A conversation

[steffigirl37]

Had an interesting conversation wife my wife a couple of weeks ago. Once a year she goes away with a few of her girlfriends for some time together, which of course leaves me a little time to indulge in my femininity. She is well aware of it.

One of her friends has a sister, who is divorced, and has two young children, a boy and a girl. I have met all three of them several times over the years. The young man must be about 12-13 years old now and has been described as very artistic in his drawings. My wife explains that recently he has drawn very vivid facial features of himself with a woman?s body.

My wife goes on to further explain that her friend, as well as, her husband and sons, think he must be gay. Now, mind you, these are all educated people. However I was stunned and somewhat disappointed to hear this. Here is a young man attempting to explore or express his femininity through his art and instead of trying to help him understand what is happening he gets labeled.

Personally I don?t care what people decide their gender or sexual preference is. Many crossdressers, like myself, are heterosexual. To each his own. However I still feel sorry and can certainly sympathize with this young man and can only hope he can find guidance and confidence in whatever direction life takes him.

Thanks for listening,

Steffi

[Laura912]

Perhaps some one needs to explain that his drawings do not automatically equate with being gay. You are, also, dealing with perceptions of a second party about a third party. Maybe the mother of the young man has discussed the art with him and they are doing fine. Your wife’s friend’s family seem to be the ones that need guidance.

[frax24]

Well maybe it?s an isolated incident of an artist exploring with a technique, and in the process discovering something about himself, another persona.

I don?t like the ?gay? label slapped automatically at the first sight of an action like this.

[Teresa]

Steffi,
Sometimes I feel if a certain behaviour can't be explained it must equate to being gay ! These people need educating on two apsects , for one thing being gay isn't a crime you can still be locked up for . The other point is the boy could be expressing an idea inspired by someone else or he could be expressing some inner feelings either way his artistic ability shouldn't be quashed .

Education is wasted if it can't be passed on , for all they knw they could have an artistic genius on their hands .

[Helen_Highwater]

We've know this for a long time that many people immediately equate crossdressing and being Gay as mutually inclusive. It also has to be considered in this that one possibility that just hasn't occur to the parents is he might be somewhere along the Trans spectrum. Perhaps they see gay as socially acceptable but Trans is too hard to accept?

[JennyMay]

There are all sorts of gender diversity. It is impossible to say at second or third hand how this child might understand their gender and possibly they are still exploring that themselves. My hope is that their parents would be open enough to allow exploration.

[Visitor]

The world is changing and I can appreciate how confusing it is for parents to contend with it all. Parents often are not interested in self-reflection... trying to understand how the world they create and maintain contributes to how children feel about themselves and the world. Ideally, each child will feel secure in themselves and safe in the world, but we know that is the gold standard. Parents don't have to be perfect, but they hopefully will be good enough so that development will unfold naturally. Of course, children are exposed to things beyond their family and our present world is filled with gender bending possibilities. YouTube is a favorite site for young people and it will go wherever a user wants. The results can have great influence on impressionable young minds. These influencers are called that because they do. So to the extent parents expect their children will develop to be clones of themselves, they are likely to be disappointed and confused.

Who knows what this boy is doing with his art? Who knows how his parents will react to what they're witnessing. Because we've engaged in behaviors that confuse most people, it is likely true that we've all experienced judgment along the way. We likely all have carried confusion and shame without a deep understanding of the roots of our behavior. Yes, it can be painful to watch others go through what we've experienced ourselves. Sometimes it comes very close to us, as is happening here. I hope the boy isn't too hurt by negative reactions to how he explores and expresses himself. The world could use much more kindness and compassion for each other. We're all doing the best we can to make sense of life and to find our place in the world.

[DianeT]

I'm a crossdresser so maybe I am biased, but if I saw a boy drawing himself with the body of a woman, the first thing that would come to mind would be that he is interested in how he would look like with the body of a woman. And that's it. Is it because he wishes he had been born a girl, or is just curious, or gender fluid, or projects some fantasy, or because it arouses him, no idea, only he can tell. As of being gay, most people have no idea about gender fluidity, so when female and male must be associated they use that traditional category they are familiar with. I don't find it shocking or disheartening, it is just human. They just work within the boundaries of their limited knowledge of the subject.

[phili]

Steffi- Hopefully your wife can help them understand there are a lot more options, and that every drawing, whether expected or not, is an occasion to ask friendly questions and listen, and support the inquiring. Otherwise the son will go underground.

[Rogina B]

Very true Phili ! And some families will just "kick him to the curb" some years from now if he "isn't up to standard" So wrong....

[Kenita]

As an artist, I would often want a model to draw a face and not need one for a body. Could simply be an artist drawing a self portrait to capture a real face and being creative with the body. Perhaps he has drawn himself with a male body, too. But no ones notices or cares.