Thinking About Going Out, But . . . .

[Val_Blackbird]

First, forgive any weird typos. I have my claws on tonight. :)

So, I'm considering going out - something I haven't done in guy or girl mode in about two months - but I'm kind of on the fence about it. I've been out in public in full fem a few times with mixed results. The first time was an unmitigated disaster, but I got away with it. The next couple of times were uneventful, but short. Don't remember which time, but once, it was just not comfortable, and I'm not completely sure why. Might have been the last time.

Anyway, aside from the obvious physical and psychological dangers I've discussed before, with the current state of the world, I'm not sure it's not more dangerous than normal right now. There's a lot of people with a surplus of pent up anger right now, and I'm not sure about giving them a low-sympathy target. Know what I mean? I won't go into details on this, but in addition, there's also a corner of society who's blaming COVID-19 on the LGBTQ* community, which in some people's minds is justification to retaliate. And, again, I'll bring up the usual harassment, etc. that we are all familiar with.

Now, all that said, part of me feels like I'm not going to get another life, so I should actually try to live this one. And, while some portion of all our lives is determined by outside forces, another portion - whether or not a majority is debatable - is fully up to us. And, to some degree, we do have to try to please ourselves occasionally, rather than the populace. Not constantly, but once in a while. Furthermore, there is no such thing as a risk-free existence. It does have to be controlled and kept to a minimum, but it can't be eliminated. The question is whether that pursuit of self-pleasure is worth the amount of risk involved.

And so, here I sit, not knowing exactly what is right. I lean to the safe side, but I also fear later regrets. Such is my life.

*I don't consider myself LGBTQ, but I suppose it's a reasonable, if incorrect assumption by onlookers.

[Rachelakld]

Some people will find any excuse for violence, skin colour, the way you look at them, what you wear.
It's an excuse, but it's not the reason for violence.
People tend to need excuses and justification for any violation of their normal moral code (assuming they have one to start with).

The other night, dressed up pretty, I drove past several of my favorite pubs and coffee shops, but the vibe I got, meant I never got out the car until I got home. I told the wife, she said, if it doesn't feel right, it probably isn't.

[Micki_Finn]

It depends what you mean by “going out”. Not sure what the current state is in Vegas, but I’d imagine casinos and clubs, basically any place with private security, should be safe. Just walking around on the streets is much more of a wild card. At least as far as violence goes. As for the virus, well, we’re all pretty aware of the dangers.

[Val_Blackbird]

Well, now was the point I planned to be leaving, but between the issues I mentioned and being kinda tired, I guess this is a no-go.

Am I the only one who finds it anticlimactic to do all the work of getting fully femmed up, then basically doing nothing?

[Stephanie47]

Yes and no on your pondering. Is it anticlimatic? Perhaps. I am in a DADT marriage approaching fifty years. Before my wife's retirement I had the opportunity to dress with some regularity. Sometimes she visited her cousin our of state or our daughter for seven to ten days. Lately, before COVID she would babysit our grandchild away for the night. These absences gave me the opportunity to get fully en femme. At six feet tall and 200 pounds I am a decent desirable man. As a woman? Not so much. There have been many times when I got all dolled up with the thought and intention of going out for a drive and then a stroll in a very safe neighborhood. About half the time I went. Half the time I thought ho hum and stayed home to get things accomplished. Basically, it came down to coming to the realization what I had planned to do would be boring en femme or en drab. I had no thoughts of being accosted on the street.

[bobbi1957]

i think youd blend in judging by your pics. i think going shoppng or to get gas etc would be very safe , im in england but never had any problems out dressed. i find a joy being out dressed even just doing normal things,which makes it worth the trouble. im not saying i dont get nervous but it seems worth it to me

[AngelaYVR]

It certainly can be anticlimactic. It’s a fair amount of effort to make oneself look fetching, so you hope it’s worth it. Today I made a foray to my favourite cafe but it was full. Normally I’d get one to go and sit on the bench round the corner, enjoying the light filtering through the leaves and read my book. Except today was drizzling. I knew it was going to be a short day out so went to the market and bought things to make paella, then had that with the wife while we watched a movie followed by a bout of cardio. Always make the best if it!

[phili]

Hi Blackbird,
You feel good about yourself, and have outlined all the social issues with clarity, so the remaining problem is just to find a nice variety of reliably safe places, meaning where disturbed people just won't feel free to vent their anger on you, or if they do, there are people around to obstruct them and places to retreat to.

We all want to reduce worry about attacks to our normal level of fear about lightning strikes on sunny days! The key is that people looking for gender variants to abuse will notice the slightest thing, and let you and everyone around them know they are bothered in various ways. But with tiny ambiguous provocations, they can only bristle, not attack, so you can test the waters very safely!

You have a very important goal- finding where you can live your life, to be done stepwise: First go out in drab with a bracelet or necklace, or a bright color, or whatever that is ever so faintly femme, and scope out the situations that are available- feel the atmosphere, try different times of day, etc. You'll get a feel for the density of antagonists. In LV there should be a defined safe tourist zone, where everyone is welcomed, period. Then there will be non-tourist neighborrhoods where the locals rule, and normally there is a counterculture safe zone cafe in almost every small town. Ask waitpersons, or booksellers, or whoever if you can come en femme and be safe. Then gradually increase your femme styling, test out your plan, and report back!!

[Aunt Kelly]

Two things in your post jumped out at me.
You described one outing as a "disaster" that you "got away with". Did you commit some crime or other unsavory act while you were out? Cross dressing is not a crime (anymore). Also, you're not going to "pass", as in make people believe you are a cis woman. Yes, you can "blend", if you want to,but the moment you speak, or invite any direct scrutiny, the game is up, so why play it? There is nothing to get away with, so just Be. Who. You. Are.

The other thing that I noticed is your fear of violence. It's just not the threat that you think it is. Yes, we hear about violence against trans women, but only because such events make for sensational news stories because the victims are trans. Also, almost always, the victims are sex workers, an already extraordinarily dangerous occupation.

If you comport yourself in a ladylike manner, and engage in activities that any prudent cis woman would engage in, you have virtually nothing to fear. I live in a big, very red state. Here in Houston, even the occasional gaping stare is rare, but I've also shopped and dined in places from here to Midland, itself a very red, testosterone fueled community. I don't fool anyone, but I don't have to. I am almost always treated with the courtesy and respect due any woman presenting as I do. As for the exceptions, I live for the chance to have fun with them, but that's a whole other thread.��

[Ressie]

I don't go out dressed very often. But according to CD friends I have, the key is to be friendly to others that you run into while out. If others sense that your a good person, it's much less likely that anyone will want to harm you or say something mean to you.

But if you feel fear about going out, maybe you shouldn't do it. Envision that things will go good and you'll have fun before walking out the door.

[Teresa]

Val,
It is a difficult question as I know tension in the US is higher than the UK . Don't forget in the LGBTQ label T stands for trans but you go wiuth whatever label you feel comfortable with .

I agree dressing to the nines to stay behind closed doors does feel like wasted time but that is more than enough for some people . One question , what would you like to do when out , is it to take a quick walk or drive or to take in some shopping ? The reason I ask is it's possibly safer to do some window shopping in the safety of daylight , I feel it's better to have something to achieve rather than just walk round possibly getting attention .

I'm sure you appreciate the more you do it the easier it becomes , I know it's early days for you but try not and give up , it's wonderful when it all comes together . If it's any help , I haven't had a single problem in over two years since I went full time .

[Val_Blackbird]

Kelly, I'm not sure if I'm allowed to quote myself from another thread, but this is the disaster I'm talking about:

My first time out in the general population was . . . . TERRIFYING, if you want the absolute truth. It was a Thursday night, and I went to a local tourist area. I knew a place I could park without having to pass through inside, as I worry about what security and surveillance might do if they're paying attention. So, I stayed outside and just shuttled back and forth between the extreme ends of a fairly open area where I could keep some eye on those around me. It was a semi-cool night, so I was wearing a jean jacket over a bodysuit - in part to hide my oddly large biceps - and a pleather skirt with platform high-heel boots. I think the outfit was okay, but the issue was the wig. I like really long hair, and it was kinda breezy that night. So, my hair was just everywhere. I guess the hair and me seeming nervous must've looked weird, because a guy and a girl walked up and asked me if I was okay. I doubt they could actually see my face in the dark and with all that hair whipping around. I didn't want to speak, for obvious reasons, so I just scooted the hell out as quickly as I could. Got back to the car and bounced. It was a long while before I even considered trying that again.

So, yeah, that took some time to get over. But, the next few times were pretty uneventful.

Teresa, the plan last night was to walk an 8-mile loop around a tourist area, or as much of it as I could manage in 5-in heels, lol.

[docrobbysherry]

Val, people r all different and that includes dressers. We ALL have different needs and desires.

Some T's r satisfied to wear panties and underdress.
Some T's need to go out everywhere dressed and live as females.

But, most of us r in the middle somewhere. I could care less about going to the mall, or Dennys, etc, dressed. But, for some, that's really a big deal!
If I'm going go to trouble to create Sherry, I need a special occasion or reason. Like today; we're shooting a music. Or, whenI go out with T's or T friendlies to party!

U have your owns T needs and desires. So, asking us what u should do mite be pointless?:straightface:

[Val_Blackbird]

Sherry, could that same argument not be used for virtually any question in this forum, though?

[Micki_Finn]

Well, now was the point I planned to be leaving, but between the issues I mentioned and being kinda tired, I guess this is a no-go.

Am I the only one who finds it anticlimactic to do all the work of getting fully femmed up, then basically doing nothing?


Not at all. I only dress up when I’m going out, so 2-3 times a month maybe before the pandemic. That’s part of the reason I got into drag. It’s like a super dose of CDing (which, by the way, I could totally see you doing).

[Val_Blackbird]

Lol. OMG, lol. 😂

I **never** dance, can't sing or lip-sync, and I'm ... not the best-looking CD out there. Drag is way, way, way out of my league. 😂

But, thanks for the compliment. 🙂 💜💜💜

- - - Updated - - -

I swear I'm not kicking this thread back up, but if this isn't allowed, I apologize. I've just been thinking, so I want to address this:


Val,
It is a difficult question as I know tension in the US is higher than the UK . Don't forget in the LGBTQ label T stands for trans but you go wiuth whatever label you feel comfortable with .

I don't think any part of the acronym applies to me, although I'm open to discuss it. The way I break it down is this:

L: Lesbian. Not unless you want to get into some seriously abstract concepts. :idontknow:

G: Gay. No.

B: Bisexual: No.

T: Transgender. I delineate this as whether or not I view myself as a woman. I do not. So, by my definition, I don't feel like I am trans. I know some people find crossdressing on a transgender spectrum, but I think that's a reasonably hard line.

Q: I'm reluctant to state what this letter is for, because as far as I know, this is just a derogatory term for gay, is it not? :idontknow:


Anyhow, for better or worse, I just wanted to state why I think I'm not LGBTQ. I might be wrong in some eyes, but that's my thoughts on it.

[Joni T]

I won't be taking Joni out until the face mask thing is over and gone. No sense putting on a full face only to have to cover it up.
Jon

[Helen_Highwater]

Val,

The disaster you quoted above was one waiting to happen. Your behavior was abnormal. You appeared to thise two onlookers like a soul in distress and they responded with an act of caring.

As others have eluded to, doing the things GG's do in the way they do it is the best way to sink into the background. Pacing back and forth like a caged animal will look strange. Searching through a rack of dresses doesn't.

I and others know from our own experiences that it's scary that first time out in daylight in the shops. However if you dress for the time, place and your age, act with confidence you're much more likely to have a huge success as opposed to a disasterous one.

In all my ventures out I've never had a threat of violence, the odd pointed remark such as a shop owner who kept calling me buddy and a petrol station SA who pointedly called me "mate" but that goes with the turf. It's their error not mine so I just carry on and smile sweetly.

[Jean 103]

I been to Vegas a couple of times and never had any problems. I had a great time both trips.

I will be in Vegas form the 26 of oct. - Nov. 1. As they cancelled DLV I'll likely be alone till my friends show on Thursday.

We are going to be celebrating Halloween on Fremont Street this year.

If you would like I will go out with you. Just PM me.

I'm out so it's really no big deal for me to go out dressed.

My friends and I are staying on Fremont Street.

Love Jean

[Aunt Kelly]

Teresa, the plan last night was to walk an 8-mile loop around a tourist area, or as much of it as I could manage in 5-in heels, lol.

Eight miles, in 5" heels? Be afraid of blisters, not tourists! :)

[suzanne]

You need to pick your destinations carefully. First you need to remember there are some places a women never goes. Don't go there. There are other places women go to, but never alone. Don't go there alone. Bring friends.

Maybe there shouldn't be places where a woman can't be safe, especially while wearing something that attracts attention. But our society is just not there yet, and maybe won't be for a long time yet. So be prepared to take precautions.

[Mark B]

Hi Val, I've been to Vegas numerous times and never had a problem with anyone. Last time I was there for a 10 day event, before Covid. We went out every night, but I was usually in a group of co-workers, or customers, or suppliers. Never alone, except when I would venture into a casino after dinner to play a few hands of blackjack. Even then I had no problems, except for a few drunk rednecks, that promptly got escorted out by security. Maybe it is a bit different as my presentation as a MIAS may generate different reactions from others.

But I agree with what Helen_Highwater said. Acting with confidence keeps others from preying on the weak!

[Julie MA]

I highly recommend getting out. Best thing I ever did for my happiness and acceptance of myself. Go out with a friend if you can. And Halloween is a great time to get out, by the way

[Val_Blackbird]

Just wanted to thank everyone or the replies. :) Didn't want to be the one to kick this back up.

None of my friends know about this, nor shall they, so that's a flat no on that, lol.

We'll see what happens. It's a tough situation. :idontknow:

[StephanieM]

From my experience, most people are too absorbed with themselves to even notice, masks have helped a lot in disguising ourselves. Before the pandemic I found that I got a lot more smiles from women when I was out in public, men pretty much ignore me.