Interesting Question...

[Brandi Christine]

My wife is accepting but not OK with what I do at this point (about a month into being out to her with my crossdressing) and asked me a question that I don't really know if I like the answer to.

"If there were no mirrors and you didn't have your camera with you when you go on work trips & dress in that hotel room, would you continue to do it?"

Being absolutely truthful with myself (and sometimes, especially with this issue that is difficult) I don't know that I would...

What does that say?

[kimdl93]

Its an interesting question. People are complex. I suppose you could put the idea to the test, and avoid mirrors.

In my own experience, I find that I am OK with I look in a mirror, but not nearly so much in photographs. I’ve been relatively shy about sharing pictures of myself here or elsewhere, but when I do, its typically the most flattering images. Does that mean there is a lurking narcissist within me? I doubt it. I’m much too self critical.

I have shared pictures with friends. The primary purpose was to say, yes, this is who I am. With my closest GG friends, I am usually asking “does this look alright”, but I suppose I’m also seeking some level of affirmation. And sometimes, rarely, I’ll think, “you look good today” and just feel like showing off a bit ;)

People are complex. While we might learn something about ourselves by answering a single question, more than likely, the individual answer is just a tiny part of a much bigger thing.

[chris80]

Apart from really needing a mirror to put on the make-up and check the wig looks right, it's the whole of being fully dressed, the look of boobs/bra, the feel of the clothes on me especially if made of a silky material or satin. A nice slithery dress lining also helps. I'd still continue to dress often as possible. I'm retired and my wife is fully aware and helpful.

[Cheryl T]

That question is something to think about.
I know that when I first came out to my wife she asked why I took so many pictures. As I told her it's to improve my image. I can stand in front of a mirror all day and say "You look Marvelous" (remember Billy Crystal on Saturday Night Live), but a picture is more objective rather than subjective. With an image I can stand back and criticize my appearance as someone else would.
I did find myself always looking in mirrors or reflections in store windows when we would go out somewhere. I eventually decided that that was a "tell" to others around me. Everyone does it now and then.

After all these years of being out to her and with her in public I can honestly say that now I use mirrors to do my makeup and to make sure my outfit looks right. I don't abuse them anymore. As for photos I take them now and then to document my life and my changes, not to have a record of every moment and outfit I own. If there were no mirrors it would be difficult to do my makeup but it would not be the end of my desire to express my femininity.

[Robertacd]

To me it says you are a Crossdresser.

Probably majority of people here fall into that category.

[Micki_Finn]

Well of course not!!! Do you have any idea how hard it is to put on makeup without a mirror???

[tooshytogoout]

My wife is accepting but not OK with what I do at this point ...

How does that work?

[Linda E. Woodworth]

Of course I'd continue dressing.

That's the entire point of doing it.

To wear the clothes!

[SophyV]

I am not a mirror or picture person anyway so I don?t usually look at myself. I will take a picture or check myself out in the mirror to gauge my look when in full drag. But I don?t spend much time looking at them. The image doesn?t match what I feel.

[Teresa]

Brandi,
My answer would still be yes , I have dysphoria which I deal with by being Teresa , looking in a mirror isn't enough .

Maybe consider a partially blind or totally blind TG person , what is their motivation if they can't see themselves ?

The final question could be to ask what difference would a mirror make to your wife , how would she dress if she couldn't see herself .

The problem is your wife and possibly mine in the past are always looking for ways to prevent us from dressing , even if you can't see yourself in the mirror the need is still there , if you had no female clothes the need would still be there . It's a basic fact which has to be accepted for TG people .

[cosmolovesph]

I would as i LOVE the feeling of many of the items I wear... I can still see my pantyhosed legs and heels without a mirror or camera :)

[Liz Jones]

Teresa,
A blind C/D can still feel the fabric.........
Liz

[Pumped]

I still like to dress. Mirriors or not. I can still feel the bra straps, the tightness of hosiery on my legs, the feeling of wearing high heels.

It isn't like I sit in front of a mirrior all the time while dressed.

[Geena75]

One aspect is that, when you dress up, you become someone else. That person may have the same likes and dislikes, but they don't look or act the same. The mirror or camera reinforces that 'different person' concept. Without that concept, it's just changing clothes.

[DianeT]

That's what I did for 34 years, so yes, without hesitation. If you like pantyhose and dresses or skirts like me the mirrors add nothing to the experience (somebody said something similar in the previous posts). More recently I started taking pictures for souvenirs and allow a more objective judgment of the general look. For some reason I find that looking at a photo is a more severe judge than the naked eye. I am the only one looking at these pictures, and they happened to be a comfort in these last months where I completely stopped dressing for a variety of reasons. Just like it relaxes me to dress, I find it relaxing too to see myself dressed, in particular with POV pictures.

[Helen_Highwater]

If I have the opportunity to dress indoors for a short while such that I'll have on say a skirt, top, bra, forms, perhaps wig and or shoes then I'm only likely to look in a mirror if by coincidence whatever I'm doing puts me in front of one. Dressing out of view of others isn't about how I look, it's about being me. It's much more about how I feel than how I look.

If going out then I'd say a mirror is something we need but only in the same context as GG's need one. GG's wouldn't want to go out thinking that their makeup looked like they'd just left clown school and we're no different.

[Taylor186]

To me it says you are a Crossdresser.

Yes to this ^^^.

[Visitor]

Our minds are probably the most important erogenous zone in our body and I've no doubt we all have an internal picture of who we are when dressed... the fantasy of who we would be as a woman. We have to work VERY hard to come close to that with makeup, wigs, body shapers, lingerie and clothes, but alas I doubt we will ever succeed. That isn't to say there is no pleasure to be found in looking at mirrors. But it will still be the internal image that keeps us at this game we play. Of course, I know I'll never shave my beard so "crossing" will never be my goal. What happens between my ears is sufficient to allow me to dress exactly the way I want... mirror or no mirror.

[SaraLin]

getting back to your question:


"If there were no mirrors and you didn't have your camera with you when you go on work trips & dress in that hotel room, would you continue to do it?"

Being absolutely truthful with myself (and sometimes, especially with this issue that is difficult) I don't know that I would...

What does that say?

IMO it says that one of the primary motivators for you is achieving "the look." What you see in the mirror (or on camera) is what's important to you.
I'd guess you're a visual sort of person.

[Brandi Christine]

How does that work?

It is difficult at best, she knows I need to do it at some level so she is accepting, but in the long run she want's me to stop. I have been underdressing in the mornings for years, but when I travel for work I do the whole thing once at my hotel room, wig, makeup, forms, I need to look, if not be, 100% woman. I have not gone on a work trip since I have been out to her though, not sure how that is going to go now that she knows... I know she disapproves of it, but she knows I want (or need?) to do it.



As for what the mirror thing means to me, my wife has found several sites that talk about Autogynephilia (AGP) and is convinced that I have it, I'm not totally sure I disagree. One hallmark of AGP is narcissism, I have been told I am passable, and one thing do see when dressed is I love the mirror & the camera, I take lots & lots of pictures (with no outlet now, she wanted me to stop posting them, I agreed) When I read about the condition a lot of the criteria fit me to a T, some of them I do not like even though I see them in me, like it is an addiction... When I was going to a therapist none of this was mentioned, it was more of an affirmation thing, that what I was doing was OK (And for me, personally I have no issues with that) and now I am more confused then I was when I started. Do I have this condition that is nominally harmless to me? (but not when you involve family, work, life etc... then it can be a lethal condition) Or am I trans? I have had strong thoughts of transitioning at points in my past, the therapist brought them to the forefront. It also seems AGP as a diagnosis has fallen out of favor in psychiatric circles due to politically driven trans movement, one of the hallmarks of AGP seems to be that AGP sufferers who transition are at a far greater risk of regretting what they have done. I'm not saying I was going to transition, but my therapist was definitely pointing me in that direction. There were studies set up to look into AGP & detransitioning but they were quashed, if this is actually happening how is that a service to society?

It is made so difficult because you see if this is an addiction it is something (In her mind at least) that can be cured, that needs to be cured. But (like an addiction) I am hesitant because I like it sooo much. It truly makes me feel so good when I get to dress up fully, when people tell me I look great, which makes me want to continue doing it, which releases those endorphins, which makes me want to do it again. Her argument is that I have escalated in the last couple years and I see that, to the point that I had a "work trip" and spent one day and two nights in a local hotel en femme and loved it, I lied to her, it was not a work trip at all. (Yes, she knows about this, it was a one off thing, but had I not come out, I know I would have done it again, and again...). In two years I have gone from a wig, some underwear & makeup, to six wigs, at least five pairs of shoes, a complete wardrobe, nails, etc... In my mind I can keep it at the point it is now and be happy, but she thinks it will continue to progress, and how do I know it really wont?

If I was alone I would not be so distressed (but then maybe I should, I would not want to be in the shoes of someone who made a huge mistake & now wants to detransition) because it would be just me. But I have a Wife, she is my best friend, my partner in life, and this is having a profound effect on her.

Maybe I need to look into the mirror a little harder...

[GretchenM]

For me, mirrors and cameras are just helper tools. It is all about identity and that does not need photos for self adoration or whatever. Personally, the AGP thing is pretty much history and has been shown to not really exist. It is a different interpretation of the symptoms. Made sense at the time, but in more modern thinking AGP turns gender variance into a pathology which it is now widely accepted to not be the case. We are just a variation on what is more common and our dysphoria is created mostly be a social environment that is not very accepting of the variations we exhibit. It is discrimination that creates the dysphoria.

Mirrors are really convenient, but you can also use the reflection from a still water surface which was the equivalent of a mirror probably for the last 60,000 years or more. The dressing in clearly gendered clothing is a connection between your internal identity, your sense of self, and the world beyond yourself so it communicates something to others that look at you. Humans have a long history of expressing that in complex ways. A warrior, a priest, a doctor, someone who has lost their marbles, a male that identifies as a bit female or visa versa. Everybody does it and there is no need for mirrors because the expression on another person's face or their other reactions, whether a smile, a laugh, frown, or an expression of anger, completes the circuit. We are all different and we know who we are and how we are different, but clothes constitute a major way to communicate to others that information. Plain and simple.

There are some very complex biological aspects to all behavior that has at least a toe imbedded in genetics, but all the rest is physiology, neurology and the effects of an unbelievably complex environment on that core genetic imperative and the framework it establishes. All of that is really important to take into account if you are ever going to understand this behavior to even a small extent.

On the other hand, nobody needs to know any of that to operate in that complex world. You just do what seems best with regard to the sum total of all of those things acting on you. It is communication to others so they can communicate back to you. It is the substance of human sociality. The problem arises when some think various things are "appropriate" and other things are "inappropriate." Much of our social structure is based on behaving and interacting in "appropriate" ways, but when the noose of appropriateness gets too tight and individual differences founded in biology are strangled conflict is sure to follow because it amounts of a denial of someone's existence and their sense of self. If that person's identity becomes so narcissistic that it only is able to reflect back onto themselves and they never read the actions or reactions of others some really serious problems are not far ahead. So, for a peaceful social structure, the use of "appropriateness" needs to be present, but the rope needs to remain fairly loose so people who are "different" (natural variations) are able to live happy and fulfilling lives.

Great question, Brandi, and good responses.

[Ressie]

I don't have to look in a mirror constantly, but if I achieve the right look I want to see it. Other senses are also involved such as tactile, smell and even hearing. If the female illusion goes away and the mirror reveals a man in a dress, I become disappointed!

[crobeson96]

For me it's the process, the feel, the act of dressing. A mirror is just an accessory. Visual confirmation of the process is affirming but not critical to my satisfaction.
Can I have just a little mirror, though, cause, you know - makeup?
I think one reason I like the question is that it shows that we may have a behavior in common but that we do it for different reasons.
I imagine cis-women are just the same - common behaviors but a myriad of causes behind them.

[Asew]

I agree with SaraLin that it seems your CDing is very visual based. For me it is mostly the silhouette (from my shadow to seeing myself in the mirror) and the feeling/sensation of the clothes. We all have different levels of motivators for it and if you take them away it won't be the same. Obviously cameras and mirrors will be around so no need to worry, but it is interesting to figure out your own motivations.

[Confucius]

For me a mirror/camera makes no difference whatsoever. I would love to look passable, but I'm not. Therefore, I really don't like the way I look in fem. No matter. The important thing for for is the sensations I feel when I feminize myself. I love the clothes. The experience makes me happy, and nothing else is necessary.

[Breeheels]

For me Its totally the feel. I am hypertactile due to being on the autism spectrum. The feel of feminine things, satin and leather is one thing that draws me in. In my current relationship and employment I am able to dress in full lingerie daily. Bra, panties, hosiery, suspender belts or girdles. My day just goes better when im dressed like this. Im pretty sure dressing is part of my stimming for my ASD. My partner is quite ok coming home from work and seeing me in a satin maids dress and full lingerie and heel cooking dinner for us.

[Maria 60]

A mirror does complete the finale touch, but come to think of it when I was younger I had all my stuff ditched in a storage room. I would dress in that storage room and I would rarely leave that space but if I did I'm not going to lie I would go straight to the mirror at my first chance. I believe my answer would be yes I would still do it.

[Kandi Robbins]

Without mirrors or cameras would one go to the gym? Comb their hair? Shave? Wear something other than sweats?

Part of doing what we do is working at our craft, honing our look. Sure, there is some narcissism in there but we cannot evolve without evaluating what we did.

[Visitor]

I visited another site with a crossdressing forum and read a thread with the title Crossdressing as a sexual release... A young person posted a comment that really resonated with me...


My sexuality is all kinds of messed up and odd anyway, and there's definitely an autosexual narcissistic element for me which might be connected to that occasional arousal when dressing - that I desire my female self.

There is a way in which what I create when I dress is a person I want to be sexual with... I desire this person... I guess it must be my feminine self as I imagine her. As I wrote earlier, we seldom get close to the ideal we carry in our minds, but it is still there. I've not attempted to pass and haven't spent time with other folks engaged in this particular kind of play, so I don't anything about the social that can happen... perhaps like I'd experience at a camera club, for example. But what we really want is appreciation for our feminine self... to know we're attractive... desirable? Yes, it does very much have the ring of narcissism... remembering that Narcissus loved seeing his reflection in the pond.

[CarlaWestin]

The early beginnings of my crossdressing experience was to take a short cut to physically being with my own secret dream girl. Then someone mentioned here, "We girls do love our pictures!"
So every dress up session included a photoshoot. Then video. Then photos and video while out. Then photos and video while out dressed in near costume embellished outfits, pushing the personal
challenge envelope. I want to see myself in a mirror and in print and video. It takes some ongoing creativity to keep the adventure exciting.
Oh, and every photo session has the same shot of Carla and her favorite prop, the mirror.

[Brandi Christine]

One thing I forgot to mention is that I have no other outlet for my crossdressing other then a hotel room, pictures & the mirror are it for now... When I was going out dressed (limited to the hotel halls & lobby, and a few outings slightly beyond that) the camera & mirrors were not there of course, and in her original question my wife did make allowances for a makeup mirror. If I were of a mind to actually move forward maybe that behavior would change, but where I am at now, it fits.

I was curious about the AGP thing though, part of the theory is that you are creating your ideal partner, and that AGP is also a narcissistic paraphyllia. It seems I fit that definition, but AGP as it was defined by the DSM has fallen out of favor due to political pressure. Now everyone is just labeled as trans...

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Brandi :daydreaming:, I am sure that I would still dress as I just love the feeling of being dressed, >Orchid .oo:daydreaming:oo.

[Ressie]

I was curious about the AGP thing though, part of the theory is that you are creating your ideal partner, and that AGP is also a narcissistic paraphyllia. It seems I fit that definition, but AGP as it was defined by the DSM has fallen out of favor due to political pressure. Now everyone is just labeled as trans...

Good old fashioned transvestites still exist. :battingeyelashes:

If I'm not AGP, I at least have had AGP thoughts and moments throughout my life. There are many things that are sexually arousing to me yet CDing has become the focus and the ultimate turn on. I'm not creating my ideal partner, but she's pretty hot!

Don't worry about labels except how you label yourself :)

[MarinaTwelve200]

I never could quite get a "image" of my fem self by using a mirror. It is only by photographs can I see "Marina" properly and judge her appearance. I suspect that in a Mirror, one gets only 1 POV and I tend to focus on specific things rather than the image as a whole. I find with photos I can see the "complete image"----and I also can pose and arrange myself to minimize any disparaging masculine characteristics and see what I would REALLY look like as a woman.------I also get to try out different makeup and looks and have a record of them.

Although I CD to entirely "relax" and "take a vacation" from my male self, I Have noticed that there is a hint of AGP in my psyche too.---(I am very big into psychology, even though I am a physical Scientist)--AGP is STILL Legit for people interested in pure Science and not sucking up politically. An occasional review of my pics can often save me the "bother" of having to dress up at times when it may be awkward or inconvenient to do so.

[phili]

I enjoy all these ways the mirror and photos help me see myself as others might see me.

I remember, though, as a kid I did not use mirrors- I just looked down at myself from chest down and thrilled to the sights. In a dress or skirt, I twirled and felt that, and then, realizing I was in a world of other people, I looked down and watched my hem flare, and then over my shoulder to see if it looked like what I thought it looked like. I was of course mimicking girls twirling and thrilling to it and checking to see if anyone else was looking- hoping they would be enthusiastically approving and perhaps fearing they weren't. That was the let down- that there was no one who I could check with.

I have come to think the AGP style narcissism or self-infatuation as the way you feel when desperately lonely. Once I spent time dressed with others as a normal part of my week, I no longer felt 'in love' with myself as a woman, I just was happy that I was one. [Ok- GGs- only in the most superficial way- I accept that].

The same transformation applied to the sexual thrill. I thought I was a fetishist, and certainly my behavior seemed that way. But after going out I realized that I am simply feminine in my sexuality, and in ordinary settings that recedes to just being the ordinary sexuality a woman has that is not being made explicit, but is implied in our dress and manner. And, of course, is not the true female sexuality in all its many deep ramifications, but is a male version which for many suitors is just fine..

And, the funny thing is that my appearance is so off the charts wrong that I use the mirror to confirm that I am ok- in my eyes!!

[Stephanie47]

I have to break down my response to two issues; mirror and camera.

I'll take the camera first. The last time I took pictures of myself was over forty years ago. It was ancient times. I had to use a camera with film. You youngsters may have to "google" that. It comes along with using a telephone with a dial. It was a disk camera with a timer. The film was on a disk. Anyway, so much for history. I took the pictures because I wanted to see what I looked like without a mirror. I was terrified that the person developing the pictures would see I was a man wearing dresses. The pictures actually came out rather nice. I was in my early 30's. Of course, one could not see that I was six foot tall. I will ask a question for those who endlessly take pictures. How many pictures do you actually take in the same outfit with the same makeup and the same wig before you're actually satisfied with the picture? Doesn't it actually indicate to anyone else seeing you that you may be one of those deleted pictures?

The mirror? I do not spend anytime after donning my clothes and wig in front a mirror. No excessive preening. No twirling. Just like being in male mode I do have to comb my hair or wig. I do forego makeup because it is time consuming and with an aged face with male structure makeup does not help at all. The GG's I know do not use a lot of makeup. To me it seems like a female ritual to attract a partner.

I've made the comment many times that the eye sees what the mind wants to see. When I see pictures of myself in male mode sometimes I am horrified. "I actually look like that? Yikes!" IMHO, pictures are how others see me, not how I think I am seen. All those deleted pictures you take are actually how others would see you if you were to go out, not the image you see staring back at you in the hotel mirror or the mirror in the bedroom.

The aging process is part of life. That image on yourself in your 20's and 30's is not going to be around in your 70's and 80's. GG's do not stop being women when they hit their 70's and 80's. I am more of a cross dresser in my 70's than I was in my 20's and 30's. A more confident person, accepting who I have become.

[LilSissyStevie]

My relationship with the mirror is that I need it to apply makeup but once I'm done I don't want to see the result too clearly. The whole point of makeup for me is to obscure (annihilate) my natural features whereas GGs use it to enhance theirs. So I learn makeup techniques from Drag Queens since they are the experts in that area. But Drag style makeup looks best with a little distance. To be pleased with the result I have to remove my glasses and stand back from the mirror. For whatever reason, the look I strive for is reminiscent of the porcelain dolls my grandmother kept in a glass display case. Psychoanalyze THAT! lol!

AGP theory really helped me understand myself but one part that didn't ring true for me was the bit about Erotic Target Location Error. That theory says that AGP is the result of an inverted sexual attraction. In other words, AGPs are attracted to the girl within (or in the mirror) rather than other people. I don't think that's true in my case. My objective in dressing up is to obliterate any sign of masculinity. The reason that it is sexually arousing is that I now feel free to be sexual. In my masculine state I'm so full of past emasculating traumas, hangups, anxiety, dysfunction, and PTSD that I have trouble having any sexual feelings. In my emasculated state the sexual floodgates can open. It helps having an understanding and compassionate mate who is more than a little twisted herself.

[Teresa]

Brandi,
AGP is a far more reaching issue than it's suggested title ( Autogynephilia roughly translates as to love oneself as a woman ) . I had to look into it away from the forum because it's not accepted or possibly understood here . I felt is rang bells inside me but it wasn't until I asked from an eminent professional about the association with TGs rather than TSs I got a much clearer picture , that's when I really felt I'd found some answers to unanswered questions . Phili's comments do not give the full picture .

Another description of AGP is to be seen and accepted as a woman which can manifest itself in many ways , the need has proved so strong in some people that they have fully transitioned to satisfy it , it's not totally about sexual or fetish needs .

[Barbara Jo]

FWIW...
it has been often said the males dress for females. and females dress to impresses other females.
Mirrors have nothing to do with this other than to assess how well one addresses these issues .

i suspect that CDs dress to impress females also .:)

[DianeT]

My own personal theory about AGP, and it may only concern me: when I go the full nine yards and look at the mirror, I still see myself looking back. But a more elegant and attractive version of me (in my heterosexual eyes). Am I attracted to that person? No. But I can be temporarily attracted to the female cues sent by some parts of my body and figure: the silhouette of the wig, sections of the legs clad in nylon, for example. It's not a lasting thing though, more like flashes of suspension of disbelief when the brains forgets for a split second who is wearing these. I gave some thought to this, trying to understand how, if I didn't want to make love with myself (I don't know that I do, even with my female presentation), I could experience such impulses. The only explanation I could come with is some level of female body objectification. The same that is at work when looking at a nice pair of legs pictured on a billboard and being attracted to that vision even if the entirety of the person they belong to isn't visible (however you may be imagining her). A pair of male legs in nylon isn't distinct enough from its female version to not remind of the latter, especially if you are focusing on the legs and ignoring other parts of the body which scream more "male, maaaale".

[Paulie Birmingham]

For me Its totally the feel. I am hypertactile due to being on the autism spectrum. The feel of feminine things, satin and leather is one thing that draws me in. In my current relationship and employment I am able to dress in full lingerie daily. Bra, panties, hosiery, suspender belts or girdles. My day just goes better when im dressed like this. Im pretty sure dressing is part of my stimming for my ASD. My partner is quite ok coming home from work and seeing me in a satin maids dress and full lingerie and heel cooking dinner for us.

I am with bree on this one. I wouldn't give my dressed side a second look. No wonder it doesn't do anything for the wife. I was wearing a camisole, chest hairs sticking out and facial hair and she made a comment like I looked like a female hobbit or dwarf. We laughed and she kept doing to me what she was doing :) so all was good. Even with body hair shaved, at 250 mostly muscular lbs, it's not a good look. She does play with me every day no matter what I wear so all is good, but we both know i dont have a good look. I'll send her a pic every now and then, but it's more of a joke than something sexy. Eh, I dont need mirrors or cameras. The tactile and other senses and feedback is good enough.

[KellyTerry1819]

While I do look in the mirror I normally don't like what I see and would be just fine with having just the feeling of what I wear.
I guess being deep in the closet makes mirrors less useful since it's not like I'm going to show off anything to anyone.
/kt

[suzanne]

I absolutely would. I don't do selfies or swish myself in front of the mirror admiring myself. I do use a mirror, but only to check that my outfit looks OK. Once satisfied, I'm off into the world, confident that I'm presentable enough for it. My clothes are about making my inner self happy, not putting on some sort of display.

[Brandi Christine]

First off I love the responses, they all make me think, some a lot, about why I do what I do, about who I am...

Like many of you I understand, and very much like the tactile feeling that women's clothing gives me, I am underdressed this morning, as I usually am, and it gives me a sense of well being, and a touch of femininity. I have underdressed for work occationally, and a few other times and it makes me feel great, just not nearly as great as being fully made up and dressed.

I also really like This:

Originally Posted by phili



I have come to think the AGP style narcissism or self-infatuation as the way you feel when desperately lonely. Once I spent time dressed with others as a normal part of my week, I no longer felt 'in love' with myself as a woman, I just was happy that I was one. [Ok- GGs- only in the most superficial way- I accept that].



As a "girl" I am desperately lonely, there is and has only been me & my hotel room (and for now that is all there can be) so I fill that void with the mirror & pictures. Maybe in the future, but my wife would have to be OK with it, there can't be any going behind her back with this, and it is a very difficult lifestyle for her to understand. I would truly love the opportunity to get out with a few "girls" for a GNO, but it is out of the question for now if not for ever, she is very much concerned that it would be a slippery slope.

Another part of the AGP that applies to me is fixating & fantasizing about me being the woman in a relationship (or more precisely a sex act). My sexual fantasies have been me as the girl since high school, my romantic fantasies had me as the guy, and the sex (with the girl) takes place behind curtains as is a classic novel. I have always been attracted to and dated women (and have been married for 17 years), never liked or been infatuated with men, but that is who I fantasized about, my ELTE is me and I'm having sex with men in those fantasies. This has caused huge issues in my marriage, sexual issues we are addressing since I came out to her as a crossdresser, and yes it was my wife who brought AGP up to me. I was convinced that because of these fantasies and a few other things I was a trans candidate, that is where my therapist took me, from me questioning my crossdressing and wanting to know why, to a quickly offered ticket on the trans train. My wife has given me at least a piece of the puzzle as to why I think the way I do, and a good reason not to "chop my giblets off" as some put it... For now we are working things out, with difficulty, but she has been far more accepting then I ever thought she could be.

There is a writer names Rod Fleming, he has some good information regarding AGP as well as other trans issues at a site called the medium, I recommend checking his writings out. He has some very interesting takes on crossdressing, transgenderism & homosexuality.

[phili]

This is so fascinating! such a rich trove of reflective persooal imagery about mirrors and our interplay with them, and the 'lenses' through which our cameras see us!

I love the mirrors I just installed in my remodeled master bath- a 3 door medicine cabinet on one side and full mirror closet doors on the other, in a big white box. It is like the perfect photo studio- luminous and spacious and yet there I am from all sides! And when I try to take a pic in there it is all about angles and distortion and stray things appearing out of the top of my head. I much prefer my patio garden setting where I can enjoy an image of me framed by ceramic art and nature's beauty.

Since I sew/alter so many of my own clothes, and have lots of choices for -say blouse and skirt options, I need the mirror to see what the color and line balance is- as a designer what length of skirt or how much overlap of my blouse, or which color shoes makes the scene visually satisfying with my proportions, skin and hair color.

[Krisi]

I can see my boobs and hips and hair without a mirror. And I can feel them as well. I would still dress.

[Barbara Jo]

In reality, the same question could be asked of females,.... . if they need a mirror to dress feel, and act feminine.

Fact is, all through the ages, females have liked clothes that make them feel and look feminine
That is no different than males who strive to look and feel masculine

[Jane G]

It's a lovely feeling to see myself in the mirror dressed. But it is just reinforcing what is there anyway So I don't think it would change a thing if there were no mirrors in my life.