New to crossdressing

[TOKEMO]

Hi everyone I'm new to cross dressing I've always found women's clothes better looking then men's clothes.

I've been confused with my personal sexuality my entire life I'm 27yo now and I still haven't figured it out I'm not sure if I ever truly will.

I just started buying women's clothes this year most of witch is cheaply made brand new clothes but I do have some vintage clothing mainly what what I saw growing up that I wanted and couldn't have.

I started to cross-dress mainly because I've got sick of waking up everyday saying I hate my life and I hate who I am witch I've always hated who I am but I was always told I was a boy so I just went with it seemed easier.

I even remember as a child when of my friends having a sleepover and I wasn't invited because I was a boy and didn't really understand why.

I also used to play with Barbie dolls witch my parents hated my mom was a little more ok with it as long as I was Ken but but I always just wanted to be one of the girls I don't know how many times I got in trouble for playing as Barbie.

The reason why I'm posting here is to see if anyone has felt as lost as I do and maybe be able to help me finally figure out who I truly am.

[Princess29]

Hi Tokemo
Welcome to this site. There are many people on here with various levels of experience to do with pretty much every aspect to do with this subject matter. We are all on our own journey and I hope you can find the right path for you to take.

[docrobbysherry]

Welcome, Tokemo. I believe u may receive help from us here if u frame your questions/comments in ways we can reply.

For one thing, your gender and sexuality r 2 different things. U may be attracted to men, women or both.:o

And, holds true no matter which gender u identify with. Or neither?:eek:

[TOKEMO]

Thanks docrobbysherry I'm sorry for the confusion that I caused I've been up pretty much since Thursday morning with very little to no sleep. :sad:

You were right I did mean to say gender not sexuality my bad.

[SaraLin]

Don't worry. You've come to the right place.

While nobody in here can tell you exactly what to do (or not do) with your life, if you stick around a while and read what everyone is saying, you'll find that you're FAR from alone. We have members that range from the occasional "put on something for fun" folks, all the way to ladies that have left their male heritage completely behind and live full time as women.

There are plenty of us who can relate to what you're feeling and I'm sure you'll get plenty of advice and encouragement.
Mine would be to allow yourself to take the time to explore yourself and your feelings - without feeling that you need to achieve any particular goal. Sooner or later, you'll find your spot on the wide spectrum that is gender identity/expression.

Just find -and be- the best YOU that you can be, whoever he (or she) is.


A short bio for you: From as early as I can remember, I always felt that I should have been born a girl. But everyone told me I was a boy - and a peek in my pants would confirm it. So - trying to "do the right thing", I tried to fit in as a boy. Naturally, I failed at being "normal" (whatever that is), and ended up a shy, timid loner.
The call towards the feminine never went away. It was only in accepting that I am more than "just a guy" and that this is OK, that I was able to find peace and build myself a good life.

A philosophy I've learned to adopt as a guiding light is this "If it harms nobody, do what you will."

[GretchenM]

Welcome to the forum. You are in the right place. What Sherry says is right - your sexuality and your gender have very little connection to each other. You are still young and have been through some of the grinder many of us have been through and survived to tell about it. The important thing is to be true to yourself, be honest with yourself and embrace it. If you get diverted into trying to meet the expectations that is usually so connected to your sex, you will suffer badly with regard to your sense of self. That path leads to darkness if you are not configured that way. The simple fact that you played with dolls as a child and you liked being Barbie better than being Ken is evidence that your gender is not standard issue equipment. It also reveals the truth of what Sherry said about your sex not being connected to your gender.

As you will learn by being here and reading the accounts of others and seeing how they (WE) think will help you find your way and avoid so many of the mistakes others make. There is no right way; there are just ways and although we often share a lot of similarities we are all different, just like you. I don't know if it is a blessing or a gift, but it does give you a much wider view of the world than is the case with many people who seem to be defined more narrowly. Not that being defined that way is bad; it isn't. But we are unique and our perspective is just as valid as those who think we are a little nuts to not follow what they consider the strictly normal. You are who you are and you can't be someone you aren't, at least not for a lifetime, without finding yourself being miserable. Give yourself a big hug and follow your heart. We are here to help you.

[kimdl93]

Hi TOKEMO. Your life experiences and your interest in expressing femininity are totally understandable. And that feeling of trying to find yourself...its part of human existence. We find our way through experiment, trial and error. Its frustrating but the process can be made easier by learning from others and testing your own ideas in a safe place. You are in a safe place.

[Lisa516]

Hello Tokemo,

The best advice will come from here those with experience ... I don't have much compared to most others here...

I have always liked the article below maybe you will too....




The concept of a man taking pleasure in putting on a pair of stockings seems laughable, pitiful ? and plain sinister. We assume a marriage would almost certainly break up the day a wife found her husband in her underwear; and that a manager would lose all authority if his colleagues knew about his enthusiasm for mascara and lipstick.



But in truth, cross-dressing is grounded in a highly logical and universal desire: the wish to be, for a time, the gender one admires, is excited by ? and perhaps loves. Dressing like a woman is merely a dramatic, yet essentially reasonable, way of getting closer to the experiences of the sex one is profoundly curious about ? and yet has been (somewhat arbitrarily) barred from.

More from here,

https://www.theschooloflife.com/thebookoflife/the-psychology-of-cross-dressing/

[Micki_Finn]

Hi and welcome. The first lesson is that there is a difference between sexuality and gender. Here we explore gender, and while that sometimes touches on sexuality, that isn’t the main thrust. To put it simply, gender is who you are, and sexuality is who you’re attracted to.

At any rate, hope you enjoy your time here and find it enlightening.

[Jenny22]

Welcome, Tomeko. As GretchenM closed, she said,"we are here to help you." So true, but you have to ask YOUR questions first. Good luck.

[Visitor]

Welcome Tokemo. I've experienced confusion both about gender and sexuality. Contrary to what some are saying, these can be related, though neither is dependent on the other. By that I mean, feeling drawn to express yourself as a woman, which you can do through cross dressing, doesn't necessarily mean you would be sexually drawn to a man. It is also true that you may wish to become a woman rather than use cross dressing to play at being a woman. I know this territory is confusing and even holding some of the feelings can induce shame. It seems you felt obliged to inhabit your male body and deny the feelings and behaviors that seemed natural to you. That can be very painful. As many folks are saying on this thread, this is a good place to unpack all these feelings. There is a great deal of support for each of us to live the lives that feel true. It really doesn't matter where that might lead you. So there is room for your confusion, all of it. And there is certainly room for you to share your experience and ask for support.

[TOKEMO]

Hi everyone thanks so much for all your replies and Love and support I don't feel as alone as I once did.

After reading some of your replies made me recall some of my own personal feelings I had over the years.

SaraLin you felt exactly the way I've felt my entire life.

I'm not sure if you felt this or not but I personally would be envious women when I would look at them I love how there clothes hug the curves of there bodies wishing that I could have a body like that.

I'm sorry for not asking the questions right the first time I wanted to give a little back story before getting into the many questions I have.

Did any one else feel like they weren't close to the guy friends they had growing up?

[SaraLin]

Tokemo, I'll try to address a couple of your questions - but I'm no expert, so I'll leave the rest to much more capable ladies.



SaraLin you felt exactly the way I've felt my entire life.

I know it doesn't help much - but at least you know you're not alone. There are a bunch of us floating around out here.
Relax a while. Pour yourself something cold, and enjoy.
You're home now.



I'm not sure if you felt this or not but I personally would be envious women when I would look at them I love how there clothes hug the curves of there bodies wishing that I could have a body like that.

Ah - this is where sexuality and gender identity get confused. Growing up, I was fascinated with what the girls got to wear, their longer hair, the games they would play - pretty much everything. I wanted to be like - no - I wanted to BE one of them!

But at the same time, I was attracted to them in the usual boy-girl way. I wanted to have a girlfriend too!

I didn't understand how I could want to be a girl and still want to be with a girl (growing up, I never even heard of lesbian love, and the idea never occurred to me)



Did any one else feel like they weren't close to the guy friends they had growing up?


Well - for the most part, I never really formed any close friends - except for one. And in his own way, he was a bit of an outcast too.
That said, I grew up with cousins and a neighboring family with girls. I was at home with playing baseball and marbles or with hopscotch and jump rope.

[dana8656]

most important bit of advice i can give it learn to accept yourself as you are. I struggled with this issue for many years, before i accepted that this is the way I am. have been much happier since.

[char GG]

Mod note:

Please read this section, it will help you to navigate the forum. After you have 10 posts, the Clothing, Shopping, Beauty section will open to you where you may ask many of your questions.

https://www.crossdressers.com/forums/faq.php

[Lana Mae]

Welcome, Tokemo! You are not alone! Read all you can! There is much knowledge, opinion, and experiences here! You are very much like many of us! I was very young and my female playmate threw her dress over her head! I wanted a dress because I thought that was cool! No dress for a boy! And thus it started! I played the male role most of my life! I came here and realized so much! I am leaving out much but you get the idea! I have grown so much in the last~5years! I am out 24/7 female and it is who I am! Grow, learn, and be the you that is your truth! Best wishes on your journey! Hugs Lana Mae

[Aunt Kelly]

The reason why I'm posting here is to see if anyone has felt as lost as I do and maybe be able to help me finally figure out who I truly am.

Welcome, Tokemo.

At one point or another, virtually everyone here has felt that way. Some still do, but you will find that the support here can go a long way if you are truly desirous of finding out who you really are.

Knowing nothing more about you, I can't offer much specific advice, but I can echo what is perhaps the most important thing you will ever learn here. There is nothing "wrong" with you. You are not "abnormal". Unusual, yes, but there is a normally occurring incidence of gender non-conforming behavior/identity in any human population.

You may, or may not, have reason to be closeted. That's a judgement for you to make, considering your social standing, career, relationships, etc.

Lastly, we can share our experiences, but in the end, it is you who must figure out "who you truly are". For that, counseling (with someone qualified to deal with gender identity issues) will be the shortest path.

[adelinapa]

As many have suggested ... stick around. I think you are on the cusp of discovering something wonderful about yourself. Whether you like it or not.

[tooshytogoout]

I have never felt this way. I have always been a cross dresser. Hopw do you feel when you cross dress? Better? Same?

[French]

Mod note:

Please read this section, it will help you to navigate the forum. After you have 10 posts, the Clothing, Shopping, Beauty section will open to you where you may ask many of your questions.

https://www.crossdressers.com/forums/faq.php

Ah, thank you! i knew i was missing something!

[docrobbysherry]

I wasn't "one of the guys" when growing up. But, I wasn't one of the girls either, Tokemo! I was pretty much what I was then; just me!:heehee:

As far as admiring women's figures? I have always done that. And, now I get to admire mine as well! (Check my avatar).:daydreaming:

I'm 77 and have discovered it's not all that hard to present a female figure if u really want one!:battingeyelashes:

[SophyV]

Hi Tokemo. Welcome. I came here about a year ago feeling very lost. Thanks to this group I am now only slightly disoriented. There is wealth of experience here but it is not always hugs and rainbows. Sometimes the advice is more from the tough love school. This may hurt you at first but it will help you understand yourself better and help prevent you from deluding yourself. So stick with it and may you find the peace you are looking for.

[TOKEMO]

Welcome, Tokemo.


Lastly, we can share our experiences, but in the end, it is you who must figure out "who you truly are". For that, counseling (with someone qualified to deal with gender identity issues) will be the shortest path.

Thanks I was actually thinking about finding counseling myself I think it would help me out a lot.

- - - Updated - - -


I have never felt this way. I have always been a cross dresser. How do you feel when you cross dress? Better? Same?

I personally feel better.

It's hard for me to explain how I feel but I know I feel happier more like this is who I am/ who I was supposed to be.

I don't know if that makes any sense.

- - - Updated - - -


Mod note:

Please read this section, it will help you to navigate the forum. After you have 10 posts, the Clothing, Shopping, Beauty section will open to you where you may ask many of your questions.

https://www.crossdressers.com/forums/faq.php

Thanks I'll take a look.

- - - Updated - - -


I wasn't "one of the guys" when growing up. But, I wasn't one of the girls either, Tokemo! I was pretty much what I was then; just me!:heehee:

As far as admiring women's figures? I have always done that. And, now I get to admire mine as well! (Check my avatar).:daydreaming:

I'm 77 and have discovered it's not all that hard to present a female figure if u really want one!:battingeyelashes:

I hope at some point I can look that good.

Do you use a female body suit or is it all you?

The only reason I'm asking is I was looking at a body suit myself but I don't think I would like them as I would know it's not really me and there's no feeling when being touched it takes the realism out of it for me.

I have the same problem with the breast forms they look and feel nice but have no feeling when being touched.