootsie) says, "I was a better man as a woman than I ever was as a man."

How about that for a self affirmation.

[TheHiddenMe]

Absolutely.

Compared to many, I'm lucky. I came to terms with the idea I wanted to crossdress in my teens. I knew I was my version of normal. I never felt guilty about it.

Four years ago I overcame my fears about going out dressed, and since then I've made friends, met others in the TG community, been out lots of times, been able to blog about my experiences, and obtained a fabulous wardrobe.

My life definitely doesn't suck, either as a boy or a girl.

[Val_Blackbird]

Not. Even. Close. :(

I live in a near perpetual fear that one of a few faux pas was witnessed by the wrong person (couple of accidental mini-outs), and it could affect me personally or professionally, which with my social circle, that's pretty much one-in-the-same. I don't want to take attention from another member who has a similar situation, but I also recently lost my mom. She knew about my crossdressing for about the last eight months of her life, and while she never made an issue about it - actively participated in some instances - I never got the impression she was completely on board, more just going with it to make me happy. So, I have some feeling like I'm dishonoring her memory by doing what I do. I'll never know if I'm right about that or not; I like to think I'm wrong, but it's a difficult feeling to shake. And, of course, there is the fear of being murdered or worse . . . .

I want to finish with something more positive. I'm happy that so many have found a level of peace. It's good to know that the external factors that, to some extent, govern my life are capable of being slain, and that perhaps there is hope one day I will find a balance. I think maybe I got started in this very late - 37 - and maybe my window will close before I'm able to be completely content with it. But, I shall carry on in whatever way I can and the world will allow. With luck, it'll be a hell of a ride.

[Di]

Everyone your honest in depth answers mean so very much. I thank you.

[GaleWarning]

Yes. I live alone. No issues.

[AngelaYVR]

I meet a surprising number of people who come up and feel compelled to talk to me because I “look so serene”. I love the balance between the different facets of my life and am thoroughly happy with how much time I spend expressing them. I feel no shame or fear or anything negative about what I do - I wish we could all be that way!

[Stephanie47]

When I first started to delve into my mother's lingerie draw in my mid teen years I was totally conflicted. Society declared any man who wore woman's clothing was gay although the terminology was rather repulsive. How could that be when I lusted after inaccessible young starlets like Annette Funicello or young girls in school or church. I was a horny teenagers. If I was a homosexual this desire for females did not compute. Of course, my parents were homophobic. The minister at my church was homophobic. Everyone was homophobic. My cross dressing did end up on the back burner for many years. I graduated college. I was drafted. I served in the infantry doing all those war related thinks and having them done unto me. I got married. My wife was a drop dead gorgeous creature...still is. My fondness for nylon got rekindled. I do not know why. We incorporated some nylon gowns and hosiery for me into bedroom play. It was the feel of the material. I never have had any desire to be a woman. Maybe, not knowing how a woman really feels meant I could be somewhere in between. I have never considered myself a knuckle dragging caveman. Anyway, the cross dressing became an issue when I went further and bought a vivid red Vanity Fair bra. We had "The Talk." That changed everything. The world did not end, but it was a little icy for awhile. I came to realize I my pushing her to accept me was nothing less than spousal mental abuse. I also figured out I did not need her approval to validate who I was.

How did I come to terms with myself and therefore get some inner peace? And, coming to terms with myself does not mean all is 100% alright. I wish I had the opportunity to grab a dress off a hanger and slip into it with all the feminine trappings. But, that is not to be.

I started evaluating my life. I had gone to one of the top rated public high school in New York City. I went to the premier public college. I graduated. I volunteered for the draft rather than do a coin flip with my brother who already graduated and had a really good job. Along the way I was wounded twice. I experienced death and maiming all around me. I was medevaced. I married a great women who I met in the army. I went immediately from the army to working. The only time I was ever unemployed was voluntary when we moved from New York to Washington State. I got a decent job with the federal government and worked for at it for thirty years. Along the way I supported my family. I paid for my wife's delayed BA (30 years), college expenses for son and daughter who were debt free. I and my wife have paid for our granddaughter's college (20) and grandson (3). Glad to do it. Debt free. I added that all up and thought, if anyone was going to take me to task on being a cross dresser they are going to get a good dose of reality in the form of a fist.

I do go to counseling for war related PTSD. My counselor who I have seen for more than ten years said to me recently that all my life I have put myself last. I've put everybody's needs before mine. She does not know I am a cross dresser. I have paid my dues. I have done nothing in my life to regret. Let my little quirk alone. I've earned it.

[Leslie Mary S]

After reading all the above, I guess I am happy and at peace with myself but unhappy with the narrow-mindedness of the local community. I want to go out dressed but I keep to my self and live almost alone ( have rented out a couple rooms to an accepting GG who is now part of my support group. Since I live alone and have to answer the door, I do not normally dress during daytime hours.

[Christina89]

When I was younger and even till a few years ago I did have the inner struggle. I always thought of myself as a freak when I started to crossdress. But after years of struggling to find who I was, I can finally say that yes I am at peace with being a crossdresser.

[Brandi Christine]

Like a lot of girls here I am at peace, doing this over the years and talking to a therapist have gotten me to the point of acceptance of myself, and truly loving and enjoying myself for who I am.

And like lots of the girls here I am in a relationship with someone I love and cannot live without who is as of now not accepting of what I do.


As SaraLin put it

"I'll never be "pretty in pink", but I have a loving wife, a good home, good health, and financial stability"

I am good with that, and I think things will get better for me in the future, my wife & I are taking baby steps together, we'll see where it takes us.

[suzy1]

I am a realist.
Some people have the need to cross-dress. Some people have this fem side to them. This is just how it is.
The problems come when others project their views on us about how that is somehow wrong and we buy into it.

[DianeT]

I know some CDs have deep feelings of guilt and shame, but I don't think I've really been in that position. I had the fear of being found out, but that's only because it was something that was not accepted by society - not because I felt that I shouldn't be doing it.
I am not only at peace with my being a CD, but I am glad that I am one. I have feelings that I know non-CDs will never experience; feelings that enrich my life beyond the "norm" that society expects of a man.
That, exactly. I travel far when I dress. It's very neat to walk the stars in that strange spacesuit, you know (no you don't, since I could never explain it properly :)).
At peace? If it was only for me, yes (again, what HollyGreen said). But it also takes a toll on my wife. So, no. I experienced guilt for the first time since I told her (more exactly since I realized it wasn't right to keep it from her). And there's no reason it will stop, because despite all the efforts we do together, I think the life long lie and the dressing will always be an open wound for her. We can stitch it, but it will always itch, her, me, together.

[jacques]

hello Di,
mostly I am at peace with my cross dressing.
I have taken ownership of my cross dressing. I dress when and how I wish. I have accepted it and have mostly stopped trying to discover where the urge came from.
Sharing experiences here really helps.
stay healthy,
luv J

[GretchenM]

What a fascinating and wonderful thread this is. It shows just how diverse we are and how our experiences and perceptions create such a vast range of answers.

Suzy1, your brief post is really amazingly profound. In a few short sentences you summed it all up.

We are all different, but the expectation is that we fit some model that really doesn't exist in the Nature of the Beast. You have to be who you are but who you are is a free form activity and not an object that matches a limited selection of templates. It is a process with limitations imposed by some basic genetic combinations that were created randomly. From there on it is life and life is a diverse process of reacting to experiences in ways that make the life process sensible.

[Helen Waite]

I'm very much at peace when fully dressed and made up. If I lived alone I'd do it most of the time while at home. Having to excavate boxes and totes when opportunity arises often leads to "why bother" and gloomy mood.

[Star01]

Reading over comments subsequent to mine I felt the need to clarify my discontent. My discontent is not at the whoa is me I'm standing on a ledge ready to jump level. It's more of a constant feeling of angst that is triggered throughout the day. My smooth legs, a glimpse of myself in the mirror, a thought dwelling on an item of women's clothing, seeing a look that I think would be a good fit. It's little thoughts like that all day every day.

I mentioned this to my therapist and touch on the subject on a regular basis. One of my fears going into my sessions was based on experiences I read on this forum. So many comment how those feelings dominate their lives and intensify until they have to take it further and are forced by their discontent to do so. That sent a message to me that it was inevitable that I was going to lose control and my discontent, pink fog, dysphoria or whatever we went to call it would progress to the point where I have no choice. That is the common theme that I see on here and admittedly I have felt much closer to reaching that point.

I think the therapy taught me that first things come first. In other words, I am where I am now and I may progress further or I may not. If it becomes more intense and motivates more changes I will deal with those when they happen.

I guess to sum it up my biggest anxiety is not knowing the route or how far the journey will take me. Were we just out doing a little sight seeing on the edge of town or will I be whisked away and taken much further down the road? I have accepted my crossdressing in the sense that I know that is what I am but I am discontent in the sense that I need more but I don't know how much or how far it will take me.

I hope that makes sense. That illustrates what I perceive as what drives my concerns, fears but also my desires.

Fantastic subject. Thanks so much for the serious philosophical topic. I for one get so much more of the kind of discussion I'm looking for and the answers tell me that I'm not alone. Much more informative than some of the usual fluff.

[adelinapa]

This is a wonderful thread, hearing where everyone is. There's just so much to agree with everywhere, truly a representation of the shared journey all are on. Thank you.

I've recently reached a point in my life where I've not only accepted it but have embraced it in a way that works for me. Took 30 years but it was worth waiting for.

[Eve_cd]

So, my first response is hysterical laughter, followed by a resounding ?no?. But that doesn?t tell the whole story. I am at peace with the fact that dressing is a part of my life, that is unlikely to go away. My need for some greater understanding of where I fit, the detrimental impact this has had on my wife, coupled with the impact of our dynamic on our children, all leave me very unsettled. (Full disclosure: at current my wife has decided that we need to separate and intends on moving 2000 miles away with our children. I am expected not to follow without ?figuring out my shxt?. I have no assets, and no leverage as I have been predominantly a stay at home dad for the past 7 years. So yeah. )

[Asew]

I denied this part of myself for so long because I could not accept it. But I finally accepted and totally at peace now with it for myself.

I wish that my wife while tolerating was more at peace with it. As a result I compromise to do male mode sometimes and it works (I think).

[Kimberly A.]

Hi, Di. :) I am completely at peace with my crossdressing.

Here's the story..... I have posted that deep down, I have ALWAYS wanted to be a CD'er. I love women's clothes, I love wearing women's clothes, makeup and wigs and I love presenting as a female. Of course, it's mostly in secret, (meaning my family has no idea and I HOPE it stays that way).

Anyway, I became intrigued with girl's clothes at a very early age, (not sure what age, really) but I do remember trying on my older sister's clothes when I was home alone. Also, when I was in my early teens, I can remember my ex-stepmother, (if you will, unfortunately she passed away due to lung cancer a little over a year ago), acquiring bags FULL of women's clothes from someone. So, she and my dad took an overnight trip somewhere and they took my two youngest half-sisters with them. I stayed home that night, donned some pantyhose and tried on a lot of the clothes that were in those bags. It felt AMAZING to have on those clothes! LOL

So yes, in a way, I guess I've always been into CD'ing and it wasn't really until recently that I finally came to terms with it and accepted it and said, "This is who I am", there's just no changing it. It's a little difficult for me, I guess to explain how or why I'm so comfortable with being a CD'er, but I am totally and completely at peace with it..... I am much more comfortable and a lot happier en femme than I am in "drab". LOL

[Phoebe Reece]

Yes, I am fully at peace with my crossdressing and have been for around 50 years. I think that may be due to my seeing this as a gift, not a curse. I've never struggled with thinking it was wrong to do, although I recognized that many others thought it was wrong. I do not reject my normal masculine side, but embrace the feminine as something extra. I have been able to explore a small portion of the female world while crossdressed and experience things an ordinary man would not. It is simply who I am.

[Just Dana]

I never felt shame or guilt for wearing women's clothes (or wanting to be one). I just always accepted that people are different. I'm not sure why. I grew up in a not-very-tolerant world and wasn't specifically taught to be accepting of differences. Either I was born with a lot of empathy or Sesame Street did its job really well.

However, I certainly knew better than to mention it to anyone while growing up. :) I still struggle with that. Logically, I know that 99% of my friends and coworkers wouldn't be at all phased, but I don't see myself leaving my comfy closet anytime soon.

Dana

[Amy Lynn3]

Yes, I very much am at peace with myself. I call it being happy. Whatever you desire to call yourself or state of mind is fine, as long as one determines to be happy with what life gives you.

I love being a crossdresser, but it is only a part of me. I have two lives, which many people never get to enjoy. The only regret I have is not developing my crossdressing to a higher level. I would love to balance both the male and female me out to the same level.

Di, I have lived alone for 15 years now and I think it would be the best gift in the world to find a woman like you and feel the love you gave to your girl/man.

[Di]

This is a wonderful thread, hearing where everyone is. There's just so much to agree with everywhere, truly a representation of the shared journey all are on. Thank you.
.

Perfect way to put it. I think how much we can learn from each other.
Thank You everyone

[Sometimes Steffi]

I love this thread. So many truly happy people.

[Connie D50]

I'm at peace with it, no longer hate myself after i dress. However (yes sorry I have a however) my wife is a yoyo wife is ok with it one day hates it the next. Wants to go out with me then yells at me a week later about dressing.

[Kay J]

Yes i was always in peace with myself. My only problem was have other people finding out that i love to crossdress. First it was my parents then my wife then my kids. After my kids left home and i found this this place i finally told my wife. Will that did not go over to well as she wanted to have nothing to do with it but she was good with giving me my time whenever i want so glad i found you girls here! I do like to get dirty as much as i like getting pretty if you know what i mean! Just a guy that love to crossdress!

[CynthiaD]

Totally at peace. In fact, I find it impossible to feel at peace when I’m not presenting as female. Crossdressing is my key to peace and happiness.

[Fran Moore]

Yes, I am fully at peace with my crossdressing and have been for around 50 years. I think that may be due to my seeing this as a gift, not a curse. I've never struggled with thinking it was wrong to do, although I recognized that many others thought it was wrong. I do not reject my normal masculine side, but embrace the feminine as something extra. I have been able to explore a small portion of the female world while crossdressed and experience things an ordinary man would not. It is simply who I am.


This is me as well. Thanks Phoebe!

[Star01]

I am at peace with myself. I wish I could say the same for the rest of the world. Only my wife and therapist know and my wife doesn't want to see or hear anything about it. That Star against the world dynamic limits the poor girl but she still has a pulse and comes out whenever the coast is clear.

Without trying to categorize my level of pink fog there is enough desire to dress and obstacles preventing me from doing so to leave me in a continuous low grade state of frustration. I believe that being at peace with myself as a crossdresser is directly related to being able to find opportunities to dress. In other words, if my circumstances allowed me to dress as desired I would be pretty darned content instead of always feeling like a cornered animal.

[Jenny Elwood]

Can't say that I am. Ideally I'd still want to not be a crossdresser. Whether that would entail just being a male without this proclivity or being a GG (with no desire to wear men's clothes!!! :facepalm: ) is hard to say.

[Jenny22]

Visitor, your CDing will expand, and you'll enjoy it wondering why you didn't begin earlier. It's a natural progression, believe me, and once you fully experienced the Pink Fog, you'll not be able to stop.

- - - Updated - - -

I am at peace with my dressing, NOW, but not always so. At a very young age, I wished I was a girl, and that continued through my teens and adult life. Long before puberty discovered me, I discovered feminine apparel, and dressing became sexual for years, with resultant shame. I still felt very feminine while being a dad and raising my family as a male. My wife never knew the extent of my inner being.

When she passed away, my CDing became the only thing that mattered to me. Was I now at peace with my dressing? NO! It wasn't until I realized that I was really transgender that peace began to settle in. And, at age 83, after I told my sister, and she fully supported and encouraged me to be myself, I was fully at peace with my being ME. I dress 24/7, with occasional drab on the side. I am truly happy, now.

[Visitor]

I appreciate your thoughts Jenny. I really am staying open to it all. I'm happy you've found peace as a transgender person. That is the question asked in this thread and I imagine all of us would love to be at peace with ourselves and the choices we make in our lives. For me, simply allowing myself to do the dressing I do feels like a blessing. I've no idea where it leads, if anywhere. But I'm content for the moment.

[sometimes_miss]

I'm at peace with myself, but, realizing that so much of the world is violently against even the very fact that we exist, remain closeted since I don't want to deal with being a front line warrior for the 'cause' of trying to make crossdressers as tolerated as gay people are. There are still far too many people who would physically hurt us or kill us, just for existing, because they believe that we violate their theological beliefs. Or even just do things to us that might make our life difficult, like get us fired from our jobs, or evicted from our homes, because they don't want us around. When Caitlyn Jenner came out, I repeatedly heard numerous supposedly educated, enlightened people, complain that they 'couldn't stand' to have to hear about, or see notice in the news about, her, because they didn't like her existence being 'in their face' because they didn't want to deal with knowing that crossdressers and transsexuals exist. It was almost all men; so I suppose the homophobia is still a very big problem in America, as well as the rest of the world. Sure, many are tolerant of us, but there are enough who would like us dead, or just feel that they need to 'show the world' that they hate us, in order to demonstrate their masculinity, for us to become complacent about the very real danger that those people really want to hurt us.
So, 'at peace' doesn't really describe how I feel about my place in our society; since moving to a more southern, less metropolitan community, I've learned that I have several neighbors who have a loathing for gay people, or anyone that they think might be gay. So I remain in the closet, most likely for the rest of my life; only comfortable when dressing up alone, at home.

[phili]

I meet a surprising number of people who come up and feel compelled to talk to me because I ?look so serene?. I love the balance between the different facets of my life and am thoroughly happy with how much time I spend expressing them. I feel no shame or fear or anything negative about what I do - I wish we could all be that way!

I'll take this as a prompt to be even more at peace- how beautiful.Thanks!!

[adelinapa]

I think that may be due to my seeing this as a gift, not a curse..
This right here....

[Lindseynrva]

I have been finding my inner peace since I was @8 years old. I remember going to a relatives house for a holiday meal and that?s when I saw it! Soo many hooks and that satin fabric was to die for I had to try it on. That first time slipping that longline satin bra on gave my such a thrill and calm all the same time and since that moment I have had thrill and calm peacefulness dressing at its been 42 years now. My only wish is that my wife was more accepting and tolerant but she will have no party to any of it. That makes me sad and will always be the little black cloud over this part of life. Almost daily I find a way to connect with my femme self by wearing panties almost every day and most days I?ll wear bra and forms just to have some of the enhancements that I enjoy seeing. After all it?s all about making yourself happy and for me I am a more peaceful person when I?m dressed even if it?s a pair of panties, I know they are there and I love it.

[Sometimes Steffi]

Wouldn't it be nice if all the normals in this world felt totally out of place just one day a year, like Sadie Hawkins day.

T-girls get to as a GG or GM out, t-Girls choice, and they have to go.

Now that would improve my inner peace

[phili]

I have to take back my saying I am at peace- I have been tossing and turning all night and I want my words here to be truthful. The distinction is what a few others have said- which is that I am very wonderfully at peace with myself, having discovered what feels like the last explanatory thread.

I am at peace with the outside world, in that I am confident that the negative consequences that will come my way are normal and not to be worried about.

I am not at peace with my wife. We are in essence negotiating how much self-repression I owe her, and how much crossdressing she can tolerate without moving from simple cold rejection to something worse for her or me. I an not at peace with any answer to that yet, and I think it is also just the first step in creating peace between us. But I accept that peacefully as the normal price of marriage!

[Stephanie205]

As I live alone I do not have the restrictions most of you girls have but it has taken me a long time to come to accept who I am. I have always been trying to figure who I am but the last 2 years I grew comfortable that I like being dressed as a female and my personality does change when I am Stephanie which I like her personality. Getting comfortable going out was another big step for me but the what eventually lifted the final weight of my shoulders was telling a GG about my other personality and now I have someone that I can talk to face to face about things. I am glad I found this website as it has helped to see different points of view and answer question I never really thought of you girls are terrific and I wish I could meet you all and chat with you face to face. So yes I am at peace with who I am and now enjoying every minute.

[Angie G]

I'm at peace with my dressing. I didn't there I've been there from the start.:hugs:
Angie

[Georgina]

I am at peace with my dressing and have been for 40 years. All those years ago, after all the ups and downs that we all experience with dressing, I made a vow to myself that I would never stop and that I was totally all right with wearing the clothes. I enjoy wearing the clothes as much as I have always done and don't think I am doing anything wrong. I am happy with who I am and never wanted to be a woman. Dressing is not leading me anywhere, I control what I do.

[Devi SM]

I don?t come very often to this section of this web because huge changes in my life that don't relate me to much to crossdressers now.

So my answer would be that the anguish, need, desperation, urgency or however you would call the feeling related to dress, for me was just the tip of the iceberg.
I reached a point in my life where just to dress wasn't enough, helped me for some years but it wasn't enough because it was how to hide the sun with a finger, we can't hold the finger so long to hide it, soon the sun will move and we will get tired of doing it.

[Genni]

Great questions, Di!

Are you at peace with your crossdressing?
I?m not yet at peace with my crossdressing, but I?m getting there. I have finally come around to the idea that you have to love and accept yourself first. I can?t expect society (or even my spouse of 4+ decades) to love and accept me fully until I can.

What ways can you work on that?
I am working to embrace my desire for feminine expression, to do so more frequently and openly, and to spend time with those who love and accept me as I am. At home I need to improve and open communications with my wife and deal with that which has gone unaddressed for so long.

[Kandi Robbins]

Are you at peace with your crossdressing?
100%. Sure, it took me almost 50 years, but I got there in late 2014. It is now just something I do, something I love, who I am.

What ways can you work on that?
I work on it all the time. I look for ways to improve my presentation. I look for ways to help my sisters.

If you are at peace tell us about how you got there.
There comes a time when you just stop caring what others think of you (generally around the age of 50). There comes a time where you realize you cannot fight this. There comes a time where you just want to be happy. There comes a time when it feels right after years of it feeling all wrong.