I had a convo with my GG friends.....

[Kimberly A.]

Hey y'all! :)
Here a while back, I had a conversation with two of my GG friends who know of my CD'ing. They're both friends with each other as well, both of whom I know from a chatroom and they both live in California..... Anyway, I had a conversation with both of them via three-way text and I asked them if I had anything wrong with me in my head because I'm a CD'er. They both said "No", one of them said, "Absolutely NOT!" LOL

On that note, I've been thinking..... I know that I have posted before that CD'ing is more of a hobby for me than anything else, but since quitting my trucking job and being home more now, I have more time to dress and get out. So CD'ing is really more than a hobby for me, it's a part of who I am and I feel like Kimberly is my inner woman and I have to let her out. I still wish that I could let her out more, but I'm still trying to figure out why I have such a strong feminine side and such a strong desire to cross-dress and temporarily be a woman. I don't know if I'll ever figure that out, I guess it's just one of those things that it is what it is. LOL But yeah, it's more than a hobby, it's a part of me and I guess there's no changing that.

I have also posted that I could stop CD'ing if I wanted to but the more I think about it, the more I think that I'm lying to myself when I say that.

[docrobbysherry]

What makes u think hobbies aren't a "part of who I am" to hobbyists that aren't dressers? :straightface:

What about that guy who golfs every chance he gets? Or, the guy with model trains sets in every room in his house? Or, the woman with 1,000's of ceramic cats?

I have no "woman inside". But, I DO have a semi load of fem things. And even tho I'm a "closet" dresser, my social life is practically all about trans and Sherry.:battingeyelashes:

[Joyce Swindell]

My wife and I were talking about this yesterday. To me this is not a hobby, it's more of a part of me than a hobby could ever be. I used to race cars with SCCA but have grown away from that and I don't seek it out ...even watching it on TV. But my crossdressing is a part of who I am.

[Jenny22]

Kimberly, you've joined the ranks of those who don't know why they do it. Congratulations! Don't worry about it. Just enjoy it to the fullest!

[Aunt Kelly]

I won't try to explain your feelings, or apply a label to you. I will suggest that counseling may help you sort things. It's daunting and a lot of work, but if approached in earnest, you will find yourself in a better place.

[Kimberly A.]

What makes u think hobbies aren't a "part of who I am" to hobbyists that aren't dressers? :straightface:

Well nothing makes me think that, Doc.
Also, maybe I shouldn't have posted about dressing being more than a hobby for me now because of what I posted before, asking everyone if it's a hobby for them, because I didn't really want to open that discussion back up again and beat a dead horse. LOL

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I can understand that, Joyce. :)

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I agree to that, Jenny! LOL :)

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Aunt Kelly, I don't want to be labeled myself although when I go out dressed and if people figure out that I'm actually a man in a dress, (I'm sure they have), they will definitely slap a label on me in their mind. LOL

Also at this point, I feel I don't need therapy but maybe someday I will, but I doubt it..... Number one, I don't need no psychiatrist shrinking my brain and prescribing some sort of mind-altering drug. Number two, you do realize how expensive that is, right? I mean, not everyone can afford that. LOL

[suzanne]

You're over thinking this. When the mood tells you to put on a dress, don't try to analyze why. Just put on the damn dress. Your GG friends are right. There's nothing wrong with it.

[sometimes_miss]

One of the first steps, is to stop referring to it as 'a side' of you, or referring to yourself in third person. Sure, it makes it easier if you distance yourself from the feminine things you express and the feminine behaviors, but it only delays dealing with the fact that it's all 'you'. Most of the references we see when people try to distance themselves from the female traits, is just due to how we were brought up, and having it drummed into our heads by our parents, and, in fact, pretty much everyone around us, that for a male to be feminine in any way, shape or form, is the worst possible thing we can be. The associated feelings of shame , whether conscious or subconscious, makes us want to refuse to admit that any of those things are part of us, so some feel the need to create an 'alter ego' to assign those feelings to, in order to protect what we wish to believe is our 'true, male self'. You'll see a lot of that here, and it's not our fault, because it was programmed into us when we were children, that for a little boy to be feminine in any way, is the most awful, terrible thing we can be. And it stuck; I still occasionally feel a bit of the shame every once in a while, all due to the remnants of being brainwashed into the world of what is acceptable in our society for 'being a REAL man', when I was so young.